Good afternoon everyone! I am happy you are here. I had a better day today than I have had in a while, and I am so thankful!
I have the most amazing and beautiful clients in the entire world and I love that they are so wonderful to me. I am blessed beyond measure, no doubt about that. Thank you to each of my clients for the way that you love me and carry me through on my most difficult days. I love you and I am anxious her better so that I can return full speed ahead to the work that I am so passionate about.
We have been without internet for a couple of days and my texts amd emails are out there somewhere I’m sure. If I’ve missed you, please hit me up again. We have been out of the loop with the outage.
I was so happy to see Teddy and Alice And Penn and Aiden today and to hear that Jack is doing better. I do love the work I do and I am so blessed to be doing it still. Many years ago when I began doing what I do now, my life changed in ways I could not have foreseen. I took the leap of faith to go out on my own and I was scared at first. I am glad I did it anyway. Max and Me and my work definitely shifted my life’s work and I will always be thankful, so thankful for the shift that brought me here.
Do you ever think about the shifts like that in your own life? That moment where something shifted and altered your course? Unbeknownst to you at the time, you were going for a ride through uncharted territory. Unmapped and rocky paths with impassable terrain…and then you learn that there is no such thing as impassable. Rocky and jagged and painful as fuck….uphill both ways and treacherous beyond your own knowing, and yet, it fucking makes you. It breaks you first and rocks your world to the fucking core and it breaks your heart and splits you right in two, and then, in all of that fucking rubble, you begin to emerge. YOU begin to come to life and YOU commit to making yourself better. YOU have to because you just learned that only YOU can. And it fucking hurts, doesn’t it? It hurts so fucking bad, like you might even die, like you would even be okay if you did die, maybe even like you wish you would fucking die, and you do not die. You suffer, a lot. You hurt, a lot. You hit bottom and you stay there until you don’t stay there anymore. We have a choice, even in moments that render us debilitated completely…we have a choice and a will, and we find a fucking way, don’t we?
As I sit in a place of intense physical pain, further complicated and exacerbated by the end not being within my sight, I learn again that I am in control of nothing. I often forget that or allow the illusion that I am in control to deceive me.
Depression is real. Depression hurts. Do you know why that is? Why does depression hurt? Depression hurts because we aren’t supposed to be depressed, are we? We are in control of nothing, even all consuming depression, brought on by physical ailments. We are only in control of how we deal with our depression. Today, I grabbed my depression by the mother fucking balls and drug him out into some sunlight. Yesterday, my depression grabbed me and slammed me into a brick wall. I didn’t ever feel well enough to rise above that yesterday.
My point is that you and I are a lot alike. You know? We all have a lot going on and a lot that brings us down. I just wanted you to know that I see you and I feel you and I love you too. I really do and I love you. I’m rooting for you and I fucking believe in you. Thank you for believing in me, for praying for me and for loving me.
Have a beautiful evening and enjoy a moment or two for you, okay? I love you Good night.