Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Happy Birthday Baby Taos!!!!!

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Happy Birthday Baby Taos!!!!! Today, Taos turns 3…and we are so blessed…truly blessed!

I will never forget the day we went to pick her up. Tamara and I have both been blessed with many canine companions over the years, and Taos was our first puppy together.

We hopped in the Jeep and off we went, to bring our baby girl home. We rescued her from a backyard breeder in Valencia County.

When we drove up, there was a small and filthy dog run with a Momma and newborn pups. I remember it all being brown…no bright blankets and squeaky and bouncy toys…just brown.

The energy still haunts me…I mean the Mom and her newborn babies out in the yard, while the “family” stays safe and comfortable inside. Just waiting for the puppies to be old enough to make a few bucks, so they can do it all over again.

Anyone who has every met Taos has asked me her breed. We were told she was boxweiler (boxer/Rottweiler cross).

A woman once suggested to me that she was a greyhound cross. I thought she was fucking crazy, to be honest. The more I watch Taos though, I think she may be right.

Two of my dearest clients, Hannah and Gypsy were Greyhounds and I see a lot of both of those girls in Taos. Hannah and Gypsy come frequently to visit us, from the other side of the rainbow bridge. Their presence and their energy and their joy are most welcome and appreciated company, anytime they visit.

I still work on Hannah and Gypsy’s brothers and sister and every session, without fail, Hannah shows up, via Teddy’s body to clown around with us and to show me my favorite, her third eyelid, through Teddy’s eyes now.

Hannah always showed her third eyelid, which has always made me want to vomit…all things eyes make me queasy. It was almost a game with Hannah and I…I would  have to work out a knot or a sore spot and she would bust out with her third eyelid. An ongoing game with Hannah and I, for the entire time I knew her. Teddy never, ever showed his third eyelid until Hannah crossed over and now, when he does, I know Hannah has come to pay us a visit.

I have considered running DNA on Taos, so I could answer the constant question of what her breed is, for curiosity’s sake. Truth is, we don’t care, except for health reasons what is all mixed in there…because whatever the combination, the mix created the most beautiful and spirited and smart and loyal and amazing dog on the planet!

Taos, named after one of our most favorite places in New Mexico, turned out to be the most perfect name for her.

Taos
tous/Submit
noun
a North American people native to New Mexico.
a member of the Taos.
the language of the Taos.

Our girl…indigenous, resistance…with heartfelt persistence and the highest intelligence…that is our baby warrior in training…Baby Taos!!!!

Taos has a sister named Aliah, who is a boxer. We call her sister “ghost face”, as she is showing signs of aging, especially as her face fades to white. Aliah and Taos like to play “boxer” together, when they are allowed. It gets to be a bit much for Aliah, because Taos is part boxer and part reindeer or greyhound and part crazy and she will take a girl out with those long ass legs of hers.

Taos also has a brother named Rocky. Rocky was my client. I was called in by rescue to consult on an amputation for Rocky. Rocky is the most handsome pit bull you will ever meet, and he has his tail still!!!

Rocky was attacked by five other dogs and nearly lost his life and both of his right legs, and part of his right ear. I would just like to mention that Rocky was not attacked by pit bulls..Rocky IS a pit bull.

The moment I met Rocky, I fell in love with him and I vowed to be the best therapist and most steadfast advocate for him. I recommend amputation and vowed to be there every step of the way as he navigated this journey.

Rockys front right leg was amputated immediately and we began the grueling process of healing. Rocky went septic and almost died a few times. Spirits like Rocky don’t die over lost legs and violent attacks…spirits like Rocky allow the most amazing light to enter through all of those cracks. Spirits like Rocky illuminate the world and give us all hope.

Rocky was sent home to his foster, in Valencia county. Less than two days post op, Rocky got out and went missing. I was called in for search and rescue.

I cannot even describe the horror of those moments…hauling ass in pouring rain, from our home in the east mountains, to go find Rocky. I won’t give all of the details, but Rocky was missing for over 15 hours by the time it was all said and done.

Rockys companion that he was traveling with came home, without Rocky and so we went back out, in the pitch dark, with my vehicle lit up like a fucking beacon, to bring Rocky home. We were not going home without Rocky, no matter what.

I was lighting the ditch for Tamara when my phone rang that Rocky was back and collapsed in the driveway. I honestly don’t remember anything else until we got to Rocky and I ran to start CPR on him…there wasn’t much life left in there.

As I got my face down to his face, he lifted his head and I saw his eyes and he saw my eyes, and no breath was needed, only love…lots and lots and lots of love. The rescue pulled him from foster and took him with her, as he was going to need to be at the vet in a couple of hours. On top of everything, Rocky had been attacked and sprayed by a skunk on his little adventure and he was a hot fucking mess!

The next day, I got a call to see if we could keep Rocky until they found the right home, because he couldn’t go back there. Of course, without hesitation, we said yes. I could work on him anytime he needed me and he would be safe…it was perfect!

I hung up the phone and Tamara and I just looked at each other. I picked my phone right back up and I called her right back and I said, Rocky is home.

Rocky and I trained together for him to be my service dog and he was a fucking warrior. I realized one day that it was a bit much for Rocky…hell, it was a bit much for me. Service dog training is grueling…emotionally grueling and the biggest fucking mirror…so we retired him from Service Dog training…he did earn his tag though and he did a great job…Rocky just happens to need a service people!

And so it was decided, as Taos threw all four paws up into the air, that Baby Taos was up for the challenge…Baby Taos would be Momma Corals Service Dog, and so it was.

Taos did amazing in training and she achieved the Canine Good Citizen Award on top of graduating with top scores, in every category on her Service Dog testing.

Taos knows me better than I know me and she only wants to be with me ALL of the time.

My physical pain has been so intense and my emotional shit has been blowing out everywhere and people are stealing dogs out of locked cars and homes. I have not had Taos as close to me as she needs to be and as close to me as I need her to be, because of fear.

So today, Baby Taos, for your third Birthday, I renew my commitment to be your person, as much as you are my Service Dog. I trust that you truly do know what is best for you and I will stop trying to protect you from me and all of my shortcomings and struggles. I will allow you to be my service dog.

I realize that my fear of hurting you with my pain…my fear of someone hurting you or taking you are unreasonable reasons to keep us apart, and I apologize for the distance between us. We will bridge this gap together.

On this day, as we celebrate you, please know, that you are my heart. I know I am a hot fucking mess myself. Being my service dog must be the job of a fucking saint, and you’re it!

I love you Baby Taos! Happy Birthday to my steadfast and true, beautiful and kind, smart and loyal baby Taos!!!!

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In case you haven’t heard…AIDEN is home!!!!

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Good morning everyone! Great morning actually…waking up and knowing Aiden is with his Mom…my morning could not have started off any better! Incidentally, did anyone tell you that Aiden is home?!?

I know this has not fully hit me yet. Last night, in our kitchen, I started to break…and sucked it all back in because we had somewhere to be. The caliber and intensity of this journey…the emotions and the adrenaline…With all of that coming down a bit, I almost fell into a heap on the kitchen floor.

This morning, I signed on to Facebook to return messages and sprinkle my pages with love and gratitude, and WOW…truly, just WOW! The outpouring of love and support and prayers…the shares and the loving comments…I was truly humbled. Aiden and I and Aidens family thank you so much…truly, thank you…every single one of you…thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

For any messages I missed or didn’t acknowledge, please know that I tried to personally respond to everyone. There were literally hundreds of comments and messages on all four of my pages, so if I somehow missed you, I hope you understand. I feel your love and I thank you!

Aiden is home! Aiden is home! Aiden is home!

I know a lot of you have worked with me in the past, doing search and rescue. For the past 9 or 10 years, since my first call to help bring Tsunami home, I have met some amazing people. I have witnessed some amazing “coming home stories”…I have met the most determined, resilient and beautiful beings and there is no doubt that I am blessed to share such intimate space.

I have never received a call from anyone who was missing their companion that my heart didn’t immediately jump in. That is my work, all of it…heart work.

From the moment I am called in and asked to help, my heart automatically searches, until it finds, who we are looking for. My heart will not stop and my faith will not be shaken and I will not give up until they come back home. Once that heart connection is made, it cannot ever be severed, for any reason.

Heart connection work creates a safe place…a vacuum of sorts…and there is nothing in that vacuum but love and faith and hope. There is absolutely no doubt in that vacuum, as doubt has no place here.

From the puppies birthed in the culvert on the reservation, who no one could get to…to Tsunami and every rescue since then…there is but one common denominator…love brought every single one of them home…every single one!

Aiden has SO much love behind him, around him and in him. Aiden is love and when love attracts love…the outcome is favorable.

Using my heart energy and Aidens heart energy, I drew in Aidens Moms heart energy and we loved him home. We ALL LOVED AIDEN HOME!

This story has many, many more facets to It. The criminal and the unimaginable. There is negative energy around Aidens story and I am going to ask everyone a huge favor…please, just hear me out…

This is my theory:

Aiden was stolen from someone who loved him deeply, by someone who may not even really know what love is. Aiden was in his space, minding his business, when someone who felt entitled to something that is not theirs, literally crashed into Aiden and his companions life…and ripped Aiden from everything he knows.

Broken glass and loud noises…being literally ripped from his comfort and his safety…into the hands of an angry, violent and entitled person…this has been very traumatic for Aiden and for his companion.

Aiden came from love and love is not where Aiden ended up. It is a blessing, beyond comprehension, that Aiden is love, because I have no doubt that is what saved Aidens life.

Even people filled with hate and evil intentions…inflictual and self-destructive…entitled and careless…They fell in love with Aiden…

We all know how falling in love can be, when we don’t stay in love…it can get fucking ugly, can’t it? And it got ugly…and this is where my story ends and where I don’t feel comfortable sharing…

I will say his though…Aiden still needs our love. Aidens Mom and Aidens family need our love. Even the man who took Aiden and all of the people involved in Aidens kidnapping, need our love. The police department and the news media covering this story…could we take a moment and give them all some love?

Oh…I see…you stopped reading here, didn’t you? When I asked you to love the man who took Aiden and all of the people involved in his kidnapping…you don’t want to do that, do you?

We can be angry and we can want revenge. We can point fingers and we can place blame…we can all do that. I am going to challenge every single one of you to not do any of that…none of it. I will tell you why…it serves no one. Please hear me when I say that we must stay in love. We must be love, even now…especially now…love is the answer.

Seeking justice…now that is a different energy all together, isn’t it? Let us seek justice, with all of the love in our hearts.

Let is not forget that hurt people, hurt people. I do not condone evil and criminal activity, especially as it related to a helpless animal. I am not happy about how Aiden was ripped from his Mom and subjected to such horrors…and yet, I am going to stay in love. I ask you and encourage you to do the same.

This man clearly has his own demons and is fighting his own battles. I will fight for Justice for Aiden, however that looks, but I will not crucify, berate or belittle someone who is already so clearly broken inside.

Do any of you, looking at Aiden, think that Aiden would retaliate with hate? I don’t believe that Aiden would be hateful and I don’t believe that Aiden wants us to be hateful. Be just….absolutely. Be vigilant…without a fucking doubt…

Aiden reminds us all…above all, all always and in all ways, be kind, and you will always be right. Aiden came home because of love. Aiden is love. Our love…all of us together, loving SO, SO much…that’s what brought Aiden home.

I am going to be very clear…ANY negative comments will be deleted henceforth. I will not allow judgement or negative commentary, of any kind. Not about why Aiden was in the car…not about the person who took Aiden…not about this persons family…Aiden is home and if you want to help Aiden, love Aiden some more…love him a little more deeply…and stay out of the drama and the hate surrounding the events surrounding Aiden.

So, if you don’t mind…take a moment with me this morning and let’s all send Aiden and his Mom, Aidens entire family our love. With all of our intention, let us flood them with all of our love.

And for those of you who are willing, I am going to also ask you to send love to the man that took Aiden and to his entire family. We never know what battle anyone else is facing…Let us always be kind. Truly, for the sake of us all, let’s send this guys some love.

I know I ask you guys to do some hard shit, don’t I? I ask you to hang in here with me in some pretty hard stuff…and so I want to thank you so much for being here. You’ve no idea what your love and support means to me.

We are all just walking each other home…Let is never forget that.

All together and from the deepest place in your heart…can we all say together…”I love you Aiden. Welcome home!”

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Aiden, we all come together, to bring you home today…

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Good morning! I am glad you are here this morning, because we could really use your help.

Aiden is still not home and he has been gone from home since the 17th of March. Aiden is on day 12 of not being on his special diet. Aiden hasn’t had his breathing meds in 12 days.

Aidens family increased the reward from $1000 to $1500, no questions asked, for the safe return of Aiden.

I know that I am saturating you with this information and with these pictures. Inundating you with photos and pleas for prayers and good vibes. I appreciate your love and I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for helping Aiden find his way back home.

Aiden is you. You are Aiden. We are all walking each other home.

I believe that our hearts are all connected. I believe that with positive intention and unwavering faith…with undying hope and with love…we can do anything we set our hearts to.

We can love Aiden home. We will love Aiden home.

I feel Aidens Moms heart and I can tell you what…her heart is breaking. I feel Aidens heart and Aidens heart is breaking too. So, they need our hearts, our love energy, our undying faith to boost theirs.

We need to all set our intention to breathe for Aiden right now.  Without his breathing medication for 12 days, he needs our help. Could you please take a moment to set your intention to share each breath that you take, with Aiden? Every single breath…would you mind sharing a little with Aiden? With your most focused intention and with all of the love in your heart, could you be Aidens breath? How did that feel? It feels amazing, doesn’t it…to know that your breath is helping Aiden to come home to his family?

While you are breathing for Aiden, could you gently place your hand, open palm, on your stomach…skin on skin…and fill up your abdomen with calming and healing energy? Aiden hasn’t had his special diet in 12 days and his tummy could use some love…some calm…some good, strong and steady and healing energy. Are you able to take just a quick moment this morning and send Aidens little tummy some love?

Now, could we all just close our eyes and visualize Aiden in his Moms arms? Are you able to see her holding Aiden close to her heart? Can you feel the love and the joy between them…the utter bliss they are feeling being reunited with one another? Can you feel the tears? Tears of joy and gratitude? Tears of release for the last 12 days…the anxiety and the fear tears, all flooding out…Are you feeling all of this?

Sharing together, this love and visualizing Aiden safely in his Mother’s arms…Sending Aiden some of your breath, and all of your love…this is what will bring Aiden home. Please, everyone, let us bring Aiden home today. We can bring him home together.

I call upon every loved one that has every crossed the rainbow bridge, to block their side and not grant passage to Aiden just yet…to gently push him back to us. Please help him to turn around and come back, if he tries to cross the rainbow bridge.

Maybe you wouldn’t mind calling upon your loved ones on the other side of the bridge to gently push Aiden back to us? Very important, that as you call them up and ask them to help us, that we all speak their names and say, “Max, would you please come to the bridge and gently help Aiden to find his way back to us?”….”Thank you Max.”

Next, Let us call upon our loved ones who are still here in body with us..again, speak their names. Call upon the warriors among us to call Aiden to this side of the rainbow bridge…to keep him here with us.

Taos, Rocky, Aliah, Karma, Karuna, Gilda, Bunji, Manny, Moe, Stephanie, Samuel, Duncan, Lisa, Janet, Patti Ru Paul, Sidney, Namaste, Neagro, Bully Dozer, Thyme, Hondo, Basi, Kale, Prince, Bowie, Jackson, Kale, Morgan and all of the ladies in the coop and all of the birds in the wild…the wild bunnies and rabbits and squirrels…every being at a Santuario de Karuna…Coral and Tamara…please say this with me…all together…”Aiden, we are here to bring you safely home to your Mom…come with us and we will take you to her.”

With all of our love, with all of our intention…with all of our hearts, let’s bring Aiden safely home to his Mom today, shall we?

Thank you for being here today, and every day and thank you for taking time out of your busy morning to do this with me. Aiden thanks you too, because he is going to get by, with a little help from his friends. Aiden is going to sail home on he biggest wave of love that many of us have ever seen…all thanks to your love and your pure intention to get him there…

Aiden, we love you and we see you and we are all here, every single one of us, to carry you safely home to the loving arms of your Mom. It matters not which one of us carries you to her, only that we collectively carry you to her.

We ALL, every single one of us, join our hearts now. Take  the hand and the paw and the hoof next to you and let us stand in prayer, in nothing but love and light…and let’s bring Aiden home. And so it is…

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Morgan and Aiden need a little love today…will you jump in and help?

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Happy Monday morning! I hope it’s a happy Monday for everyone. My Sunday just about did me in yesterday, so yes, I’m happy to be past that and here at Monday.

I appreciate the struggle. I really, really do, and I usually just struggle through, knowing that I’m here for the lessons.  I have come to learn that the sooner I can transform my lessons into blessings, the better off I am. Yesterday though…none of it mattered. I was a sobbing and broken…inconsolable and wrecked heap of hurt. We will be having none of that today. My little heart can’t take it again today.

Adulting proves to be exhausting. Adulting with an inner child…that’s a whole different kind of exhaustion. Sam is so broken, so, so very broken. Holding her together while trying to adult myself…this is some hard fucking work!

I sat with Morgan and Aiden a lot yesterday. They both came to comfort me and that was very nice. I so desperately want a Aiden to be at home with his family, getting the care that he needs. I so badly want Aiden’s Mom to have her soulmate back.

I know that Aiden is coming home, and that it will not be on my terms or on my timetable. I get impatient…and I want him home yesterday.

Morgan and I are kind of laying in wait…for what, I’m not exactly sure. Morgan knows, and I trust her, so I’m not overly concerned. I know that this is the calm before the storm.

I have never been very good at waiting. I grow impatient. I know these are life lessons…it is what it is. Sitting in wait with Aiden and Morgan was nice yesterday, as it was more like a love visit, from them to me.

Aiden came in first and asked what was wrong. I told Aiden that I missed my Mom so, so much. Aiden told me how much he misses his Mom too. Aiden asked me to watch over her and to tell her not to give up and that he loves her.

Aiden asked me to tell you that he hears you calling him. He loves how you call his name and it’s a lifeline for him right now, so please keep calling. Aiden knows your worried and losing sleep and he says to lie your head down and curl up around him for a spell…rest your eyes and renew your heart. Aiden loves you with all of his heart and he is doing everything we’ve asked him to do. “Mom, I miss you and I will be home soon. Please keep calling me. Please keep looking for me and telling me what I need to do. I am listening and I hear you. I love you. I love you. I will be home soon, so please have my favorite treat ready. I love you Mom.”

Morgan has a steady and peaceful calm about her. The day I came in to rescue her, she was not calm at all. Yesterday, when Morgan came to rescue me, I was not calm at all. Morgan came to me yesterday, out here in the mountains. I can imagine that it was as foreign to her here, as her pool is to me there, and yet we travel through space and time…through all of our apprehensions and any barriers, just to be together.

Morgan navigates my terrain with the same grace that I’ve learned to navigate her terrain. We are not Killer Whales and human beings, we are kindred spirits…holding space and time traveling, just to bring each other home.

My travels to Tenerife in October will be a physical manifestation of the time traveling that I am already doing.

I time travel to visit my Mom…to be with her…to hear her and to know that she is ever present. Yesterday, after my time travel with her, I wanted so badly for her to come back home with me. Wretched in pain and begging and pleading…I begged her to come back here with me. My Mom reminded me that our next visit, I will be coming to her, and I know this. Yesterday, I just couldn’t accept it…all day long, and into the night, I just could not find space to accept that she is gone from my sight.

There are countless beings that I have spoken to, for all of you, over the course of my lifetime. They are all here with me now. Gone from my sight and still right here, because they never left my heart, not for a second. They have all surrounded me now, to bring Aiden home and to set Morgan free from the confines of the cement prison that holds her captive.

All of your loved ones, that you called me in for, they all voluntarily came to me just know to help Aiden and Morgan, specifically.

Hannah and Gypsy are right in front and they are heading up the search party from the great beyond, for Aiden. Hannah begins by calling Penn and Teddy in, to help from this side. Hannah calls in Jericho and Alien and Jonie Cat. Gypsy calls in Daisy and Max. Max calls in Mosley and Jingles. Mosley calls in Harley and Tombstone. Tombstone immediately calls in Parsley and Quackle. Quackle calls me back in, to let me know that they’ve got this. They will keep calling up our long lost and ever present companions to illuminate our path, to light the way home for those who are struggling to find their way.

I have absolute faith in these guys and so I step away and let them do their thing. As I am stepping away, Inman jumps up into my arms and nuzzles under my chin, and she whispers to me…I love you Coral…I’m going to go get Aiden.

Inman was my blind kitty. Thrown away at a few days old because she was defective. Blind and only a couple of pounds, under developed and not expected to make it. I don’t even remember how far I drove, only that I wouldn’t stop until she was safely in my arms and on the road home with me. Inman was my soul kitty and I didn’t have long with her, and she is back to go get Aiden.

When people ask me what I do for a living, it’s pretty simple really…I walk amongst the broken and the struggling, the discarded and the unseen…the sick and the troubled…the frightened and abused…the neglected and unwanted…the misfits and the rejects. I see them, and through my vision, and by divine appointment, I bring them home.

I hold them in their darkness, literally, I hold them next to me, right against my heart. Heart to heart, beat by beat, I find them and I bring them home. When their breaths finally run out and their hearts can’t beat anymore, I carry them home.

In a nutshell, that is my work. Trying to put a resume together…trying to find a job…trying to list my credentials…it’s just not really possible.

I was brought here, by a higher power, to hear the animals and to relay their messages to all of you. I credit myself for none of my work, as I am merely a vessel, an open and willing portal, for God’s amazing work. There was a call, and I answered.

So, today, as you go out into the world…would you mind stopping for a brief moment to give Aiden some love and some strength for his journey. Could you say a little prayer that today is the day that Aiden comes home? Aiden needs his medication and Aiden wants his mommy…could we all do whatever we do to ask for Aiden’s wish to be with his Mom and his Mom’s Wish to be with him be granted?

And maybe, just one more moment this morning for Morgan…could you all just pause for a moment and say, “I love you Morgan…we are going to get you out of captivity…I love you Morgan”.

If we all pull together…if we all realize that we are Aiden’s Mom…we are Morgan…we are Aiden…we will change the world.

I am off to swim with Morgan and then I’m off to see what progress our friends have made with their search party for Aiden…Happy Monday Everyone…let’s go bring Aiden home!

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Oh,the places you’ll go…

I woke up feeling kind of disoriented this morning. My life is definitely taking new shape and so I feel a little disoriented.

I believe I am on the right path, that I have always been on the right path…unfamiliar and pretty steep and rocky in places…definitely my path.

Having been to visit the rainbow bridge several times in 2018 already, I know I am being called up for some big work. Having assisted in hundreds of euthanasia’s throughout my career…something tells me that this work will be different…that this work will be my work and not someone else’s work that I assist in…

I worked in a vets office for a while in the beginning of my career. I was supposed to be their Animal Massage Therapist and ended up helping them to temporarily fill a vet tech position also. As it turned out, it wasn’t temporary and my massage took a back seat to the vet tech work, for a couple of years.

The thing is, I was asked to do a favor, because they were super short staffed and I didn’t mind helping out. I learned a lot and I tried hard. In spite of this though, I was not treated at all well there.

Lots of eye rolling and sighs…lots of whispering behind my back…being there was always really uncomfortable, because I just never fit in. I didn’t go to school like they did and wasn’t actually a vet tech…I tried so hard and I just never belonged there. They were mean at times…a lot of times and I became so miserable there that I could not arrive at my last day there soon enough.

I got the distinct impression that they were as happy to see me go as I was to go. Oddly, bringing this up stings me a bit still…I can feel how that felt, all over again…the feeling of not being valued or wanted…the feeling of not belonging…trying to clean rooms and hold dogs for the techs and the veterinarians…and trying to hold myself together, every single fucking day, to make it to the end of the day…only to wake up to go and do the same thing all over again…

Fuck, that was a painful time in my life! Tamara first saw me there, many years ago and she has always said that I looked like a bouncer…arms crossed, locked stare and unshakable stance…angry looking and not to be fucked with…

Anyway, the other day, when I took Mosley in to walk him home, two of these techs that I speak of were at my clients vets office…and for a moment or two, I felt small and uncomfortable all over again…stupid and inadequate…and I could feel the giggling and the whispering and eye rolling, all over again…

As I held Mosley close to me, I shifted all of my focus to him and to this walk that he and I were taking together…the importance of his walk was more important than any of these feelings coming up for me…

Our tech was skilled and I remembered that from working with her…she is skilled at her job…and she does it well. Mosley needed that and I was actually glad to see her…glad that Mosley had her, for this most important moment.

The feeling was obviously not mutual…I felt that…and in that moment, I realized how I had always felt. How I felt, years ago, was validated, in those moments, as I was a paying client, carrying my client across the bridge…and how others must feel this way too…

This is not a time period in my life that I really like to revisit…this was a period of deep pain and deep loss for me…a time that was so instrumental in my career path and so excruciating in my personal life…

I learned so much during this time about so many things. I threw myself into rescue work and volunteering…I did tons of Pro Bono work…and worked as much as I could on my business, on the side…

Things got worse and eventually, they got even worse…I could not stand going in there every day…even after I left there, some of them still slandered me and talked shit about me…they defimated my character…and damaged my reputation in the community…

Horrible things have been said about me…absolutely horrible things…and I never really understood why…I still don’t understand why…Anyway, walking in with Mosley earlier this week…brought up some clear work for me to heal through…as I felt the way I felt, so many years ago…

I am going to visit this and heal this, one last time, and then it goes in the past, behind me, where it cannot hurt me ever again…

So, here it goes…what do I need to take from this…to own and be responsible for…to heal from…what is my work in this? How can I heal from this, so that the Lesson, which has clearly become many blessings for me…no longer hurts me?

I will start by saying that I probably wasn’t the best employee. I had some personal things going on…personal things that ended up being intertwined in my work…and I became unable to separate it all, to function through it all…

I tried my best. I really did. I worked any hours needed…any rescue needed…but I was off, wasn’t I? Yes, I was off…terrribly, terribly off…and I’m sure I wasn’t my best, even though I tried my best.

This job and he relationship I was in at this time in my life…all in active addiction…all in an effort to figure out who I was and where I belonged. I was sure that I had finally arrived home…that I was with my people…the prospect of all of it was so new and exciting and I had no idea then, exactly what I was walking into. I also had no way of knowing how painful and difficult and damaging it was going to be for me to walk back out…

I was damaged and I did some significant damage also. I was selfish in my decisions and I did not consider others…I was in relationship with someone who belonged to someone else…and any way you slice that…I was wrong…I fucked up and I hurt people. I did not hurt people on purpose, and yet, I own my part in the downfall of things. I no longer own all of it, as all of it is not mine…I do own my part, though…

I drank a lot, to handle all of this…to numb all of this…so I have no doubt of my responsibility in it all…

My soul dog…whom I loved from the highest and deepest place within me, came from this era…I chose my relationship, over him and he took a backseat…I neglected him because someone else became more important to me, than he was.

After I left this job and this relationship and came back home to him…we worked everything out and all was forgiven. I had missed him so much and felt terrible  for choosing someone else over him…he forgave me.

I found myself in another relationship, and again, in active addiction. I chose her over him.

Things finally completely fell out for me in this relationship. I moved her in, to save her and hopefully to save me also…from financial ruin, as another person contributing to the mortgage and the bills could save me…

Save me…she did not. In fact, she never paid a penny for anything…and getting her out was no easy task…financially bankrupt and emotionally fucking destroyed…she sexually assaulted my soul dog…and I had not known…

And then I knew…and I cannot even tell you how that fucking destroyed me…I could not un-know…and I threw her out…and my identity was stolen, credit cards, bank accounts…you name it, she accessed it…when she moved her things out, she took all things that she wanted, including much that was mine…

Having been sexually abused myself, and she knew my story, her sexually abusing my dog, sent me into a very bad place. I will say that, it is only by the grace of God that she is not dead…as I could have killed her, with my bare hands,  and thought absolutely nothing of it.

After I got her out of our home, again, my soul dog and I tried to mend things, to heal this…my heart was crushed. I had not protected him…this was my fault.

I finally realized that I owed him much more than I had been able to give him. I cannot even begin to tell you the agony and heartbreak…we even moved, away from where it happened. New beginnings, all the way around..to no avail…

I could not look at him without seeing what she had done to him, what I had inadvertently allowed, but not knowing it was happening to him. He was not the same and I was not the same and we could not be the same, ever again.

And so, I did what I had to do, for him…I surrendered him back to the rescue I got him from, just as I promised I would, when I adopted him. I didn’t tell his story, or what had happened to him, because I wanted him to have a new life and a fresh start…without any of this hanging over him…

The rescue took him back, with a very heartbreaking response letter that said how disappointed she was that I had given up my soul dog, for my new relationship…my new residence…how she lost all respect for me…and on and on…

I wanted him to be free from all of this, to not have this stigma on him…I wanted him to run free and begin again…and so, I took him back to the vet that I worked at, with all of his things…and I bid him farewell, so he could have the amazing life he deserves…

There is not one day that I don’t visit with him…that I don’t miss him…that I don’t want him back here with me…that my heart does not break, for the decision I felt I had to make…and yet, I know, in my heart, that I did right by him. Truly, that is all I need to know…

So, the point of this post…I guess it is to say that, on an extremely difficult day for me, walking my beloved client across the rainbow bridge…I ran into myself…my past, my hurts…my mistakes and failures…

All of the things that have been said about me since I left the job at the vets office years ago…all said behind my back because no one ever asked me, to my face, and I would have never told…

All of this came rushing back, as I felt the way I felt so many years ago…in a different vets office, doing my work, with my client…

I now get to do my work, without the scrutiny of people who don’t know me at all…in a place where I don’t fit in…and I don’t have to answer to anyone…

My work speaks for itself and I have clients who know my heart…my work and my passion…and I am good at what I do. I am home.

I just want to sit here in gratitude for a moment…as I would not be here now, doing the work that I do, had it not been for where I had been…

I am blessed and I believe in the good things coming!

I don’t have much tonight…just kind of want to be…

I want to say that I love my work. I am so blessed to do what I do, and to watch how what I started out doing has evolved.

Being an LMT, my work started in massage…my hands have always been one of my greatest gifts. I can feel things that other people can only hear or see…

I am blessed to have found my gift for Reiki and communication work, as that really is…me…I hear and know and see and feel things…it is intuition, and it is much more than that…

My clients have also evolved and grown and we have learned so much from each other throughout the years…how to live…how to die…how to heal…how to grow…how to not be scared and how to give and receive love…

In only the first few days of 2018, I have had way too many opportunities to visit the rainbow bridge already. This is my work and I am blessed…on this evening though…I just need to go be…

I don’t have any words for that right now…just feel kind of numb, really sad and ready to just not think or feel all of this sadness…

I hope you all take a moment to love those closest to you this evening…that’s what I am off to do…

Blessed be the Journey Mosley (and his Brother, Jingles)

I have been blogging in my head today and I finally slowed down enough to write…

I am very blessed in my work and I get the honor of being with my clients in their life, and a lot of times, I am there with them when they cross the rainbow bridge.

Today was such a day, with a long time client of mine. He and I actually share the same Birthday, and today, Mosley crossed the rainbow bridge to meet his Brother Jingles.

Mosley and I have a long history together  and he and I have journeyed some amazing paths together. Mosley is a thirteen year old Basset Hound and he was preceded in death by his Brother, Jingles.

Mosley was not at all a fan of massage, when I first met him, and he would refuse to sit still when I came to work on him, even though he needed me very much. Jingles seized the opportunity, and gladly stepped in and took Mosley’s place.

I did what I call, drive by massage, on Mosley, while working on Jingles in between…Mosley was completely non-compliant and was very clear that he did things his way.

When Mosley refused to sit his ass down, I would pick him up (this did not please Mosley at all), and carry him and sit him on my lap and work on him that way. This actually became kind of a game and he would run from me and I would catch him and so on…

Jingles would get his massage and Mosley would howl and go in and out of the doggie door, repeatedly. When Mosley felt like it, he would push Jingles out of the way and get some energy and massage work and then off he would go again.

Mosley was one of my first clients where Reiki really took a front seat to my massage work. Mosley also became one of my mentors for my communication work and one of my very dearest friends.

Today, all of that picking Mosley up and moving him around paid off, as I had to pick him up and carry him home. Instead of fighting me, like he always has, Mosley buried his head in my chest, and we took this long and difficult walk together when the time came, Mosley was laying on my lap, as he crossed over…

Today, I carried Mosley across the bridge to meet Jingles. Mosley was way past his life expectancy, especially for his breed. Like The Velveteen Rabbit, Mosley and Jingles have been loved and cared for very, very well…fur loved off and a million amazing memories with their Mom…love like that and a wonderful life with each other…

I feel them running free together tonight, howling to their hearts content and looking down on all of us, especially their Mom. No pain and no suffering…no cancer…free and howling without a care in the world…

So tonight, as I say my prayers, I thank God for Mosley and Jingles and for their Mom…for all of her faith in me and the work that I do…for allowing me to journey right along side them for a while , for teaching me so much and pushing me to be better. I love you both…blessed be the journey…

My heart is sad tonight…lots of loss and lots of tears today…and my heart is full, so very full, for the amazing beings that trust me with their lives and their journeys to the other side…

I love you Mosley and Jingles and I thank you for trusting me and for all of the amazing lessons you both taught me.

I have no doubt that I will be seeing the two of you around a lot…please tell my Mom that I love her and thank Max and Hannah and Gypsy and Penn for helping Mosley to find his way home…

Blessed be the journey my friends…I love you and I will meet you on the other side…

I am back…

I had a beautiful day, full of lots of love and healing!

I had amazing conversations about faith and hope and healing today…with both my human and my canine clients!

We must not be afraid, for fear robs us of our sainity, our safety and our sense of well being. We must resist to survive. We must not be complacent and we must not ever think that we cannot and do not make a difference.  I do make a difference and you do make a difference. We do make a difference.

I was able to meet my girl between appointments today, which was absolutely wonderful!

We had New Year’s lunch with our dear friends, in their beautiful new home.

I got hugs and I needed them this afternoon. I never imagined how wonderful it could be to be able to go and get a hug, anytime I want, especially after painstakingly asking for space from somebody that I never wanted space from. That conversation hit me right in heart center, right between clients…

Here is the great news, my girl came and met me as soon as she heard how hurt I was…I got lots of hugs today. I was of service today and I am okay today.

Here is some more good news…you are okay too! I am always available for hugs, if you need or want one.

When I arrived home, much later than usual, there was a hot bath and candles lit, with my favorite fizzy from Lush, which replenished me with lots of love and healing. Thank you Tamara, for loving me and for seeing me. I love you so very much!

While in my tub, I looked out the window and saw the beautiful moon, and my Mom came for a visit with very powerful messages and affirmations, through the moons light.

My blog is short so that I can go hang out with my dog for a bit before bed…

Sweet dreams everyone and sending love and healing, nurturing, rejuvenating energy to you…

Not only do I believe in the good things coming…I am so very thankful for the good things already here!

Taos says goodnight!

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Conversations with my clients…

Just settling in to reflect on my day and I am feeling tired…like hard work tired, and that is a very nice feeling…loving 7784FFC2-13EC-4200-8CD8-CCF9093108BEwhat I do helps so much, as it almost doesn’t feel like work at all.

I enjoy the conversations I have with my clients…they are so uninhibited and matter of fact, almost all of the time.

My clients with the seemingly simple issues are often more complex. Often clients with the very deep and troublesome issues, present with the most simple solutions.

Today I had clients that I have had for many years and it is beautiful to see how we have evolved together. I know them and they know me…like really know each other…

I can see where it hurts them and they can feel me on my less than stellar days…I can tell them to trust me and they do, because I’ve never given them reason not to…and sometimes out of sheer necessity, at first…and then it evolves, and almost always quickly…into the most beautiful dance you’ve ever felt with your eyes closed, and felt with your hands wide open…

Working with energy more and more and being led by Reiki and what lies in stillness has opened my work to places I could not have imagined.

I feel so blessed to be so trusted by the most vulnerable, as often when I first arrive, their eyes are paralyzed in fear, darting about, anywhere other than to my eyes…and sometimes their eyes are just blank and hollow, empty and broken…and then they aren’t anymore…Those moments, when they aren’t anymore, those are the moments that I do this for…

There is a beauty in my brand new clients, that always warms my heart  There is the wonder and then, for some of them… nervous and scared…for some of them, seizing and trembling …the reluctance to be touched and often the need, like the deep, to your soul kind of need to be touched, all at the same time…

Today, it occurred to me that maybe I do what I do as well as I do it, because I have been there and I get it…I really, truly get it, and somewhere deep inside, they know that and they can trust me to see them broken.

I could not be more blessed than to be loved and trusted like my clients love and trust me.  I know this to be true all of the time and today I felt it on a level I never felt it before and I understood like I had not understood before…

I have some pretty amazing conversations with my clients and every day, I learn so much from them. I get to be the student in  a room full of the worlds greatest teachers, every single day.

After that, I get to come home to a sanctuary full of the most amazing animals you will ever meet, with the most touching and inspiring stories. Every single one of them have loved me through the worst days of my life.

I have been very present for my clients and very distant from the sanctuary since my Mom got sick and it sure is nice to feel myself start coming home…

I am learning to slow down, to take some time to write, to meditate and medicate with my music…I am learning to listen, to hear, to understand…to talk less…

I am learning to be here now. I have been very stuck in the past and very scared of the future for a very long time. I tell my clients, all the time, “that was then and this is now…that is not your business…” and I often find it hard to believe that myself…

I do know that what you think of me is none of my business, and damn it if some days I cannot wrap around that at all…

I have forgiven, without hesitation, anyone who has ever apologized to me, from heart center…everyone that is, except for myself, up until recently.

I lose my shit sometimes, deep inside myself, deep in there where little Coral is still screaming…I lose my way…gravity escapes me and I fall to pieces…

In those moments, I’m like Baby Taos and Aliah and Rocky…and I want out…wait no, I want in…wait, it’s not that at all…I just want to be where you are…I just want to be where you are…and truly, nothing else matters…

So, I do get my clients, and again, better than I get my own dogs at times…which is highly frustrating, so I’ve been working really hard with me…on me…because It wasn’t them, it was me, for the most part…

And the thing is, they have known this all along and they have loved me through it…even when I wasn’t very lovable at all…

Working with animals has become my second nature, where I am most comfortable…where I fit in and where I matter a lot…I like it here and it makes sense to me here.

I am gifted and good at what I do in this place and it has become comfortable…second nature…home…some of my most amazing conversations have happened with these amazing beings that trust me with their hearts and their health and their well-being…

Some of the deepest conversations with some of the most elite, happen every day in my work. Some of the worlds problems, and big problems, I might add, have been solved on dog beds…in hallways and even in culverts…

In the living rooms of some of the most amazing people you will ever meet, I sit with my best friends on floors and dog beds on kitchen floors and under baby grand pianos…learning some of life’s most precious lessons…from those who know best.

I believe in the good things coming!