Good morning everyone! First a baby bear update: Nahko and Coral slumber party number nine is on the books! Nahko Bear is doing so, so well and we are so proud of our girl! We go to the vet on Wednesday for her post op follow up, so please keep the love and prayers coming. Mala Bear is going out of her mind without her sissy. Anyone who believes that animals do not feel pain has not been sitting with one crying until the other one finally stops crying. There is no consolation for pain and separation like losing the one whom you love more than anyone else in your life. Our girls have only ever known each other and so this has been excruciating to watch. Momma and I are so proud of you baby bears! Very soon you will be reunited and it will feel so good for all of us! I am sitting in almost constant silence, napping in Nahkos baby bear den and resting more than I would have given myself permission to rest. We are blessed. Every day, in every way, we are so, so blessed. Thank you for your love and prayers for our baby bears as they get through this very difficult time of separation from each other.
Today is a very special day to me. Today is my little brother Shawn’s Birthday. Happy Birthday Shawn! Forty three years ago I was waiting anxiously for my Mom and Dad to bring my baby brother home from the hospital. My Mamma and I were making and eating mud pies in the backyard when Shawn finally came home from the hospital. Be still my little heart. Just look at that perfect little boy! Look at my baby brother! I will love him for always, the best I can. I promise. Thank you God. Thank you. I promise to love him always! He is perfect and just who I asked for! Thank you God! I love him! Thank you! My conversation with God went something like that, for God just bestowed upon me, my greatest gift.
All of these years later, and I still thank God for my baby brother every single day. Today I woke thinking of you and tonight when I lie down I will be praying for you. Every day I carry you with me in my heart.
Shawn and I have had a rough few years. Losing our Mom three years ago and being fairly estranged from one another made the pain worse. I felt the loss of my mom and my little brother so deeply and so profoundly. For our whole lives our Birthdays were the one time that we all committed to being together, no matter where we were, if we could. The four of us always tried to honor our birthdays as sacred. This is yet another thing that left with my Mom. I am coming to an acceptance of it and yet I still cling to the way it made me feel to be a part of my family. Today, for me, reminds me that I am not all alone, for today is my little brothers birthday. No matter where he is and no matter where I am..ever…we will always be with one another. We have always been together, even when we felt so far apart. Some days I forgot this and I grieved as though he had passed away too. Today, I thank God for his return and for our continued healing. Happy Birthday Shawn. I love you!
If you have a sibling, I’m sure you can relate to a love that knows no words. For me, and I am of many words, there are not adequate words to describe this love. I will try though, for today is my little brothers birthday.
You were so little and I was so proud. Your big sister and my little brother. Your sparking eyes and your angel smile. A smile sent down from the heavens by God himself. Tiny fingers and toes and tears and laughter. Smelly poops and funny faces. Temper tantrums and squealing. Soft blankets and smelly food on a rubber spoon. Sleepless nights and laying for hours in your baby blanket in the middle of the floor. You laughed a lot. It was more of a giggle. Your cheeks were rosy red and you were so, so happy to finally be here. I don’t know from where you came…you were not of this world. You were kinder and more gentle. You were fragile like an angel fallen. You were more innocent and less inhibited. You were my special and my salvation. Your coming here gave me everything to look forward to. The years grew us closer and the miles never kept us far apart. The chaos wasn’t lost on us and yet it never really was us. The sadness inside of me stayed lit by your smile. My loneliness was lifted by your presence. You were my everything from the moment I knew you were coming here. It is like I knew you would save me somehow. You did, you know, save me. When nothing else of my entire world remained at all, you walked back in. When it all came crashing down, you reached for me. When every single other person left, you returned. Today, especially today, as I write and cry, I thank God for you. God gives. Thank you God for Shawn. Lives separate and coming back together. Memories. Motherless. Who ever thought we would be..just you and I…here? We aren’t big enough to be on our own. We aren’t old enough or strong enough to make it without them. Ahhh, and yet we are. We are strong enough. We are still here. They have gone from us and we stand here before us. We must know that this is something. We must feel that this is special. On your birthday, know that you are perfect. Every other day, know that you are perfect. Today, I celebrate you. Today I remember the day you came in and I thank God again for my greatest gift. 43 years ago I asked God for a baby brother just like you. Thank you God. Happy Birthday Shawn. I love you little brother! Have a beautiful first birthday of the rest of your life!
Happy Saturday everyone else! Please say it with me…”Happy Birthday Shawn!”