Good morning everyone and happy Tuesday. I’m sorry, the CPTSD post on the doggie in the room fucked with me a bit. When I revisit these places, I often still find the terrain a bit much to navigate without feeling unworthy for a quick minute. After what I’ve done to dogs, I should be forbidden to ever look at another dog. I am a piece of shit. Yada…yada…yada…I go there still for a moment to remind me of where and who I’ve been and I cry and I hate myself all over again. I don’t look at my own dogs for a couple of days at all, because I can’t and I go out and do my work with your dogs better than I’ve ever done it before, because this is who I am. I am only standing here now, doing the amazing work I do, because I stood where I did and did the far less than amazing things I did.
Morning turned to evening and my thoughts ventured off somewhere in chronic pain today. Client appointments were amazing. Closed our evening with some beautiful new/old friends and life is good indeed.
I am in a very auspicious time in my life right now. I have made a commitment not to tone me down and not to do me the way I’ve done me in the past to help others to feel more comfortable around me.
I was thinking this morning about how many times I have asked a question to be told, “because I said so”…..mmmmmkay….ya…no. That does not work for me. Who are you to say so, first of all? Anyway, it hit me odd to hear that in my head today and so I thought I woukdnkog about it. And then the day got away from me. Now I must rest. Have a beautiful evening everyone. I love you.