Good morning everyone and Happy Sunday! We got some beautiful and much needed rain and I am so grateful! Feels like a good day to crawl back into bed and cozy up for a bit, and so I shall crawl back in and write in the cozy this morning. I hope you are cozy too, wherever you may be.
My life is shifting and growing, ebbing and flowing. Serenity looks good on me and I’ve decided to spend my time here henceforth. My life is a series of events that led me to right here, and I am thankful for every single moment. I spent the last week learning how serenity feels and figuring out how to detach from the pain that still lingers on. The pain of a past left behind didn’t leave when serenity showed up and I was a little out of sorts over this. Today though, I am so aware that the depth of my pain shall also be the measure to the height of my happy. We are in for a whole lot of happy up in here…a whole lot of happy!
Memories are a strange thing, aren’t they? I mean I know that they are just my thoughts really, and I must control what I think about a whole lot more than I have in the past. Our thoughts are so powerful, aren’t they? I am going to be much more careful about what is in my head from now on. My head and the thoughts in my head are my worst enemy…of this I have no doubt.
So, as I make this turn into positivity and shift from low to high thinking…as I turn from heartbreak and roll into awareness and clarity, I feel lighter and brighter. As I embrace those who do want me and as I release those who do not want me…as I come clean and bathe in the light of love, I am seeing a side of me I never knew existed before. I am seeing me simple. I am seeing me smile. I am beginning to let go and heal and I am so grateful. My life has been complicated and I have made that worse at times. Today, I strive for simple and I’m so okay with that.
To each of you who stands by me, thank you. For each of you who prays for me and loves me and lifts me up, I feel you. For those who don’t…adios! Truly, peace the fuck out man…no need to hang around here if I’m not for you. Go find what lights you up and what sets your heart on fire. I am not for everyone and that is perfectly okay. Some of you aren’t for me either and that’s okay too. We have made it awkward to dislike one another and I think it should be okay to really be mindful of who we have in our lives. We don’t have to like anyone and no one has to like us and it’s okay. We don’t have to be friends with people who aren’t our friends. We don’t have to stay in family that abuses and berates us. We don’t have to stay married to our abusers. We don’t have to be in the lives of those who have left our lives. We get to choose and we get to decide who we have in our lives. We don’t have to linger on, in desperate hope that they will just turn the fuck around and see us someday. Nope, we don’t have to do these things any longer. We get to say what feels good and what doesn’t feel good. We get to say “no” and you get to accept that “No.” is a complete sentence. And this is how we are going to roll henceforth. I’ve lost a lot of you and many of you have lost me, and I am finally okay with that. I’m not begging anymore. I am here and I am available to those who come here in love. I am preparing time and space for you and I will walk us home.
I allowed myself and my worth to be defined by others. I took the opinions and the ideas that didn’t jive with me and I wore them as my reason to be different than you. I hung out in my head, with my thoughts and I became consumed up there. I lost myself up there, in all of the chaos of my half-lived life. I don’t live in my head anymore. I don’t think about what hurts me anymore, so you are free to leave now. I will remember our laughter and our smiles and I will always love you and hold you in my heart. I will always miss the you I used to think I knew and I will still cry for you sometimes. As much as I am able though, and more than I am capable of right now, I will keep walking my path and beating my own drum. As I gather my tribe, I will increase in tempo and in rhythm. I will dance to my own music and I will write my own story. I was sure that losing you would kill me and it almost took me out. I really did not think I could go on without you and I didn’t go on at all for a long time. I waited in the shadows and the wings while you picked up and walked away from me. I chased your stale breadcrumbs for an awfully long while. The miles began to add up and the distance between us became an abyss. Voices turned to screams and love turned to anger. The truth became lies and reality became apparent…your work here, with me, is done. My work here, with me, is just beginning…MY life is just beginning. My love is going to carry us all home. MY love…the love that I feel and know and create and imagine into reality for myself is the love that shall be the vessel for our journey home. I’m sorry I dragged you along for so long, on a journey you never even wanted to embark on with me. You are free to go and I thank you for accompanying me as long as you did. Safe travels and all of my love as you find your own path. Go in love and stay in the light. I love you.
This morning I am grateful for all of those who held on for this ride. I really am so thankful to see so many of you still here with me. As I look around, I am humbled by your love for me. I am in awe of your devotion to loving me through this storm. I am so in love with all of you for loving me so, so much and for holding me and space for me in this storm. I see your beautiful faces and I am elated to be here with you!!
As I shift into my own power…as we ramp up and increase our momentum…as we hold hands and stick together…as we rise above the chaos, we rise to the challenge of being more than we have been before now…let us never forget where we came from and what it took to be standing right here this morning. We are powerful beyond measure. We are beautiful beyond recognition. We are rising from these ashes!
Happy Sunday everyone! Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I am determined to make it a good one! I encourage you to make it a good day too!
I am in the planning stages, still up in my head at this point, of another “Free Hugs” event. I am looking for someone to host me for a few hours at their business and to blow up and promote “Free Hugs” for a few hours in your establishment. The point of this is to build community and to open our hands and our hearts to each other. If you’ve a business and you want to host me for some hugs, please give me a shout! I will be booking a hugging tour, of this I’ve no doubt! Hit me up to be a part of this epic and feel good experience. I need lots of huggers, so hit me up, and let’s get to loving each other like a verb, shall we? Let me know if you want to be part of the hugging and we will get that going again!
With that, I will sign off for this morning. I love you and I hope to hear from you about some hugs!