Good evening everyone! I am writing briefly to update you on my health situation, as I had a consult this morning, with the doctor who was referred to do my pap and pelvic under anesthesia.
Sam and I fought to get ourselves to this appointment. We went circles in the parking lot and almost went home. We persevered and we went in. We sat in the chair, not the stirrup table. We crossed our legs and we waited for the doctor.
The doctor is very nice and she is going to help Sam and I. After a very emotional and painful discussion, about hard, hard stuff…through many tears and lots of fear, there is victory for Coral and Sam!!
We are awaiting scheduling for a full hysterectomy. The talk of scopes and simple procedures…pelvic exams and possibilities…the doctor and I decided, with Sam kicking and screaming, to have the procedure that makes the most sense.
As soon as I can be scheduled in, I will be scheduled in for a full hysterectomy, including my ovaries. I am letting go of what no longer serves me…what has actually never served me…I have had intolerable pain and hemorrhaging since I began menstruating at age 12.
As my sister reminds me, everything, even this, really depends upon the lens in which you look through. I choose to adjust my lens now, to set my sails and to get me well.
Am I scared? Yes. Yes I am. I am scared that I won’t know how to live…I mean really, really live. I am afraid that I won’t know what to do with all of the good stuff. I am WAY more thankful than I am scared, to finally be addressing the pain that I am in, both physically and emotionally.
I thank you for being here. I thank you for your love and for your understanding…your patience and your presence in my life. I thank you for your prayers. I ask you to keep them coming and to double up on the love.
This news hit Tamara hard today too. My hurt, hurts doctors and therapists and my friends and my chosen family. My pain…my fear…they hit my girl. So, I ask you to please send that love overflowing…love like a verb…we invite your love, and we love you back.
Through our new lens, this surgery is the beginning of our beautiful new life. With this surgery, exits trauma held in a sexually abused and tortured…mutilated and confused body. With this surgery…out with what no longer serves this body.
Tamara and I have hikes to go on and long talks into the night about us and our dreams…we have stories about us and memories in the making….and we are just getting started!
To healing. To Sam. To the amazing medical team surrounding me. To each of you. Thank you for loving me, right where I am at. We’ve got this! We’ve fucking got this!