Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

You are writing your own story. Make it a good one!

Good morning beautiful people! Happy Friday and what a day to make a different choice, wouldn’t you agree?

I went to bed with my body blessed by angels once again and I am so, so thankful! I went to bed next to the most amazing and beautiful girl in the world…my truest and dearest friend and my best confidant…my soulmate and my lover…the co-founder of a dream that we are building together…my anchor and my rock…and I am blessed beyond measure! I had a day full of the most beautiful and grateful clients, who pay me well and love me well and I am open and ready for some more clients like that please! I had a beautiful morning working with my colleagues, for the healing of one of our very own, and I am blessed beyond measure to be amongst such prestigious colleagues, who know and trust my work, to have me place my hands and my energy upon their best friends. I will always value and invite time like this, to give back to those who refer and share me with you, so that I can help you too and pay my bills. To everyone who loves me like a verb…thank you, and I am an open invitation for some more love like that please! My little brother and my sister checked in on me, as we have been most recently doing for one another and I will definitely have some more of that please! I had weekly tea with my very best friend, Sigrid, and I will always welcome more time and love and space and honesty and friendship, like a verb, like that, in my life! Coral and Sigrid tea time is nourishment and fuel for my soul on this journey and I am blessed! To all of these endeavors, I drove in the FJ Cruiser that I love and cherish so much, as Jesus takes the wheel, and my musical medicine blasts through the speakers, of the piece of my mom and dad that I have left, and I am thankful! I feel my beautiful and radiant cousin, Regina, in and around all of the good and positive and wonderful memories of my past and with me always on this journey and I love you so much cousin! Always, in all ways, I have room for love like Regina…thank you and more…yes please! I arrived home safe and sound at our Sanctuary in the woods, surrounded by all of my best friends…for they love me from wherever they are, to wherever I am, always and without fail or prejudice, and I am home! My health is good and getting better every day, in every way. “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” And I am so thankful for my life and for those who share this journey with me. Every day begins and ends in gratitude. Every day I am better than I was yesterday. And so it is.

This is the version of how my day ended and began that I am choosing to share and to focus on. These are the parts of my day that I am pulling out to give thanks for. These moments are my focus henceforth. These are the people I choose to rejoice in and to be grateful for, as are they for me, life’s breath. Everyone and everything else, that does not serve my highest good, I release! I stand in love and for, love in all things. I believe in love and I believe in each of us. I believe, with all of my heart in the good things coming! Thank you, my brother, Nahko, for your love.

Love is an action word and I challenge each of to truly grasp this and to know this and to live this! Love in action will open up your life!! Love in words…well, we all know what that empty and often loveless love feels like, don’t we? Where there is void, to be love in action and you will fill the void. Love in action is not always easy, as it is an action, not an empty mouth full of empty promises and lies. Action, being in action and of service…very different from choosing the “right” words, wouldn’t you agree?

We all make a choice every time we open, or do not open our mouths. I am choosing to keep my mouth closed in situations where I have nothing kind to say. In this silence, I pray for peace for those whom I choose not to open my mouth to anymore. I choose to whom I speak and to whose calls I heed. I choose whose words I shall open myself up to. I give myself permission to leave when I am done. I give myself permission to choose the clients whom I can help and to charge accordingly for my time and my services. I ask the universe to bless us all that we be synced together for our highest goods. I pray that we all feel the value of the relationship we walk into together. I pray that we each be served and valued for our life’s work and our contributions accordingly. And so it is.

Have a beautiful Friday everyone! You are writing your own story today. What will you write? Let’s write a with all of our hearts, shall we?

We must stop waiting for someone else to fix this…

Good morning everyone! I am traversing out today! We have another storm moving in this weekend, and so we must keep moving! I apologize to my clients I’ve not seen since I’ve been snowed in. I will see you today!!! Thank you to everyone who has reached out and sent and offered help. We truly do love and appreciate each of you so much! Thank you!

I have really been somewhat debilitated by all of the nasty lately. I avoid the news like the fucking plague. I have been so busy shoveling that I’ve not been on Facebook much. I prefer to not sit and watch the shit show. In between shoveling and sleeping though, I venture onto social media and I see people being blasted…friends being hurt by those they love the most, people having to cross their best friends over the rainbow bridge…imminent divorces that could be avoided with some love and humility…kids who are parenting themselves…homeless people freezing to death…transgender women being taunted, harassed and murdered…family abandonment…child abuse and neglect…I just fucking can’t!

So as I push my snow shovel around for countless hours, I rack my brain to find a way to show the world my love. I search my heart for enough momentum to kick all of this love business up a few notches. I shovel and I pray for peace. I feel the cold against my cheek and I pray for warmth for those who need it. As my feet and my body ache at night, I pray for those without any reprieve from their pain. As I go in to eat, to fuel myself to shovel some more, I pray for those without food. In my abundance, I pray for those without, that we may equalize and stabilize…level the playing field…exercise fair play…be kind and be of service. We are all just walking each other home. Not one of us will ever be whole until each of us is whole. Not one of us is truly free while any of us remain in captivity. All lives matter. Your life matters and so does the life of every other sentient being. We must understand this and respect this and change our entitlement into acts of service. White privilege all over the fucking place and it makes me fucking sick. People hurting people who we deem to be less than us and it makes me cry. A world full of hate and a fist full of love…a dark place with a tiny crack of light…a hopeless situation turned around by faith.

We have the power to be the change we wish to see in the world. We cannot do this sitting in our chairs and hiding behind our computer screens. To be the change, we must be in action. We must jump in and be of service. We must give a shit. Two shits would be nice. We must care. Plain and simple. The shroud of complacency is alarming. The total disregard for human life and for the lives of the animals we say we love…it’s astonishing. Our belief that we are better and more than is disgusting. We are tipped in the wrong direction. In our ignorance and our complacency. The majority follows the idiocy and the intolerance and the fear of the hate…hate that we say we cannot stand. When will we wake the fuck up? The ignorance, fueled and perpetuated by hate, that we have come to believe..that flies out of our mouths…is sickening! “That illegal immigrant killed a cop.” Illegal? Immigrant? Who the fuck decided this? Who is legal? Who is not? Depends on the soil you were born on, doesn’t it? It does. Native Americans can speak to this, can’t they? Well this just doesn’t suit us…let’s just take the fucking land. And hey, fuck you guys. This land is our land. And let’s write a shitty fucking song about it and teach it to our kids in elementary school. Who the fuck are we?! Seriously…who in the fuck do we think we are? We are out of bounds. We are way the fuck out of bounds.

Tamara often says, “If not me, then who? If not now, then when?”

We need to tip this in a direction that serves the highest good of each of us. Did you know that approximately 85 people hold the majority of the wealth? Do you really think that they worked that much harder and deserve that much more than everyone else? While we drive by the homeless camps and as we cozy up in our homes at night…do we really think that they deserve nothing? We have heard and we have taught that there actually is more than and less than, in terms of living beings. The alligators mouth opens wide to the left or the right? Oh…you’re greater than and I’m less than. The alligator analogy was for math! It wasn’t intended for human beings. You are not greater. I am not less than. You are not less than. I am not greater than. There is always a tipping point. Tamara told me about it. I didn’t know until she did. We have to shift our thinking. We have to find people in those 85 or so people who want for each of us what they have. We have to seek them out and we have to ask for their help. We have to spread it out so that everyone has enough. We are mother fucking complacent. We have work to do. We must stop waiting for someone else to do it. Whatever it is…we must act. Someone should do something! Yes. Yes, someone should do something. You are someone. Do something. I am someone. What am I doing? Right now, I’m doing what I know to do. I’m writing. I’m living a life of service. I can do more. I will do more. Will you do more? We must open our eyes to the things we have turned away at. We must not be so selfish as to look away because their pain hurts us. Their pain hurts us because they are us and we are them. I am because you are. Ubuntu. And so it is.

Have a beautiful day everyone! I am off to dress cozy for work to go and brave the roads! Be safe out there if you must be out. Be warm. Be well. Be love. I love you!

Please reflect and pray with me…

Good morning everyone! Happy New Year’s Eve! This day used to be a huge drinking day for me. Everyday was a pretty huge drinking day for me, come to think of it. Anyway…I was fucked up five years ago on this day. Thankful for another shitty year behind me…praying for a better next year…yada, yada, yada…and shots for everyone! I don’t even do shots…unless someone pours or buys me one! Okay though!!! That’s how I spent the first 41 years of my life. Mindless. Careless. Numb. Fucked up. Miserable. Hostage. Stuck. Sad. Drunk. Fighting. Fucking. Arguing. Drinking. Drinking. Drinking. So on this, the eve of a brand new year, I thank God for the friend of Bills he sent to me on that day, on my way to happy hour…a friend needing a friend to go to an AA meeting with her. Sure I could go to an AA meeting on my way to happy hour! I know my friend is going through a hard time and hey, I heard they have free cookies and coffee and I should eat before I hit the bar anyway, right?

I never made it to the bar that evening. I never made it to the bar again. My name is Coral and I am an alcoholic. Thank you Tamara for inviting me to that meeting five years ago. I will be five on January 2nd, 2019. “There but for the grace of God go I.” This morning’s reading on the last day of the year was so powerful for me that I wanted to share it with you also. Thank you Bill.

I am so glad you are here! I really am. Blogging every day, no matter what, has been so good for me. I am going to blog every day for another year. I have heard from so, so many of you who come here. I know my blog has helped you too. To be able to go somewhere every single day, and to know that someone else will be there too…I guess that has helped a lot of you and I am so happy to hear this! You being here every day helps me too. Especially on my most difficult days…you being in the healing room with me…well it helps me so much. Thank you.

As I spend today in prayer and meditation and in loving time and space with my girl, I think of each of you. I want you to know that. As we walk each other home, I place your hand in mine. I place my arm around your shoulder, and I pull you close to me. I whisper in your ear to remind you that I’ve got you. I am because you are. Ubuntu. We are all here to love each other home. We live in community with people starving and dying in our streets. Hooray for me and fuck you, as Tamara says..when we have an attitude of ingratitude.

I am on a hellbent mission to love us home and I will not stop until I’m done. I may not be your typical preacher and I may not speak to you at all. I may though, speak to you. Will you please pray with me? For the year behind us and for the year ahead…for this very moment, let us pray.

My soul brother Rumi, we come to you thankful this morning. We are thankful for the last 365 days…the 525,600 minutes of the year behind us. We ask for your love and guidance for the 52 weeks and 8,760 hours ahead of us. Most of all though brother, we ask you to help us to live in this moment. Just this one…right here and right now. The past is behind us. The future is not promised to us. The present truly is right here and right now. In this fucked up crazy world, where everyone and everything is our business…gently remind us that everything is not our business. We know right from wrong. Lord help us to do what we know in our hearts to be right and just. If we cannot find it within us to stand up…God give us the courage to stand down. If we cannot help them Lord, please stop us from harming them. Please hold our tongues in pause before we cut those we love the most. Please God remind us that we are all the same. Not one of us will be whole until each of us is whole…please let us understand this. Our brothers and our sisters, different from us and yet so very much the same..please let us recognize ourselves in one another. There are no beings less than any other beings. There are people. There are sentient beings. We are all the same. Please remove the slurs and the labels and the judgement from our lips. God please remind us that we’ve two ears and two hands…two eyes and but one mouth. Let us shut our mouths if we’ve nothing nice to say. Let our silence be our gift. Let our words always be kind. Let us love. As we learn who we have been, Rumi, guide us to forgive. Ourselves and those who’ve harmed us…let us show your grace and mercy…let us feel your grace and mercy. Let us know that God is in us…that we are God…that God is us. Let us no longer be separate. Let us love. Father forgive us where we have fallen short. Lift us up. As we come into a new year, we ask with all of our hearts, that you teach us how to love. Open us to your messages. Protect us from the harm that knows know bounds as we stand up in silent solidarity for and with one another. Teach us to stand in silence and in peace, until our voices are warranted. When our voices are warranted, God let us remember to ask if it passes through all three gates; Is it true?Is it necessary? Is it kind? If it does not pass through these gates, let us keep our lips closed until it is. Let us stand up for ourselves and for one another. We learned it wrong and we ask you to help us right it. We misunderstood and we ask you to forgive us. We ask you to bring forth the leaders who are here to love us home. And so it is. Amen.

Thank you for praying with me. Have a beautiful day and please be safe. I love you. Don’t drink and drive. Hey…better yet, don’t drink at all. Be present. Be sober. Be real. Five years later and thankful as hell, I highly recommend setting that bottle down completely my friends.

You may call me ma’am…

Happy Sunday everyone! I won’t even pretend that the struggle is not real for me today. The struggle is kicking my fucking ass today. I am hurt. I am frustrated. I am tired of the fucking hate. I am suffocating and gagging on the words people are fucking mincing. I am fed up with the bullshit. I am over being fucking lied to. I am sick of feeling spiritually bankrupt because I am often so undervalued that I actually believe I’m not worth much…it’s bullshit and yet I buy it. I am done buying it.

Things are coming up for me that are torturing my soul. It’s not forever. For now though…I am a bit fucked up over it. I’m definitely worn out from it. I’m sick because of your sickness and I’m a little pissed about that on this day. You….and you and even you throwing me away has left me feeling a bit like a piece of fucking trash. And to be bluntly honest…I throw up in my mouth a bit when I hear the shit I hear spewing out of yours. Your are ignorant and you do not wish not to be so. You are hurtful in action and only sorry in words. Your words hold no value here any longer. The moment the truth was lost…the moment the tables turned and promises started getting broken…the moments that followed became increasingly difficult for me. Today is difficult for me. It hurts me to say it, and yet say it I must…I won’t be your whipping boy. It hurts me to say it because I didn’t know that I was until the beatings commenced. The faces I see in the dark are darker and more familiar than I remembered them to be. The color that faded to black is coming back in technicolor now. Denial does not serve me and so I speak my truth. You need not listen or hear it any longer. I’ll not waste my heart and my voice to fall on deaf ears any longer.

Like I said…the struggle is real for me today. The words bouncing around inside my head are crushing my reality a bit. I have been stuck in a full blown PTSD spin since 5:00 or so AM. I cannot get out. I have cried most of this day and I have remembered things that hurt my heart. I saw a video of Tiffany being taunted and teased and fucking abused and tortured by ignorant and senseless fools and I fucking weep. God damn it do I weep. I know that pain. I know those snickers. I know that rage that boils over when you just want to be yourself…and you are not permitted to be. I know the hurt of being the person you say you hate, without knowing anything about me. Your ignorant and foolish comments, ignorant as they are, hurt me. Tiffany is my sister and if I hear you call her brother, I will not stand by and pretend that I did not. Tiffany is my sister and you will not fucking call her mister…or sir…not on my watch…not without a word from me. I will not be silent when you hurt my sister. I will not stand down when you stand up where you don’t fucking belong. The ignorance flowing from your lips like wine is not intoxicating to me…your breath of too much drink and the slur across your lips keeps me remembering why it is that I am sober. Thank you. Tiffany is my sister. I ask each of you to please send my sister Tiffany your love. As long as one of us broken, not one of us will truly be whole.

Words hurt. The withholding of words hurts even more. I ask each and every one of you to give yourself permission to stand up for what is right. Do not stand by laughing and mocking and teasing too. Do not forget that what enrages you about me deeply touches something in you that you’ve not yet resolved. Let me not forget the same thing in my conflict with you. I hurt so badly tonight that I cannot console myself. I hurt for who we’ve become…for how we treat one another…for how we toss each other aside…for how we hurt the animals…for how we hurt our wives…I weep for Tiffany, for I see and feel her in myself. I stand with Tiffany. I am going to ask you to stand with my sister too. You may call her ma’am and you can treat her like a lady. If you cannot do these things, then say nothing to her at all. Do not question her, as it’s not your fucking business. I don’t ask about yours and you don’t ask about mine. Deal? I’ve got my sisters back. I will always have my sisters back. If you do not have my sisters back, then you do not have my back either. I am my sister. My sister is me. You are my sister and my sister is you. The sooner we all know this, the sooner we will all be free. What holds you hostage bars me in also. Your pain is mine. Your hurt, mine.

This blog is dedicated to my sister Tiffany and to all of my brothers and sisters in the Queer and LGBT 🏳️‍🌈 community. We have every right to be here. We will not be silent to make you comfortable and we will not stand down when you step up. You are out of line. You have been called out. We will appreciate it for you to stand down, step the fuck aside and treat us like ladies. You may call me ma’am…although I prefer you call me Coral. If you call me sir by accident, I will understand. If you call me sir again, I will correct you more audibly. You will call me ma’am or you will not call me at all. And so it is.

Please send out all of your love tonight to my sisters and my brothers who will not be silent any longer. We will stand up for ourselves and for each other and I am going to ask you to stand up for us to. Will you please stand up for my sisters and brothers and I when you see us being persecuted? Your silence hurts us more than their infliction. Please know this. If we matter to you, like you say we do…start standing up for us. You may call me ma’am. And so it is. I love you Tiffany. I love you. Goodnight.

An update on me to help you to see your pain differently. I love you.

Good Wednesday morning everyone. Thank you for the love and prayers yesterday. I had a puedenal block and three pelvic injections yesterday. I won’t lie…it fucking hurt! I almost came out of my skin and rode home on the dash of the fucking Jeep. This girl went down hard yesterday and didn’t get back up until this morning. This morning though….I am fucking fabulous! This morning though…the pelvic and anal clenching have ceased for a moment and I don’t even know what to do with myself…I am so elated. It still hurts and we’ve a long ways today. My back shifted and feels like it broke in two and that is okay. I will handle it. This is the first non-clenching morning I have had…maybe ever. I couldn’t have enough gratitude. To my amazing doctor and her anesthesiologist…to my girl and to each of you…thank you!

Chronic pain…physical…emotional and spiritual pain…it changes us. It wrecks the fucking shit out of us, doesn’t it? Tosses and twists and breaks us…throws us and kicks us…berates us and beats us down, right? Not right. Pain does not do that to us. We do that to us. Our mindset about our pain and why we are in it in the first place…our inaction and our reaction to our pain…not pain itself…WE do this. Our pain is just pain. That’s it. We must begin to understand that as Rumi says, “The cure for the pain is the pain.”

We all have our own interpretations of Rumi and I’m sure we can all agree that Rumi knows love. Rumi knows God. Rumi didn’t die…Rumi simply changed forms and kept on going. We also do that. My Mom is doing that. Your husband and your wife…they are simply gone from your sight. Ever present…and you know this on some level, don’t you?

Today, for me, this moment without clenching…thank you! “The cure for the pain is the pain.” As I begin to understand this and invite my pain to come and visit, I invite and encourage you to do the same. Sit with it. Feel it. Know it in its new form. Introduce yourself and ask it’s name. Share a cup of tea and swap old stories. Ask of and offer forgiveness to your pain, for the millions of ways you’ve misunderstood your pain. Sleep with and through your pain. Awake in your pain and know that you are undoubtedly alive. Give your pain it’s due. Give yourself reprieve, when you are ready and able and let your pain go. Breathe it out. Cry it out. Scream it out in the middle of the forest. Invite your pain to leave you and strip holding it here with you. Let it fucking go and it shall.

I just had my second set of injections via my vagina and into my pelvic floor and it fucking hurt. I was mindful to remember that the pain I was in yesterday was new pain…pain I had to endure to heal the old pain..,AND not the old pain itself. Coming out of anesthesia, I had to sit down by a huge Christmas tree and then I couldn’t stop crying. I wanted to know where my mom went, as she must have visited me under anesthesia. I could not form the words and I cried and cried and cried because I couldn’t find her or leave there without her. Several more times I woke and called out for my Mom. In such excruciating and unrelenting pain, I have always called for my Mom. I forgot to remember that my mom still answers…I forget to remember how to hear her…how to hear you…I forget to remember that I am okay and that I am healing through my pain. I want you to know that you can do this too. It fucking hurts and it isn’t easy and you can do it anyway. I know you can. I can and you can. We can heal ourselves if we are willing to endure the pain of separating ourselves from the pain that we have clung onto for dear life for so fucking long.

I love you and I know you’ve got within you whatever it takes to heal you. I also believe in me and I believe in you. We can meet pain in a different way and let pain be our teacher and our escort to our next lesson. We have the power. We just have to make the choice to change the way we look at things so that the things we look at change. I realized yesterday, in all of that excruciating pain, that with over twelve more months of these injections, I had best change the relationship that I have with my pain. I woke up this morning to heal us all by sharing with you what I have come to know. And so it is.

Have a beautiful day everyone. I love you. The struggle is real. For each of us. Always, in all ways, be kind.

I love you Jacob.

Good morning everyone and happy Saturday. I have been writing this blog post in my head for days. Scattered and unorganized with thoughts that don’t seem to string together, and yet I believe they do after all.

Driving home on 217 last night, in the dark, Tamara and I saw I light flickering and flashing and then a dark figure stumbling into the road. We turned around and went back and that is where we met Jacob. I haven’t stopped thinking about him since and I believe he would probably be dead had we or someone not turned back. We are someone you know? Each of us is someone. Jacob is someone. Someone saw someone struggling and someone stopped to help.

Jacob was grotesquely intoxicated and stumbling and falling. Apparently he had fallen in the culvert and just gotten back up when we saw his flashing light. The light was dancing and crashing around, at the end of his unsteady arm. We spied it in a single second…a second that changed the course of Jacobs life…of my life and of Tamaras life. Jacobs story is not mine to tell and I don’t know his story, so I can only speak to my own heart and the night I was Jacob.

This story still hurts me. Asked to marry her in a drunken stupor doing Jager bombs on the patio of a bar somewhere…I said yes. Our relationship reflected the dysfunction that we didn’t even know we were in. Sigrid was with me that night and she wept when I said yes. I later found out why…I was just about to hurt in ways I had not yet imagined. Anyway, one night, My wife had decided not to come home again and I went out with a friend for dinner and some drinks. I was the bar manager downtown at Maloney’s Tavern and we stopped in for some drinks after we ate. Some drinks became more drinks and then shots and I was taking my friends shots for her. At some point, I wandered off and never returned to the patio where we were sitting. Dialing my wife to help me, and no answer for hours. Drunk dialing and getting no answer, I just kept walking, trying to get home. I ended up on the flyover at I-40, looking down at the blurry lights of the cars speeding under me, past me, at me. I kept falling and hitting my face on the guardrail. I finally ended up at Broadway and my wife finally answered at about 4:30 am and came for me. Drunk with her clothes inside out and cum on the corners of her lips and face, she came screeching around the corner in her rental car. I had ruined her fucking evening…literally and she was not pleased. We got home and she locked herself in the guest bedroom and I passed out on our bed. The next morning, I woke up with the worst pounding and unrelenting headache. I made it to the bathroom and began pulling the rocks and grass burrs from my face and the dirt from my teeth. Lots of dried blood and so much pounding in my head…so much pounding.

I was Jacob. I was fucked up over a fight with a girl who didn’t fucking love me anyway. As it turns out, my girl became pregnant during those nights of never coming home, clothes insideout from her nights of fucking. And Coral was a destroyed and hot fucking mess for months and months. My wife left me only moments before I left myself also. Like Jacob, I did not give one fuck if a car did hit me. In fact, I remember praying to God that a car not hit me, but rather a huge semi truck, smash me into bits and end it all for me.

Jacob and I staggered and tumbled and plummeted down the hill into a tree together. Jacob gripped my arm for dear life, as though it was all that remained in this world for him to hold on to. I pulled him up with the help of the tree we just assaulted and I just held him steady close to me. Jacob, like me so long ago, was drawn to the lights. I pulled him back and he begged for both me to hold him safe and to just let him go. Tamara was on the phone and the police and EMS began to arrive. Jacob saw his life fleeting away in those moments, as the questions began and the lights closed in around us. Standing behind him, I shifted all of my love and heart energy to Jacob and I’ve not redirected it since. I am going to ask each of you to do the same now, and to love Jacob through this. We really and literally are just walking each other home.  I don’t know Jacob or his story and yet I am Jacob and his story is my story also.

Jacob didn’t know me and he didn’t know my story. I did get the vote of approval that lesbians are cool with him and so we made monumental progress in that moment, as maybe lesbians aren’t usually cool with him. Maybe his girl was at home fucking a lesbian and that’s why he ended up as he was last night? I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. When you are loving someone with all you have, those labels and all of the venom that they held a moment ago just seem to vanish into thin air.

Love is a verb people…it really, really is. I fucking love Jacob. Tamara loves Jacob. Two girls loved Jacob when it mattered the most, as he was stumbling in the dark into a road that was about to take his life. Jacobs little light…he let it shine. “Darkness cannot drive away darkness. Only light can do that.”

All of my love to Jacob today, wherever he may be. Waking up this morning to whatever demons he has waiting, I step in and soften the blow for him, with allof my love and thanks that he is here with us this morning. I ask each of you to pause for a moment this morning and to say it with me…”I love you Jacob.” And so it is.

Happy Saturday everyone. Go out and be the love that changes the world today. You really are that powerful. Just ask Jacob. I love you! Have a beautiful day!

Let us make this movement move!

Happy Sunday morning everyone! I am up early and sitting in front of a cozy fire with Prajna, praying on what to write abou this morning. Some days it just comes and some days I know I’m merely here to relay a message. Some days I could write for days and some days I can’t find my words. Today, my message comes directly from the divine creator. Spirit wants you to know that she’s got you.

As I look around the world at all of the pain and fear and disembowlment of things once sacred, I am called to carry and smoke heavily, the peace pipe. Into the trenches with people who have preconceived notions about me, I am called to be the light. I stand up to be the change I wish to see in my world.

Real quick, I want to address punctuation and spelling and sentence structure…I know. I do not edit this blog. I let the words flow out and unlesss spellcheck checks it, I don’t attach myself to it. I do this on purpose. One reason is that I am working on not sweating the small stuff and to be honest, it drives me fucking crazy. I am so fucking anal retentive that it kills me to do my re-read after I post, so I can get the message too. Every day I see the errors and leave it. Making my therapist proud for years…that’s how I roll! My blog is a hot mess on purpose. My blog is me and this is how I’m called to do it, so let’s do it! Some day I may revisit and find myself and editor; until then…you get Coral raw, uncensored, unedited (literally) and authentic, in all of my glory. Let us make this movement move, shall we? And yes, you will hear a lot of other people’s words in my writing…a shit fucking ton of Nahko…and I thank each and every inspiration, every thought, idea and dream from each of these words. I never do not give credit on purpose and I am always grateful when their words pass my lips. Thank you Wayne Dyer, Mom, Nahko, Ram Dass, Tamara…for allowing me to use your words. Let’s get back at it, shall we?

Do you find yourself asking…”How can I, little ol’ me, all by myself be the change?” How can you not be the change? How can you live a life of purpose if you feel insignificant and like you don’t matter? How can you impact change if you have convinced yourself and allowed others to convince you, that you are not important? “What difference does one vote make?” Really? I used to think that too and I still voted. My own ignorance fucking astounds me at times…truly. I hear nothing but bitching and I cannot help but wonder, did you vote? I don’t give a fuck who you voted for, as that is your business…did you vote? Those of you who do not exercise your right to vote have a more adverse impact upon the shape our country is in than those of you who voted for the “wrong guy”. We must realize how significant we are and stop being so fucking complacent. We must cease blaming others and take accountability for ourselves and our actions. What we do when no one is watching is the greatest measure of our true character. How we speak about others says more about us than it ever says about them.  Some of you have heard me talk some shit, haven’t you? What did that say to you about me? Was it true? Was it kind? Was it necessary?

We are on time. (Thank you Nahko) We really are on time. Things that don’t suit us are awaiting our special touch to brighten things up a bit. People who enrage is are a mirror for ourselves, so that we may see how we occur to others. If you do not like the county or the world or the community that you live in, then do something to change it. Seriously, I hear all the time what is wrong with this country and I know damn well that you didn’t even fucking vote. You jumped on someone elses bandwagon. You hopped up into someone else’s hype. You attached yourself to their anger and swallowed their venom and you carry those ideas as your own. You got sucked into everyone else’s fear and you became afraid yourself. Your fear turned into anger and you are fucking pissed at the people who allowed this to happen. YOU allowed this to happen if you didn’t vote. I allow things I do not wish to persist simply because I am too lazy to fucking resist them. We all do that. Being the change is a verb, like love and honesty are verbs. In action, be the change. In words, shut the fuck up about everyone and everything else that is wrong with the world and look in the mirror. Look honestly at that reflection and make that change. (Thank you Michael Jackson)

We have a choice. Just look at your day…how many choices do you make…how much impact do you have in each choice you make, every single day? Helping you and I to chose our words more carefully…Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true? If it’s not, keep your words to yourself until they are kind and true and necessary. Don’t pass on shit that isn’t kind, honest, necessary and true.

I was handed something early Monday morning that I’ve still not spoken about because I simply cannot yet meet that criteria. My first instinct upon hearing it was to pick up the phone in my fury and repeat it, and the to make my next call and repeat it again. “Oh my God…you are not going to fucking believe this shit…” I have almost always made those calls following the call that blew me out. Why? Why in the fuck did I do that? Why do we do that? We don’t have to do that. Some call that drama, and I’ve no bandwidth for drama, and yet I have been some fucking drama. Stirring the pot and getting everyone up in a fucking tizzy with my ignorance ans bullshit…been there and done that. Henceforth, I will hold what I need to hold until I can detach myself from it and be kind and honest and only speak about what is necessary. Until then, I simply say that I do not have the bandwidth to speak of it at this time. (Thank you to my therapist for the no bandwidth…I use that a lot lately and it works for me to shut my own drama down).

Thank you all for being here with me this morning. As you go out into the world today, remember that you are responsible for being the change you wish to see in the world. Keep your drama to yourself until you can decipher it and send it out in better context than it came to you in. If you are unhappy in our political climate, get online and register to vote and show up at the polls. Otherwise shut your fucking face. Truly, you know who you are and you would be of more benefit to yourself and everyone else if you could just stop talking and go do something about it…whatever it is. Those of us doing something really do get annoyed sometimes with those of you trolling our pages and stirring pots and your unnecessary and unkind commentary and rhetoric about things you know nothing of. I love you just the same man…just stop talking and get out there and do something about it.

Todays challenge for each of us is to register to vote and to educate ourselves about our candidates. The brow beating and trash talking commercials are probably not the best place to get your information…go out there and dig a bit. How can you be the change if you’ve no idea what is going on? Hey, me too…I’m guilty of my blog or I would not be able to write it. I am about to close and so this gives you the perfect opportunity to go and get registered to vote. Go to Propeller.com and get yourself registered and educated. Being the change means changing. You cannot change by staying the same and by doing the things you’ve always done. Let’s get busy and make this movement move! I love you. Have a beautiful day everyone!

We must be the change or nothing changes…

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Good morning everyone! I hope your weekend is off to a good start. I am feeling great this morning! I have an appointment with my GI doctor this morning at 8:30 and I am excited to learn what is happening, in terms of my GI issues. I am feeling the benefit of the pelvic injections, and I know that these are the first steps to my new life.

Yesterday while driving to a clients house on South 14, I saw a horse down in the pasture, with two other horses standing over her. I wasn’t sure if she was dead or not, as she was laid completely out on her side. I cannot not see what I see and I cannot not know what I know. I turned around and came back and headed over the barbed wire fence that clearly states “No Trespassing” and made a B-line for her. Shallowed and labored breathing. I pull out my phone and I’ve no signal. Her friends are distressed and begging me to help her. I began to stress a bit myself, as I could feel how helpless she was. I could see she needed water and so with a promise to return, I hauled ass to my clients house and grabbed some water and called Tamara. I jumped back in the FJ and hurried back to her. I asked her name and she told me her name is Savanna. I’ve no idea what they named her, as often it’s not the same name as the name they associate with themselves. “Savanna, I’m coming…please hold on.”

I returned with water and Savanna was very thirsty. Nothing I could do would rouse her.  Tamra had sent help and when she arrived, we began looking around for food and water, to no avail. My friend left to go and get some feed out of her truck, which I put in the dog bowl I borrowed from my client, and off I went to see if she would eat. We needed more water and so my friend went to go get more water.All three horses were hungry. Savanna had positined herself more upright and not flat out on her side.  Finally she was somewhat sternal and so I propped myself up behind her to push and hold her upright. We sat like this for a while and I would gently push in every time she gave me a little space. After a while, our pushing back and forth and she stood up!!! I was elated! Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! She is standing and she isn’t dead!!! Thank you! I just stood there with my arms around her neck and her huge head resting in my shoulders. I had been palpating her and she was definitely emaciated and not bleeding anywhere that I could see. I reached down and got the dog bowl of food and held it for her as she ate.

I fell in love instantly. As she stood up, I looked down and her front hooves were like baby skis. I could tell immediately that she needed A ferrier. We have a ferrier…my friend even has a different ferrier…we can offer help! We stood together for a long time and we filled each other’s very soul. We loved through lifetimes together, and we both came home in that pasture yesterday morning. Equine energy is unmatched in terms of its spirituality and its openness and I bathed in her love, as I watched her bathe in my love.

Al of this love was interrupted by a woman screaming at me to get off of her property. I made my way to her, trying to explain what I had witnessed and why I was in her pasture. She was not impressed and told me that her horse is fine and that she lies this way all the time.  Her horse friends, she insisted, take good care of her. I made my way back over the fence and things de-escalated a bit, until my friend rolled back up with water for Savanna. The woman said we were not to feed her horses or be on her property and to leave. A verbal altercation ensured and she unrailed on my friend and told her to get off of her property. I was blocked in and doing my best to remain calm and peaceful. She was yelling at me to get my friend off of her property as they yelled at each other. She’s telling that she’s calling the cops. My friend says the livestock board has already been called and girl almost lost her fucking mind, and then my friend gets in her truck to leave. The woman tells me again to make her leave, as she is driving off.

I apologized for trespassing and explained why and that her horse needed a ferrier. Simple fix. The woman wasn’t as elated about this as I and told me the horse is just fine. I apologized again and gave her my business card and our for the Sanctuary and explained that my “friend” and I were from different Sanctuary’s and that we were not together. All seemed to be fairly amicable as we were parting ways. I even gave her a hug.

I went back to my clients house and did what I came to do and headed home. I hadn’t been home 20 minutes when Tamara’s and my phones started blowing up. It was our friend, and the cops had just left her house. I told her I would be right there and jumped back in the FJ and headed to her house. What in the fucking fuck?

Long story…still long, but shorter…we were not arrested. The livestock’s board has been contacted, and another friend who knows horses and her way around the mountain, jumped on board last night, to help Savanna and her friends.

Not so long and yet a lifetime ago, I was the woman with the horse, having someone tell me that my dog deserved better from me. I came unfucking hinged, Just as this woman did, and probably for the exact same reason…I was wrong and she was right…my dog did deserve more from me. I was out of alignment and out of bounds and being called on it…well I was defensive and I was angry and I was fucking wrong.

My moral to this story is that when we see something wrong, when we feel something wrong…we all have a choice. I would have happily been arrested before I would let Savanna die out there in the fucking desert with her face in the fucking dirt, barely breathing. I held Savanna and Savanna will always hold me. This will go as high and as far as it needs to go, to get Savanna and her friends taken care of. I was once the woman. I have often felt like the horse. I am just me, waking hand in hand, heart to heart with my friends. I will do what my heart leads me to do and I will not allow my old self to have been here in vain. I use the me I used to be to help those who are opening up and learning to live heart forward. And so it is.

I dedicate today’s blog to Savanna and her friends. We are working tirelessly to help you my friend. I will wrap myself around you and be with you always. No matter what happens Savanna, I love you and I will never leave your side. I slept with the horses last night and I am fucking blessed.

We must be the change or nothing changes.

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I get by With a little help from my friends…

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Good morning everyone! I am dragging a bit this morning, as I get my day started. I have really been missing my Mom a lot. Being sick, I  want my Mommy.  My Birthday is two weeks away today and I miss her so much more it seems. Losing your Mom is not for sissies. It will fuck with you from seemingly out of nowhere, as you scramble to stay afloat. Losing my Mom opened a flood of tears, held in for an entire lifetime, that now runs like an open water spicket.  There is no “right” time or place for these meltdowns. They come whenever they feel like it. There is no stopping the meltdowns either, at least not for me. Of all of the many Sherry Lessons, Sherry never taught me how to live without her. Of all of the people I have ever lost, losing my Mom has to be the break that opened the flood gates, the crack that almost sunk my boat and the pain unmatched by any other pain. Primal pain…so fucking primal that I feel it in my soul.

I got a package in the mail yesterday, which is fairly rare. I was not expecting it and so it was pretty exciting, just seeing the package. I opened it and inside was the most beautiful hand written letter and a mala that my friend created, with my Mom and I in mind. This mala was hand made with so much love and healing energy and positive intention. The moment I put hands on it, I felt it’s power. I felt all of the love. I definitely felt my Mom, and I so needed that last night. Receiving such a beautiful gift lifted my spirits and reminded me why I am here. Wearing this mala around my neck feels like it is helping to stabilize me and hold me tight as I navigate some really rough terrain.

It occurred to me that I wasn’t sure how to say thank you adequately, for such an amazing gift. I tried to share My thankful and I did…there is just a lot of thankful left that I have not expressed. This morning’s blog is to be about being in gratitude. This morning’s blog is dedicated to someone who is attempting to love me better.

I am still so touched and so inspired by this gift. I am honored and I am humbled. I feel full and capable, where I once was weak and losing ground. I did a LOT of research on Malas yesterday and I learned so much. Mostly what I learned is that someone saw me in need of something beautiful and amazing and full of love and light, and they answered the call and filled that need. Wouldn’t it be great if we all did that?

So, from the bottom of my heart, and with all of my love, I thank my friend, whom I won’t mention by name, as I’ve not asked for her permission, for loving me like a verb, for being the change. I needed a little jumpstart, a hand to pull me out a bit and a heart that only has the purest intention, to love me through all of this pain and being unwell. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I am in the midst of something I’m not clear on how to navigate. I am in pain that I cannot seem to get out of. I am going to rise above it, with a little help from my friends!

I love and appreciate you. I really, really do, for sharing in this journey with me, for loving me like a verb. Have a beautiful day everyone. I love you!

I always say to be the change…

Good afternoon! Getting up at 5:00 AM did not happen on this day. I actually do have a blog started and I decided that the world isn’t ready for it. Maybe I’m not ready for it. For whatever reason, on this afternoon, of my first day writing, meditating and blogging, from 5-7 AM, I change courses.

I am ready to live my life. I mean, I am ready to L I V E. (Reminds me of Maude in an all time favorite movie of mine, “Harold and Maude”…L I V E, she says, so you’ll always have something to talk about in the locker room…something of that nature. Anyway, I fucking love Maude!} Tamara is ready to see me live too. Living is not what Ive been doing, I can tell you that.

I want to live in gratitude. I want to feel gratitude, more than I feel anything else. In order to feel gratitude, more than anything else, I must choose to have an attitude of gratitude. This evening, I choose, to get out of me and to go support someone whom I think is doing great things in our world. I always say to be the change and I am going to get off of this bed and go support someone who is doing just that…being the change. Have a beautiful evening everyone! If you aren’t quite ready to be the change, how about going to support someone who is?