I am so fucking blessed! Truly…I’m so loved and so touched that I am struggling to find the words. I took my five year chip today. I was literally surrounded by love. I have no remembrance of what I said…only that the room was filled with people who love me like a verb. I am so loved. I am so inspired. I am so blessed. I have never been to an AA meeting that didn’t move me and shake me up a bit. Today was no different. I am moved to tears as I sit here and realize how loved I am. The rooms of AA, for me, are home. I Have not been home in a while. I was welcome with open arms and I am so thankful for that. I want you to have what I have. I really do. Five years of my forty five years here, I have been a sober woman. Yesterday and a lifetime ago…I walked through those doors for the first time. Every time I walk through those doors, it’s the first time. We never have such a handle on our sobriety that we need not be diligent about keeping it. I was reminded of that today. There is a 12:00pm meeting every day, Monday through Friday where I just met some amazing new family. I am going to start going to meetings again. Close to home and back to the basics a bit for me. I want you to have what I have and I want to keep what I have. And so it is.
I want to thank each and every one of the amazing people in my life who came today to love me like a verb and support me…to celebrate five years of sobriety. I looked around that room and I was full and overflowing. I was loved and I felt it. I was home. My friends have become my family. I was surrounded by family…by tribe today…and I am so humbled and so thankful. I am also fucking exhausted! My God Am I exhausted!
My girl sat next to me…and I can tell you what…I am blessed. We are sober women and we are blessed. No hidden bottles. No lies. No long excuses. I don’t have to battle Tamara’s demons with alcohol, nor do I need to wade through the deceit, to get to my girl. I go to mother fucking war with my demons, knowing my girl has got my back. Those wars last for days, weeks, months and years at a time, and I know I am safe in my sobriety with Tamara. All of the cliches…the cheesiest ones you can come up with…true of me and my girl. Keep it simple. Keep it real. Keep it honest. Or keep it to your fucking self. I mean, not to be rude…blunt maybe….okay blunt as fuck…that is how I feel about all things. And I am so blessed that Tamara and I do that with precision. We do each other well. In the meeting today, I thanked God for my girl.
My little brother and my sister JiSan came to love and support me today. I still don’t have words for this, so please hold. I will need a moment. I suffice to say for now, that my heart is full. I love you both so very much and I thank you for taking the time. Your presence and your love and your words touch me deeply and I am so thankful for you both. I love you. Thank you for loving me like a verb.
Sigrid…no words ever needed. I love you silly. Thank you for being with me today and on all of my most impossible, important, scary and fucked up days. I love you my dearest friend.
To my other amazing friends, whose names I did not ask permission to use, who came for me today. I cannot begin to tell you how touched I am by your being with me today. Each of you have loved me through mother fucking hell, like a verb. Each of you have cried for me. Each of you have loved me no matter what. Your beautiful flowers and the sentiment in your card sister…I love you! I love you so fucking much! And sister…my beautiful cake, that I will share with my girl 😘…thank you for how you see and love me! Thank you! And my friends who always show up…no matter what or where or why…no matter where my crazy ass is…giving free hugs…impromptu work days…whatever and wherever I need you…I fucking love you! Thank you for blessing me and my life with you!!
And so, so many text messages and. likes and private messages and comments on my sobriety posts…I love each of you, so, so much. Thank you. Truly, this girl could not feel more blessed and more full and more in love than I am with all of you!! Thank you for seeing me, for celebrating me and for loving me the way I need to be loved…right where I can feel it…and especially where I cannot not feel it. I am so fucking stoked to be walking home right next to each of you cool cats! I love you! I fucking love you!!!