Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

May the rain wash you clean and hydrate your soul today…

Early morning blog today…just preparing for some winter weather out here in the East Mountains. We need the moisture…and it feels Erie and unsettling to me, to be in January with no sign of winter, as of yet…

Living out here, I’ve come to look forward to the white snow blankets…there is a beauty and serenity in the white glistening snow…I always wanted to share that with my Mom and Dad, and they planned to come stay in our guest bedroom, with the most amazing view of those blankets…that never happened, and yet I know my Mom can see the things I want to share with her, more clearly now…

I was born in Albuquerque and I grew up and bought my first home in Albuquerque…and yet, I have always known, deep down somewhere, that I would reside in the beautiful East Mountains, and I do…I am blessed, for sure!

The serenity of driving into work on old Route 66 every morning…not on the freeway and not on city streets for my morning and evening commutes…listening to my music, talking to my Mom, listening to the universe…my Mom, God…serendipitous signs…crying, singing and healing…mourning and celebrating…with no interruptions…priceless…

I am blessed and I am thankful. Everything I have lost has made way for my beautiful life. I finally see that and appreciate that in a new and different way…Losing my Mom definitely gave way to new vision, new interpretations…

I was thinking about that a bit yesterday…how loss of that caliber changed me. Losing my Mom did a lot of things…and I have been literally reeling in the aftermath of that hurricane since it touched down and wiped her off of the face of the earth in two months flat…

I feel a bit more settled and a bit more at peace today…and it feels nice…I have been in such deep grief, such enormous pain, carrying such a heavy load, for such a long time. Haven’t we all been doing that? Haven’t we all been in too much pain and under way too much pressure, for way to fucking long?

Look at the world around you and then answer…aren’t we surrounded by the evidence of enormous pain and suffering? Can you just feel the pressure and the weight on top of you? Do you feel the grief, the despair and the suffering? And, answer me this, hasn’t it been this way, for way too fucking long?

Haven’t we all perpetuated this in some way or another? This pain and suffering?

I know that I have…inadvertently and not on purpose, and yet, you bet your sweet ass I have been part of the problem…I have been insensitive and less than kind. I am jaded and flawed and I have made colossal mistakes, in many different areas of my life. I am human and I have made and I am going to make again…some fucking mistakes…aren’t we all going to fuck up? Haven’t we all fucked up? Some of us, a lot…and isn’t that okay?

I never, ever thought it was okay to fuck up. Fucking up has penalties and punishment and consequences…and I did not want that, so I tried, way too hard, for forever, to not fuck up..and I still fucked up and probably more, because I was so afraid of fucking up…

Do you want to know what is worse than fucking up? What is worse than fucking up, is dedicating your life to not fucking up…and actually believing that could actually happen…that is what I call being delusional…

I have been, at times, delusional. I didn’t realize that I was being delusional at the time…although, in retrospect, I was pretty fucking delusional sometimes…

All of these things…being delusional, fucking up, making mistakes, being wrong, standing corrected…being corrected…these things are not bad. I did not know this…in fact, I am very new at learning this..and I am pretty excited at the possibility that I really am okay, in spite of all of these things…

The rain started slowly and softly before the light of day…I heard it softly and gently in the night…

I took the dogs out for morning potty and breakfast and it was damp and spitting a bit…a damp chill in the air…and the gentle rain was beginning to wash the forest clean…the bark on the trees, coming to color and life a bit and the leaves opening to soak it all in…

In this moment, the tempo of the rain is increasing and the much needed rain, quenches the thirst of all things parched by the drought…and I feel the synchronicity in my life…I feel, in the rain, the quenching of a thirst, the healing of some deep, deep wounds…and I am thankful…

Have a beautiful and blessed and safe day, full of love…lots and lots and more and more…love, love, love…

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