Happy Thursday morning! I hope you had restful sleep. I was up late working and I am so excited for the good things coming!
I am so happy to have new hope and anticipation. Tamara is the one who told me that it’s not the gift, rather the anticipation of the gift, that truly is the gift. After spending some time with this newfound insight, I concur. The anticipation is the gift.
Tom Petty says that the waiting is the hardest part and I have always agreed. In my work with shifting ambition to meaning, I find that I’m trying not to have the waiting be the hardest part.
Living in this moment, right now, the waiting is not as difficult as it was when I was living in the past and horrified of the future.
I am beginning to wonder what in the fuck I’ve been waiting for. I know I’ve always been waiting for something or someone to come along and inspire me. I’ve been waiting for someone to ignite that spark, for 44 years…waiting, for someone to come, for the right opportunity…
Great news! On Tuesday I decided to stop waiting. There was a call to action and without hesitation or worry or contemplation, I accepted the call and sprung into action.
I believe it has been the inaction, my inability to act, that has caused my spiritual paralysis.
I believe that I have stagnated and stifled my own growth by inaction. Being paralyzed in fear has kept me paralyzed in fear.
Fear…nothing will rob you of more than fear will. Nothing will keep you right where you are at, with no growth potential like fear will.
The worst thing about fear is that I was so fucking afraid that I didn’t believe that I could ever completely be free of my fears. Held captive for a lifetime in a thought process that does not serve me, you bet your ass I have been afraid.
My sister has a third job interview today and I was telling her good luck and I hope you get the job. Very matter of factly, she told me, “If I get the job, they get the best. If I don’t get the job, they get second best, and I’m okay either way”.
I got off the phone and I was like…What the fuck? Really? You’re okay either way? I mean, like really okay, either way…wow! I want to be okay either way too! I decided in that moment, to be okay, either way too, about all things. Thank you sister. Thank you. Thank you.
So, with April 4th a million miles away and lurking just around the corner, I am okay too, either way. Whatever I learn from my colonoscopy, I am okay.
I am going to use this entire experience to launch me into my calling, into my life’s work. I am going to take this opportunity to live in this moment and to be okay, no matter what.
I am going to do the work. Thank you Daniel Dowling, for your article about what are you putting in? Your words, like my sisters words have rekindled a flickering flame inside my soul.
Being in action is one thing and I try to stay active. Being sprung into action, now that’s fucking epic!
We all need to wipe the sleep from our eyes, grab that cup of coffee and the person we want to have coffee with and spring into action.
I finally hit my proverbial bottom with the assault on my ass, with my closest and dearest relationships becoming distant and unfamiliar…I finally hit my all time low, even lower than when my Mom died. Lower because my Mom didn’t choose to die, she had to go and I understand that, and somewhere deep inside, I have even come to accept that.
My lowest low came when the people whom I loved the most, who are not dead, decided to leave me. The pain of that, the loss of the ones who I have always journeyed with…well it was more than I could handle. Seeing the back side of so many as they turned and walked away, into the mist, never to return to me…that has been my rock bottom.
And rock bottom shall be my new foundation for the launching pad of my life! These are some stealth fucking rocks and this is prime real estate and I am open for business!
The anticipation of the beauty and the healing, the world opening completely to welcome me in…I will have some more of that please!
As I shift my awareness and allow my stinking thinking to be released and recycled back to the universe, for the greatest good of us all, my world is beginning to shift from black and white to technicolor.
My dreams…dreams so big that I didn’t even know I had dreamed them yet…are becoming my reality.
If you build it, they will come. If you live right here, right now and release your regret of what was and your fear of what is to be…you will begin to be free.
Once you start opening and feeling what it’s like to be free, you will keep pushing your way out of that cocoon until you are free.
My cocoon was my greatest protector. Freeing myself from the familiar warmth and the comfort of my cocoon was no easy task, but this butterflies wings were getting broken and crumpled. I realized that this girl needs to fly or she is going to cease to exist.
Go out in your world and be the change today! Everything you need for your journey will be provided for you, at exactly the right time.
Good luck to my sister on her third interview today and thank you for the amazing clarity…if they don’t want the best, they get second beatbox and it’s all good either way!
Love, Love, Love…