Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Set down want doesn’t serve you…

Good morning everyone! Happy Friday! What a beautiful sunrise this morning, to invite us into our day!

Thank you for all of the love. I feel you guys and I just want you to know that I really do love and appreciate you and your love. The struggle is so real for so many right now, and so I send out all of my love to each of you as well this morning.

My focus and my intention have shifted and I feel differently. I jut feel like taking it all in. So much to say for so long…all while saying nothing much at all really, I suppose. Being so empathetic and wide open, I have piled on the pain of all of those close to me, thrown it in my pack and heaved that fucker back upon my back. This is not who I am and this is not how I roll anymore. Carry your own shit man. Truly, I am sorry I picked up your shit and thought I knew best. Hell, look at me. I know nothing; except that it is time to sort and air this bitch out! For way too long, I have been who I am not, in an effort to become who I thought I was and who others said I was to be. My identity eludes me when the pack gets too heavy and I have to set it down. My back hurts and my nerves get agitated and irritable. And so here we all are and here it all is…take what’s yours and leave the rest. We need to lighten this load and to distribute this weight where it belongs. Let’s get sorting, shall we? Let us begin to set down what doesn’t serve us anymore.

In an effort to leave my past behind me, I’ve not much to say about it. I’ve spoken enough about where I came from for right now. We have all struggled through the horror of knowing from whence I came. All we really need to know about my past right now, is that it brought me to right here. Right here and right now, I slay the impact that the past held over me and I rise from these ashes. I honor my mom and my dad and the highest place in them. For all that they are not, there is so much that they both are. God rest my mothers soul and watch over, guide and direct my father and my family of old, that they may always know and feel my love in their hearts. The love in my heart is all I’ve left to share with those I came in with, and it’s not wanted or needed here anymore, and so I leave the pack with you and bid you all farewell. I thought that I would be crying and there are no tears. Those tears are all dried up. That record has worn itself out and scratched itself up pretty good. The stories are old and stale and sad and no one wants to hear how I came to be here anymore. Least of all me…my give a fuck about that is all busted up, all used up and done and fucking done…yep, we are D and FD up in this bitch! We will vacate this lonely vessel this morning as we leave the healing room. All of us shall abandon our vessels this morning, and set our baggage down. All of us get to rise up and leave the place that we created to get us to right here. We get to begin anew and again this morning. We shall be reborn in our own light and we shall rise from our very own ashes, and of our very own volition and momentum. We must set it down if it no longer serves.

We don’t have to drink today. We don’t have to use today. We don’t have to fuck, just to fuck today. We don’t have to fight and argue and struggle today. We just do not have to do what we have been doing. Mother fucking insanity…to stay as we are and expect to turn out differently, to act as we have always acted and to expect different results. We are the epitome of insanity and we wonder why we’ve gone insane. Crazy, isn’t it? We are as crazy as the mad fucking hatter and we simply don’t see it in ourselves, do we? We see it so clearly in one another…all of the crazy, the dysfunction and the pain…and we never even stop to know that we are simply projecting ourselves out into our world and onto the faces of those we love the most. The ugly on the face of the others is simply the projector of ourselves, blowing us up to see ourselves more clearly on the faces of our world. Beauty and pain project differently, as pain usually accompanies blame. Pain is in all of the sentences that we say “I feel….” in. As my therapist reminds us all, of you are “feeling” it, it’s probably some old programming…it is probably not here and now. A “feeling” from the past, so real and so strong, and actually only an illusion, and not right here and right now. We live in our fear stained past and we fail to see why we can’t rise up out of it. Life is for the living and we are not living well when we keep feeling the trauma and tortures of our pasts. Take the lessons and learn them. Take the blessings and share them. Take yourself…your person and your possessions and remove them from the shit pool that you’ve been floating in. Rise the fuck yo and walk the fuck away from the “feelings” that never feel better. Walk away from people, places and things that rob you of your joy. And if you must stay put where you are right now, bloom where you are planted and bring all of your love to this place. You are here to love. Let us never forget why we came here at all…we came here to love each other home. And with that, I am signing off this morning. Have a beautiful day today and set down what doesn’t serve. Just set it down and leave it there. Leave it be and let it go. If it doesn’t serve, set it down.

One grateful girl tonight…

This evening brings me to my knees. Thank you for another beautiful and glorious day in the rooms and in sobriety. The mirror is harsh. The reality…well, it’s reality. The truth, as we all know, has but three sides always…yours, mine, and the truth. Alcoholism skews truth and blasphemes God himself, and we are alcoholic. We are not bad. We are sick. We are not defective. We are misguided. The rooms are teaching me much and I am finding that I prefer to listen and to observe, than to speak and to be heard. My experience of me…my desire to soak it all in, has been denied, much. I honor the need and the want and the desire in me to hear. I also know That I must be mindful, because my practice has been to speak. As I come clean…thank you Pearl Jam for the lyric and the perfect words for me in this moment. And with that, I bid each of you a beautiful and restful sleep. I love you. Goodnight.