Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Thank you to everyone who made my day today! I love you!

Good evening everyone. I am exhausted so this will be brief. I cannot let this day go by without a gratitude post first though.

What a blessed and absolutely beautiful day today has been! Today we celebrated Robbi’s life and how beautiful our celebration was! All of my love and thanks to the Dyer family and to my sister Robin for inviting me on this journey with them. I am so honored and so touched to have been trusted with this amazing walk with each of you. Thank you.

And to all of the amazing bakers and donors, organizers, volunteers and buyers of these amazing baked goods…thank you, so so much for all of the love and support today at our bake sale. We cannot possibly tell you how much your love and support mean to us and to each of the animals at Santuario de Karuna. Thank you for the love!! We love you all right back!

And to Trail Rider Pizza…Ashlea, Elton and Jayden and to Lewis and Carrie and to everyone who came out and purchased vegan food to support the animals…thank you…our cup runneth over and we are so grateful to each of you. We feel so blessed to be a part of such and amazing and compassionate community.

Tamara was able to be out for a bit today, and I cannot tell you how much every single moment with her means to me. We are blessed. We are thankful. We are grateful.

Lots of healing in my life in the past couple of days and I am thankful for the opportunity to learn and to grow and to evolve. Thank you to everyone who shared soul space and love and hugs and laughter and tears with me today. I love you. Goodnight.

Don’t have much, except thank you for the love

Good morning everyone. I’ve got nothing this morning, other than many thanks for your love and prayers for Tamara. Tamara is home and resting and will be restricted for the next two weeks. No lifting or bending over. Please continue to shower her with all of your love and prayers for expeditor healing.

They had to go in five times during her MOHS procedure, to get clear margins. Yesterday, they went in and reconstructed and closed her up with 65 sutures. My girl is a warrior and I am so proud of her. Please love her all you can as she heals.

Many things in my life are too much for me right now. My focus is on Tamara and the Sanctuary. If I’ve ignored you, hurt you, disappointed or upset you lately, I really am sorry. It isn’t personal. I’m just in a really difficult and painful place in my life. I’m still coming back into Coral from my time with Robin and so I’m still a little off.

I remind myself and everyone else that this blog is for me to get it all out. I mean no harm or ill intent. The thing is, I’m done being harmed and being the recipient of harm and so I’m stating that out loud. I sincerely do apologize to anyone this may have upset or harmed. I am very clearly throwing up some boundaries so that I can get through this and heal. My journey is a difficult one and I need a moment.

Have a beautiful day! I love you.

Prayer request for my girl today…

Good morning everyone. Happy Tuesday. I am really struggling to be here. My life and my blog feel to be under scrutiny right now. Taken out of context and out of proportion, my words seem to be twisted against me. I have so, so much going on right now. I am desperately trying to heal and grow and evolve. Thank you for staying with me as I figure things out. Thank you for loving me through my trials and tribulations.

Today, I ask for all of your love and prayers for my girl. We are taking this day unto ourselves and we simply ask that you surround us in love and light, prayers and healing energy.

I will be re-evaluating my place in my world and in my friendships and in my community. I will be reassessing who I am and where I want to fit in. I am not well, with things plaguing me and taunting me, that most people cannot even begin to fathom. I am doing my very best right now, and I am painfully aware that I am lacking.

There are no details. This is not about anyone in particular. I am not pointing fingers, naming names and I’m not being ambiguous. I am simply stating that I need to reassess, ground and center and allow myself my process.

Today is about Tamara and no one and nothing else. Today is a difficult day for us and again, I ask you to pray for healing…surround us in love and lift us up. All Sanctuary matters can be directed to me and everyone and everything else in our lives will just have to wait. And so it is.

I thank you for being here. I thank you for loving us. I want you to know that we love you back. We are so appreciative for each and every one of you.

If you would please, pray with me and lift my girl up today, surround her with all of your love and allow us our peace. Thank you for being here. Truly, thank you. I love you.

Happy Monday!

Good morning everyone! I hope you had a beautiful Easter weekend. We were very productive and shared apace with some amazing people. Thank you to everyone who came out and loved and supported the Sanctuary and the animals at Earth Day! We are so appreciative of our compassionate community!

  • I have a lot to say and no words right now, and so I close with all of my love this morning. Have a beautiful day! I love you.

What would Jesus do on Easter Sunday?

Good morning everyone. Happy Easter. Easter was a super important day in our family growing up. Church and Easter brunch…gathering with friends, the Easter bunny and hiding and finding eggs for hours. The resurrection and the meaning of this day. For me now, Easter is different. Easter, like other holidays is another day. We don’t eat or color eggs because they are not ours. We aren’t up before the crack of dawn to get to sunrise service. We do not gather the congregation and dig a hole in the ground and roast a pig that was alive a couple of days ago, to celebrate the resurrection of Christ. No, Easter is different for me now. My life is different for me now. Bunnies and baby chicks and pigs are not exploited for me to celebrate my beliefs. My beliefs have never made me a better person. My actions have made me a hypocrite to some and a saint to others, at times. At the end of this day though, just like any other day, Easter is in our hearts. God doesn’t give a fuck that you show up to church on Easter Sunday when you go virtually Godless for the rest of the year. God doesn’t care about the cross you carry today, he wants to know what you did with the cross you were crawling upon when you got distracted by that ego of yours again. Easter Sunday is yet another opportunity for us to realize that we are all walking each other home. We miss that, don’t we? I find it a difficult imagine to conjure up…Jesus picking out the perfect pig to slaughter, gathering up the rabbits and baby chicks and wishing them all a happy Easter before he wacks their fucking heads off…as he moseys up to the cross to meet his fate, so that we may all be forgiven. I’m just saying…parts of the story have a nice ring to them and parts of the Easter story are fucking horrifying. Our spirituality is like that, isn’t it? Some of it…we have nailed down and know it backwards and forward and inside out and upside down…and some of it, well it’s not even a fable…it’s fucking utter bullshit. Our own bullshit, that we cannot even sell in a nice little Easter Basket on Easter Sunday. God is in the details. God is in you. You are God. We are not separate from all of this. We are not outside of our spirituality looking in. We are out spirituality. We are our God and we show others who God is through us. Easter Sunday, all dressed up and looking dapper as hell…don’t forget who you are. Don’t forget why you are here. Don’t throw Jesus back up on that cross for your sins…how about you atone and stop fucking sinning? How about you look deeply into that mirror and ask yourself what Jesus would do. What would Jesus do? What would Jesus be doing on Easter Sunday? I mean if that matters to you…what would your homeboy, Jesus, be doing on this sacred and holy day? How about today, you go out there and do and be that…be who Jesus would be today. Do you think that Jesus would be slaughtering baby lambs for Easter dinner? Or roasting pigs in the ground? Do you think Jesus runs around gathering ovulations from chickens cloacas, to color and hide for the children to find? Do you think that Jesus has an Easter basket and eats peeps and chocolate bunnies? Does Jesus walk amongst a sea of white crosses and see his cross any differently than our crosses? Today and every day…what does your Jesus do that you want to model in your own life? What would Jesus be doing on this Easter Sunday? Let us all go out today and do that, shall we?

We have these sayings and we have these memes….we have these notions and ideas of things. We have these picture perfect pictures…pictures that we aren’t even in. Pictures that we don’t even recognize. The last supper…the twelve disciples…Jesus and his apostles…doubting Thomas and the Virgin Mary…Zachary and Zacheaus…This little light of mine and the church and the steeple…where are we in all of this? Who are we in this picture of divinity? We worship things outside of ourself and we wonder why we are not whole. We cannot and do not buy in to things that we are not a part of. So, I’m just curious…on Easter Sunday, does your worship include you? Does your story of Jesus have you in it? May I say that if not, you might want to take a look at that? In order to express your own dharma and your own divinity, you need to realize that your story, not Jesus’ story is why you are here. You have to jump up in that picture and you have to be the star of your own life. Jesus was the star of his life. He set an example for us to follow, to improve upon…to model…he never came here to make you invisible and unaccountable to your own self and those you claim to love, as you hide behind him and all of his glory. We all have our own cross to bear. We all have our own trials and tribulations. We all need some direction and some assistance sometimes. What would Jesus really be doing on Easter Sunday? How about we all go out today and do that? Just a suggestion…let us be like Jesus today. Being like Jesus will mean a different thing to each of us…as this is a personal journey for each of us. I would say that Jesus is a good start though…someone to model ourselves afterwouldn’t you? Like Buddha, And the thousand other names for God…let us not forget that we are our own divinity. We are the God within us. Let us not forget that when we go out I to the world today, okay? What would Jesus be doing on Easter Sunday?

Happy Sunday. Happy Easter. Whoever you are and however you celebrateremember that we are all in this together, walking each other home…Jesus knew this. Today, let us be reminded of it as well…we are here to love each other home. Our resurrection will be the day we realize that and begin to live accordingly. Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!

My life either needs to end or my life needs to begin…

Happy Saturday everyone! I am so glad you’re here! I am struggling to be here and so I apologize in advance. I come this morning to shift my thinking and my attitude, that I spend my life in gratitude and in the present moment. I have done all I can do with what is behind me. I have tried my best and I know that everyone else tried their best too. When our best doesn’t feel good enough, it is a good time to remind ourselves that giving it all we’ve got is really all we’ve got to give. If that’s not enough…your best, my best, maybe we’ve just been giving our all, to the wrong people. Time to re-evaluate and to turn inward…the time is now to walk away from what does not serve our highest good. We have the right to leave. Especially when staying is only killing our soul and delaying the inevitable anyway.

On my long drive yesterday, I finally let it all go. I know things I wish I could not know. I feel things that have rendered me forever changed. I hurt in ways that most people will never know or imagine. I have endured betrayal so vile and destructive that I almost took my own life because of it. I am thankful to know the things I’ve come to know and I am also fractured because of this knowing. I am healing and broken in this knowing and I have no other way to be.

People tend to rip these wounds wide open a lot. With gaping wounds and salt in hand, people have taken advantage of my disposition. Words and ill intentions…judgement and ridicule abound, and I simply let it all trail off behind me yesterday on that freeway. I simply let it all go. Places and people and names and remembrances…judgement and regrets…fears and vendettas…I just let it all fade away behind me. It’s not gone and yet it’s not right here, debilitating me this morning. The nothingness of it all is unfamiliar to me. Most welcome, this nothingness. Thank you for the nothing that replaces my past, and locks it safely away, until a lesson is needed from the archives.

We all have our own vaults, where we archive our lives. My vault has been cleared out and condensed down. There is nothing here that I need to take with me now. The pictures I choose are in my mind and etched into my heart. The cards and letters…the memories I held on to, they shall be returned to the universe by fire. I take nothing forward with me from this era of my life. I leave it behind, where it belongs. I detach it’s hold on me and all of its power. I throw sage upon the flames and as I turn to leave, I throw you right up on top, to be returned and cleansed and healed. All of the love I have left for you…I throw that up there too, as I don’t carry it anymore. I will never deny it. I will not speak of it again though. I will not lay my eyes upon you or speak of you again. Our business is complete here and I bid you farewell. May God bless you and keep you. May he shine his face down upon you and offer you peace.

Yesterday I acted out a conscious decision to detach from the people in my life who have hurt me and harmed me…raped me and brutalized me…mocked and berated…hated and plotted against me. I spoke their names and I sent each of them on their way, cleansed and forgiven, free to be. I’ve no need to hold these things any longer. I’ve no place for this pain. I’ve no desire for relationship or closure with these individuals. I cut any cords that bind us and I release us from one another. Your energy holds no power here any longer, nor mine over you. We are free to be free from one another. And so it is.

I realized that my life either needs to end or my life needs to begin. The space in between has been excruciating and so I step out. I take my first step into my new life this morning, the life that I am here to live. My legs are shaky and my heart breaks a little, as I feel that you are really gone. Thank you for going. Thank you for finally letting me go. My life cannot be lived, it will only ever be painful, as long as you are in it. So, thank you for going and leaving me to people who want to love me. You are free to go. You and I are done here. Be well.

This concludes this morning’s blog and any relationship in my life that has caused me more sorrow than joy, more pain than happy and more betrayal than loyalty. I bid you all farewell. I wish you well. I am making room for those of you who actually want to be here. And so it is.