Good morning everyone. I am sorry my posts have been short and scattered. The struggle is real for me as of late. This season just fucking dices as slices me randomly into bits in one moment and the next moment I’m okay and desperately trying to stay that way.
I want to say thank you to those of you who have reached out to me. Your reaches have not gone unnoticed. I am not sure how to reach back in most circumstances right now and I am praying for guidance in that. Also, as always , if there is anything you need, please ask me. I will do my best to help.
I want to remind everyone that I am just a girl (stealing this from my girl). I am writing a blog as a daily commitment that I made to myself in December of 2017, to write every day for 365 days. My blog is my commitment to myself and I share it with whomever wants to read it, without any restriction or prejudice. I love your messages. I fucking adore you. The more I learn more than I teach and the more I teach, the more I learn. I write completely from heart center. I write about me and my life. There is a really good chance that if you are reading this blog, you are in it somehow. My little brother…my dad…my mom and Tamara are the obvious ones whom you could deduct who they are whether I say their names or not for the most part. My Dad knows I write about him and I have his blessing. My little brother may or may not know that I write about him and I’m not attached either way. I speak my truth, possibly not yours or theirs, and I’m not attached to that either. Tamara is my first subscriber and a daily reader and more over..,she fucking lives the unedited and uncensored version of my blog with me. Tamara is my best friend, my soulmate, my confidant and my lover and I cherish her and love her with all that I am. Before Tamara I was not the Coral I am now. Tomorrow I won’t be the Coral I was today. If you are judging me by my past, please don’t; as I don’t live there anymore. I will extend you the same courtesy. Amongst my bad decisions, I have possibly slept with your wife. Maybe I kissed your boyfriend and then stole him from you. Maybe your best friend ended up liking me better. I probably look like a hypocrite to you when I write about all that I do, if you only see me in moments where I did not shine much at all. You may know a deep and dark secret about me that even I have forgotten. I can promise you that I still hold those secrets for you as well. I have no desire or interest in being better than you. I do commit to myself every single day though, to be better than I was yesterday. My inappropriate behavior of the past has consisted mostly of bad decisions with the very best of intentions. For those gentlemen and ladies out there worried about someone else taking your place, I am painfully writing this blog for you this morning. I have been where you are and I have been the reason you are insecure. I didn’t sleep with your wife just because I could, believe it or not. I did not end up where I did with her because I am a deviant and sex crazed lesbian out on a conquest. Your wife fell in love with me while you were not in love with her anymore. Your wife needed to be loved like a verb and to be heard, and I loved her instantly and loved hearing her talk. Your wife came to me wanting to work things out with you. I was available when you were constantly unavailable, and not because of your work. Truth is your wife wasn’t all that important to you at all until I came into the picture. Your wife was nothing more to you than a dishwasher, a meal prepper and a fuck buddy and you set it up that way to meet YOUR needs. Your wife had her needs too, you know? Needs and wants and conversations inside her, just dying to come out, and I was there to listen. Your wife wanted to be beautiful to you and when she wasn’t anymore, she was beautiful to me. I am not sure why I am writing this, as I very much regret anything I have ever done to come between people. It may sound crazy to you when I say I didn’t do it on purpose, and I say it just the same. I never hurt anyone on purpose. I guess I write to answer the questions that you have no one to ask. These are my past experiences and from many years ago. I pull them out from under the rug to help us all to love each other better. I begin with a solemn and heartfelt apology to anyone I ever harmed by being out of alignment with myself. With the guidance of spirit and the willingness to call myself out, I write to heal us all this morning.
I don’t know what your wife said when you asked her why she slept with me. I can only answer you as to why I slept with your wife and to be very blunt and general here…I will write this in a way that I hope helps you to go home and love her better. This is no longer about me and your wife never spoke to me again. This is question that only someone who was with your wife could answer and so I will do that for you now, the only way I know how.
Insecurities unconfessed are still insecurities. Your insecurities, which you denied both to your wife and more importantly to yourself, started you on a journey away from yourself. Away from yourself, you began to be someone else. Your unadmitted insecurities which causes you to doubt yourself, quickly turned into you controlling her. Out of control of your own emotions, you jumped in to rob her of her self confidence as well. You began texting constantly and shitty, degrading texts. You questioned her and badgered her and oppressed her. You called her names and told her when to be home. You hurled insults and said you’d be home late again. You said she was a piece of shit and no one would want her so she better get right with you. Night after night, I watched and I listened and I became her confidant. You struck her. You struck me. You raged and you spewed anger and words you still can’t take back. I got the tearful call after you left again and I lent an ear again. It went on and on and you asked for a divorce that you wanted way before I came along. She said yes like she had wanted to for so long. You moved out and moved on and she did too. Only no one really moved on at all. Lying to you about me and now to me about you, as you moved back in and began the cycle again. I think Johnny Depp said that if you ever find yourself in love with two people at the same time, always choose the second. If you were truly in love with the first, there would not be a second. I accept blame for my part in the things I’ve done. I came here this morning to to offer you some help because of the things I’ve done. I came here to say what no be else will say because in order to do so, they would have to admit what they had done…that they were wrong. I was wrong. I hope that my admitting that helps you to know that I’ve been on both sides. My wife didn’t come home one night and left me a couple of nights later. Leaving me and taking everything I owned, I watched her journey through his page on Facebook. The night she didn’t come home, he had impregnated her and publicly gave graphic details of it. Like a moth to a flame, I read the details. I found out that the woman who asked me to marry her and who took my last name was pregnant, on Facebook. Rhis will come as a shock…that baby was not mine! This is not the first woman that I have been in a relationship with has ended up pregnant during our time together. Those babies were not mine either. Talk about fucking with someone’s head and completely leveling someone’s heart…So I truly do hope to shed some light for us all, through my own experiences.
Your wife…the one that chose you…go love that woman the way you did when you wanted her to say “yes” so fucking badly. You stopped courting her and you started tabling her. You started talking at her and stopped listening to her. You stopped making love to her and started meeting your fucking needs. Don’t believe me…go ask her. The woman does not love your dick as much as you do. I don’t care what she tells you. Detach the ego from it and she may enjoy spending time down there again. Stop talking about your fucking needs and ask her about hers. Don’t try to translate what she says into a good fucking for you. Seriously, when was the last time that you said to your wife, “I was thinking that maybe instead of sex tonight, we could just hold each other….Hey babe, I know our scheduled night to meet my needs is Friday but you look tired, could I take you out for dinner instead? I feel kind of ridiculous asking you because it’s been so long, but what was that little thing that I used to do that you really liked?” Obviously, use your own words. Be mindful when you do, that words have power and actions are what matter. Don’t not love the woman like a verb and then wonder why it feels like she is just doing her duties as your husband, and not passionately enrolled in your bullshit. Never one time did I seek out a married woman and I will leave you with that.
As always, take what you need and leave the rest. If you have reached out to me for help and are in danger, please consider the following resource immediately. Haven House 800-526-7157.
Every single one of us has a limit. None of us know what that limit is until we hit it. Hitting our limit can be very scary for us and for those around us. Children and animals are getting caught in this crossfire and I am calling for a truce: If you are in danger, next time you get in your car alone to go somewhere, take yourself Directly to Haven House in Rio Rancho. You cannot break the cycle by staying in it and you do have a choice. You do have the power. Your children do not me they are relying upon you to get you all to safety. We are all praying for those of you in this situation and we ask you to be strong. Be brave. We are loving you through it whether you feel it or not. We believe in you and we wrap our loving arms around you at this time to keep you safe until you get to safely. And so it is.
Have a beautiful day everyone. I love you.