Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Let that shit go and celebrate someone you love…

I have been blogging in my head today…sorting through some things…some feelings…some thoughts…some ideas…I think I lost most of it though, since I gave myself the overwhelming responsibility of reminding myself later. Unless I write things down, on my own hand, I do not always remember what I want to remember later…today is such a day…and so it is.

I have been thinking about how thankful I am for a friend of mine, whose Birthday is today. I love this guy…I mean, really love this guy. All day today, I celebrated him, in my thoughts…I showered him in Love energy all day long, as he is Love.

I thought a lot about how it really feels to celebrate someone. It feels to me like so much more than just saying “Happy Birthday”…more than a card, or a gift…today my heart felt happy just thinking about how my friend was born, on this day…how he came here and I got to have him in my life, my family…

I have had 44 Birthdays and my Mom always, always celebrated me and my being here and I felt that. The last two, without her, I have felt her absence, as she really, really did celebrate me on my Birthday…and you just can’t get that feeling from someone who is not celebrating you…Love and celebrating are both verbs…action words…

Tamara celebrates me every day and I celebrate her every day and on our Birthdays, we gift each other a tattoo…every year, since we met…and what an amazing tapestry of memories and love and remembrance that we share, that we celebrate, in giving and receiving something we both love so much..art…and a map of where we have been…to me, that is celebrating…

I spent my last four Birthdays sober and how different it has been…truly eye-opening, to see how sobriety changes celebrations…

On previous Birthdays, my celebration was doing shots…in addition to my beer…just because it was a special day…and hey, why not drink like it’s my job and feel like shit on the first day of my new birth year? I don’t know, but I did that every year, for the majority of my life…and it worked for me…and not just on my Birthday, also on your Birthday and your Birthday…and even on your Birthday too…

So celebrating was a reason to drink and shitty days were a reason to drink…and so it was, for most of my life…I was a bit delusional about what celebrating really meant to me.

On this day, I had clarity about what celebrating really is to me…when I felt happy in my heart all day long, celebrating my friend and his born day…I was thankful all day that he is here and that we found each other in life…

Do you know that I still celebrate people who are no longer in my life? People who are no longer alive? People I have never even met?

I will be minding my own business, and I will look at the date, and no matter who you are or where you are, if you have been in my life, and I remember your Birthday, you bet your sweet ass that I take a moment to celebrate you, to say thank you for you…to love you, wherever you may be…I have been doing that as long as I can remember…

I really didn’t think much about it at all, until I just put it out there…and how beautiful it is, that I wish everyone that I have ever wished a happy Birthday, a happy Birthday and a blessed and beautiful life…on their Birthday, if I remember their Birthday. I mean, I do not call them, as I probably would not be well received, in a couple of situations…

Another odd thing that I just realized is that I only remember the Birthday of some people…and some people I cannot remember, the exact day, to save my life…I don’t know what that is about…

I ran into one of my Mom’s friends today, my friend too…and she was just crying because she misses my Mom so much…that happens a lot to me, since my Mom died. I wonder if that is why some of the people closest to her have disappeared from my life, because seeing me is too hard…

I was really happy to see her and I told her that I finally felt like I might be coming back to life a bit…and we both cried about that together. We cried because I pretty much laid right down next to her and died, right along with her, for the past two years.

I didn’t mean to. My Mom dying and events that superseded her death, pushed me over my proverbial edge. A proverbial edge that had been pushed beyond its max for an entire lifetime…

Here is the good news…I did not die with my Mom. I felt like I died and at times, I may have wished that I did not wake up and yet, I still did and I still do wake up, every day…and I try…every day…I try…until the other day…

The other day, I heard Yoda…and he reminded me that there is no try…only do…that was my ringtone on my phone forever. Yoda is a smart fucking dude!

So…in that moment, I made a choice…a choice to fucking do this…do this blog, every day, no matter what, for one year…and make it public with no restrictions…

If you are looking for me…Here I am. If you are not looking for me…Here I am. Simple as fuck. Coralsblog.com

No ambiguities in that…my name is pretty uncommon, so here I am…

I use no names…unless I asked you first…so if you think something is about you…you may be right and hey, You may not be right…and does it really matter?

This is my blog, for me, about me…and I celebrate that today too…me, being me…me healing and living and healing and growing and owning some hard stuff and healing…did I say healing?

I have hidden for years…been silent for years…not told my story for years…because it might also be someone else’s story and they might not want it out there…and so, as I said, I will be respectful, as much as I can be, and still honor myself…I will not be silent any longer though…

There was one person in this world that I loved enough to keep my story silent, and she has left this world with part of my heart…Breaking this silence and telling my story…I do this in loving memory, in love and in honor and celebration of my Mom, Sherry Ricketts. May God rest her very troubled soul and may she finally know eternal peace. My voice is for my Mom and myself, for my Dad and my Brother…for anyone who was robbed of their own voice…my story is for you…

My story is for everyone that I have ever shared time and space and love and confidence with…and that would make it our story…I share my version and I have no doubt that you have your own…and so it is and so it should be.

I will say again that I tell my story, to heal me…that’s it. I have no ill intent, no resentments or hard feelings. I feel sorry for anyone I have hurt or harmed or wronged and I know there are a few of you…I truly am sorry. All I will say about that, from personal experience, is let that shit go…truly…let that shit go…It is fucking killing you. It was fucking killing me. I believe that it fucking killed my Mom…

And to be brutally honest, no matter who you are, you are not worth that…and no one is worth that where you are concerned, not even me…let that shit go…

I had to share space with some ill fucking feelings last week…and by ill, I mean, made me feel sick to my stomach…being in common space with people who spew hate and mean and ugly…people who roll their eyes and whisper under their breath, while smiling to my face…I just have no place for that, at all, anymore, from anyone…ever again…especially, when I’ve no idea what I’ve done…and even if I know what I did and even if I was wrong…150% wrong…what the fuck is this behavior? Truly, let that shit go…

Celebrating a beautiful soul today put a lot into perspective for me…my heart felt happy that he is alive…truly happy…

Taos and I ran in our favorite park today and then we ran some more…and it was fucking wonderful…and so we ran some more…

As I close my posts, I have chosen a closing affirmation…and it goes like this…

I write to heal myself and to get these thoughts and feelings, conflicts and hurts…out of me. I intend no harm by doing so and I send everything back to the universe, to be recycled for the highest good of all involved…that only love and healing, forgiveness and peace may exist here…Blessed be the journey for us all and may we only exist in our highest place in one another’s lives…Peace be the journey…love, love, love…always love…

Hey…yes you…a I love you!

Good morning! We got a little bit of snow…not exactly a blanket…more like a cocktail napkin…so thankful for the moisture though…we need it!

I am off to my clients…to my morning meditation drive into work…and I was just thinking about all of you…

I hope you have a beautiful, blessed and love-filled day today. I pray for your safety, your contentment and your happiness…I believe in the good things coming for you, as much as I believe in the good things coming for me…for us all…good things are coming…

So, I just wanted to say that I love you and we are all on this journey together…maybe we can walk side by side and hand in hand…I know I would like that very much…

You are beautiful and I love you! Have a wonderful day, full of love, love, Love today!