Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

My name is Coral and I am here to love you!

I have searched high and low to find my calling and my life’s purpose. I have come to accept that I need only love and to be of service. I am here to love you and to help you, however I am able. Thank you for being here. I love you!

“There is No One Else” a poem by Coral

Happy Monday morning everyone! I am watching the sun rise and I am so glad to be here with you! Truly, I have been teetering on the edge for a while now. It is so fucking nice to be back!!!!!

And so I write with my brother Rumi and Mother Maryam this morning. My first poetry in a very long time, so be kind! I love you!

“There Is No One Else”

There came a space that lent no mercy, over a sea of salty tears. A ledge that ran out in a tsunami of my fears.

To and fro and past my limit, before crashing down into the great abyss that knew no bounds. I have come to let you that I met my end and my maker. And I have returned to you now.

My heart is pure. The darkness fades to light and I am in gratitude and thanksgiving. My love told me a million times that life is for the living.

The balance has returned and I have found my center once again. My walk through my own personal hell was made tolerable with the love of you, my friends.

For all that caused me to feel so lost, I gave it all to find myself. I was reminded once again that there is no one else.

We come in alone and we leave alone when our time comes. This walk is only ever been, to remind us that we are one.

My fears and my transgressions and my unknowing of myself; only to learn once again that there was never anyone else.

The reminder of loves mercy, when I finally set it all down. I couldn’t see clearly to save my own life, what I see so clearly now.

The oneness that felt more like aloneness had been a Segway to myself. I stand here to remind you that there is no one else. There has never been anyone else.

Our choices are but two, as they have always been. You choose love or you choose fear. Either way, you win.

For fear teaches us the lessons that blessings alone cannot reveal. Fear brings us back to love, and it always will.

As long as we are open and as long as we stay true, fear will bring us back to the greatest love we never; always, only ever really knew.

As we flail in competition and as we fight to stay afloat, I simply came to remind us all that we are rowing our own boat.

We compete, only ever with ourselves. The battles and the demons, they were never those of someone else.

The darkness and the light; the shadows and the cracks that rage inside. We must remember that these are only ever, the turbulence of our own tides.

I forgot in all of my self-inflicted fury, that I could simply set it down. I flailed and suffered horribly, until exhaustion finally threw me facedown to the ground.

So, I came here this morning to remind us once again, there are truly no others. We may begin again.

Set it down. Turn it over. Lift it up and set it free. Give yourself your glory, for God you are indeed.

If it serves you, keep it and if it doesn’t, let it go. If it sets your soul on fire, then I don’t need to tell you what you already know.

If it poisons you and makes you sick inside and you think the outside world can’t see; I am here to remind you, that you, simply reflect me.

Your demons are my own and I love you just the same. You and I are kindred spirits. We hover as moths over the very same flame.

Dial it down and breathe it out. Take a moment and give thanks. Remember once again that it’s all in what you think.

You are divine. You are radiant and glowing. Whether you know it yet or not, your cup is overflowing.

There is only ever you to blame and only ever you to thank. For, how you perceive your world and your surroundings is the gas you put in your own tank.

I love you. Have a beautiful day!

I cut this puppets strings and I set this circus down. And so it is.

Happy Sunday everyone. I hope you have a beautiful day planned today. I have a beautiful day planned with my girl and I am so happy to be spending today with her!

I realize that I have been vague and ambiguous as to what exactly is going on in my life for the last month. I really just don’t have words and the words I have had…well they have not been kind, and so as much as possible, I have held on to them. I have been in the most excruciating emotional pain of my entire life and I am done feeling this way. Tamara hit her breaking point last night and I woke to hit mine this morning. These girls are done and fucking done with the pain and drama that has infiltrated our lives…with the non-transparency and the lies and the manipulation and the fucking piles upon piles of bullshit…done and fucking done, we are with this rhetoric. I have cried enough tears in the last month to nearly drown myself. I allow the river I have cried since my mom got sick, to flush my heart of what does not belong to me. I allow the tears to wash it all away…wash it all away…wash it all away. And so it is.

I have learned that I come from the Cherokee Indians. I am 1/16 Cherokee Indian. These shall be the roots that grow deep into the earth to ground and center me. I shall begin to know my people and their ways…their traditions and their customs. Of all that I have come to know that I am, I choose to hold onto this. My mom mentioned this throughout my life…this small part of her lineage, that she seemed to care nothing much about, other than to see if it would qualify me for financial assistance for college. I on the other hand, didn’t give a fuck about college, and have always been far more interested in this piece of myself. Who am I and where did I come from? This information was given to me by my cousin last week and this is all I know of who I am, in lineage. So, if you know anything about me and who I am, I would love to hear from you. If you have a piece of this part of our lineage, I would love for you to share it with me, in a photo…in a story…in a handwritten letter…I would love to have a piece of that part of me. Truly, for me, I am going to take this piece of myself and I am going to let the rest go. I am choosing who I am and I am shedding who I am not. I begin with learning all I can about the People I come from, and their ways and traditions. This piece of myself has always called out to me and I call back now…I am ready. I am here. Please come for me and tell me from where I came. And so it is.

As I came down here to write this morning, stumbling on the wreckage of my past…Bruised and battered and all banged up. Shamed and embarrassed by shit that isn’t even mine…bleeding out for those who have gone on ahead of me and for those who left me behind…flailing and crashing about in all of this fucking rubble…I barely made it safely to the door of our healing space. I am fucking done. Truly, done and fucking done. I have come to let you know that if you are unhealthy for me, I have come to let you go. I will not exert any energy, any longer on anyone who does not love me honestly, openly and like a verb. I will not spend one more moment attempting to save The drowning, until I hone my own swimming skills first. Even then, I shall throw out a life preserver and I shall not be attached to whether you grab hold or not, for you are drowning and only you can save you from that. Only I can save me from this. I have finally come to know that this battle is with myself. I will not spend one more second hating myself. I have been in the very worst space and the very worst pain of my entire life for the past three years and forty days and I am fucking done. I am done and fucking done, dangling by the thread whose puppet master knows no bounds, no mercy and no compassion. Today, I cut this puppets strings and I set this circus down. For this is not my circus and these are not my clowns. As I look around me, I begin to laugh with abandon, at the clowns 🤡 all around me 🤡 look at the silly little 🤡 clowns!!!!! As I untangle myself from these strings and I realize I am finally free, I run with the clowns 🤡 to the gate that has held me! This circus 🎪…these 🤡 clowns….they are not even mine!!! Entangled in their stories and suffocated in their dysfunction no longer…this is not my circus and I am free to go!!!! Not my circus and not my clowns…not my circus and not my clowns…not my circus and not my clowns….and so I set this circus down. And so it is.

Thank you Tamara, for carrying me through the literal hell of the past three years and 40 days and 40 nights. The anguish and the pain…the primal cries and the destruction in our own lives, as a result, all behind us now. Thank you for carrying me when I could not even breathe and for breathing your breath into me when I could not find my own. Thank you for breaking last night, so that I could break this morning, so that we can be done with what is not ours. Thank you for the hell you have endured to see me through my own. Thank you for being my girl and my whole world. I love you to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond, forever and always, my beautiful, dear, and amazing girl! Thank you for seeing me thorough this. We are done and fucking done with that which is not ours. And so it is.

To every single one of you who has held me though this storm, with all of my heart, I love you and I thank you. For every single prayer…for every bit of love…thank you. I love you right back.

For those tossed about by the turbulence of the forces that moved in us when we came together, I pray for your peace and for your return to stillness now. For those whom I chased after being dismissed, I cut the cord that binds us and set us both free to our own dharma now. To the circus and all of the clowns, my deepest thanks for hosting me. It has been quite a fucking doozie up in here, and I thank you for your hospitality and for your lessons, turning into blessings every single day. To anyone I have hurt and to everyone I have harmed, I offer my sincerest and most heartfelt apology to you now. I know I have been the clown in many circuses myself and so I acknowledge the disruption and I set the circus down. And so it is.

I hope you have a beautiful Sunday! As I untangle from the final string, held only by my own pause, I am off to love and live my life today! I love you!

Have a beautiful Saturday. I love you.

Good morning everyone! Have a beautiful Saturday! Today, I have filled my day with beauty and with people who love me. Without going into detail, I will say that I could use your prayers and all of your love, so that I can do what I must do, to become who I am. I will leave it at that this morning and wish you each a fabulous and love-filled day. I love you!

You are writing your own story. Make it a good one!

Good morning beautiful people! Happy Friday and what a day to make a different choice, wouldn’t you agree?

I went to bed with my body blessed by angels once again and I am so, so thankful! I went to bed next to the most amazing and beautiful girl in the world…my truest and dearest friend and my best confidant…my soulmate and my lover…the co-founder of a dream that we are building together…my anchor and my rock…and I am blessed beyond measure! I had a day full of the most beautiful and grateful clients, who pay me well and love me well and I am open and ready for some more clients like that please! I had a beautiful morning working with my colleagues, for the healing of one of our very own, and I am blessed beyond measure to be amongst such prestigious colleagues, who know and trust my work, to have me place my hands and my energy upon their best friends. I will always value and invite time like this, to give back to those who refer and share me with you, so that I can help you too and pay my bills. To everyone who loves me like a verb…thank you, and I am an open invitation for some more love like that please! My little brother and my sister checked in on me, as we have been most recently doing for one another and I will definitely have some more of that please! I had weekly tea with my very best friend, Sigrid, and I will always welcome more time and love and space and honesty and friendship, like a verb, like that, in my life! Coral and Sigrid tea time is nourishment and fuel for my soul on this journey and I am blessed! To all of these endeavors, I drove in the FJ Cruiser that I love and cherish so much, as Jesus takes the wheel, and my musical medicine blasts through the speakers, of the piece of my mom and dad that I have left, and I am thankful! I feel my beautiful and radiant cousin, Regina, in and around all of the good and positive and wonderful memories of my past and with me always on this journey and I love you so much cousin! Always, in all ways, I have room for love like Regina…thank you and more…yes please! I arrived home safe and sound at our Sanctuary in the woods, surrounded by all of my best friends…for they love me from wherever they are, to wherever I am, always and without fail or prejudice, and I am home! My health is good and getting better every day, in every way. “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” And I am so thankful for my life and for those who share this journey with me. Every day begins and ends in gratitude. Every day I am better than I was yesterday. And so it is.

This is the version of how my day ended and began that I am choosing to share and to focus on. These are the parts of my day that I am pulling out to give thanks for. These moments are my focus henceforth. These are the people I choose to rejoice in and to be grateful for, as are they for me, life’s breath. Everyone and everything else, that does not serve my highest good, I release! I stand in love and for, love in all things. I believe in love and I believe in each of us. I believe, with all of my heart in the good things coming! Thank you, my brother, Nahko, for your love.

Love is an action word and I challenge each of to truly grasp this and to know this and to live this! Love in action will open up your life!! Love in words…well, we all know what that empty and often loveless love feels like, don’t we? Where there is void, to be love in action and you will fill the void. Love in action is not always easy, as it is an action, not an empty mouth full of empty promises and lies. Action, being in action and of service…very different from choosing the “right” words, wouldn’t you agree?

We all make a choice every time we open, or do not open our mouths. I am choosing to keep my mouth closed in situations where I have nothing kind to say. In this silence, I pray for peace for those whom I choose not to open my mouth to anymore. I choose to whom I speak and to whose calls I heed. I choose whose words I shall open myself up to. I give myself permission to leave when I am done. I give myself permission to choose the clients whom I can help and to charge accordingly for my time and my services. I ask the universe to bless us all that we be synced together for our highest goods. I pray that we all feel the value of the relationship we walk into together. I pray that we each be served and valued for our life’s work and our contributions accordingly. And so it is.

Have a beautiful Friday everyone! You are writing your own story today. What will you write? Let’s write a with all of our hearts, shall we?

Unexpected Sherry Lesson this morning!!!

As I sit here in the dark, awaiting the suns arrival, I am thinking of each of you. As we rise from our slumber in the darkness, into the promise and dawn of a new day, let us hold hands and stick together, shall we?

Many of you, once close to me, are distant. Your absence is noticed. The reaches stopped and the distance grew and we are not in contact anymore. The overwhelming sadness of this was once so debilitating to me that I ceased to function because of it. I have come to know that your distance was necessary for me to find my path and my way. The distance from me was necessary for you to find your path and your way also. I thank you for the time we did spend traveling arm in arm and I miss you sometimes: mostly though, I just hold on to the good stuff, so I smile when I hear your name. When you go running across my mind, I don’t chase after you anymore or try to keep you here anymore. I say a prayer of thanks for the visit and I bid you farewell, that you may be off to wherever you are to live your life on your terms. I know I’m not who you are running to and so I step back so you can pass quickly to your destination. I’m sorry if I held you here too long, not knowing how to let you go. I loved you so much that I just could not imagine my life without you in it. I release my grip, as I don’t want anyone here who does not want to be here. I can come here every day, all by myself and I’m just fine with that. I came here to heal and your presence isn’t needed. I do love knowing that many of you are still here and many more are coming. Those who have left have cleared space for those coming and I am so grateful. I do believe in the good things coming and I am so thankful for all of the good things already here!

Health problems…money problems…family and relationship issues…addiction issues and illnesses…depression and regret…we are plagued by shit that we need to chuck into the fuck it bucket, aren’t we?

May I ask you a personal question? Why do you stay in that loveless and abusive marriage? Why do you stay at that job that you fucking hate? Why do you not love yourself enough to leave what you is killing you?

Sherry is pretty persistent this morning with a lesson and so I switch gears…Sherry wants to ask you a question too, and she hasn’t asked if it’s okay…she cares not if it’s okay…Sherry wants to know what in the fuck is right with you? Wow…not a Sherry lesson I saw coming…and I’m going to go with it anyway….

Sherry asks, “What in the fuck is right with you?” What, pray tell, is right with that hot mess that you call Coral? What is right in there?

We always ask each other what is wrong, don’t we? What’s wrong? And because we are so used to answering that question, there is almost always something wrong. What if we asked each other, “What is right with you?” Instead of asking what is wrong, which is to always assume that something is wrong, maybe we could begin to ask each other “what is right with you today?”

To answer my moms question…What in the fuck is right with me? Hmmmmm…that does feel a little odd…you should try it…go ask the person in the other room what is right with them…watch their face….I love it!

What is right with me is my heart. My heart has always been right with me.

Sherry wants to know, and so do I, What in the fuck is right with you? Truly, this is something I touched on a while back and I haven’t put it into constant practice in my life…I think I shall ponder how to go about doing so. When we change the things we look at, the things we look at change.

I love you and I hope you have a beautiful day today. Thanks for stopping by Mom…I love you and I’m looking forward to hearing what in the fuck is right with everyone!

Good evening! Stay cozy!

Good evening everyone! I have been running pretty non-stop for a couple of days and life is good! I find I don’t have the time or the energy for the petty and the drama and the pain when I am busy with my own healing. I don’t have the heart for the hurt that comes with holding on to those who have released me. I am good to be free of anyone who does not want me in their life. I have so much more time and energy for those of you who do want me in your lives. And so it is.

I am pretty exhausted this evening. I am going to eat and go lie down. I know I must take care of me and right now, that means to really hold space in my outer circle, while turning toward my inner circle, to replenish and rejuvenate my spirit and my energy.

Taos and I spent all day together, for the first time in a really long time. I have been consumed with worry and left Taos “safely” at home, not having to be impacted by the depth and horror of my pain and trauma. It was so wonderful to go FJ Crusin’ all day with Baby Taos! Thank you Taos for holding space and being patient. I love you so much!

Celebrating a dear friend today for her birthday felt so nice also. I am so blessed and so grateful for all of the love in my life…for each of you. I love you! Have a beautiful evening! Stay cozy!

Have a beautiful day and know that you are loved

Happy Tuesday morning everyone! I hope you had a beautiful Monday! I had a beautiful Monday with my girl and I am so, so thankful!

My day…my week is full and I am grateful. Full of people and places close to my heart…every day I am scheduled to see someone I love and I am so happy!

As the struggle remains real, so does the opportunity for gratitude and growth. I am learning to release my grip and move on life’s terms. I am learning to ask questions and to listen more. I am blessed and I am thankful.

This morning feels more like I am reaching out for you…like maybe you need all of my love today? I feel your heart and your heavy this morning. I am here to love you through this. I am praying for you this morning. I am with you and I love you. Please reach if you need me. Have a beautiful day and know that you are loved.

I bow my head in prayer…

Good morning everyone! Today is one of introspection for me. I feel that I need to pull myself inward a bit and lick my own wounds. I need to handle my own demons and address my own life fall out. I need to spend some time loving myself today and more time loving my girl today, as this day hurts her.

I imagine you may be hurting today too. I know you are. I feel your pain as my very own. Today, I spend time in sacred meditation to clear the residual pain that didn’t pass through. Your pain and my pain…they have lingered in me. Today, for us all, I do a clearing and blessing of that pain, as I send it back to the universe to be recycled for the greater good of us all.

I revisit the Upledger Course I took very early in my career, called, “Healing From the Core; Grounding and Healthy Boundaries” this morning. I remind myself to ground and center and to unravel your pain from my own, that we each be blessed with her lessons and her blessings. Our pain is here to teach us,to grow us and to bring us to our joy. Forgive me for trying to shield you from the pain that you have coming as your own birthright. I stand back and allow you your journey. Somehow I merged into your journey and lost sight of my own. It feels nice to give us both space and permission for our pain, doesn’t it? I believe in the good things coming! I believe in you. I believe in me. I believe in us, collectively and individually on this journey. I do fully believe that you know what is best for you. You called upon yourself what you need to evolve and grow on your journey, just as I have. The harder the lessons, the deeper the blessings, right? I do not speak of those of you who’ve come to me and asked for help, as you’ve got me in your pocket. I speak of those who have not asked for my help…those whom I tried to help anyway. To each of you, I apologize for interfering in your journey and all that befalls and blesses you. I return to my own journey and to what befalls and blesses me. And so it is.

  • My journey will always cross lines to protect those without voices, for whatever renders them speechless is their cry for help and our call to action. No matter who you are, you’ve a responsibility and a moral obligation to those who need your help and cannot speak for themselves. We must help those who cannot ask for help themselves and those who obviously and desperately come to us and ask, just the same. We know right from wrong, don’t we? We feel it when it’s wrong, in our guts…in our hearts…in our shaking hands and quivering and screaming voices…we know right from wrong. We are our own moral compass, you know? And not one of us is without opportunity for some balance and some Good Orderly Direction. So, today is about all of this for me. Returning to center and to balance. Evaluation of what is mine and what is not mine. Finding balance and synchronicity within my own compass and my own life’s path. I am so thankful for the studio that surrounds me and for the wilderness that blankets her this morning as I bow my head in prayer.
  • I hope you have a beautiful Monday. I love you and I thank you for being here this morning. I know the room still feels heavy. I am working on it…thanks for staying with me as I figure it all out.
  • Be the Angel that you have prayed for…

    Good afternoon everyone! Happy Sunday! I have missed you. Hell, I have missed me! I will not lie. The struggle has been real and I have had to hold my tongue. I return today with love in my heart, to where we left off with the beautiful new paint, in our healing room!

    I hope you are loved deeply by someone. Being loved deeply by someone has truly saved me and given me the strength, to begin to find ways to love me deeply. I am talking about being loved deeply, like a verb. Loved so deeply that you cannot not feel it. I am learning how to love, and part of how I am learning is to feel how I want to be loved. I want to feel it in my soul and know it in my heart and so that is where I begin. To me, love like this has to be a verb, because I have to feel it. I cannot see it. I cannot hear it. Not unless it is in action and in harmony with how I want to feel it. I must know it in my soul because it has returned to me, this knowing of love. I have always known. Now, I feel home.

    I write today for us all, to remind us that we are not alone. Not really a poem…a writing from me to you, to remind you to be the Angel that you have prayed for.

    When we scream out in need, love answers the cry. We must feel it. We know only what we have come to feel, not what we have come to hear.

    When we pray for the angels, they appear. Often in ordinary clothes and without their wings. Angels on earth walk among us and they guide us home.

    When the darkness overcomes us and the demons run us out, love brings us back to our own soul. Love will never co-exist with fear and God will never co-exist with fear. God is love. Fear is not God. Fear is not love. God is benevolent. We forget, don’t we? Our own divinity…we forget that we are God. God created you in his image and God is in your mirror. We are not and never have been separate from God. God is not out there. God is in here. He asked me to remind us all of this. And so it is.

    Every single one of us is here with opportunity to be an angel to someone else, every single day.

    Every single one of us will see the angels we have called upon if we lose our expectation as to what they will look and be like. Angels will feel like angels. You will always know the angles among you.

    What feels amazing to you? What lights you up? What cozies you up in loves embrace? Go be that for someone else. We must act outside of ourselves, in both thought and deed, and the angels will surround us. Wayne Dyer reminds us to want what we want, more for someone else, than we want it for ourselves. The person you are struggling to love right now, love them the most. Want for them, more for them, what you want for you, than you want it for you. Truly. If you doubt, try it and then you shall doubt no more.

    Unconscious action and behavior still has accountability.

    Compassion is just a word without action. Karuna means compassionate action in Sanskrit.

    Love is just a word without action.

    Saving those without voices does not only include the animals and sentient beings. Those without voices are those who cannot and do not and have a voice to speak up for themselves.

    Being an advocate for anyone begins with first advocating for yourself, with all of your heart. You must fight harder for you than you will ever fight with anyone else. In the end, the battle is only ever with yourself anyway.

    If you want it badly enough, you are the only one who can make it happen for you. Only you can set it down and never pick it back up. SOJA thank you. You are the only one who can release whatever it is that you are struggling to release. Stop holding whatever it is and hold yourself instead. I believe you. I have always believed in you.

    We…you and I…we are fabulous, aren’t we? Angels and lovers and friends…we are blessed. We are love. Let us go out there and spread ourselves amongst those who do not know that they are angels also, shall we?

    Have a beautiful Sunday afternoon! Go be the Angel that you have prayed for, for someone else! I love you!

    I just Stopped by to say I love you.

    Good afternoon everyone! Happy Saturday. I’ve been holding my tongue. Not sure why. It has been debilitating though, and I won’t do it anymore. I can’t write or speak or move and I am not okay with that. I took a tongue-lashing and verbally abusive tirade this week that has literally rendered me paralyzed, from someone whom I was only trying to help…someone whom I do not know and who obviously does not know me. I’m taking pause. I’m turning within. I ask for love and prayers to guide me. I pray for love and light to cast out the darkness. I stay silent until I find the balance of silence and words I need to do what I’m called to do. This is not even mine and so I ask those responsible to handle their own shit. I’ve plenty of my own. I assure you. Today marks three weeks of my own personal hell, so please and from the bottom of my heart, step up where you’ve been called up and handle your business. Please and thank you.

    So, without explaining why I’m distant, in my own healing space, I just wanted you to know I love you and I will return soon. Have a beautiful day!