Good morning and happy Friday! I woke up crying and decided I don’t have time for this shit today. I really just don’t.
We have so much to do and today, I am going to be here now. I realize that as I mourn what I have lost and even what I thought I had and never really had, I am missing out on what I have. I am fucking blessed and I don’t ever not know that. The pain that I am in does not negate the blessings that abound in my life. I realize that I may not be clear about that sometimes…I am not drowning in my past…I am taking one last Olympic swim around this mother fucking pool before I bust out into the ocean waiting for me.
I don’t hate people who hurt me…I just hurt. I don’t hate people that I have hurt…I just hurt. I have spent a lifetime in hurt that isn’t even mine.
Our nephews are graduating from high school and our niece just won six awards, including teachers choice. These three human beings inspire me every day and give me hope for our world. I cannot tell you what a privilege it is to know these amazing human beings, and to watch them grow and excel in their lives. Like the beauty of a sunset, watching the three of them rise, lights, ignites and warms my world and my heart. Watching them gives me strength and fuel for my own journey. We love you guys and we are so very proud of you! Congratulations you three! We love you!
I am going to go out in nature today and do some healing. I am going to be here now. One day at a time, I can do this. All of your love and your prayers give me strength when I cannot muster my own. So you say a little prayer for me and I will say a little prayer for you and we will be okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. I love you. I love you.