Man, I woke up hurting today. Physically hurting and crying…broken wide open, by a family I no longer have. I have never hurt like this. I truly have never hurt as I hurt right now. All of your love would be most appreciated on this day. I am hurting for certain today. I love you.
Good morning. My physical pain is very distracting this morning and so I ask for love and prayers. I don’t have the focus to write because the pain is too intense. Have a beautiful day today. I love you.
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Good morning and Happy Memorial Day! Thank you to each of you who has served. Love to each of you who is missing someone today. And everyone enjoy your day and be safe today.
I am lying here in horrible physical pain this morning, thinking about all of the mornings I woke up without pain, that I wasn’t grateful. It is so easy, especially when we are feeling well, to forget to be thankful for our health. I am so thankful for my health and my body and I know I take both for granted a lot. I realize lying here, barely able to move, how thankful I am for my wellness and my body. I realize how blessed I am with my amazing health and I am overcome with gratitude. Thank you for my amazing container…for my health and my strength and my resolve. Today, I am thankful for all I have, as I remember those I have lost.
My mom feels long gone and far away. This morning I just wanted to be with her again. Something in grasping for someone gone is so fucking painful. Truly, want is a bitch, isn’t it? I want my mom. Too fucking bad. Hard stuff for me this morning, when I really just want my mommy. Tears won’t stop and my heart feels broken and I really just miss my mom. Such a surreal and sad place to be…knowing my mom is gone and wanting to talk to her so badly on this day. Sadness like this is not for pussies. Missing ones mom is one of the loneliest places to be and one of the hardest things I do every day. Not having a mom is a life sentence for me, and some days I’ve no idea what to do with that. Today is one of those days and my heart hurts. Today, everything just fucking hurts. I often do not know what to do with days and feelings like this. I tried to go back to bed and sleep it away for a bit, to no avail.
Being positive in this storm is usually not that hard for me, as I know how blessed I truly am. I don’t feel negative. I just feel sad. I just feel like my life isn’t even mine anymore some days. I feel so far away from the things I hold the closest and dearest to me and I get so sad that I just cannot breathe. Today, I just hurt a lot, for all the ones I miss. Depression is a bitch some days and I just cannot rise above her. Today, I just want to crawl back into bed and stay forever. I want to shut it al out and hide under my covers. I hurt and I don’t want to play today. Here is the red flag and my sign to get up Nd get going…Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you.
Happy early Sunday morning. I am glad you are here. Hell, I am glad I’m here. Lately, it feels that it’s taken a lot to stay and so I’m glad I’m still here, and I’m glad you are still here too!
Congratulations to everyone graduating! I remember being so glad to graduate. School was really not my thing and so my graduation was a pretty big deal for me. I see all the cap and gown photos and I am so happy for each of you! Congratulations graduates!
I feel a bit scattered everywhere as of late and so I really am sorry if I haven’t gotten back to you. I really do appreciate all of your love and your messages. I feel your love, even in my own despair, and I thank you so much!
I was hoping to be inspiring today and all I’ve got is this. I hope you have a beautiful day today. I love you.
Happy Saturday everyone! I hope you had a good sleep. I am not sleeping as well as I would like to lately. Missing sleep always seems to make the waking hours more difficult for me. Enough about that. What do you have planned for this fabulous holiday weekend?
I have a lot to do and I am thankful for the time, the strength and the energy to get through it all. I am definitely living one day at a time, in step five right now. Very humble…I am very humble. I really am thrown into my own life right now, in a way that kind of phased the rest of the world out for a bit. I’ve only got strength for what is going on with me right now and so I turn inward. Thank you to each of you loving me and holding space for me as I navigate some difficult terrain.
Most of all, I find myself claiming my space lately. Spatially, I feel it is important for each of us to have physical space and emotional and spiritual space. I believe that we each have a basic right to be honored in our space. We have an obligation to protect our bodies and our hearts from people who have no concern or concept of personal space. I am in this space presently, of claiming my space and creating space for others without their own space. This is a huge life focus for me currently. Sounds like a simple enough task, right? Maybe so, until I began to uncover how little space I actually have in my world. Violation of personal space must be a huge reason for falling out with others, as we suffocate and are suffocating in too much shared space. Honoring space and calling for others to honor mine is not the easiest thing I’ve ever done, and yet, it may be one of the most necessary things I’ve ever done. We must have safe space around our containers to keep us in forward motion, to keep us safe and to distinguish us from the others. Space…it’s what’s for breakfast today! So go out there and get you some space. Claim your space and honor yourself today, okay?
I love you and I hope you have a beautiful day today!
Happy Friday everyone! I’m sorry my writing has been so scattered and uninspired as of late. I struggle lately with all that I think and feel, and how to best express myself.
I woke up missing my mom a lot. I just cannot believe that she is really gone some days. Today it feels like she has been gone forever and I feel sad without her. Smells and memories bring her front and center in my life this morning and tears stream down my face. Damn it, I miss my mom. The pain is too much for me some days and I flail horribly, just trying to get through it. I wish for one more day…one more long talk and some more time with my mom. I fucking scream inside today, for I miss my mom so much. I cannot stop the tears streaming down my face as I realize again that she is gone. I cannot tell you enough times to calm your mom, while she is here. Some day she won’t be here anymore and that day will hurt you too. The call that you can never make again will empty you and bring you to your knees too. Call your mom, for yourself. Some day, like me, you will know this loss and this agony and this pain and so I want you to do all you can, while you can, to make it bearable for you when she goes from here. Say what you need to say. Do what you need to to now. Don’t wit until you can’t and then cry because you didn’t. This is true for all of us with everyone in our lives. We must realize that all we have is this moment and that we do run out of time.
We must watch our words and be kind to one another. We must search our hearts and love one another. We must open ourselves up to love and heal from not being loved. These things sound difficult. I challenge that none of these things are as difficult as staying locked down, clamped shut and broken inside. Healing hurts. Pain isn’t always bad. Pain is our means to living our lives pain free and we must be pain staking, if we are to detach from our pain. Pain is one hell of a teacher, if we can just sit our asses down for the lessons, don’t you agree?
Anyway, this morning hurts me quite a bit and so I’m off to learn something. Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you! Call your mom!
Good evening everyone! We want to thank you for all of the love and beautiful reaches from all of you. Truly, thank you. We often do not know how to reach back and so we just ask you to keep reaching for us until we can reach back again.
We love you and we are in Sanctuary healing right now. Thank you for your continuous love and support.
Have a beautiful evening! Goodnight!
Happy Wednesday everyone! Thank you for helping us to search to bring Storm home and for all of the love and prayers for her family. Please keep the love coming and keep your eyes open for her, as she has been missing for a week today. We were out for a while last night and we surround her with love and light as she finds her way back home.
Thank you for the love for Tamara and I also. The outpouring of love and support is so appreciated. I put up a fundraiser, as Tamara takes care of all of that, so we wouldn’t go too low on funds. Thank you for sharing and donating and for putting up your own fundraisers for us. Thank you for blowing up your fundraisers with your people to get us more shares, likes and donations. After all, that is how we keep this non-profit going…on your donations! The more you put into your fundraisers, the more you will see them grow, so please grow them for us! Of all of the things on my plate right now, I just cannot get to fundraising and social media, so I appreciate your help with that. Thank you.
We really do feel and appreciate each of you and your reach for us. Life hit us pretty hard with this one and we are holding our own through this storm. For me, this is such a Storm where I just have to keep my head down and myself focused, so that I don’t lose my way. I am sorry for missed callas and texts and meetings. I really am just staying afloat right now. Thank you for understanding and being patient. Thank you to each of my clients for being so flexible and amazing all the time. I fucking love you guys so much! Thank you.
All of our thanks, truly, for holding us through this storm. We hope to be back very soon.
We hope you have a beautiful day today and that you love someone who needs it. We all need it, so you are free to love whomever you choose today. Just love someone extra today, would you? Make our world a better place by loving each other. I love you. Have a beautiful day!
Happy Tuesday everyone! It has been raining and snowing out here. Welcome to New Mexico! I am so blessed to live where I live, as it is so beautiful and peaceful and serene. Sometimes in the chaos, I forget to just be grateful for everything and everyone in my life. I am so grateful to live where I live.
And we switch gears…I need all hands on deck to help Storm to come home. Storm has been missing since Thursday, in Albuquerque foothills area.
Please be at the Lomas/Tramway Library at 5:00 pm to form a search party for Storm. Thank you. I love you!