Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

This is my day, to do me…

Good morning! I hope you all had a fabulous week! I had a much improved week, over the weeks I’ve been having lately.

I just woke up a few days ago and said that I am not living like this anymore. I haven’t been living for a while, that is for sure. Something just snapped…and I knew, in that moment, that this is it…This is my time…my life…my journey…

I don’t really have the words to adequately describe what finally happened…I know that I was as close as I have ever been to my proverbial bottom. I  hit just long and hard enough, to say fuck this!

After all that I have lived through…I refuse to let anything take me out, not at least, without one hell of a fight…and so, the fight is on…the fight for equality and for truth and integrity…the fight to reclaim my life…we are headed into battle…all of us are, whether we know it or not…

This battle, is a battle with ourselves…with our true and core values and principals…and our true and intended purpose…our true and intended nature…and the battle is our fight to stay in alignment, with our own core, our own center…our highest good, and the highest good of all living, sentient beings…

Complacency often robs us of our own ability to stay true to our path. Procrastination keeps us paralyzed. Resentment and hostility hold is hostage in our own life stories…only because we allow it.

For me, the feeling of not being enough has debilitated me for lifetimes. The more I think about not being enough, I wonder how that ever came into my being? I mean, I know better, and yet, I haven’t lived better because I’ve known it…

Truthfully, I couldn’t get past it, around it, over it, under it, or even through it…Now, I just fucking release it…let all of that self hate and worry and inadequacy be gone from me and I send it all back to the universe for some good cleansing and recycling…

As I begin to see myself through my third eye, I am in awe of the beautiful disaster, that is Coral. What a fucking train wreck and how beautiful, that this train rolled into the station, just in time, for an overhaul, and some fuel…because I’ve got work to do!

When I was in middle school, we were the Madison Mohawks…I always resonated with that…the Mohawks…They always spoke to me…

I am indigenous, at least to some degree…and I am thinking I want to know more about who I am in regard to my indigenous blood…

“The Mohawk haircut had its roots in a haircut that the Mohawk tribe called a “scalp lock,” because it made it more difficult for an opposing tribe to take your hair as a trophy. The modern popularity of the Mohawk stems from its readoption as a haircut by the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne Division, a military unit with the nickname “the Filthy Thirteen.” Jake McNiece, the leader of the Filthy Thirteen, was part Native-American and encouraged his troops to get Mohawk haircuts and put on war paint as a morale-building exercise. A photo of two members of the Filthy Thirteen made it into the military newspaper, Stars & Stripes.

The exploits of the Filthy Thirteen during the D-Day invasion later inspired the movie, The Dirty Dozen.”

For many years, I have shaved my head, to symbolize the transfer of strength, from me, to the person I am shaving for…I had an excess of something that someone else needed desperately, and so I shaved my head, to transfer all of my love and strength, to anyone who needed it.

I realized, as I was growing my hair out this last time, from shaving for the last cancer battle…that I need to cultivate my own strength…I need to grow my hair and strengthen what is weak or broken in me, and so I’ve been growing my hair out…I finally know what to do with it…

The Mohawk is symbolic for the outsider amongst people everywhere…a free-spirited person…

There are also opinions of the Mohawk haircut being offensive and disrespectful to indigenous people, as they have been said to have protected their women and children with this haircut. So, there is always politically correct, which I have never aspired to be…I’ll not start now…

Respectful, I do aspire to be, and so I have researched this a lot, to make my own decision…just like I did, every single time I shaved my head for someone with cancer…I took my own inventory, to see what this is about to me…

Here is what I have come up with…I believe in love. I believe, that as often as we are able, we should share our love, as far and as wide as we can…unconditionally and without expectation.

When I shaved my head, every single time, it was so symbolic for me, of a love and strength transfer…not only to the person that I was shaving for, also for every single person in the same battle…who needed love and strength…universal transfer of love and strength…and that is why I shave my head…

My Mom always told me that the largest part of who I am is Indian…she didn’t say indigenous…and I don’t recall which tribe…I dismissed it at the time, and for many years…

Now, I am very curious about who I am and from where I came…I want to learn and embrace this part of myself. I have no idea where to begin…I just know that this is somewhere I must go…I must find my indigenous roots…

I have been heavy hearted, thinking of being so proud, in elementary school, to be Christopher Columbus, in the school play at Thanksgiving. I had no idea…I just had no idea…and I am literally sickened now, by my own ignorance…

We live in a culture of, a society of, a world of ignorance…ignorance that beeeds hate…that perpetuates fear…where people are superior or inferior, based upon who they came into the world as…and who their parents are, and where they live…

So, for me, I can only do what I can do, and what makes sense to me… and when people get angry and react badly, I will remind myself that it is not, nor has it ever been, about me…

I do not celebrate Thanksgiving anymore, by eating the dead carcass of a beautiful bird…and giving thanks…nor do I celebrate Columbus Day at all…

I did not know, what I did not know before I knew it…and I cannot not know what I have come to know…

Today, I will go and have my hair cut in a way that is in alignment with my current journey…in a way that celebrates and honors the people that I have dishonored with my ignorance…

I will correct my vocabulary, and that of others who are also ignorant…to reflect admiration and respect for an indigenous people, raped and pillaged and almost destroyed by white privilege and entitlement…

I will walk in, as a white female, to get my hair cut and I will ask for a Mohawk haircut, because that is the slang word to describe something much, much deeper and more meaningful to me..to honor the place in me, the place within you, the place within is all…that is not white, or black, or red…or brown… the heart of us all, that beats the same…

I will make a change, for myself, to reflect what I see, when I see myself, through my third eye…

I mean no disrespect to any people, indigenous or not, as culturally, this is not solely indigenous culture or practice…research and see all of the history on Mohawk, Pawnee, Iroquois…Mohecian/Mahecian…Mohegan..

“The mohawk (also referred to as a mohican) is a hairstyle in which, in the most common variety, both sides of the head are shaven, leaving a strip of noticeably longer hair in the center. The mohawk is also sometimes referred to as an iro in reference to the Iroquois, from whom the hairstyle is derived -[dubious ] though historically the hair was plucked out rather than shaved. Additionally, hairstyles bearing these names more closely resemble those worn by the Pawnee, rather than the Mohawk, Mohican/Mahican, Mohegan, or other phonetically similar tribes. The red-haired Clonycavan man bog body found in Ireland is notable for having a well-preserved Mohawk hairstyle, dated to between 392 BCE and 201 BCE. It is today worn as an emblem of non-conformity. The world record for the tallest mohawk goes to Kazuhiro Watanabe, who has a 44.6-inch tall”

So, I think I will use the work Iro, instead of Mohawk…and I think I will have the sides of my head shaved, and not plucked…and I will make a change…

For my ignorance, for my complacency and for my insensitivity, I am so deeply sorry…for perpetuating, in any way, the suffering of a people…I apologize, with all of my heart…I know better and I will do better…

Today, I will embrace an Iro haircut…to honor a displaced and beautiful people…to tap into my inner Warrior and to be the change that can only come about, by being the change…

My appearance, My language…My very Being will be an invitation, as it has always been, for conversation, for healing and empathy…for love and light and healing…

I ask for forgiveness, for my ignorance, for not knowing what I did not know and for being judgemental and intolerant…for ever accepting that I, or anyone else, could ever be less than anyone else…

Today, I will go out and celebrate me…I will have an Iro haircut, to honor the place in me that I am eager to learn and know and discover…and to honor that very same place in each of us…

We are all one and we are all just walking each other home. I send all of my love to all of you, as we prepare ourselves and our relations for the good things coming…

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