Good morning everyone from Coral and Pranja. Pranja is fitting into her new family perfectly and healing nicely. We are so thankful and so blessed to welcome her home!
Prajna’s resilience and the resilience of some of my closest and dearest friends has given me strength and fuel for my journey and I am so grateful. I was running on empty and slowing to a stop, and Pranja and Rocky Aiden and their friends illuminated my own path for me again.
What do we do when we are hurt? I mean when we are really, really hurt…what can we do to heal ourselves? How can we make ourselves whole again? When we lose parts of our body, parts of our childhood…and our soul feels battered…how do we heal? When we are lost, and I mean really, really lost, like Aiden lost…how do we find our way home?
I have been sitting with this a lot…and I have concluded that we must change the way we look at things and the things we look at will change.
My Mom was taken from me before her time…My Mom was gifted release from her pain and suffering, right on time. My family abandoned me…My family and I are on different paths right now. My closest friends left me during the most difficult time of my life…those friends lived their seasons with me. People don’t understand me and accept me…Those people are not my people. I miss my Daddy…I love seeing my Dad happy. I have made mistakes and hurt people…I am learning and I am sorry.
This is what I am working on to re-frame my life a bit. I write to heal myself and to get it all out, and I’ll tell you what…the last couple of weeks have kicked my fucking ass a bit. Purging all of the nasty felt nice, while walking those steps again was really painful and sad…mostly just really, really sad.
There wasn’t a lot of anger this round….just a lot of old hurt and disappointment. Hurt for some of the horrific things that happened to Sam and disappointed that no one…no one at all, stood up and protected the children. My hearts hurt a lot feeling that. Words like “teasing” were used to make abusive behavior acceptable. Those who reacted adversely to the teasing were labeled weak and “teased” relentlessly. This vicious cycle was the “norm” in our family and everything in me disliked the way it felt to witness it, to participate in it and to be around it. I hate “teasing”. I hate being tickled and I hate hide and seek. These childhood games were merely titled that way to mask inappropriate behavior and to normalize it. Anyway, rough couple of weeks dredging that back up…and I am done talking about it on this day.
Pranja reminds me that we don’t live back there anymore. We don’t walk backwards anymore, into corners that we’ve liberated ourselves from.
What can we do to heal ourselves? We can start by accepting our past and healing from its trauma. We can be here now and live in the present moment. We can learn that forgiveness is the only thing that truly sets us free. We can know better and be better because we know better. We heal ourselves by forgiving ourselves and forgiving those who harmed us. We learn to function without our eyes and our legs and our friends and family. We only become whole when we accept that others cannot fill us. We become full when we don’t allow others to drain us.
When we are lost, how do we find our way home again? Aiden says that we are never lost, as long as we know that home resides within us. We are never away from home if we carry home within us always. Our physical homes will come and go…dwellings that we live in will perish…people in those dwellings will perish. We are home. You are home. I am home. Aiden found his physical way home because his heart never left home.
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Wayne Dyer is one of my first and truest inspirations, and I thank him for this…his 365 days of The Tao…shifted my life in ways that I am so thankful for.
I hope you all have a beautiful and blessed day. I hope you invite and allow your healing. I hope you find your home…your true home within yourself.
In our efforts to become whole, I think it’s very important to remember that we are all just walking each other home. Not one of us will truly be whole until we are all whole, and so I suggest we get out there and start filling each other up! Pranja and Aiden say that you will be so glad you did!