Good morning! Coral and Pranja here to wake you up for morning coffee on Saturday! We have been going non-stop and last night, we all finally got some rest, and we are blessed!
I am being mindful to stay out of the despair I so often fall into, missing my Mom so much. With Mother’s Day literally around the corner, my heart is sinking rapidly and my attempts to rise above it are futile. I miss my Mommy so fucking much…so, so fucking much!
Mom not sure I want to pull this train out of the station this morning. Too much emotion for me, trying to head out the door extra early for work today. I’m sure tomorrow’s blog with have this engine purring pretty good, so let’s let her rest today, shall we?
So, here we are…just you and I, and damn, it is good to see your face again. I want to reach over and put my hands on your face, just to be sure it is really, really you. I carry you everywhere with me in my heart. Seeing you this morning though…feels so much better! Validation that you are alive and well in that body brings a smile across my face this morning. I know you’ve put that little body of yours through the ringer, haven’t you? I only know because I have done the exact same thing. I am feeling my years a lot more quickly than they actually come on. If you look at photos of me before my Mom passed away compared to the ones since, I have aged a lifetime, in only a couple of years.
You haven’t just been hard on your body either, have you? You and I…we are a lot alike. In fact, you and I…we are the same. We have badly bruised self confidence and self worth…worse at times and seemingly on the mend at other times. I see you trying to decide this morning whether to put on that really big smile that you save for the special occasions or the half-assed fake smile that others will be expecting today across your face. I fucking hear you. I really do. I have my smiles lined out this morning too…the ones I’ve used the most are obvious and they have always been pretty reliable. I’m going to see so and so today, I better break out the smile that says I am so fucking happy inside, so that others just smile back and don’t ask any questions. Next to it is the smile for going to the store to grab something real quick…half smile and half leave me the fuck alone. Oh, I totally forgot about this one…the thank you for coming and please leave now smile. Digging down a bit…I know you all have this one…the fakest fucking smile you have ever seen…I used to use this one lot..for stuff like going to the DMV and going places I didn’t want to go. I used this fake smile a lot around people who only seem to have a fake smile themselves. Up and getting dressed, after looking at the events of our day, don’t we all dig down and find that “just right” smile for the day, pull it out and slap it across our face, as we grab our coffee to go and head out?
You do realize this is part of our problem, don’t you? We get what we attract and we are attracting fake and half-baked, bullshit smiles, because we wake up, and slap them on our own faces! We do this to ourselves…did you know that? I will tell you that I did not know this. You know me though…now that I know it, I cannot not know it, so this morning with morning coffee, we are having a cleaning party! Are you all ready? I am fucking ready!
Quick break…everyone go top off your coffee cups. Tinke if you need to. I will do the same and meet you right back here, ready to purge, purge, purge some bullshit this morning!!
Okay…everyone back and ready to do great things? Awesome, because this is also today’s challenge. Everyone take your “smile drawers” out…grab the ones that fell behind the drawers and the ones behind the dresser…grab all of the stray ones on throw them on top and bring your drawer over here with mine. Everyone find all of their smile collection? Okay…I have mine too. Dusty, dusty, dusty…old, old, old…lots of stuff in here looks brand new and like I never used it even once. No matter. Used, not used…worn out…Make sure you have every single smile in there and follow me!
I will go first, as this may be a bit much for some of you. If you hold onto things, like I have, this one is going to fucking hurt a bit. Just stay with me and trust…we are almost there.
Okay, here we are…I’ll go first. See that sign that says “trash dumpster”? We are going past that bin to the bin that says “recycle”. We are already sorted, so we are going to take our drawers and dump their entire contents into that bin. No sorting or rummaging through, just dump it in…the whole fucking thing…dump your so the next person can dump theirs. No salvaging and absolutely no dumpster diving. Once we are all through, meet me back over here, by the “welcome” sign, with your empty drawers.
Everyone accounted for? Alrighty then….take your drawers and turn them over. Place your drawer on the ground in front of you and step up on top of it. Step up on that drawer like you are walking on stage, up to Your podium to make an announcement. I will go first!
Wow, this feels nice…I can see all of you much better when I rise up just a little bit! I can move better without carrying around that drawer and all of its contents. I feel lighter…a lot lighter. This feels nice! What do you think?! Here, pass this around…how does this look on you..glance in the mirror and pass it on so we can all see ourselves in this moment.
My reflection is smiling!!! All by itself…holy shit…I see a smile when I just threw my lifetime collection of smiles into that recycle dumpster. You all saw me throw everything in didn’t you? Wow…so this one in the mirror…this one is mine. There are many smiles like it, and this smile is mine alone. This is the only smile I will keep…the one I have right now, on my face. This smile will come and go, shrink and grow, ebb and flow. This smile is the real deal and sometimes, it will be upside down. So will yours and that is okay. If you don’t like the smile across your face, change it from the inside.
I want the real deal. I want whatever you’ve got that’s real. I think that most people really want that too. Fake smiles invite fake smiles. Bright smiles invite bright smiles. We have been attracting what we have been putting out there all along, haven’t we?
I’ve got to go get ready for work, and so I take our dumpster, overflowing with all that no longer serves us, and I send it back to the universe to be recycled for the greatest good of us all!
Thank you for joining me for coffee this morning. You look great, by the way! With only your authentic self out there this morning…you look fucking fabulous darling! Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!