Good late morning to everyone! I hope your week is off to a good start! I think we shall all gather directly in the healing room today. How does that sound? Perfect…I am three weeks post op tomorrow, so I am still in PJ’s between clients and quick trips out and about, let’s all grab our blankies and get started, shall we?
I want to talk today about being inspired. What inspires you? What drives and motivates and moves you? Who are you really, when no one is looking at or judging you, for who you “should” be?
Inspiration is what lights us up, isn’t it? I mean, when we are inspired, don’t we feel lighter in our bodies and lighter on our feet? When something inspires us, we feel it, don’t we? I feel it all the way to my soul when I am inspired! I have not been inspired for a very, very long time. I have been asleep and dead inside and literally dead, more times than I can count. I died for the very last time during my most fortunate and very insightful overdose, post surgery. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I have died many times, and this was to be my last time dying and coming back. I will live until I die for good, from now on!
What beagn as a seemingly unfortunate chain of events in my life, coming out of surgery three weeks ago, with no pain management on board, for hours, right out of the OR. No pain management, other than a handful of prescribed to me, Percocet, until Friday evening. I overdosed, when we were told by my surgeon to turn on. We did turn it on, for another 14-15 or so hours, running on 3x the recommended dose. I lost a lot of all of this and slowly, it’s coming back. For every experience, and for every obstacle, I am on my knees, so thankful, for the lessons and the blessings. I am committed, with all of my heart and soul to passing it on!
Meeting with Aiden on Thursday, for my first time since surgery, Aiden was quiet and he cried and he clinged to me. This is not my experience of Aiden, other than when Aiden was missing for 12 days and near death himself. During those days, we didn’t let each other go, not even for one breath…not for one moment. Aiden looked up with tears in his little eyes and he asked me why I didn’t tell him I wasn’t dead anymore? I was very confused and almost disbelieving, and this is Aiden we are talking about. I do not and never have, doubted Aiden. He asked me again why I didn’t tell him I wasn’t dead anymore. He asked me to play the song he had sent to me, in Tamara’s Jeep on Tuesday. I knew exactly what song he was speaking about and he asked me to play it then and there. I pulled out my phone and there it was, the song I had been playing non-stop since Tuesday:
Lights On (Makeshift Innocence) YouTube
This song, as I sat and watched the lyrics swirl around with Aiden on my lap, had a whole new meaning to me. I began sobbing, tears falling on Aidens little fluffy head. During my overdose, after I violently threw up and went to lie back down, with the pain ball that just Overdosed me, still running at 3x what it was initially set at, for several more hours. Somewhere in there my heart stopped beating. I looked at Aiden, both of us with tears in our eyes, and I said I didn’t tell you I wasn’t dead Aiden, because I did not know myself, until this moment with you that I was dead.
Aiden and I sat in that space together, holding one another and listening to that song, watching those lyrics dance around the page, and we made a promise, to always in all ways to do our best to love and touch people who cannot be loved and touched by more orthodox means. Aiden and I are both back and ready to be of service. How may we help you? What can we do for you?
I left here and I went somewhere. I saw God and he gave me a choice. He said I could stay with him, as my work had been enough. I told him I must come back, because my work has only just begun. Sam has known, since she was in the seed, that she had big work to do, and we are just getting started. We are inspired and we are on fire! We have wanted to help to heal our world since at least the first grade, when our world was small, and the biggest person we saw, the President of the United States of America…that’s who Sam was for career day in first grade. Do you know why Sam wanted to be the President of the United States of America? Sam knew that if she was president, she could make people love each other and be nice to one another. Sam, from when she was in the seed, has committed to doing whatever she can to heal our world. Every career day was like that for Sam…a doctor, to make people well…a hobo to show us all that we are all the same inside…oh, and once, Sam was John Lennon for career day.
Whatever happened in those moments that I lost during that overdose, I took MY life back. I made a commitment to be of service, to use my gifts to be a vessel, an instrument to do God’s work. I didn’t come back invisible and broken and small. I don’t come back in fear and torment. I came back peacefully and quietly, not knowing at all, what had just happpened to me.
Tony Robbins says that if you are going to blame someone, you better blame them for every fucking thing. You blame them for the bad stuff, you better blame them for the good stuff too. I really heard that. I really get that. I really honor that. I am that. I can hear Tony and I can hear Wayne because they speak like I speak, for the same reasons I do, which I didn’t totally know until now…I talk so that people will listen. I don’t curse to piss you off…my Mom..ya, maybe…but you, not so much. I am willing to use words that others won’t use, to liberate a place within themselves where they too are able, to be liberated.
Dr. Wayne Dyer has been a mentor and a huge source of inspiration and enlightenment for me, for many, many years. Wayne Dyer and Tony Robbins do not fuck around. I grieved when Wayne Dyer passed away, like I had lost my own Father. I never had the opportunity to meet him because I couldn’t afford to go to Maui and see him. Wayne left his world before I got to meet him in person, and I walk closely with him now. My Mom will often, and very matter of factly, tell me that Wayne said hi when she visits me from the other side. Wayne will tell me that my Mom says hi. Wayne told me when I am ready, to tell Anthony he sent me…”just not on the first day”…he chuckled…and he will know Wayne sent me. Too good to be true I would have once thought. Crazier than I thought I was, I would have once said. This time, I just said “Thanks Wayne. I will. I love you!” Dr. Dyer spent a year in the Tao…living and translating, into words we could better understand. I spent six months or so listening to nothing but his interpretation of those verses in my truck. The one verse that comes to me often and resonates with me always is the verse that says, and I paraphrase…I am kind to those who are kind. I am kind to those who are unkind. Kindness is my nature and that is all I have to give away.
Whatever all of it is and wherever it comes from…the source of unconditional and abundant and overflowing love for us all…I tapped into it when I left here in those moments and my spark was ignited. I am so grateful, so thankful and so blessed! I will use all of these tools to light up our world. Life does not happen to us. I know that, without a doubt now.
I came here to be of service on a very grand scale. Although I have always known that to be true, I haven’t known what it meant. I am listening universe. I am listening. I am ready and I am willing. I am fucking inspired! Truly…wholeheartedly, inspired…and ready for all of the good things coming!
You all have a blessed and beautiful day! I love you and I thank you again, for always believing in me and for praying for me and for loving me. I love you too, you know?