Good morning everyone! Welcome to the healing room. Reading Ram Dass this morning and an article about a waitress being groped by a patron, and dropping his ass to the floor in a split second, I found my inspiration for this morning’s blog.
Ram Dass talks about spending time alone. He writes of souls hanging out together. Finding a healthy place of being alone, void of ego. I love Ram Dass! We don’t spend time alone, in nature. We don’t renew and rejuvenate enough. We are a hot fucking mess because many of us not know how to be alone in a good and healthy way. When we are in the company of others, we don’t have any fucking etiquette. We fail to consider those we walk amongst. Maybe if we spent more time with ourselves, we would be more able to be appropriate when we are in the company of others.
Emelia Holden has a story. Emelia is a 21 year old waitress in Savannah Georgia, who was sexually assaulted by Ryan Cherwenski. The video footage shows him grab her ass, and then she reacts in self defense and takes his ass to the ground. We live in a country where this is somehow tolerated and confined and even accepted. We live in a world where people blame her, because of how she was dressed. I don’t give a flying fuck if she was naked…you don’t fucking put your hands on other people! What gives anyone the right to, for their own satisfaction, to touch someone who didn’t invite them to? The answer is simple. Nothing. Nothing gives you the right to touch someone without an invitation.
I worked in restaurants and bars my whole life and I have been groped more times than I can even count. Even as a Licensed Massage Therapist, I have been in situations where I ended the session and terminated the client, for inappropriate sexual conduct. A neighbor tried to rape me a few years ago, on my own patio. My friend and I were having some cocktails and jamming our music. He came to the gate and we invited him in. I lived across the street from this guy for over 10 years. We would have a beer together in the street between our houses every now and again. This guy had a gorgeous wife and three beautiful kids. On this particular night, my friend went inside and when she did, he decided to take what he had always wanted. He unzipped his pants and grabbed my hand and stuck it down his pants…drunk and telling me how he had always wanted to do this. He restrained me and I broke free…and again, with my hand forced on his penis by his hand, and I fucking grabbed it and torqued the fuck down on it. I drug him, screaming and begging me to be quiet, so his wife wouldn’t hear and wake up. I twisted and pulled and I drug his ass all the way across the street to his driveway, by his penis, and I released. I think he dropped, grabbing himself and still in obvious pain. I turned around and went back to my patio. My friend was inside and I relayed what had just happened. I had to hold her back. I went and locked myself in my room with my dog Nicholas. There was a fear present that secluded and isolated me from everyone and everything for quite a while.
I only bring this story in because it illustrates my experience of being touched by someone I didn’t invite to touch me. Sitting here writing about it, all of those emotions flood back over me. I said no, repeatedly. I was clear that I meant no and still, he was going to take what he had always wanted. Over my dead body. I do not give one fuck who you think you are to anyone…you have no right to take things that do not belong to you. I do not give two fucks that you thought I wanted it. I very clearly did not ask you to take your Dick out of your pants and chase me with it and make me touch it, as you tried to ram it into me. I do not give red fucks or blue fucks….keep your hands to your fucking selves! I am crystal clear on this and I will tear your Dick off if you try to assault me with it. Am I overreacting? Am I just an angry dyke who doesn’t like Dick? Did I remember it all wrong and maybe I asked for it? Hell to the fucking no! Hell no, I didn’t ask for it. Chances are, neither did you.
We MUST stand up for what is right. We MUST stop allowing what is blatant sexual assault by labeling it something else. We must stop shaming and blaming the victims of these attacks and start standing up for one another. We MUST have a voice, a voice audible enough and clear enough, just as Emelia Holden did, to say NO!
We live in a place where people who perpetuate these atrocities often have more rights than the victims of these atrocities. Emelia was doing her job and some drunk entitled clown made a very clear and conscious decision to sexually assault her. In self defense, she disabled him so he couldn’t strike again. What else would you really expect someone to do? Truly…your hand is in my asshole, while I am ringing an order in to do my fucking job…I commend her for doing something. I applaud her, at 21 years old, to have clear and healthy boundaries.
I was at a bar a few weeks ago, when we hosted Honey LaBronx, The Vegan Drag Queen, and I witnessed someone I knew grabbing Honeys ass. I was appalled. Knowing that this individual was drunk and being playful…maybe…I do not claim to know why she did it. I just know how it made me feel and how it made Honey feel, as we talked about it on the way home. Honey indicated that people do that to her a lot. I imagine that they do. I am here to tell you, it is not okay to put your hands on another persons person, uninvited. Drag Queens are human beings with human rights. Honey is my friend and it hurt me to see her disrespected.
We MUST stand up for what is right, even if we are left standing all alone. I commend Emilia and I thank Ram Dass for my morning reflection and inspiration. I encourage each of you to keep your hands to yourselves. I think the golden rule is the very best gauge I have, in terms of how I treat people. I treat people the way I want people to treat me. Maybe that will help you to find your own gauge too…Treat people the way you want to be treated always.
Aiden update for those of you following. Aiden is still straining to pee and is going back to the specialist today. Please send Aiden and his family all of your love. Repeat after me…”I love you Aiden”. Prajna pooped and now it’s Aidens turn to pee. Go Aiden. Go Aiden. Go Aiden.