Good Monday morning! I am taking my five year chip today at noon and I’ve got a lot going on inside me. Tumbling around and tossing itself about…that which is not mine. I realize that it is not mine and so I write this morning to release it.
Corals morning dialogue with self went something like this;
Why did I invite the people I invited to see me take my five year chip? Hmmmmm…I invited a few of my friends to come to see me take my five year chip because I desperately want for them to have what I have. I see that their struggle is real. Being invited to an AA meeting five years ago, on my way to happy hour, is why I am sitting here sober this morning. And so, I invited them to a meeting with me, like I was invited to a meeting with a friend five years ago. There are others that I invited because I want them to see me sober…as they have only ever known me in active addiction. I want them to see me. There are people that I invited because they have been my fucking lifeline over the course of my sobriety. Phone calls and texts straight from the heavens…on days when I wasn’t sure where my next breath was coming from…you were my breath. Thank you. Invited the people I love the most…the people who have loved me the most…like a verb. I invited all of you. I will see those if you whom are so called or so moved to be with me today at noon!
My life had become unmanageable. That’s Why I’m Here. Thank you Kenny Chesney.
The last year for me has been my most difficult, as I accept that I’ve been let go of. I didn’t think there would be a more difficult sober year for me than the year my mom died three years ago. It just reminds me that I am in control of nothing…absolutely nothing at all. My mom sent me one last card in the mail before she died and that card was congratulations for my sober birthday. A Dr. Seuss Birthday card form my Mom and Dad, in my Moms writing. My mom was so proud of my sobriety. There is no fucking way in hell I’m letting go of it. I am not sober for my Mom, and not I am not sober for anyone else. I am a sober woman for me and that is how I stay sober.
Today I thank each and every one of you who left, for you made room for those who belong here and want to be here. Thank you. I thank each of you who stayed, for your love has kept me going. I thank God. Thank you Tamara for inviting me to that meeting five years ago. Thank you.
AA is a private thing really. Friends of Bill. Alcoholics Anonymous for a reason…and so I just wanted to reflect on why I felt I wanted to make my five year chip public this year. I invite you to a very deep and personal part of myself, when I invite you into my sobriety. I invite you into an even deeper part of myself when I invite you into my life before sobriety. So, there you have it!
Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!