Good. Morning! I am changing some things on my blog today, so please be patient. I am very new at all of the site building and technical stuff. I just want to write and don’t put a lot of effort into much else on my page. I use my energy on my writing and not on how stellar my page looks, as you have all probably noticed. I also disregard grammar and punctuation editing as I write, so I don’t disturb my flow of thoughts and feelings and ideas.
I also try to avoid any attachments to any stats or comments, as I am really trying to get rid of my ego. I don’t want to worry if anyone is reading or not and what they are thinking…I wont lie, I’m not totally there yet. I do look at my stats and I do read all of your comments and your mail and your texts and I always will do that. I guess what I am trying to say is that those are not the reasons I write. I began this blog in an effort to heal myself, by writing to get it all out, rather than holding it inside. I write to honor a 365 day commitment to myself, to heal myself and to publicly tell my story.
I receive so much from all of you and I hear you and I feel you. I want to address that today…that I do read your mail and I do hear your cries…I am right here with yo, and you with me. We are not alone. I can see that you feel very alone and very isolated. I can feel that your heart is broken and your faith has been badly shaken. I feel you and I am right here. I am right, right here.
I have people that I cannot reach out and touch anymore. I have so many things I wish I had said and plenty of things I wish I hadn’t said. I have conversations on reserve, just in case I ever get another chance, to speak to you again. I spent so much time with you and gave you so much of myself, and then, as suddenly as you appeared, you were gone. I have always kept your secrets and I always hold space for you and send you love and healing light. I realize we were troubled and that we struggled. I still feel a sting from the angry and hurtful words exchanged between us. If love had been enough…if I was where I am at now, way back then…if I had tried harder…I am plagued, as possibly you are too, by unspoken words, unexpressed feelings…by not knowing then what I have come to know now…I am sad that I cant reach you anymore and that you stopped reaching for me. I feel your absence.
My Mom, who I literally cannot reach out and touch anymore and Morgan who I cannot reach out and touch, from across the world…those are the lessons right there. I was in the deepest despair when my Mom died, and I often still am. I could not be without her, after 42 years of being right next to her, I couldn’t be with her anymore. I simply could not handle it. Morgan…I cannot handle not being with Morgan. I must be able to be with my Mom and I must be able to go to Morgan, and so I do.
I am an Animal Communicator, from way back, like lifetimes back. As a child, everyone just thought I was fucking crazy. I was often called a loser that sat off on the side and talked to herself and her imaginary friends. I was mocked and made fun of and ridiculed for being different. I wasn’t talking to myself and my friends were not at all imaginary. I was talking to the birds and the bugs and the bees, the dogs and the cats…and they were talking to me. We knew each other well and we loved each other with all of our hearts.
As an adult, working as an Animal Massage Therapist, I needed more. I knew I was more than that, and so I found someone to teach me to be an Animal Communicator. I saved my money for the classes, and full of excitement, I called her. On the day she arrived at my house, for my classes, it was like fucking Christmas! We sat at my dining room table and she pulled out her lessons and I had my notebook and my pen and I was ready! Off we went and the first hour was great…the second hour and subsequent hours were tense, like she didn’t like me or something, and we muddled through that. As she was preparing my certificates of completion, at the end of our time together, she looked right at me and told me that she very much resented the natural gift that I had for this work, that she had dedicated the last 30 years of her life learning. Further, she said that I didn’t need anymore classes, that I was blessed with a God given gift, and she couldn’t do any more for me.
I won’t lie…I was fucking stunned and pretty thrown off. This woman began asking me about what was going on with her animals, something she had been working on herself and with other communicators for years. I thought she was testing me, to see if I had the same answers as she did, as they did. I told her what I got and she abruptly got her things together and packed up to go. She told me thank you and said that I should know that I would be doing amazing work with my gift. I guess the issue she had been having with her own animals, was resolved in that instant, by her student, and that was just a bit too much for her, as a teacher.
I called her several years later, when I decided to pursue my Reiki Master Certification. I wanted to certify and practice and do my work with animals and not with human beings. I thought of her, simply because she knew work with animals, knew my gift for work with animals and she was a Reiki Master instructor. We chatted briefly and set up my Masters training and she just told me to get on Pay Pal and send payment and I would see her for classes. I went on to make payment and something didn’t allow me to send payment, so I went to do something else. Before I could get back to my laptop, she emailed me and said that she had to help her friend move unexpectedly and could not do my classes, and we should reschedule.
I never sent payment and I never rescheduled with her. As I recall, I had myself a few beers and wallowed in my despair at being rejected from my fucking dream of being an Animal Reiki Master. That is how I did it… all of it…my whole life…I was disappointed and I drank. I was celebrating and so I drank. I got the job and we drank to celebrate that. I lost the job and we drank to drown that. You loved me and we drank together and you left me and I drank to handle you leaving…anyway, you get the picture…
All of these years later and am thanking God, as I so often do, for unanswered prayers, for dreams that didn’t come to fruition way back then, because the seeds had just been planted and they just weren’t ready to open all the way up yet. The years and years in waiting have prepared me for my work. My work is with animals…communicating with animals, all animals. I birthed a rhinoceros in the Serengeti, from my home a world away. I am talking to our donkey Hondo, right now, from the bedroom and Tombstone and Parsley just came by to give me some encouragement and some love. I woke up and spent some time with my Mom and I spent another night with Morgan last night.
There is no one, nothing, that can keep me from the places I travel, to help the beings that I help. There is absolutely nothing that can rip my Mother from my heart or her voice from my mind, and that wasn’t enough. It just was not enough to remember her voice and to look at her pictures. I desperately needed my Mom, and so I called upon her and i invited her to come and spend some time with me, to be with me always, wherever I go. My Mom accepted my invitation. Morgan accepted my invitation. Many of you have accepted my invitation, to be here, with me.
We are not separate my friends. We are not alone. Our loved ones who have left their physical bodies…they are still right here with us. Benny is sitting right here next to me, waiting for our morning coffee. Max is laying at Bennys feet and my Mom is getting the coffee started. Hey, look at that…there’s Joey, coming in for coffee, and Mary Kay just came in with some brownies. Lloyd just showed up and brought Omega and Jim…
I need to get moving, so I will stop listing names…how about you start inviting some people to coffee this morning? We must not be discouraged and we must speak their names to keep them with us. We must prepare a space and invite them in. You have the power to create your own reality and you have the strength for this journey…I just know you have what it takes within you.
Maybe you are ready for morning coffee with Joey, and hey…maybe you aren’t ready. If you are, yell at Sherry to throw on an extra pot. If you aren’t ready, then maybe head back to bed, crawl back under the covers and grab that pillow next to you…Do you have the pillow? Okay, now take that pillow in your arms, bury your face in it and cry and wail and pull that pillow as close to you as you can. Take the pillow in front of you and hold Joey while he helps you to fall back to sleep, so that you can go visit him in your dreams. Tell him all of the things you want to tell him and hear all of the things that he wants to tell you. Spend some time with him and let him help you to find your way without him in his body. Joey is just as present, possibly more present, than he could be while he was in his body. I know that I can bring Sherry everywhere with me now and Max can come with me everywhere, even where dogs are not allowed.
Who are you going to have your morning coffee with today? As always, you are always invited to have your morning coffee with me..have a beautiful day everyone and do not be discouraged…they are right here with us, walking us home.