Happy Sunday evening everyone! I am glad you are here. I am sorry I’ve not here been so much. I have literally been purging and cleaning in the office and the studio for days, and have only stopped for clients and to eat occasionally. I was not ready to pick up the last of my Moms things. In fairness, I probably never would have been ready for that trip. A plastic tote, a couple of garbage bags a collosaal meltdown and a choice. “Coral, do you choose fear or do you choose love? Do You choose to be here now or do you continue living in the past and in things that do not even represent who the fuck you are? Do you die with your Mom or do you take what tree fuck you need and leave the rest?”
Those questions…surrounded in this studio that she had built for me…the same studio that I’ve been unable to step foot in for almost three years now…with donate piles and trash piles and “Shawn piles”…memories to keep piles…floods of memories and emotions that I was not ready for In wave after wave of life altering blow…it has been sad and difficult. Heart and gut wrenching. It has been hard and it has been as it should be.
To everyone who honored my need for solitude and space and to accept what I never would be ready to accept. To those who helped me to clear and purge and fix and simply allow…thank you. I love you.
I am eternally grateful for a soulmate and partner who allows me to take what I need. Thank you Tamara, for allowing me the undistracted and fairly nonstop process that it has been since I rolled up to the studio with my heart broken and my Moms things in my arms.
I am loving and thanking each of you for loving me though this and for holding space for me as let go of the woman who brought me into this world.
Have a beautiful evening. Goodnight.