Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

This morning I write for my dear friend Taffy, who’s needs all of our love…

Good morning everyone! Please welcome my good buddy Taffy to the healing room this morning! Taffy is 14 years old and as you can see, he struggles with some physical ailments. Taffy just turned 14 on Thursday, February 14th. Taffy’s body struggles and yet his spirit soars! Taffy needs assistance for the body that carries his huge spirit and his enormous soul around. Taffy is love and today, I am asking you to send every last bit of love you have to our boy Taffy, his sister Lily and his Mom Nicole and his Father, Rod. This morning, they need us to lift them up and to hold them close. The struggle is real for Taffy and the struggle is just as real for his mom and dad who are carrying him through this storm. Lily, well, her highest self is all about Taffy’s highest good. Her “in body self” though…she is used to Taffy giving her hell, and he isn’t, because he can’t and so please send her all of your good juju this morning to love her bobo through this difficult journey.

We all have that special someone and Victor, well he sure was someone special. Just ask Rod or Nicole about Victor! Victor was the first angel that came down when I called for Taffy’s tribe to surround him. Victor pushes Taffy’s little ass right back across the rainbow bridge that he was trying to cross too soon, back to us, for a bit longer. Victor inhabits Taffy’s little body now much of the time, to help him keep wheeling himself along. Last night, just like I held little Aiden for twelve days, in recliners and felonious hands…in abandoned cars and sickness…I held Taffy. Taffy will not leave my arms, and I ask you to give all the love you mustered up for Aiden and his family for Taffy and his family now. As Taffy and I journey, as Morgan and Marne and I still journey, I ask each of you to lift us up. With all you’ve got this morning, please lift us all up in your love and healing light that we may love Taffy and his family to the brim and overflowing!

I have never really been able to explain my work. I realize as I write this morning that is because it needs no explanation. My work is my work and when it is done, it is forgotten. I once birthed a baby rhinoceros in the Serengeti. I still swim with Morgan and her calf Marne in Tenerife. I am always right next to Aiden and I go to see him every chance I get.

Aiden asks for your love for his buddy Taffy this morning. I never laid hands or eyes on Aiden until Aiden finally came home. My eyes, in my work, they are not what gives me the vision I need to do my work. My heart and my divinity…my love and my desire to spread God’s love and healing…my knowing and my acceptance that I am here to love us all home…that is one tool I use daily…and she has never once failed me. As I walk out of fear and into love, I thank Aiden and Taffy and Teddy and Alice and Penn…Gypsy and Hannah…Michael and Jackson and Sid…Rio and countless other clients who have walked me home. My interaction with these clients has inspired a shift for me in my work. This shift is to return to the Serengeti, where I did not give one fuck what people would think if I relayed my experience, of birthing a baby rhinoceros so that she could live, while her mommy died birthing her. I brought her in and I carried her mom out. When the time came, I picked up my own mother in my loving arms and I carried her home. That is who I am and that is how I do it. Actually, to be honest, I don’t do it. God uses me as a vessel to do what he cannot do without hands. I am merely an instrument used by the master himself, and I am so thankful, grateful and blessed. Thank you God, for choosing me to love your beautiful babies. Love is a verb and I am learning how to love as I am loved.

Taffy might have a day left. Taffy might have a week or a month or years left. We have no way of knowing, until we know. Taffy told me yesterday, as I gazed into his mother’s beautiful, sparkling and “Sherry blue” eyes, filled with tears, that until his soul leaves his eyes, he is all in. My mom opened her beautiful, sparkling blue eyes one last time, before the last time she opened her eyes…and the last time, her eyes were gray…for her soul had left the building. Taffy reminds us all that our eyes are the window to our soul. When that light goes out, the soul soars free and we bust out of the bodies that contained us and can no longer carry us. I saw my mom yesterday, in Nicole’s eyes and I saw little Aiden in Taffy. I see you in me and me in you. As we walk each other home, sometimes we all need a little lift. Today, with all of my heart, I ask you to lift Taffy and his family up and that you love them with all you’ve got!

I hope you all have a beautiful Saturday and I ask you to please say with me, “We love you Taffy! We have got you in our loving arms! Let’s keep rolling big guy!”

Say it with me… “I love you Aiden”…

 

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Good morning everyone! Welcome to the healing room. This morning we celebrate Aiden.  As many of you remember…March 17th 2018 was the day that Aiden went missing. Twelve days later on March 29th, Aiden came back home. We just celebrated six months of Aiden being home! My blog today is dedicated to Aiden, Kacie and Jason and Jackson, who have become my chosen family. I love you and I thank you for sharing your lives with me. I am forever changed by the twelve days I spent journeying with Aiden, to bring him back home to his family. I also dedicate this blog to each and every one of you who searched and prayed and shared and cried with us. You are as instrumental in this amazing story as I am. From the bottom of our hearts, with aall of our love and gratitude, thank you for bringing Aiden home six months ago! Your love…your prayers…your faith…you loved Aiden back home. Thank you.

Aiden was stolen on March 17th and Aidens Moms world stopped. Literally…everything went dark and life, her heart…her will…everything in her, just stopped. I received word from my client Janet on the morning of March 18th to contact Aidens mom. In these moments, my world also stopped and I lived, breathed, ate, slept and worked without rest, with Aiden. I immediately joined Aiden and left my world behind, so that I could bring Aiden back home. For twelve days, Kacie and I embraced like lovers as I went to give her Aidens hugs every morning before going out to search for him. We became one, Aiden and I and Kacie and I and Jason and I…in our quest to bring Aiden back home.

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Many people have asked what I do and how I do what I do. To be honest…I don’t. That is as simple as I can tell you, that I am merely a vessel, a tool (no need to agree)…a portal…for the work of the divine to do his work through.  I am her hands. I am the carrier and the instrument used to do the work that is done, in my name, and I do not credit myself at all. I am able and willing and honestly on fire, to do my work. The most important part of my work is acknowledging that I am not the one who does it. The day I forget to acknowledge that, my work will cease. I can not remove myself or my name from who I am and what I do. I do bill, by the hour, for my work, which is the most difficult thing I’ve done…trying to charge what I am worth, for work I don’t credit myself with. Aiden helped me to see that my work is invaluable and must be billed for. Aiden says not to forget to remember that being a willing participant to do the work is the work. No one else is able and many are not willing if they are able, to step into whatever comes before them with full faith and knowing, to do what I do every day as Coral.

I realized that I am not “Max and Me”. Max and I were but for a season and I will carry Max with me for always. Max and Me had our time.The business created from my interaction and my relationship with Max have led me here, to you. I am eternally grateful for Max and for Colleen and for Luvin Labs, as those steps and those moments have had huge impact upon my work and my life and my breaking and rebuilding and healing myself. I will be forever grateful for those times, as they have taught me much. I am stepping out of Max and Me and retiring my “work shirts”. I am doing the work I began doing all of those years ago. I’m just not limiting myself to that anymore. I am detaching myself from what no longer serves me and I am thanking God for the lessons and the blessings. Some of my harder lessons came in this period of my life and I am thankful. I now wear clothes that feel good and don’t label or limit me in my work. I am Coral, doing Gods work, wherever I am needed and however I can best serve. I will still be at your house, doing what I do. I just want you to know that I am doing it better than ever and in my own name. I am me with confidence and faith that I will provide what you need and I will be provided for. So, nothing has changed really, except for everything. Today, I set this circus down and I take what I need and I leave the rest I say a prayer of thanksgiving for everyone who journeys with me. I am because you are.

Aiden and I journeyed lifetimes in twelve days together, desperately trying to find our way home. My faith in my higher power and in myself to do his work…that is what brought Aiden home. I knew the moment that I received the call that I would bring Aiden home…same as I knew it on my first search and rescue ever with Tsunami, the black lab lost back in 2010 or 2011. I knew the moment the call came in that I would bring Tsunami home. I do not know how I knew, only that I knew. I never didn’t know and I never doubted or gave up.  I do not know how to speak with confidence and without sounding as though I have ego. I really don’t have ego attached to any of this, or it simply would not work. I just don’t know how to speak my story without saying “I”…so please forgive me if I come across in any way other than from the center of my heart. All of my work happens there…heart center. Everything else I release back to the universe to be recycled the greater good of us all.

Aiden had blessed me and taught me more than I could ever possibly have blessed him or taught him. Aiden is an old old soul and he came here to teach me to value my own worth, to bill fairly,  for myself for my services. I am my work. All of the crazy shit that I have always done to get the job done and done wholeheartedly, all of that is worth an awful lot. Coral doing Coral brings dogs home. Coral doing Coral restores health and wellness, not only to animals but to their human counterparts. My work is worth billing for and I am invaluable in my work because I do it with all that I am. Aiden reminded me of that. Aiden is all of the good things in me that I hadn’t tapped into because I didn’t feel worthy, simply because you said I was not worthy. I don’t know why I believed you and I apologize to me for dishonoring and undervaluing myself because you did. I only have clients that believe in me now and they refer clients to me who believe in me because they do. I accept nothing less anymore than clients who want to pay me what I am worth. Clients who don’t want to pay me don’t even call me anymore because I’m not their gal. My clients need this kind of crazy. My clients need this out loud love and faith in humanity. Every client I have is happy to pay me and I am joyful to work with them, and their dogs too! My clients are beginning to seek me out for themselves and to book sessions with me at twice the price that I charge for their companions. I am opening the phone lines and I am booking appointments for you and your needs too. I’ve no idea what your needs are, only that they are, and I am here to help you in any way I can. I’ve got you. I trust that. I know you do too and I’ve never offered this before…somehow I just know that whatever you call me for, I will deliver and you will compensate me well for a job well done. We will both benefit and our sessions will leave us both eagerly awaiting the next. And so it is.

I want to thank each of you again, for bringing Aiden home. Aiden, weighing in at four pounds, rallied us all together with a common goal, for the greater good. Aiden is love and he taught us to be love also. I thank you Aiden for our weekly visits that I look so forward to. All of the time in the world would never be enough time with you my brave and faithful companion. I love you Aiden. Six months later and I celebrate you and the love, light, color and faith that you brought into my world. I am because you are. I love you little buddy, with all of my heart.

As I close this morning, will each of you pause for a moment and say with me, “I love you Aiden. Thank you for walking me home.”

Have a beautiful day everyone! I fucking love you!

 

 

 

This blog is in honor and loving memory of Dillon…

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Good evening everyone. I really have to be honest…I don’t have words right now. I am exhausted and have had a beautiful and painful and heart breaking day today. I’m going to give it a shot though, because we need to shower each other with love tonight. Will you all do that for me? Will you love each other so, so much tonight? Hug your dogs….really, really love on them and then say thank you, for this time with them. Hug your people and let your people hug you, okay?

I saw Aiden and he says to tell you all that he is peeing like a champ. He is looking great, and he is recovering and resting and ready for his freedom back! Aiden has been on “house arrest” as they diagnosed and treated him, and Aiden is ready to have his freedom once Again. Aiden says thank you everyone and especially my Mom, for loving me so, so well. I am headed back to my carefree and crazy little self again! Wait for it…the Aiden swagger is on its way back!!!

I was so blessed to see Olive today(you may remember her as Tiny Dancer). Tiny Dancer danced Olive to life. Olive is doing AMAZING!!! And wait for it….Olive can see! Olive can see. Yes, I will say it again….Olive had the best rescuers and the best doctor and medical team and all of our love, and Olive can see! The grease trap she was rescued from was the beginning of Olives beautiful new life. Olive got the jackpot because she was sent special to her Mom. Olive said to tell each of you thank you for loving her through that very dark and scary time. Please keep loving her and her Mom she says because we love, love!!! Olive swam in hot grease and survived for love. Olive is here because of love. Olive is love. I love you Olive!

All of my love to A dear friend of mine Jen, who lost her best Dillon friend today. I ask all of you to surround her in all of your love and comforting light, for these hours are dark and bleak and sad and scary. Please send all of your love to Jax, Dillion’s canine companion left behind also, as He is missing a piece of himself tonight. Dillion has traveled many a mile, literally, with Jen. Today, they took their final walk together, as Dillons body Literally gave out. The details are not mine to share. I just ask all of you to send all of your love to Jen and Jax tonight. Jens heart is broken and Jax is confused and empty. I love you Jen and Jax and we all surround you in our love. We love you Dillon!

We really are just walking each other home, you know? Today I was blessed with amazing love, support, kindness and humility, as we had to walk an amazing and beautiful, vibrant and enlightened spirit across the rainbow bridge. Such love and patience and compassion. I am so fucking blessed. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Dillon and Jen and Jax…May the circle go unbroken…We are spiritual beings having a temporary human experience. Dillon is simply gone from your sight. He still walks right beside you. I was graced with Olive looking into my eyes and seeing my eyes. I met Olives Mom, such a beautiful soul. I work side by side with the most amazing doctor to regain Olives vision…and Olive is going to be better than just fine. Olive is home! Welcome home Olive! We love you Olive!

I am not proofing this at all…heart center from one tired and grateful girl. I love you. Good night.

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Aidens letter to his Mom…

Good evening! I didn’t have it in me this morning. I have decided I will not live like this. I just won’t. I am going to get better or fucking die trying. I have many opinions and much input on what is wrong with me. From where I’m standing,  there is some time between now and figuring out what exactly that is. In the meantime, I am going to live my life, even when the pain feels unbearable. I am going to get through this and I am standing by to see what that looks like. I will consult the one person qualified to help me to decide what to do, my therapist, who knows me and who I can hear me.

I will be 45 on Thursday. My Mom is dead. Since Mom got sick, I have been dead inside too. I am coming back to life. My Mom is not. I am sick and I miss my Mom so much. I miss my Mom when I am sick. I miss my Mom on my Birthday. No one knows what is wrong with me. I only know that something isn’t right in me. I was badly abused most of my life and I have severe CPTSD as a result of it. I think most of us probably have PTSD to some degree. I just happen to have a diagnosis. I will be with my therapist for six years next month. This relationship with my therapist is my longest commitment to anything ever and my greatest gift to myself. I went to therapy because the person I was dating at the time diagnosed me herself and wanted a therapist to confirm. Although her diagnosis was not the same as my therapist, she was right I did need some help. TodayI am grateful for her, as I have some help. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I had two new clients this morning. I know who the fuck I am when I am working using my God given gift, being an instrument. One of my instruments is using who I am and how I talk and what lengths I am willing to go to, to help others. My appearance, my often and frequent F-Bombs, my honesty, my integrity, my hard fucking truths…all of those things and my willingness to open my mouth, using Corals personalitiy, to allow God to speak, to heal, to help…to love and comfort you, through me. When Aiden says I need to come by, I never question him, ever. I never will. When Aiden tells me to pick up donuts on my way in town, for his girls, for his co-workers and his Mom for saving Tiny Dancer and to write on the box in my writing, using his words, I do not question Aiden. When Aiden tells me I’ll have to pay because he forgot his wallet, I call bullshit and I pay anyway 😘That boy has so much fucking swagger that if he went in himself, we won’t be charged a fucking dime! Aiden speaks and I listen. When Aiden didn’t feel good and I couldn’t help him feel better, I just went and did my best, my best just didn’t feel good enough and I cried. Aiden assured me that this one wasn’t mine and to just offer love and support. Pull heat he said. Pull inflammation…write and gather the masses, and do it with all of your heart he said, and I did. And then Aiden said to visit every time I can and I did. And then Aiden said trust yourself enough to tell her that she is the one who’s got this…this is her skill set and her gift, and to do whatever she feels is best, and I did. And she did. Aiden does not fuck around…he just doesn’t. Aiden will charm anyone he meets and many people he never meets, and he does it because Aiden is ALL heart. Aiden, at four pounds, was stolen and missing for twelve days and Aiden did not fuck around. Aiden blew his heart up so big that we all felt it, and we found Aiden because all of our hearts, beating for him, brought Aiden home. Aidens Mom, most of all because Aidens Mom is his heart.

Aiden says my blog yesterday was great and all but he can do better, and I say, “Go for it Aiden”…and here Aiden goes;

Coral wrote about great doctors yesterday, I think. (I don’t know…I don’t read her blog) and I just want to add to what she said about my Mom. My Mom is the best, and not like your Mom is the best…my Mom REALLY is the best at what she does, and at who she is. Your Mom is the best at what she does too I bet. Anyway, enough about your Mom…back to my Mom. My Mom is all heart, just like me. Coral didn’t say it but we found me by connecting hearts, me and my Mom, through Coral, when I was lost. Coral is crazy by the way. She is so fucking crazy, about me!!!! She loved me home with all of you, back to my Mom who loves me the most of everyone in the entire world. She can’t help it really, I mean, just look at me! Anyway, today, my Mom did what her heart said and I want to tell her thank you. When Coral said to you that you knew best, I told her to say that and not say I said it because you already know it. You just had to know you know it. Anyway, I love you Mom. I love you with all of me and you really are the best at everything. Coral can talk again now. Oh wait…I also want to say to everyone that I love you so much for loving me so much that I could come back home with my Mom. Your love and your faith and your dancing to the left…it matters. I won’t say coral words but it #%@ing matters. Okay coral, you can talk now.

Thank you Aiden. I didn’t see that coming, and like I said, when Aiden talks, I listen. When Aiden asks me to share, I share. This evenings blog post, brought to you by Aiden.

Have a great evening everyone! I love you and Aiden loves you.

 

Let us polish the stone …more love for Aiden please…

Good morning everyone! Welcome to the healing room! I have been sharing my blog to Facebook selectively. I guess I’m not sure that I have resolved how I feel about that. Some days I think it’s best to pull it completely off of FB and other days I feel best when I auto feed my blog to post every time I post. Anyway, I guess this begins to explain the back and forth. I am undecided, so I just decide as I go.

My medical situation…I am awaiting results and I have two more appointments on Wednesday. Other than that…I need a moment. I just cannot speak of it. Asking for much love and many prayers. I want to be well. I will be well. I am well.

So, how are you this morning?? Did you have a fabulous weekend? My weekend was full. My clients are fucking amazing! Breaking bread with friends who feel good to be around, where laughter and good conversation leave no room for drama…was SO wonderful! Summoned to pull over on the drive home by Ohana, to stop and have a hug fest. Returning home to four dogs who couldn’t be more excited, just because we exist, to the most beautiful and peaceful Sanctuary, with the most beautiful girl…I will have some more of all of that please!

I am learning, while sitting in this place, racked and burdened with physical pain…worried and uncertain. Often overwhelmed into a state of depression. My CPTSD nipping at my heels, and my strength diminished. I am learning to pull out all of the good stuff and blow it up. I am learning to blow it up bigger and better, to focus a lot more on the amazing time spent than my down time. Some days it works really well and some days, not so much. I am a work in progress.

I reflect a lot on the amazing gift of being sober through all of this. I have always managed the unmanageable with alcohol. In times like this, while I am on a hell bent mission to be well. I must feel everything, and feel it at its deepest depths. I must emerse myself in it to eventually free myself from it. I must be present and sobriety gives me an opportunity to be present. Reflecting on my life prior to being sober and watching other people be intoxicated helps a lot, as it reminds me of who I do not want to be. With all of my heart and with my deepest gratitude, I am thankful for my sobriety. Being in a deep state of gratitude keeps me going. Being sober allows me to actually feel my life…good and bad…and I am grateful. What are you grateful for?

I really have come to enjoy my morning writing in a way that feels like more than just meeting a 365 day commitment to myself to blog. I have come to consider this healing room a sacred space, where we come to heal together. I really am glad you’re here!

My mission today is to be as productive as possible. I am thinking I would like to spend some time in the studio on this day. I want to do something that feels like I actually did something, if that makes any sense?

Have a beautiful day! If you don’t mind, please send Aiden all of your love, as he is needing a little help from his friends. We must polish and soften the stone so that Aiden may pass it without incident. Aiden will pass this stone without pain or damage, If each of us polishes just a little. We can have the rough edges worked out in no time. We can keep polishing and make the stone smaller, hence making it passable. We together, can do anything. Never doubt that my friends. Your love and your prayers and whatever you did before…you brought Aiden home, after being missing for 12 days! Sanding and polishing a stone, to make it soft and small…easy stuff. Our intention is what is important. We must feel the feeling of this stone, being transformed, with all of our hearts. Using our hearts intention and the power of intention, we are able to transform the seemingly non transform able. Reiki can only ever be used in love and light, and when it is used for the highest good, which translates to me to say, if you are doing it in love and with all of your heart, you will not do it wrong. So together, let us all, in our own way, with very focused intention, begin working on polishing Aidens stone so it can pass quickly and without incident or surgery. You guys know I wouldn’t ask you, if it weren’t super important, right? Well Aiden is SUPER important to me. Let’s all work together, in whatever way works best for you, to bring Aiden back to wellness. And so it is. Please say it with me: “We love you Aiden. We’ve got you Aiden. You’ve got this Aiden!”

Thank you everyone for all of the love that you give so freely. I love you all right back. Have a beautiful Monday!

Aiden update…asking for lots of love energy…and so it is!

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Hello everyone. I just got an update from Aidens Mom. Aiden went and saw a specialist earlier today and we have been awaiting results. Here is what we found out:

So they found a 3mm stone in the bladder and some inflammation of the bladder wall. Dr Ries doesn’t think it is surgical yet- best case is he passes the stone on his own. Otherwise it will be surgery. At least we have an answer!

Because the stone isn’t because of an infection, nothing can dissolve it. We aren’t there yet with dogs. I do hope he passes it and soon…for everyone’s happiness!

I have worked with a number of veterinarians, over the course of many years and Aiden’s Mom is by far the best. So medically speaking, with She and Dr. Ries on board, Aiden is golden. Truly, Aiden is in the best possible hands.

Energetically, and on Aiden’s behalf, there is me, and all of you, and we are going to gather together and love Aiden and his family through this. Does that sound like a plan? First thing, and super fucking important…imagine that Aiden is your 4 pound baby, in this distress and in this situation. Do you have a vision of this on your mind? More importantly, can you feel, in your heart, how fragile and tiny (in body only)…how concerned you might be in this very situation? Now that we all feel this, in our hearts and visualize with our minds, let us do this!

Here is what I need from all of you, to help Aiden to peacefully pass this stone without surgery, without complication and without pain, without damage, and did I say without surgery…yes please, without surgery. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. With all of your love and intention….you think I’m crazy now? I have only yet begun.

So, with all of the love and seriousness in my intention and with my higher power working through me, I ask you to help me, with all of your love and intention.

Please grant safe and painless passage of this stone. Knowing that chemically, this stone cannot be broken down by traditional medical means, it is imperative that we use our love, our energy and our intention to soften and polish this stone and break it down with all of our intention, into a manageable size for Aiden to pass. Our love is enough. We can let love be an immeasurable and immense space in such a way …a heart wide open way…a let’s love Aiden through this sort of way, can’t we? Let our highest and purest intention be our means, to love that stone out. Did you know that? I am here to tell you that we can. I am asking you to make it so. I am in the deepest gratitude for all of your love. Aiden and Aidens family send all of their love. Let us begin now, to love Aide through this. And so it is.

Everyone together….”I love you Aiden!” We’ve got you Aiden. We’ve got you! And so it is.

Keep your hands off of my ass!

Good morning everyone! Welcome to the healing room. Reading Ram Dass this morning and an article about a waitress being groped by a patron, and dropping his ass to the floor in a split second, I found my inspiration for this morning’s blog.

Ram Dass talks about spending time alone. He writes of souls hanging out together. Finding a healthy place of being alone, void of ego. I love Ram Dass! We don’t spend time alone, in nature. We don’t renew and rejuvenate enough. We are a hot fucking mess because many of us not know how to be alone in a good and healthy way. When we are in the company of others, we don’t have any fucking etiquette. We fail to consider those we walk amongst. Maybe if we spent more time with ourselves, we would be more able to be appropriate when we are in the company of others.

Emelia Holden has a story. Emelia is a 21 year old waitress in Savannah Georgia, who was sexually assaulted by Ryan Cherwenski. The video footage shows him grab her ass, and then she reacts in self defense and takes his ass to the ground. We live in a country where this is somehow tolerated and confined and even accepted. We live in a world where people blame her, because of how she was dressed. I don’t give a flying fuck if she was naked…you don’t fucking put your hands on other people! What gives anyone the right to, for their own satisfaction, to touch someone who didn’t invite them to? The answer is simple. Nothing. Nothing gives you the right to touch someone without an invitation.

I worked in restaurants and bars my whole life and I have been groped more times than I can even count. Even as a Licensed Massage Therapist, I have been in situations where I ended the session and terminated the client, for inappropriate sexual conduct. A neighbor tried to rape me a few years ago, on my own patio. My friend and I were having some cocktails and jamming our music. He came to the gate and we invited him in. I lived across the street from this guy for over 10 years. We would have a beer together in the street between our houses every now and again. This guy had a gorgeous wife and three beautiful kids. On this particular night, my friend went inside and when she did, he decided to take what he had always wanted. He unzipped his pants and grabbed my hand and stuck it down his pants…drunk and telling me how he had always wanted to do this. He restrained me and I broke free…and again, with my hand forced on his penis by his hand, and I fucking grabbed it and torqued the fuck down on it. I drug him, screaming and begging me to be quiet, so his wife wouldn’t hear and wake up. I twisted and pulled and I drug his ass all the way across the street to his driveway, by his penis, and I released. I think he dropped, grabbing himself and still in obvious pain. I turned around and went back to my patio. My friend was inside and I relayed what had just happened. I had to hold her back. I went and locked myself in my room with my dog Nicholas. There was a fear present that secluded and isolated me from everyone and everything for quite a while.

I only bring this story in because it illustrates my experience of being touched by someone I didn’t invite to touch me. Sitting here writing about it, all of those emotions flood back over me. I said no, repeatedly. I was clear that I meant no and still, he was going to take what he had always wanted. Over my dead body. I do not give one fuck who you think you are to anyone…you have no right to take things that do not belong to you. I do not give two fucks that you thought I wanted it. I very clearly did not ask you to take your Dick out of your pants and chase me with it and make me touch it, as you tried to ram it into me. I do not give red fucks or blue fucks….keep your hands to your fucking selves! I am crystal clear on this and I will tear your Dick off if you try to assault me with it. Am I overreacting? Am I just an angry dyke who doesn’t like Dick? Did I remember it all wrong and maybe I asked for it? Hell to the fucking no! Hell no, I didn’t ask for it. Chances are, neither did you.

We MUST stand up for what is right. We MUST stop allowing what is blatant sexual assault by labeling it something else. We must stop shaming and blaming the victims of these attacks and start standing up for one another. We MUST have a voice, a voice audible enough and clear enough, just as Emelia Holden did, to say NO!

We live in a place where people who perpetuate these atrocities often have more rights than the victims of these atrocities. Emelia was doing her job and some drunk entitled clown made a very clear and conscious decision to sexually assault her. In self defense, she disabled him so he couldn’t strike again. What else would you really expect someone to do? Truly…your hand is in my asshole, while I am ringing an order in to do my fucking job…I commend her for doing something. I applaud her, at 21 years old, to have clear and healthy boundaries.

I was at a bar a few weeks ago, when we hosted Honey LaBronx, The Vegan Drag Queen, and I witnessed someone I knew grabbing Honeys ass. I was appalled. Knowing that this individual was drunk and being playful…maybe…I do not claim to know why she did it. I just know how it made me feel and how it made Honey feel, as we talked about it on the way home. Honey indicated that people do that to her a lot. I imagine that they do. I am here to tell you, it is not okay to put your hands on another persons person, uninvited. Drag Queens are human beings with human rights. Honey is my friend and it hurt me to see her disrespected.

We MUST stand up for what is right, even if we are left standing all alone. I commend Emilia and I thank Ram Dass for my morning reflection and inspiration. I encourage each of you to keep your hands to yourselves. I think the golden rule is the very best gauge I have, in terms of how I treat people. I treat people the way I want people to treat me. Maybe that will help you to find your own gauge too…Treat people the way you want to be treated always.

Aiden update for those of you following. Aiden is still straining to pee and is going back to the specialist today. Please send Aiden and his family all of your love. Repeat after me…”I love you Aiden”. Prajna pooped and now it’s Aidens turn to pee. Go Aiden. Go Aiden. Go Aiden.

 

 

Talking about love in action…

Good morning everyone! I hope you are off to a great Friday, in preparation for your weekend! I am headed to an appointment with my PCP this morning, so I ask for your love and prayers, that we can get my pain managed. I am about to literally go out of my fucking mind in all of this pain. Post op with my surgeon is Wednesday morning. That’s all I’ve got right now, which will hopefully be enough to resolve this.

I know a lot of you are struggling with something also. I send you all of my love and prayers. I believe that we have the power to lift one another up. We have the means to lighten someone else’s load, even just a little bit, don’t we? We have the resources to find ways to help others. We must stand united or fall to pieces divided.

I find myself avoiding the news at all costs. I feel like every time I watch it, it’s all about who I don’t want to be. Every time I see the pain and the loss and the struggle and  I watch Children being brutalized, I begin to feel helpless. Never hopeless, and seldom helpless, when I am though, I feel debilitated. I must be in action to do my work. My work is loving you and I sure do love you!

There will always be skeptics and may-sayers, who will tell me otherwise, and yet, the more I think about it, the more obvious and the more simple things become…I am love. My life’s work is love. My calling is to embrace, teach, model and accept love…to learn love and to love how I want to love and who I want to love. My calling, my work, my passion…spreading love to everyone. Sure, I would love to be an author and I will be. I am an artist. Those things are tools to spread my love. Once I simplified it…it became crystal clear to me…my work is love.

My view of and definition of and even my modeling of love has not always been loving. Being in love seemed reserved for romantic endeavors and lovers. Loving someone and saying so has always seemed to make people uncomfortable. How can you possibly love everyone? I don’t know. The more time that passes though, I love everyone more and more. I want people to know, more and more, that I love them. My dear friend shared a story with me, which I will paraphrase, which essentially said that you can love everyone with all of your heart!! I was SO fucking stoked the day I learned that! I thought that “All of my heart” could only really be used for one person. Another love delusion of my past. Being in love…what is being in love to you? So, as I sit here and look at my life, I have never loved wrong. I never loved the wrong people or wasted my love on them. Misguided does not invalidate all of the love I felt and tried to share. I am here simply because I never gave up on love.

My life’s calling is love. My work is love. Our Sanctuary is love. I hope that my love never made you feel uncomfortable. I mimicked what I saw and I did my best to make it beautiful and right and kind. I offered what I had, which was all of me at the time. I fell short. My love wasn’t always loving. I can promise you this though…the love was always in my heart for you. I don’t love my dogs in the same way that you love your dogs, do I? Does that mean that I love them less, because I don’t love them like you do? Does it mean that you love your dogs less if you do not love your dogs like I love mine? I think not. Truly, love is not really right or wrong. My expression of love and your expression of love may not be the same, and isn’t that fucking wonderful? Truly, love is infinite and loves potential is limitless. Diversity in love, as in life, makes the experience all the richer; don’t you agree?

So, if I tell you that I love you, I fucking mean it. I am really in a place of modeling love more than I speak love. Love is an action word and a verb. Love is action. Dr King speaks about this in a way that makes sense to me.

I took this excerpt from an article by Ruth Haley Barton, titled The Soul of leadership: Part 3 Love in Action

Where the Real Action Is

As it turns out, love is where the real action is, spiritually speaking. Love in action is doing what God calls us to do when he calls us to do it—no matter how afraid we are or how ill-equipped we feel. It is the willingness to move beyond being concerned primarily for our own safety and survival to the confidence that comes from knowing that our real life is hidden with Christ in God no matter what happens to our physical life.

Love in action is doing the right thing, at the right time, in the right Spirit, completely given over to a Power that is beyond our own—even, and perhaps most especially, when the risks are very great. This kind of action is impossible without being radically in touch with that perfect love which casts out fear. Such risky action is impossible until we stop hesitating and give in to the authority of an invisible God.[iii]

Real action is not about the absence of fear; it is the courage to look fear in face and master it through love. Dr. King (by his own admission) was often very much afraid but he chose courage which he defined as “the power of life to affirm itself in spite of life’s ambiguities.  This requires the exercise of a creative will that enables us to hew out a stone of hope from a mountain of despair.”[iv]

This kind of love-directed action is not about our natural preferences.  As King once said, “I don’t march because I like it.  I march because I must.” It is not about our own personal safety; after King went public with his convictions, he was never safe again from a human point of view. It is not about what seems humanly possible. It is about saying yes to the God with whom all things are possible and doing whatever we do in union with God. “Neither God nor man will individually bring the world’s salvation. Rather, both man and God, made one in a marvelous unity of purpose through an overflowing love as the free gift of Himself on the part of God and by perfect obedience and receptivityon the part of man, can transform the old into the new.”[v]

Love worth Celebrating

Dr. King’s commitment to the moral ethic of love enabled him to envision and articulate a way forward that involved meeting violence and oppression with nonviolent resistance, combatting real fear with profound courage, and confronting social evil with soul force.  This love is not to be confused with sentimental slop; it is creative, redemptive goodwill toward all people—including (and perhaps most especially) one’s enemies. In the depths of his being he knew that “returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.  Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”[vi]

And so he chose the way of love—love in action—and that made all the difference.

I love you and I hope you have a beautiful Friday! My challenge to each of us is to be love in action. Love with all you’ve got and share it with everyone! Love deeply and enjoy the swim. Love openly and be amazed at the love that comes back. Let’s go do some loving, shall we?

In closing, I ask again, that you send all of your love to my little friend Aiden this morning. Aiden, we are all surrounding you with love and healing light. I love you Aiden!

Could everyone please stop for a second and say, “I love you Aiden”?

 

6ECBFA35-19C3-4390-9D80-B53B268372D4.jpegGood afternoon everyone! I just arrived home and want to get this blog up right away, as my little friend Aiden doesn’t feel well. Aiden and I have become quite connected and I feel him and I know he is uncomfortable, and also in some pain.

You were all with us when we brought Aiden back home, not so long ago. Your love and your prayers and your good juju…that’s what brought Aiden home.

There really is something about being loved so deeply that gives us super strength. Knowing that everyone is loving you and rooting for you and on your side…I know I deeply appreciate and feel that from you when I can’t manage on my own. I know that I love to be loved. Aiden loves to be loved too, so let us all fill Aiden, overflowing and abundant love, love, love. Let us send him some strength and some light and some amazing juju.

Aiden,

We are all here, gathered around you, praying for you and loving you through this. We know that love is the answer and we want you to know that we fucking love you! The world met you in the worst of times, and people know Aiden. So, so many people love Aiden. I love you Aiden, with all of my heart. You give me strength and courage and hope and encouragement AND you always give me ALL of your love. I offer you these things now, in overflowing abundance. We all offer you ALL of our love that you be well. And so it is.

Please say this with me…”We love you with ALL of our heart Aiden and we send you ALL of our love. Please know that we are right here, loving you through. We’ve got you Aiden and your family, as I know they want you to be well more than we can possibly imagine.”

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Blog posts will no longer auto feed…this girl needs a FB hiatus…

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Happy Saturday morning everyone! I hope you are excited and ready for your weekend! I am feeling much better and so happy to be getting back into the swing of my life a bit!

I want to head right into the healing room this morning and to lift Tiny Dancer up as high as we can. Tiny is an amazing and resilient little being and she had an amazing medical team assemble for her. I cannot imagine seeing what they must have seen when she was brought in…I really can’t. I have a picture and it brought me to tears and almost to my knees, sick to my fucking stomach and gasping for air. I decided not to post the picture because we are in the business of healing and this picture, no matter who you are, will make you hurt and angry and dismayed. This picture is a glaring reminder of how sick we are…how entitled we are and how superior we feel, as human beings, to do the things we do to animals, and to each other.

This morning, I also ask that we lift up Victoria Martens. I have no words, only sadness and pain, that Victoria suffered so horrifically and still got no justice. I cannot watch TV…I just fucking can’t. It stifles my fucking soul! We love you baby girl and we are so glad that wherever you are, you are out of the hell that you were in. We pray for those who hurt you…those human beings, being human…those beings that must have also been so terribly hurt themselves to do such horrible things to a child, to you. We love you Victoria and we lift Tiny Dancer up to you…Tiny needs your love, your soul…to reignite her own little spark.

I would like to take a moment to thank those in the OR’s and the veterinarian’s offices, who see this kind of pain daily…who persevere through their own pain, to heal those so badly broken. I worked in those offices myself and you just cannot unsee some of the fucking horrors. I honor the place in you that can go right into surgery, with such skill and precision. To all of the veterinarian’s and to their staffs, who see things that break their heart every day, I thank you so much and I love you so much. I am in awe of your dedication and your skill set. I am inspired by you! I fucking love you!

Rocky’s surgeon and his amazing team…Pranja’s gifted surgeon and surgical team and her rescuer…Tiny Dancer and her rescuers and her surgeon and her amazing team, to the veterinarians who took them on and loved them through, with such amazing skill and precision…I thank you so, so much! Truly, I know you don’t hear it enough…any of you…thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I am going to be really real with you right now about something that has been bugging me a bit, so here it is…

We are all just walking each other home. We really are all in this together. Political and spiritual beliefs are dividing families and friendships and I hurt to see this. Chances are, I don’t believe everything that you believe. I don’t like some of your posts. I cannot, no matter how I try, see it like you see it. Your politics are bullshit, right? Your God isn’t real. If there was a God…how could he let these things happen? Weak people believe in God. I hear you…all of you. I really do, and I’m tired of it. I really am. I am so ready to go off of Facebook because the hate and the intolerance…the slander and the bigotry…the us vs. them…it is all just a bit much, isn’t it? Why can we not each have our own beliefs, without those  who don’t believe the same things making jokes and a mockery out of us? Why does my unshakable faith in something outside of myself get your panties up in such a fucking bunch? Some of your posts horrify me. Some of your jokes are not fucking funny, especially when they are at the expense of others or yourself. I keep my pages and I keep posting, because I honor the place in myself that I committed to. I also honor the place in you that is reaching out for me. I will be only selectively posting on Facebook henceforth, so if you want to get my blog every day, please go to coralsblog.com and follow me. I have done my public service of putting me out there for everyone, and I need to pull back in a bit and remove myself from the constant barrage of hate and anger and intolerance.

In order to keep vibrating as high as I need to vibrate, I will not be spending time in places that zap my momentum and cause my unnecessary anxiety and unrest. Facebook is a place for me lately, where I am not at rest. My blog is a gift, for us all and everyone is welcome. Putting my journey on Facebook has been important to me since my Mom got sick and asked me to share on my page. Taking my journey back a bit is what I feel called to do now. My posts are real and deep and often hard, and I get that. My posts are also pieces of me and I feel that those of you who need or want that, those who need it, will follow me there and get what you need.

For everyone else, I send you my love. I don’t have to think the way you think, to love you and I love you just the same. You don’t have to believe in God to be my friend. I won’t discuss with you, who you voted for. I won’t ask you who you fuck and tell you that it’s wrong. I know pieces of your past, just as you know mine and I honor the sanctity and the place in us that we shared in confidence. I love you, no matter what. Please hear that. I just put way too much of me out here to be constantly challenged and ridiculed and judged for shit that is really none of your fucking business. My God and my relationship and my faith…those are for me. You do you…however you do you. Do me a favor though and allow me the same.  Either lift me up or set me down. Either raise me up or leave me alone. I will do the same for you…fair enough?

So henceforth, at least for a while, if you want to follow my blog, please go directly to my blog. I am pulling myself out, before I drown in the hostility and intolerance of Facebook. I will continue to post, as I need to or as I see fit on my pages. I just pull my blog back and invite only those who really need and want what I have to offer to find me there. I will share, as I see and feel it appropriate, individual blog posts. Otherwise, I am leaving the building for a bit! Facebook hiatus…going on strike…taking some time for me, to really enjoy my life and the things that fuel my soul!

As always, please reach me through PM or text…a phone call or snail mail. I need some real connection, some real face to face conversation and engagement. I am a  lover, not a fighter…and I am going to stay that way!

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