Good morning everyone! I am dragging a bit this morning, as I get my day started. I have really been missing my Mom a lot. Being sick, I want my Mommy. My Birthday is two weeks away today and I miss her so much more it seems. Losing your Mom is not for sissies. It will fuck with you from seemingly out of nowhere, as you scramble to stay afloat. Losing my Mom opened a flood of tears, held in for an entire lifetime, that now runs like an open water spicket. There is no “right” time or place for these meltdowns. They come whenever they feel like it. There is no stopping the meltdowns either, at least not for me. Of all of the many Sherry Lessons, Sherry never taught me how to live without her. Of all of the people I have ever lost, losing my Mom has to be the break that opened the flood gates, the crack that almost sunk my boat and the pain unmatched by any other pain. Primal pain…so fucking primal that I feel it in my soul.
I got a package in the mail yesterday, which is fairly rare. I was not expecting it and so it was pretty exciting, just seeing the package. I opened it and inside was the most beautiful hand written letter and a mala that my friend created, with my Mom and I in mind. This mala was hand made with so much love and healing energy and positive intention. The moment I put hands on it, I felt it’s power. I felt all of the love. I definitely felt my Mom, and I so needed that last night. Receiving such a beautiful gift lifted my spirits and reminded me why I am here. Wearing this mala around my neck feels like it is helping to stabilize me and hold me tight as I navigate some really rough terrain.
It occurred to me that I wasn’t sure how to say thank you adequately, for such an amazing gift. I tried to share My thankful and I did…there is just a lot of thankful left that I have not expressed. This morning’s blog is to be about being in gratitude. This morning’s blog is dedicated to someone who is attempting to love me better.
I am still so touched and so inspired by this gift. I am honored and I am humbled. I feel full and capable, where I once was weak and losing ground. I did a LOT of research on Malas yesterday and I learned so much. Mostly what I learned is that someone saw me in need of something beautiful and amazing and full of love and light, and they answered the call and filled that need. Wouldn’t it be great if we all did that?
So, from the bottom of my heart, and with all of my love, I thank my friend, whom I won’t mention by name, as I’ve not asked for her permission, for loving me like a verb, for being the change. I needed a little jumpstart, a hand to pull me out a bit and a heart that only has the purest intention, to love me through all of this pain and being unwell. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I am in the midst of something I’m not clear on how to navigate. I am in pain that I cannot seem to get out of. I am going to rise above it, with a little help from my friends!
I love and appreciate you. I really, really do, for sharing in this journey with me, for loving me like a verb. Have a beautiful day everyone. I love you!