Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

I am usually all peace, love and a little go fuck yourself…in this moment, however….

I want to talk about some gut-wrenching hurt today. I am talking about the kind of hurt that makes it difficult to ingest anything, other than liquid…the kind of hurt that takes your air and renders you broken and speechless, crying like a child in public, while trying to hide in the corner…

I am usually all peace, love and a little go fuck yourself…on this day, the scale has tipped and I am way heavy on the go fuck yourself, scrambling around trying to breathe in…some peace, while drowning myself in Nahko Medicine, as I type…

“mouthing off…such aggressive behavior…I’m sounding off .holding my temper …it comes in waves…my enemies swim close to me. My hearts displaced. I cannot swallow. I am all over the place. My spirit bellows…I am on my way… my body follows…written on my face  do not follow me…”

And now is a good time,if you are so inclined, to flood me with some love…because as strong as I am, I could lots of love…

Letting go of the “whys”…that is some hard shit for me and in this moment…I am at epic failure status…because I really would like to know why…

And as for saying no…I have said no and I mean it…and I am not being heard…I am not being honored…

And then there is the pause…and so I paused and asked for a moment, and the answer is no…

This is not how I understood this…that I said no…you ignore me…and then I ask for pause and you give me a deadline…which means your answer is no…

So…I shall breathe…before my head spins off of my fucking shoulders…

“i pray for guidance…now teach me to use it…I pray for guidance now give me the music”

Off for some more of this fabulous musical Medicine…breathing again…off to get some hugs and spread some love, love,  love…

Off to spread love to people who want to receive my love…to receive me…to know me and to hear me…and that is where I will be…where I feel wanted…where I feel loved and accepted…where “no” is answer enough, all by itself…and where “I’m not ready”…isn’t pushed past, like it doesn’t matter, because it does matter…

It matters to me….and because it matters to me…that is enough. I said “no” and whether you heard me or not, that is my final answer…and I need time means just that…I need some time and space…

You made your decisions and I am making my decisions and I need a quick fucking minute…I am going to insist on a fucking minute…

This is when PTSD complicates my fucking life…I need breath, and yet, I cannot breathe. I need space and room and to not feel cornered…and I am boxed the fuck in…

And this completes my go fuck yourself and a little peace and always love post…just thought some of you could relate and may want to know you are not alone…

I write to heal myself and to get these thoughts and feelings, conflicts and hurts…out of me. I intend no harm by doing so and I send everything back to the universe, to be recycled for the highest good of all involved…that only love and healing, forgiveness and peace may exist here…Blessed be the journey for us all and may we only exist in our highest place in one another’s lives…Peace be the journey…love, love, love…always love…

 

 

 

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