Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Don’t have much, except thank you for the love

Good morning everyone. I’ve got nothing this morning, other than many thanks for your love and prayers for Tamara. Tamara is home and resting and will be restricted for the next two weeks. No lifting or bending over. Please continue to shower her with all of your love and prayers for expeditor healing.

They had to go in five times during her MOHS procedure, to get clear margins. Yesterday, they went in and reconstructed and closed her up with 65 sutures. My girl is a warrior and I am so proud of her. Please love her all you can as she heals.

Many things in my life are too much for me right now. My focus is on Tamara and the Sanctuary. If I’ve ignored you, hurt you, disappointed or upset you lately, I really am sorry. It isn’t personal. I’m just in a really difficult and painful place in my life. I’m still coming back into Coral from my time with Robin and so I’m still a little off.

I remind myself and everyone else that this blog is for me to get it all out. I mean no harm or ill intent. The thing is, I’m done being harmed and being the recipient of harm and so I’m stating that out loud. I sincerely do apologize to anyone this may have upset or harmed. I am very clearly throwing up some boundaries so that I can get through this and heal. My journey is a difficult one and I need a moment.

Have a beautiful day! I love you.

Prayer request for my girl today…

Good morning everyone. Happy Tuesday. I am really struggling to be here. My life and my blog feel to be under scrutiny right now. Taken out of context and out of proportion, my words seem to be twisted against me. I have so, so much going on right now. I am desperately trying to heal and grow and evolve. Thank you for staying with me as I figure things out. Thank you for loving me through my trials and tribulations.

Today, I ask for all of your love and prayers for my girl. We are taking this day unto ourselves and we simply ask that you surround us in love and light, prayers and healing energy.

I will be re-evaluating my place in my world and in my friendships and in my community. I will be reassessing who I am and where I want to fit in. I am not well, with things plaguing me and taunting me, that most people cannot even begin to fathom. I am doing my very best right now, and I am painfully aware that I am lacking.

There are no details. This is not about anyone in particular. I am not pointing fingers, naming names and I’m not being ambiguous. I am simply stating that I need to reassess, ground and center and allow myself my process.

Today is about Tamara and no one and nothing else. Today is a difficult day for us and again, I ask you to pray for healing…surround us in love and lift us up. All Sanctuary matters can be directed to me and everyone and everything else in our lives will just have to wait. And so it is.

I thank you for being here. I thank you for loving us. I want you to know that we love you back. We are so appreciative for each and every one of you.

If you would please, pray with me and lift my girl up today, surround her with all of your love and allow us our peace. Thank you for being here. Truly, thank you. I love you.

Happy Monday!

Good morning everyone! I hope you had a beautiful Easter weekend. We were very productive and shared apace with some amazing people. Thank you to everyone who came out and loved and supported the Sanctuary and the animals at Earth Day! We are so appreciative of our compassionate community!

  • I have a lot to say and no words right now, and so I close with all of my love this morning. Have a beautiful day! I love you.

What would Jesus do on Easter Sunday?

Good morning everyone. Happy Easter. Easter was a super important day in our family growing up. Church and Easter brunch…gathering with friends, the Easter bunny and hiding and finding eggs for hours. The resurrection and the meaning of this day. For me now, Easter is different. Easter, like other holidays is another day. We don’t eat or color eggs because they are not ours. We aren’t up before the crack of dawn to get to sunrise service. We do not gather the congregation and dig a hole in the ground and roast a pig that was alive a couple of days ago, to celebrate the resurrection of Christ. No, Easter is different for me now. My life is different for me now. Bunnies and baby chicks and pigs are not exploited for me to celebrate my beliefs. My beliefs have never made me a better person. My actions have made me a hypocrite to some and a saint to others, at times. At the end of this day though, just like any other day, Easter is in our hearts. God doesn’t give a fuck that you show up to church on Easter Sunday when you go virtually Godless for the rest of the year. God doesn’t care about the cross you carry today, he wants to know what you did with the cross you were crawling upon when you got distracted by that ego of yours again. Easter Sunday is yet another opportunity for us to realize that we are all walking each other home. We miss that, don’t we? I find it a difficult imagine to conjure up…Jesus picking out the perfect pig to slaughter, gathering up the rabbits and baby chicks and wishing them all a happy Easter before he wacks their fucking heads off…as he moseys up to the cross to meet his fate, so that we may all be forgiven. I’m just saying…parts of the story have a nice ring to them and parts of the Easter story are fucking horrifying. Our spirituality is like that, isn’t it? Some of it…we have nailed down and know it backwards and forward and inside out and upside down…and some of it, well it’s not even a fable…it’s fucking utter bullshit. Our own bullshit, that we cannot even sell in a nice little Easter Basket on Easter Sunday. God is in the details. God is in you. You are God. We are not separate from all of this. We are not outside of our spirituality looking in. We are out spirituality. We are our God and we show others who God is through us. Easter Sunday, all dressed up and looking dapper as hell…don’t forget who you are. Don’t forget why you are here. Don’t throw Jesus back up on that cross for your sins…how about you atone and stop fucking sinning? How about you look deeply into that mirror and ask yourself what Jesus would do. What would Jesus do? What would Jesus be doing on Easter Sunday? I mean if that matters to you…what would your homeboy, Jesus, be doing on this sacred and holy day? How about today, you go out there and do and be that…be who Jesus would be today. Do you think that Jesus would be slaughtering baby lambs for Easter dinner? Or roasting pigs in the ground? Do you think Jesus runs around gathering ovulations from chickens cloacas, to color and hide for the children to find? Do you think that Jesus has an Easter basket and eats peeps and chocolate bunnies? Does Jesus walk amongst a sea of white crosses and see his cross any differently than our crosses? Today and every day…what does your Jesus do that you want to model in your own life? What would Jesus be doing on this Easter Sunday? Let us all go out today and do that, shall we?

We have these sayings and we have these memes….we have these notions and ideas of things. We have these picture perfect pictures…pictures that we aren’t even in. Pictures that we don’t even recognize. The last supper…the twelve disciples…Jesus and his apostles…doubting Thomas and the Virgin Mary…Zachary and Zacheaus…This little light of mine and the church and the steeple…where are we in all of this? Who are we in this picture of divinity? We worship things outside of ourself and we wonder why we are not whole. We cannot and do not buy in to things that we are not a part of. So, I’m just curious…on Easter Sunday, does your worship include you? Does your story of Jesus have you in it? May I say that if not, you might want to take a look at that? In order to express your own dharma and your own divinity, you need to realize that your story, not Jesus’ story is why you are here. You have to jump up in that picture and you have to be the star of your own life. Jesus was the star of his life. He set an example for us to follow, to improve upon…to model…he never came here to make you invisible and unaccountable to your own self and those you claim to love, as you hide behind him and all of his glory. We all have our own cross to bear. We all have our own trials and tribulations. We all need some direction and some assistance sometimes. What would Jesus really be doing on Easter Sunday? How about we all go out today and do that? Just a suggestion…let us be like Jesus today. Being like Jesus will mean a different thing to each of us…as this is a personal journey for each of us. I would say that Jesus is a good start though…someone to model ourselves afterwouldn’t you? Like Buddha, And the thousand other names for God…let us not forget that we are our own divinity. We are the God within us. Let us not forget that when we go out I to the world today, okay? What would Jesus be doing on Easter Sunday?

Happy Sunday. Happy Easter. Whoever you are and however you celebrateremember that we are all in this together, walking each other home…Jesus knew this. Today, let us be reminded of it as well…we are here to love each other home. Our resurrection will be the day we realize that and begin to live accordingly. Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!

My life either needs to end or my life needs to begin…

Happy Saturday everyone! I am so glad you’re here! I am struggling to be here and so I apologize in advance. I come this morning to shift my thinking and my attitude, that I spend my life in gratitude and in the present moment. I have done all I can do with what is behind me. I have tried my best and I know that everyone else tried their best too. When our best doesn’t feel good enough, it is a good time to remind ourselves that giving it all we’ve got is really all we’ve got to give. If that’s not enough…your best, my best, maybe we’ve just been giving our all, to the wrong people. Time to re-evaluate and to turn inward…the time is now to walk away from what does not serve our highest good. We have the right to leave. Especially when staying is only killing our soul and delaying the inevitable anyway.

On my long drive yesterday, I finally let it all go. I know things I wish I could not know. I feel things that have rendered me forever changed. I hurt in ways that most people will never know or imagine. I have endured betrayal so vile and destructive that I almost took my own life because of it. I am thankful to know the things I’ve come to know and I am also fractured because of this knowing. I am healing and broken in this knowing and I have no other way to be.

People tend to rip these wounds wide open a lot. With gaping wounds and salt in hand, people have taken advantage of my disposition. Words and ill intentions…judgement and ridicule abound, and I simply let it all trail off behind me yesterday on that freeway. I simply let it all go. Places and people and names and remembrances…judgement and regrets…fears and vendettas…I just let it all fade away behind me. It’s not gone and yet it’s not right here, debilitating me this morning. The nothingness of it all is unfamiliar to me. Most welcome, this nothingness. Thank you for the nothing that replaces my past, and locks it safely away, until a lesson is needed from the archives.

We all have our own vaults, where we archive our lives. My vault has been cleared out and condensed down. There is nothing here that I need to take with me now. The pictures I choose are in my mind and etched into my heart. The cards and letters…the memories I held on to, they shall be returned to the universe by fire. I take nothing forward with me from this era of my life. I leave it behind, where it belongs. I detach it’s hold on me and all of its power. I throw sage upon the flames and as I turn to leave, I throw you right up on top, to be returned and cleansed and healed. All of the love I have left for you…I throw that up there too, as I don’t carry it anymore. I will never deny it. I will not speak of it again though. I will not lay my eyes upon you or speak of you again. Our business is complete here and I bid you farewell. May God bless you and keep you. May he shine his face down upon you and offer you peace.

Yesterday I acted out a conscious decision to detach from the people in my life who have hurt me and harmed me…raped me and brutalized me…mocked and berated…hated and plotted against me. I spoke their names and I sent each of them on their way, cleansed and forgiven, free to be. I’ve no need to hold these things any longer. I’ve no place for this pain. I’ve no desire for relationship or closure with these individuals. I cut any cords that bind us and I release us from one another. Your energy holds no power here any longer, nor mine over you. We are free to be free from one another. And so it is.

I realized that my life either needs to end or my life needs to begin. The space in between has been excruciating and so I step out. I take my first step into my new life this morning, the life that I am here to live. My legs are shaky and my heart breaks a little, as I feel that you are really gone. Thank you for going. Thank you for finally letting me go. My life cannot be lived, it will only ever be painful, as long as you are in it. So, thank you for going and leaving me to people who want to love me. You are free to go. You and I are done here. Be well.

This concludes this morning’s blog and any relationship in my life that has caused me more sorrow than joy, more pain than happy and more betrayal than loyalty. I bid you all farewell. I wish you well. I am making room for those of you who actually want to be here. And so it is.

Thankful for today’s healing

Good evening everyone! I just arrived home after a long and much needed day of driving and clearing and healing. About ten hours in the car and no music …just me and my thoughts and my healing. Just me and my decision to take this trip to let this pain fly out behind me on the highway… to be recycled for the greater good of us all.

Amethyst abounds and I sit in gratitude. My healing is greater than my loss or my pain. I finally feel the mending, the sobering, the stilling and the silencing. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Just for today, let us all be love

Good morning everyone. I really am struggling to write as of late. I’ve got a lot going on that I don’t have any words for and a lot that doesn’t deserve words. I am in a lot of pain and thankful for the lessons. I know this too shall pass and I am looking forward to the day it does. In the meantime, hank you for your love and prayers. Thank you for holding me up and for loving me through.

In my dreams at night, I have been going through my files and deleting what doesn’t serve me. I am cleaning out my house. I am making room. I am clearing energy and rearranging my space. Purging and healing and falling apart…all so I can build me the way that I really am.

Life doesn’t wait for us. Life doesn’t stop until we catch up. Our past does not have to determine our future. In my case, my past had simply prepared me for my calling. As I suit up, I am grateful for the lessons that built this armor. I am grateful for the hell that opens me to my own divinity. I have no regrets. I strive to be free and to allow others their freedom also. I strive to let go and allow others the same freedom for themselves.

Sorting things out has taken me down roads that have broken my heart. I have seen and remembered things that I will never understand or forget. I must not stay in the darkness, for I am the light.

I know that to many, I seem like someone who I am not. To others, I am clearly who I am. To some, I am an open book and to some, I have become closed. I, like you, have unpublished chapters. I, like you, am just learning how to do this thing called life. Doing my best and showing up every day to begin again….and some days that’s all I’ve got.

There is so much hate and judgement…so much intolerance and abuse…and this girl just can’t look at all of it right now. Kids and animals being tortured, abused, exploited and killed…sick adults parading around as parents. And all of us, like what in the fuck do we do? How did this happen and how do we fix it?

We fix it with love. We heal with love. We come home to love. We will never get from here to there as long as we are busy pointing out the flaws in each other. We will never rise by stepping on top of each other. We will never succeed by pointing out other peoples failures. We must stand united or we will crumble divided. We just don’t get it, that we have missed the whole point of being here in the first place. We came here to grow and evolve and to love and to walk each other home. We did not come here to divide and conquer. We did not come here to separate ourselves and to color-code ourselves. We didn’t come here to fall apart. We came here to come together. We must set our weapons down and end the war that we perpetuate daily, simply by pointing out our differences, instead of embracing our similarities.

Don’t take my word for it. Look at yourself. Do you love, like a verb, every day when you go out into the world? Do you see yourself in everyone and everyone in you? Do you love with all of your heart? Be the change my friends. Be the change. We cannot change what was before us. We must change what is before us now though, if we don’t want to be who we have always been. To evolve is to wake up. To wake up is to know we have been asleep.

I hope you have a beautiful day today. More than that, I hope you do something to make someone else’s day beautiful. That is why we are here, you know? We are here to love each other home. Let us each be only love today. Just for today, let us all be love.

Look at the mirror before you and see the God within you….

Happy Tuesday everyone! I am glad we are here! Life kicked me square in the teeth and I have not been able to rise above it as much as I would like to. Pain subsides a bit and then it hits me like a fucking Tsunami. There really is no outrunning it or outsmarting it. We must just stay the course and allow its process. Your love and prayers sustain me and I am so very thankful for all of you. I aim to not be ambiguous and yet I will only say what I need to say to heal through all of this. My journey and my process as I learn to navigate my terrain…and I am figuring it out, healing and letting it all go. The undercurrents in my life have failed to pull me under…and yet, they remind me of exactly who I do not want to be. Staying above water has been a challenge and if you’ve been pulling on my fucking legs, you best be going now, before I rise up from this. I am beyond done dealing with people who hurt people, like it’s some sort of fucking hobby. I have chosen the word “undercurrent” and want to add that I could just as easily call it bullying. We all know that hurt people hurt people. We all hurt people. Most of us also know when to say when and move on though. Most of us have a filter that calls it long before it exacerbates itself. Bullies bully. That’s how they do it. I will not be bullied any longer. To stop being bullied, one must first acknowledge that they are being bullied. We use more appropriate words. We sugar coat piles of steaming shit! We cover for the ones triangulating our lives. We make excuses for the very people responsible for destroying our fucking lives! We must stop this. We must take our power back. Our power lies in truth. Our power lies in forward movement and momentum. Our power lies in the heart in our chest. Our power lies in our community. If we build it, they will come. We are our own power source and we have cut ourselves completely off. We are looking for power outside of ourselves and it will not be found out there. Power will only ever be found in here. We are only ever disempowered if we stop moving forward. We are only stagnant when we cease movement. We must know that we are all the pot and the kettle. We cannot claim one side, as though we have not ever been the other. To be better is to always admit that we have room to be better. Today, I will be better than I was yesterday. I hope that you will too. We are only ever competing with ourselves. Our demons and our mirrors are one in the same sometimes. Our angels and our mirrors are the same all the time. Our divinity is only ever clouded by our inability to see it as our own. Let us all see the God in us today…our highest selves in us today. Let us also see those things in one another. We have forgotten that we are here to walk each other home. We have forgotten to hold hands and to stick together. None of us is getting out of here alive, you know? Maybe we ought to live like we are living, instead of living like we are dying. Maybe love like we are living and not love like we are dying?

Today, I challenge each of us to only compete with ourselves, to only be better than we were yesterday…to see the mirror before us and the God within us and to make better choices. Just for today, can we all give this an honest effort?

Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you! Thank you for loving me. Truly, I feel you. Thank you.