I sit here with no words. I have been waiting for this day. It’s eminence and inevitably…too, too much truth in all of the lies. We do not ever know our breaking point until we break. We only know it then to be, the place from where we begin again.
In order to have our greater love, we must lose and shed our lesser loves. In order to know ecstasy, we must also know eternal damnation for crimes that we accept as our own. We know better and so we make a choice. We must make this choice, and we must make it alone. Which bridge do we cross and which bridge do we burn. When the bridge you are on gets ignited by someone else; you run like hell across it and you thank God for his mercy and you do not ever look back. A burning bridge is no place to build a new foundation.
It is with all of the love in my heart that I thank God for bringing Shawn and I back together. I thank God for our beautiful and amazing wives. I thank God for both my answered and my unanswered prayers tonight. I thank God for five years and I ask God to walk with me back into the rooms.
I am mindful and wholeheartedly letting go tonight of a dream that I held dear. A vision. A promise. An understanding. I release myself of expectation placed upon me. I release all expectation that I have of anyone else. My soul screams. My body tremors. My throat can not contain these tears. I break. I have asked the storm that is coming in to take what does not serve my highest good, the highest good of all involved…I beg of you to take it which does not serve the highest good of us all away. And so it is.
I came down here to write, to reconcile, to find peace in this storm. I came down here to break completely, to burn me to the fucking ground. This pile of red hot coals will be cooled by the ice underneath it and covered by the snow yet to fall on top of it. This raging red hot ember will be the fire on which I set my soul on fire. And so I say thank you, for I am grateful. I have been gifted beyond measure, for I have been set free. I have been burned down. I accept my fate and as my embers fade to ashes…I lie in wait and rest. I lie in solidarity for each of us, for we have all been burned down. By the power vested in me, I call each of us, with all that we have left, to rise from these ashes. The world needs us so badly right now. We must rise up. We must. When the storm comes and takes it all away, I will rise from the ashes. And so it is.