Good morning everyone. I am having some post op concerns and complications, and so I am headed to the doctor this morning. I have struggled a lot and I am worn the fuck out. My pain is off the charts, same as it was, before I went into surgery. Pelvic pain, my reason for going in, was not addressed while I was under anesthesia. I will suffice to say that I am a fucking basket case. I cannot distinguish between my physical and my emotional pain right now, as they are both off of the fucking charts.
Countless things happened from the time I checked in to have my surgery and continue to fuck with my psyche. This experience, void of all Humanity, has put a girl down finally. This girl is finally down.
I try not to come to you for love and prayers unless it is fairly emergent. This is definitely an emergency. If you would, please send me all of your love and prayers, good vibes and strength, as I go to my PCP this morning to try to get some relief and to forge forward on a new and brighter path.
Please send me strength to hold Sam with all of my heart, through the horror of this. Please pray that I can find my grown up words and ask questions that will yield answers for my healing and highest good. Please send my doctor what she needs to connect with me and communicate with me as I struggle to spit this out and make sense of it all, so that we can find a solution together.
Today, more than I’ve needed it before, I ask you for your strength to adult through a situation in full blown Sam. I ask you for all of your love and I ask you to pray for my healing.
I am going to go and get dressed and I’m going to show up. I am going to do my very best, to navigate a path I’ve never been on, in full blown child ego state, so, so sad and so very scared. Please love me through this. I need you to love me through this please.
Hey, I love you and I thank you for being here with me. I really, really do love you and thank you.