Good morning! I hope you woke up in a good place this morning. I know that makes all of the difference some days…just waking up in a good place. I woke up in tears and I cannot tell you how much this happens. I struggled a lot missing my mom yesterday. I just wanted to go and meet her so we could talk. I miss talking to my mom. There was no where to go and nowhere to meet her and the pain of that was just so overwhelming for me yesterday. I guess I must dream about her sometimes and then I wake up without her and it’s just really hard.
Anyway, enough about me. How are you? I know some of you are sure going through it. I feel you and I love you. Some of you I have been praying so very hard for. I feel your pain and your struggle and I know how real it is for you. Your decisions and your addictions and your pain…I see you my friend and I feel you and I am you. Do not be dismayed my love. We are all just walking each other home. Just take my hand and let’s stick together, okay?
This morning I want to thank you all for being here. Over 20,000 hits and so many of you following…thank you! We are a hot fucking mess some days, and here we are together anyway. That feels nice, doesn’t it?
I began this blog in December of 2016 after my mom died in December of 2015. The pain…so enormous and overwhelming, the words and the feeling of it all being stuck inside of me…the grief and the trauma and the need to get it all out…that is what began Coralsblog.com For those of you looking for me, here I am! For those looking to avoid me, here I am. I figured that would make it easy to find me and just as easy not to. People have found me that didn’t want to, on here and contacted me for various reasons, and I’ve done my best with that. Mostly though, people come here looking for me. I want to be here so you can find me. I bring a raw and unedited version of me into this room and I spill my fucking guys, literally, in here. My pain often triggers your pain, so please be mindful of that, as it’s not for the weak or faint of heart. I offer private studio sessions if you want to go deeper. I opened studio for the first time again last week and the healing is astronomical in here. I will put up two sessions this week, as my time is still pretty limited with AA meetings, my amazing clients and the Sanctuary. I will offer two, two hour sessions this week, so please hit me up if you need some studio time. I know a few of you have asked and I want to be available, so here you go! You asked. I heard you and I have prepared a place for you. Give me a shout as soon as possible so I can get you scheduled. I will only open up two spots this week, as I only have that to offer of myself this week.
This blog, this healing room…I created this space to get it all out, rather than keeping it all in. I come here to write this shit out of me so that I can begin to heal. I write for me. I write about my life. I write to heal us all. The more difficult the topic, the more of you reach out personally to me. Keep reaching because that is why I am here and that is how we heal. Our pain…our trials and tribulations…we must share the burden with each other my brothers and sisters. We must begin to really give a fuck about each other. This room is for that…to give a fuck and to be given a fuck about. We all need a place to go where the door and the arms are open and I created this space for each of to have that. There is an actual healing room, where you can sit down with me and we can work together to heal and grow. This room came about and came to be as a result of this blog. This healing and this opportunity to live and love out loud is in this writing, in this blog and in your willingness to do your own work. Seeing me fall apart is helping all of us get our pieces gathered up and put back together. This is a safe place and this is a loving place. Some days this is a difficult place and even an empty place sometimes. The healing room is always open though and I am always loving the shit out of you, wherever and whoever you are.
Today, I want you to do something for me. Each and every one of you…this is a challenge for you for today. I want you to take the biggest challenge in your life right now. The biggest one you’ve got…bring that on up here to me. Scoop that heavy, unsightly and out of control little bastard up here and hand it over. Drag that fucker up here. Kicking and screaming and yelling….round that bitch up and hand her to me up here. We are going to unravel this beast together, you and I. We are going to tackle her together and get you headed back on your path. How does that sound? I know you’re getting your proverbial ass handed to you. Me too. It’s a bitch, isn’t it? All of that flailing and fighting and yelling and kicking and screaming…all of that emptiness and the enormity of your pain. I feel you. I cannot not feel you my friend. Your pain is raw and real and true. Your pain is as simple and as complex as my pain, and likely for the very same reason. You are screaming inside…fucking wailing inside to be heard and touched and loved…to be seen and known and important. You are so fucking done being all used up for someone else who doesn’t even fucking see you. You are scraping your ass along, just trying to get by, just until you can offer yourself more. You gave up everything, and you’re about to throw yourself in there too, with all of your possessions, into the pile of shit to give away. Don’t do it. Don’t do this to yourself. You do not belong in that pile of shit to give away, shit that is too big or too small or just too fucking ugly to look at anymore. You do not belong in the donate pile or in the huge pile for the dump, so grab my hand and climb on out of there. Come on…take my hand, and let’s get you out of here. You are fucking glorious and beautiful…let’s get you up and dusted off. Jesus’s, you are glorious! I have no idea where the fuck You were headed and I’m not sure you did either. No bother, let’s just get you out and cleaned up and go from there. Let’s get you some choices and some options. Let’s get you to see your beauty and to feel your own strength before you throw yourself away again, okay? How the fuck do I know this?!? Am I spying on you?! Jesus Coral…what the fuck?! Don’t get your panties in a bunch…I know because I see you and I watch you and I love you. Many of you… I see myself in you. I am you. I too, have discarded myself to be who someone else wanted or needed, all of my life. I too, took my own self out with the fucking trash after being thrown away one too many times. I too am crawling out of that trash can and looking around at the destruction all around me, wondering what in the fuck I have done…and what the fuck to do now.
My name is Coral and I am an alcoholic. This disease and the destruction this disease causes are real. The fallout and the horrors…regrets and countless opportunities to begin again. Marriages annihilated and children abused…careers destroyed…children abused and raped…animals left to fend for themselves and babies without mommies…unpaid bills and repossessed automobiles…bankruptcy and financial ruin…I have seen so much in such a short little life. You have too, haven’t you? We can be each other’s happy instead of each other’s pain…did you know that? We can lift each other up, instead of dragging each other down into the depths of our own despair and shit, can’t we? We can listen to each other and we can care for one another. We can love each other, even if we are just learning how to do that for ourselves. We are so fucking powerful! We are so beautiful! We must take our power back. Someone unplugged our cord and I am here to plug us back in again! I am here to light us back up! I came here to love you and to walk you home. My name is Coral and I will be your guide today. Take my hand. I’ve got your heart. Let us find where you really belong and let’s get you there, okay?
Let’s get you to a meeting. Let’s get you that amazing and priceless cup of AA coffee, shall we? Let’s get you up out of that abuse and dust you off again. Let us get you out of that job that tempts your own sobriety and into a place where you can use YOUR gifts. Let’s get you out of that abusive space you call home and into a safe and quiet place to heal. Let’s get you out of that hospital and back into your own life. Let’s get you into a detox program so that you stand a chance in hell of actually making it through this. How about you take my hand and just sit with me a spell. Tell me your heart. Say nothing at all. Rest in my arms. Cry into my armpit. Do what you need to do…just do something to take you out of that fucking trash pile today. Take my hand and let your heart attach to my heart…close your eyes and take three breaths. Breathe with me. Deep inhale through your nose and slow exhale through your mouth…just relax and breathe with me. This is not your end. This is your new beginning. This is your opportunity to see you for the beautiful being that you are, instead of the person you’ve come to be in all of this trauma and stress and pain. Don’t fret. Don’t beat yourself up. Just take my hand and we will figure it out. You are not alone. As alone as you feel, you are not alone.
I fucking love you and I believe in you. I see you and feel you and know you. Your challenge today…do one thing to really love yourself, like a verb. Just one thing. One loving and kind and thoughtful thing…for yourself today. And if you feel like it, tell us in the comments what you did to love yourself, to give us all some ideas to love ourselves too. Sound like a plan? Okay, everyone …one loving thing…and go!
I love you. Have a beautiful day! Go out there and love yourself like a verb today my friends! This is the only way we will ever love anyone else…we must first learn to love ourselves. Let us get loving shall we?