Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Praying for those who I love the most today…

Good morning everyone! I’m sorry I’ve been distant. The struggle has been real for me for a few days and I’ve been quiet. I am good. I just really get sad sometimes. I miss my Dad a lot and I cannot imagine what the fuck happened. I let it go before I get suicidally depressed over it. Why should I be so sad when other people decide to go? Why should I want that which has left me? I have decided that I will not spend time here, trying to make it make sense. Why battle to stay away? Feels like I should just be able to be gone and be done and over it, for it is clearly finished. Anyway, I won’t lie, i fucking hurt, like I’ve never hurt before over it. Until I don’t hurt anymore, I will allow the pain to heal me, as it has hurt me enough already. And that’s enough of that. That is where I have been…not where I am at this morning.

This morning I am praying for our friend, and for her recovery and for traveling mercies today. Today I set down those who do not love me anymore so that I can be present with those who do love me. I ask you to please say a little prayer for our friend as she travels back home to recover from major surgery. Today, my heart is with her and all of my love…with her. I lift her up that God may literally carry her back to her home and her life and her loves. God, please wrap your loving arms and protection around our friend today and get her home safe, to her healing space, with those who she loves and who love her the most. Please God, place your hands on her, that she heal and recovery perfectly and peacefully. All of my love my friend! We will see you soon! Safe travels and take good care of you today!

I also have another dear friend returning home today, after being away for some healing. My friend left his love and his life to go and find himself. Today he comes home and I am so thankful that he went. Please send him some love as he re-enters his new life, a new man. Today is a big day for him and for those who love him the most, as he returns from a journey that many of us will never know or understand. I love you my friend! Welcome home!

And this morning I shave for six of my friends battling cancer. Shaving every couple of days is a spiritual experience for me. As I stand in front of my mirror and shave, I go to each of them. I spend quiet time with each of them. Shaving my hair, to give them strength for their journey, is my way of loving them from where I am at. I have done this as long as I can remember. I will do this for always. This is my way of holding them, of loving them like a verb…of supporting their journey and I am so thankful that I am able and willing to do this. I shave for each of us and for all of us, for we all need strength that we just cannot tap into. I offer you mine. Use it as you need it and pass it on to someone who needs it more, if you don’t need it. We have to begin to make our love tangible. We have to be able to feel each other, if we are ever to give an actual shit what each other is going through, don’t we?

Aiden went missing on St. Patrick’s day a year ago. I have been in much silent gratitude for his safe return home. Aiden and I became one during his time missing, and I will be forever thankful for his place in my very soul. We slept in the backs of recliners and the floorboards of abandoned cars. Aiden still crawls up and snuggles into my stomach some nights and we hold each other close, until our storms pass. I see Aiden and his beautiful family as often as I can and I am so grateful. Aiden changed my life and opened a piece of my heart that I didn’t even know I had and I am so thankful for Aiden! I love you Aiden!

I have another dear friend heavy on my heart this morning, as he is struggling also. His demons have come for him repeatedly, and still he fights to stay here with us. He fucks up and gets kicked in his own teeth and he gets back up and he tries again. He is my friend and I love him. He is my heart and I feel him. He is me. I am him.

Praying prayers of gratitude for all of the amazing love in my life, that allows me to love as I do. I would not be here now if it weren’t for the love of some amazing people who loved me when I could not love myself. Thank you to each and every one of you who loves me. I love you too!

We never know anyone’s struggle, do we? We have no idea what people are dealing with. We have no idea that they are sick or struggling or terminally ill. We don’t know that their dad just died or that their son has cancer. We don’t know that their son is autistic. We cannot imagine what it’s like to live in their home, where they have no heat. We don’t know what it’s like to have thirteen personalities, abusive parents and dead wives. We don’t know how it feels to be cheated on and left for someone else. Or maybe we do know these things…I know many of these things, and yet, I cannot know these things for you. We carry our own demons with us, until we forgive ourselves and release them from us. We drag our past behind us, until we realize that it is fucking gone and done and over, and it’s not coming back. We unearth the graves a million times before we accept that they are fucking empty. We chase the ones we love the most of all, until we come to accept, finally, that they do not love us back. Out there in the “real” world, in the hustle and bustle, someone just lost someone. Someone just lost their job, their wife, their sobriety…their best friend, their mind…their house, their car…someone just raped someone and doesn’t know what the fuck he has just done. Someone just beat their own child to death. Someone killed their own dog and someone just committed suicide. We are all someone. We have all experienced some of these things. We must know this and begin to love each other through this. We cannot hate our way to love. We must love our way to love. Now is the time my friends. Now is the time.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Happy Birthday to someone who means the world to me!

I took this reading from our morning devotion with Rumi…Happy Birthday to our friend today!!!

Good morning everyone! Today is the birthday of someone very special to me. Birthdays don’t give us a lot of information about someone…other than…For all of these years, no matter who or what or where or why…they stuck around. That is a lot to celebrate, don’t you think? That is a lot of information…just seeing them on their born day…they fucking made it around the sun again! We see people so superficially sometimes. Today, on my friends birthday though, I started thinking about spending my birthday with her a few years ago. We were on our amazing road trip together. I flew out so that we could bring her back to NM. I was escaping my birthday because I missed my mom unbearably, and she was returning home. We had an amazing road trip. I fact, we call it that…our amazing road trip. Well, today is her birthday and I am so grateful that I will be spending today with her!

Life goes on, doesn’t it? I mean Birthdays kind of slow is down and remind us to contact the people we care about. For many of us, the other 364 days kind of slip by in between. We forget how much we love each other. We forget how much we miss each other. So, I and thankful for the reminder to love and celebrate my friend today.

Absence often does make the heart grow fonder. I had a falling out with my friend a couple of years ago. We actually fell out of each other’s lives completely. We disagreed. We misunderstood. I’m sure I showed my ass. We walked away. I missed her so fucking much. The sadness and the void that was left without her, was not worth whatever it was that caused the fallout. We sure did fall out though. I felt like I fell and I was bruised and I was sad a lot without her. I knew and she knew it was done though. We both let it be done. Letting it be done has been not only been the only thing we could do…it has also made my heart fonder of my friend.

I received a text from her a week or so ago. It was like Christmas and I was elated. We had lunch last week and it was like old times, only better. We laughed so much and so hard. I don’t remember laughing like this since I last laughed with her. We text ridiculousness and I 😂 😆 😝 laugh my ass off. Happy Birthday my friend! I have missed you and I am so glad we are back!

I have set up a special reservation in Texas, under a windmill, with a giant cross right in front of the fucking window, at Waffle House, just for you, my friend, in honor of your born day!!!!! Happy Birthday! I love you my friend! I will see you soon!

Please say it with me….”Happy Birthday!!!!”

Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!

We hand you our angel…

Good morning everyone! I lost my blog twice this morning, due to internet and technical errors. With that being said, there is only one thing that I really need to talk about this morning.

There is someone whom I love dearly, who needs love and healing prayers this morning. This person means so much to me and is my chosen family…a hand-picked piece of my very own heart. That is all I will say about this. I will invite you to pray with me, if you are so inclined;

Our Heavenly Father,

We come to you this morning with our angel in our hands. Our angel, loyal, steadfast, honorable and true, desperately needs your healing Father. We ask you to take our angel in your arms and heal what is not perfect, align what isn’t aligned and restore to health that which is not healthy. We turn our angel over to your love and your care and custody, that you may exercise your will. With all of our hearts, we thank you Lord, for taking our angel unto you and for healing and restoring balance and wholeness to one of the greatest of us down here. Amen.

A couple of really important Coral lessons this morning…

Before I begin my blog this morning, I want to address yesterday’s blog for a moment; I wrote about my experience of going off of my prescribed medication, without the care of consult of my PCP or my therapist. I had therapy yesterday and my therapist was not impressed. I will leave it at that. My friend Sigrid asked me to make this clear and so I make clear that, not only is it not recommended to go off of any prescribed medication, ever, without consulting your prescribing physician, it could be deadly. It could have been deadly for me. I cannot say what caused me to sink as low as I did, and to let those closest to me know, that I was afraid that I might not pull through this time. I will say that it likely could have been My abruptly going off of my medication, combined with my chemical imbalances and mental disorders. At any rate, and without exception, please do not ever do as I do. Do not go off of your medication without consulting the person who put you on it. I made and error in judgement, that could have cost me my life. I am sorry and I did not do so consciously or on. purpose. Thank you Sigrid for bringing this to my attention so that I could be very clear about this. Do not ever go off of your prescribed medication without medical consult! Deal? Truly, please hear me and be more responsible than I have been in this regard, okay?

I stepped into her world to save her from our world,

For our world cut her you see.

I crawled into her den to love her because I took her from her den mate.

I licked and nursed her wounds. I held her in her pain. I woke with her in confusion.

We tamed one another. We, entangled in the bear den, just to survive the night. We became one, baby bear and I.

She, feral and untamed. Dreadlocks and fresh wounds. Distant and painful eyes, seeking my help.

And I, with not one knowing of what to do…We, just baby bear and I, and Sam…I called Sam…we had to figure it out.

In the car, she cried. I prayed and asked Sam to crawl back there with her while I drove us home. At home, we got her out together, into the night sky. We stood in the driveway and we cried. We had to pee and we did not. We went into the studio to wait for help.

Feral and frightened and drowsy and confused…cut 12 inches wide open and closed with staples, the bear and I stood weary. We stood that way for a long time. Baby bear cried. Mom cried too. Mala wailed in anguish. I asked Alexa to go get Enya. We spent a LOT of time with Enya. Enya could not drown the cries of the baby bears. Enya could not soothe the broken hearts of babies separated from each other for the very first time. Yes, hearts broke in the studio that night and baby bear and I stood in the not knowing of what we had just entered into.

The hours turned into daylight and the daylight turned to dark. Fourteen times, we saw that cycle, baby bear and I, from a box in the driveway that housed us and kept us warm and safe together. The studio disappeared and the forest was seen through the windows mostly. We saw the forest, through the trees, on daily visits to see Mala Bear and on potty breaks. We saw our friends sometimes. Mostly though, we saw each other. Momma Tamara was a constant companion in the baby bear den and we really missed her every time she had to go.

I sit here now, in the baby bear den, without my baby bear…my new and dearest friend. I sit, not in my studio, for we left it as it was. We, baby bear and I, ran back to our own lives. We hurried to them because we missed them. We could breathe our own air again, and we could shit comfortably in our own toilets again. We could lie in our own beds tonight and we would be next to our true loves once more! Hallelujah!

It was wonderful to be home! Fourteen days and fourteen nights without a girl, well, I was happy to be home! Our bed…you have no idea!!!! Hallelujah! Tamara and I did not share more than an hours or so drive from Santa Fe together, except in passing, for the last fourteen days.

Mala cried and laid in wait for us to come out into the driveway. When Mala saw Nahko she cried and she shook and she broke. Every time we walked away, she broke again. To bear witness to this…to feel this…well, it changed me. It softened me. It broke me too. I shook too. I cried too. I only knew to do for Nahko, what I wish someone would have done for me when I hurt, when I was scared, when I was sad without my brother. I wanted comfort. I needed love. I needed touch. I did not get those things and so I don’t know if I did it right, I did my best, so I did it perfect, says Sam. Thank you Sam. I did those things I never got for Nahko. I loved her my very, very best. I slept in her bear den with her until she fell asleep. Sometimes I stayed after, just to watch her sleep. I fell in love with Nahko Bear and Nahko Bear with me. It felt nice to love so much.

Nahko Bear and I loaded into the Jeep yesterday to go and see the vet. The vet says Nahko looks great! Her healing is amazing! Her staples were removed and she was released back into her life. I returned to mine.

On my way out to a client, I stopped by to lie a moment with Nahko Bear, in she and Malas baby bear den, on my way out. I wanted to check her tummy and give her some love. I missed her already and I could feel she missed me too. We were like old friends, rolling around and laughing together. Mala Bear came to join and I was so happy! Together again, at last. And out of nowhere, Nahko went for Mala and Mala went back for Nahko and I laid in between and kicked them apart. I was stunned at first. I was still on the ground next to Nahko and she went to lick me. It was then that I realized that Nahko was protecting her new cub, as we had switched worlds now. Nahko protected me from her sissy. You cannot know what that is until you know what that is. What that is…that is heartbreak. Tamara has come running out and we separated them. We all came down a bit. I had to go to work. I returned. I fed them their dinners apart. Nahko followed me everywhere. Mala was so sad. I was so sad. I knew what I must do.

As excited and honored as I am to have been accepted as a pack member, I am not. We are not members of their pack. We, if not checked, can fuck up the hierarchy of their pack. We must only ever be, the leader of our entire pack. We must not remain in the role of a pack member. I knew that in an instant and I cannot not know it now. For me to be so moved, to have been chosen, would destroy a sisters bond. I have become invisible for the sisters to repair themselves and to learn their new places. That shall be between Nahko and Mala. Tamara and I always lead the pack and must never be in the pack for too long. To be invited in and to have to leave…well it mixes honor and heartbreak. The deepest love and loss of that love, on a level that knows no words, that you will ever know, in the shortest amount of time. A beauty to behold and a heartbreaking you’ve not known, until you’ve known it. Even then, every break is a bit different.

So, in the baby bear den, not yet returned studio, I fight back the tears this morning. Fuck it, I let the tears fall all over my screen this morning! For I miss my baby bear. The den is empty and I must be invisible for a while. My heart breaks down here this morning, as I pull back from one of the greatest loves that I have ever known, to allow the love that belongs, to be…between sissy and sissy, baby bear and baby bear. I am not a baby bear, although it sure was nice to be an honorary baby bear for fourteen days and fourteen nights, in the baby bear den I made for Nahko Bear, under my drafting table in the studio.

Sometimes, when we love someone the very most, we must do the very hardest work of all. We must love them enough to take our hands off of them. We must let go and let them do their work. After finally being invited all the way in, we must quietly and gracefully bow out. As I do this this morning, my heart breaks and I ask you for your love and prayers for Tamara and I, as we do this dance again. This dance if getting so close and pulling back. Most of all though, please send all of your love and prayers to Nahko Bear and Mala Bear that as they return to their world and we return to ours, that they find their way peacefully back to each other. We love you baby bears! Welcome home Nahko Bear!

Sharing the struggle…

I have been so blessed to be down here with Nahko Bear. We have grown together. We have come to know one another deeply and profoundly. We have both learned a lot in our time here together. This morning we go to the vet for her re-check, so please say a little prayer for Nahko Bear today! Nahko has been such a good girl and we have really bonded down here. Naps in the baby bear den have been the highlight and being able to work on her incision 24/7 since she came home has been epic, in terms of her recovery. Mala Bear is going out of her mind without her sissy! Nahko and Tamara and Mala and I thank all of you for all of the love and prayers, as we feel you and appreciate you so much!

I want to talk about you guys this morning. How are you? I haven’t heard from many of you and your absence is noticed. I’m sure many of you have not heard from me also. Being in the world is hard for me sometimes, and so I’m not out much unless I have to be. Does this happen to you too? You make it to work and you go places that feel cozy and safe and otherwise lockdown? I find that I do this more if I’m not feeling well or if I’m hurting. So, I’ve flown under the radar for a few years now. I notice that some of you do that too. I just want you to know that I see you. It’s a lonely place to be sometimes. I see you.

I know that many of you are suffering and I want you to know that I’m sorry you don’t feel well. Being in such a state makes it very hard to find healing. I have been stuck in my suffering and so I have been stuck. Like quicksand at times…pulling me under unmercifully and without reprieve. I feel this in you too and I want you to know I see you.

Many of you have lost someone. Some of you are losing someone right now. I see you and I feel you. There is no good way to let go. There are no right words. There just is. When I sat next to my Mom as she died, it just was. Afterwards it was so, so many things. As she peacefully slipped away though…it just was. We just were. She and I…in that moment…we just were and it just was. That just came to me, by the way…the peace of that moment. Every time I have been present when a heart stops beating, there has been peace in that single and solitary moment. The moments immediately following are utter chaos. The moment she went though…pure peace. 12:06pm was peacefully. Every moment since has been a living fucking hell for me…that moment of passing though, was the most peaceful I have ever known with her. The moment my mom just let it all go. Sixty six years and finally a last breath and a moments peace. I am blessed to have been there. My mom saved that for me and I am honored and blessed to have held her hand when she took her last breath. I am humble to have been with her when her heart stopped beating and she left this place. My mom carried me in and I carried my mom out. Anything either one of us may have missed along the way, and we both missed plenty….we shared our most sacred moments with one another in this lifetime. We were there for the comings and the goings. We held each other closest when it mattered the very most. I am finding peace in the things that have brought me the most pain and I am grateful. I miss my mom and I am glad that she is at peace. I miss my mom and I am happy to be finding my own peace in the loss of her.

I know it is different for everyone and I know that losing those we love the most is never easy, no matter how evolved we think we are. In my life, there wasn’t really preparation for death. Death was scary and uncomfortable and something to be feared. Death was the end and something to avoid at all costs. I do not see death that way at all anymore. Death is not something to fear. Death is a welcome home. We love our whole lives just to die…and we live in fear. Why do we fear death so much? Death is the reprieve at the end of a life cycle that warrants rest. We finally get to rest. Why do we fear resting so much? Why are we so resistant to being dead when all we do is bitch about how much we hate our fucking lives? So puzzling to me…these things in my life that I have feared for always. Death is not to be feared. We will all be dead one day. No matter what God you do or do not believe in…we will all be dead someday. God. No God. Faith. No faith. Nothing changes dead for any of us. Dead may be your end and dead may be your beginning. Either way though…we live our whole lives to wind up dead. Not one of us, no matter what we have gained in life, dies with anything other than us. I think it’s pretty profound to think that we are all so different that we neglect to acknowledge that we are all exactly the same. Death will teach you that if your life failed to do so.

When we die, people will gather ’round and be as they are. We will be dead and we won’t see how loved we really are. We will have lived our entire lives feeling alone, in the middle of love we never even knew existed. Death is not what gets us. We live our lives without really living at all…and then death comes for us. I think that’s something to avoid at all costs, don’t you think so? I mean to be so afraid of dying that you never even live your life. I believe that my mom was more afraid of living than she was of dying. I think a lot of us are like that. I’m just here to suggest that we give it a good honest try before we go…this living thing. Give it a try…living your life on your terms. What would that even look like for you? And not with reckless abandon…with loving intent, shall we all move forward, into our own lives.

I want to share something with you. A personal battle that I found myself in and how I resolved it. I hope it helps you to know that you have more control over yourself and your life than you think you do. Her it goes. I have been on Trazadone since my mom got sick. It was prescribed to me to help me to sleep. I wasn’t remembering how I got to and from my parents house to my house. I was so fucking exhausted and grief-stricken, and my doctor put me on trazadone. Thank God! I have tried to come off of it a few times and every time I try to quit taking it, I cannot sleep. My doctors have kept me on, as I desperately need my sleep. When I came down here with Nahko, to live with her in the studio until she gets well, I went off of my trazadone. I will not lie, it has been hell. Apparently, I became dependent upon this drug to sleep at all and without it, well, I got no sleep at all, for days. It worked out okay though, Nahko needed me to be awake and ready to help her. I sweated and shook and shitted and felt like I was going to vomit. I felt like I was fucking dying. I hit a low, low, of the lowest lows in my depression. I tossed and I turned and I thanked God there was no clock to show me how excruciating slow this was going to go down. I had no idea that I was addicted and I had no fucking idea that “cold-turkey” detox from trazadone is not at all recommended, until after I quit that way. Here’s the thing though…it felt like poison to me. All of a sudden, my body said no…stop taking it…you don’t need it…you have to stop, and so I did. It has been fourteen nights without trazadone, fourteen slumber parties with Nahko Bear…and I am good! I have absolutely no pharmaceutical medication in my system. I beat an addiction that I didn’t even know I had. I sweated and shitted and urinated out what no longer serves me. This isn’t for everyone, and yet this is the only way I will ever be able to do me…the way it makes sense to me. I was talking to a friend who mentioned that she was struggling with sleeping pill addiction and it was then that I realized I may need to look at myself. I was right. Over the course of the past three years, I became dependent upon sleep medication, unbeknownst to even myself. Today, I am grateful for that conversation and for being able to set down what no longer serves me. Of all of the medication they prescribed for me, I am happy to report, that I no longer need any of it. Trazadone turns out to be an antidepressant, which I have never tolerated well, as so I suspect that some of my struggle with suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideation, in addition to my CPTSD may be because I have been on an antidepressant all of this time. Off to therapy today to discuss all of this, as I really had no idea until I got deathly sick going off of it and started to research it that I was addicted to it, that I became aware of exactly what I was taking. Anyway, I thought I would throw this out there, just in case you find yourself in a similar situation. Who knew? I am so thankful that I have been able to overcome this and to detox from it without major fallout. I do not recommend ever doing this, especially without the guidance of your physician. I was already doing it before I realized that it could be dangerous. I’m done with it now and I am so thankful.

Have a beautiful day everyone! Always know that you are stronger than you think you are. We all are stronger than we think we are.

Nahko Bear slumber party number 11 and counting…

Happy Monday everyone! Welcome home! I am so glad we are all here! Truly…just look at us! We fucking made it! We made it to today! How many of you thought you might not make it to today? I am so glad you never gave up! I am so happy to see your beautiful face! I love you so much!!! And for being HERE…thank you…for never giving up, thank you…for loving yourself enough to stick around and see what the fuck you are made of…I applaud you! We have fucking got this! Fuck depression! Fuck Cancer and Fuck Depression…just fuck you guys! Go somewhere else…like back to the universe, to be recycled for the greater good of us all. Be gone now…on your way…bye bye. I banish the way that these things affect, me from my life experience. And so it is!

Nahko Bear and I just had our eleventh slumber party in the studio last night. These days and these nights…this silence and this grace…this rest and reset space and time…napping with Nahko…putting everything she needs before my own…being still…and did I say silent…this time with Nahko has blessed me beyond my own comprehension, and I am so grateful. Nahko is recovering nicely and being a very good girl! We are blessed beyond measure to have the baby bears to watch over everyone here at the Sanctuary. We love you Nahko Bear and Mala Bear! Thank you for keeping us all safe!

I work with dogs and live with dogs every day if my life. This time with Nahko Bear has been different. Like two kindred souls in shared space…not canine and human…just souls…just us. I know being here with her is bringing me home to the other five dogs up the driveway. I know being apart from our family has brought our family closer together. Somehow, absence of the things we love the most, really has made my heart softer and fonder. Nahko Bear is gentle and strong and steadfast and loyal…obstinate and true to herself…guarded and wide open…serious and playful…sleepy and bouncy…and always love. There is always love radiating from Nahko Bear and so I have been bathed in love and I am so fucking blessed!

On a side note, because I love you…I want to tell you about our new soap for the Sanctuary! I just showered with our new “Karuna” soap that Earth & Anchor creates for the Sanctuary! This soap is the most amazing soap I have ever used. Truly, it is an androgynous soap and it balances masculine and feminine perfectly! This soap suits me and I thank David and Deidre for being love like a verb when they created this soap for the animals . I feel the love in this soap and being clean is a nice bonus too! The best part is that 50 % of the proceeds go to the animals. What a wonderful way to support the animals you love so much, right?! Anyway, you should get you some! I’m just sayin…sharing is caring and I want to share this soap with everyone! Off of my soapbox about our soap now 🙃

As I was saying about slumbering down here with Nahko Bear…I feel blessed. I choose to feel blessed, rather than to feel put out. I feel quiet and still and so I am quiet and I am still. I pray and I meditate and then I sit quietly and just be. I wouldn’t have allowed myself the time to do this had Nahko Bear not needed me to be down here with her. Things that we look at begin to change when we begin to change the way we look at things. Even in depression, I will ride these waves of inspiration and clarity into my own healing. And so it is. I pray for you, the same…that you may find your peace and your contentment in all things and that your heart may always be full. We are here to walk each other home and so on my good days, I’m going to blow us up as high as I can! I love you and I hope you have a beautiful day!

Oh, and we have soap! Not sure if I mentioned that or not…check us out on Facebook at Santuario de Karuna. We would love for you to be part of our compassionate community! Have a beautiful day!

Five years ago, I stopped eating my friends.

Today is monumental for me, as today is my five year vegan anniversary! Of all of the things I have done in my life…being vegan has definitely gifted me ten-fold and changed me forever. Being vegan is one thing that I do that I know makes a difference and I am so thankful. Today and every day, I am so, so thankful to be vegan!

My name is Coral and I am the Co-Founder of Santuario de Karuna, a vegan farm animal sanctuary in Tijeras, New Mexico. For the last five years, my life has been dedicated to the animals we hold dominion over, on this beautiful land. My life…my purpose…my loyalty…all right here, in this place that I call home. Santuario de Karuna has 44 residents, including Tamara and Myself and countless residents without official living quarters here. Our home is their home and we love and live and heal here in harmony and in Sanctuary. My life’s work combined and scattered as it has been, has led me here…to my home on the mountain. Tamara and I are sober, vegan women who have a dream. Every day, without fail, we get up and live the dream. All days are not easy. Every single day is worth it though! Tamara and I realize that each of our roommates have dreams too. Our beautiful chickens dream of lying in the sun and catching an egg that a raven drops in flight. Hondo dreams of the day that the gate will open and he can free-range upon his mountain yard once again. Sidney dreams of food. Jenny Sue dreams of Brixen. Every single one of us here is living the dream!

Having spent over forty years not being vegan, I will suffice to say that I have learned a lot. I could not live long enough to make amends to the animals that I have disregarded in my life. I could not eat enough tofu in my lifetime to be sorry enough for all of the carcasses I have feasted upon. I humble myself before these amazing beings every day and learn more about how naive and ignorant I was.

Being vegan has softened my heart a great deal. I am a work in progress for sure. I am on the same journey as you are…every day striving to be better than I was yesterday. I fuck up…every day. I learn…every day. Being vegan gives me one thing to know that my heart has allowed me to do right, without any exceptions or excuses. Not being vegan is no longer a choice for me.

For 1825 days, animals have not been on my plate. That may not seem substantial to some people. To me though…to them though…every single time you choose compassion, it is substantial. Every time you make a compassionate choice about what you put in your mouth, to feed your appetite, you make a substantial choice. Did it ever occur to you, as you are driving alone in your car, past pasture after pasture, after pasture, that these beings live and shit and eat and hurt bleed and cry and breathe, just like you and I do? Do you know that their lives do matter? Like I said, I’m learning a lot. At first, being vegan was very overwhelming to me. It really was. I was pretty fucking sure that I would “do it wrong”. Hell, I still do it wrong sometimes. I can’t see a damn thing without my readers on and I bring home something every now and again without seeing all of the ingredients. Fuck, an egg here…milk there…for no reason at all, and we don’t eat it. I just feel a little sad that I wasn’t more careful. I just contributed to their suffering by buying my dead friends. I say a prayer and promise to be more mindful. I am so sorry when I mess up and don’t slow down and honk of them more than I think of me when I shop.

I won’t lie, I wasn’t vegan before I was vegan because I encountered some pretty intolerant and exclusive vegans. They were twats actually. Pretentious and snarky and “better than”….and I ate meat to spite them, if nothing else. Fuck them and their pretentious bullshit! I will just eat another dead carcass and fuck them! Ya, I was pretty un-evolved. I was fucking asleep and full of blame. I will tell you that there’s not a pretentious, snarky, holier than thou, twat in this world that could keep me from being vegan now. My blame about not being vegan sooner is simply because I was not ready. That’s it. Plain and simple. I had not arrived at a point yet where I understood and empathized with the suffering of the sentient beings in my cart and in my living room. I still know some of those vegans. I’m sure you know them too. And we can suffice to say, just “wow”, can’t we? I mean, their circus, their clowns, right? Who gives a fuck what the clowns in someone else’s circus have to say about you my friend? Fuck those clowns man! This is your circus and you are the clown in charge! Own your circus man! Own your circus and set everyone else’s circus down! I am learning this and it helps, and so I pass it on to you.

Being vegan is my choice. Only mine. Nothing you do or say or don’t do or don’t say, changes that. Truly. I’ve not judgement of your journey. You do you and I’ll do me. My journey though…I share it to give you an opportunity to learn what it took me so long to come to know. They are not ours. I will leave you with that. They are not ours.

Have a beautiful day and if you have any questions about what it is to be vegan, please hit me up! I didn’t know until I knew and I was so blessed to have Tamara to ask all of my questions to. There are no stupid questions, only the ones you do or ask. Live compassionately my friends. And remember, if you are the dad, the mom, the breadwinner, the cook, the one paying the bills and buying groceries, you do make the decisions as to what is consumed in your household. Don’t tell me that your kids don’t want to be vegan. Don’t tell me that your husband won’t eat tofu. Don’t tell me that you can’t quit cheese. Bullshit. All of it. It’s bullshit and you know it. “But Coral…I grew up on a ranch.” Okay…you grew up on a ranch, and? You cannot be vegan because you grew up slaughtering animals? And I cannot, not, be a sexual predator then? Right? I mean, if you can’t be vegan because of how you grew up then I am so super fucked, aren’t I? Nope, I’m not fucked because that is a bullshit excuse, just like the rest of them. “My husband won’t eat tofu Coral.” Do you expect me to believe, for one single solitary second, that your husband tells you what to do about anything? Ever? “My wife has to have her iron Coral.” Well, then you better start seeing what is high in iron that doesn’t shit and have a fucking face my friend. “My kids would never be vegan Coral.” May I ask you who is running your household? You or your kids? I do not recall ever, telling my mother what I would and would not eat. Handle your business sweetie. Handle your business. And for those of you who have doctors who have told you to eat eggs and cheese and whatever other bodily secretions and puss and infection and ovulation, For whatever ails you…I will just ask you this…where in the fuck is your second opinion? Truly, don’t act like you aren’t smart enough to question bullshit like that. Don’t make excuses to not be compassionate…Rather, return to the place in yourself that knows right from wrong and step back into alignment with yourself. And my favorite…”Coral, being vegan costs too much.” Being vegan costs too much for whom? For you? Oh…I’m sorry, when you spoke of costs, I assumed you were talking about the 40 pounds of chicken in your shopping cart. I thought you had a bout of consciousness about what your appetite costed them. “Being vegan costs more” is bullshit. Being compassionate will never cost anyone more than living half asleep and unconscious costs us all.

So, to those of you who cannot bake without eggs, don’t think you’ll get enough protein…need cheese…can’t sway your family…I am going to ask you an honest question. What is this really about? For you, what are all of these excuses not to be compassionate really about? If we each start here, we can begin to make conscious choices for ourselves, our families and the people we love the most, the animals, the planet and for our children. Going vegan five years ago is the single most important thing I have ever done to soften my heart. Being vegan is my biggest contribution to the planet I live on. Being vegan changed me for the better and I am so thankful. Today, for five years of compassionate living, with all of my heart, I say thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

If ever there comes a day…(last one from the Coral vault and a hard read, as I was in a very dark place when I wrote this many months ago)

Last one from the drafts vault. I just needed to clear all of that out. As I am in the raging war with depression, I must pick my battles. I must change my thoughts. I must let go. I must let God. With my drafts folder empty, I begin again. As always, take what you need and leave all the rest. And we send it all back to the universe I be recycled for the greatest good of us all. And so it is. This is a dark read.

As I just published my last blog about carrying my Mom home and why didn’t she say goodbye…it occurred to me that I have a post to write…not to publish, but one that must be written.

I have come to know that time does run out. We have so many cliches, don’t we?  Time is a cliche…

I am sitting completely suspended in time…suspended animation, a state of bliss (thank you Pink Floyd for the amazing lyric and the memories that go with it). Or am I?

I feel pretty fucking suspended…in slow motion, timeless and weightless, pretty literally weightless these days and dropping.

Which brings me to this unpostable post. The post that will never leave you all saying…why didn’t Coral say goodbye?

I mean, here I am, every single day, invited into your life, honoring my daily commitment to myself, of writing for 365 days…and I know I could be really, really sick, and I don’t want to be that guy…you know, the one who knew and said nothing. Only in my case, I don’t “know”, I mean I don’t ever really “know”, and yet I know…In this case, I don’t know, and I’m getting checked out, as soon as they can see me, so don’t fret.

The thing is, I really don’t feel right. My ass, which don’t lie, you either stopped following me for, you started following me for, or you know absolutely nothing about. Consider yourself blessed if it’s the latter…truly, I’m a lot. Ask the people closest to me…I am a fucking handful.

Just to get you up to speed, I’m having some intense pain and discomfort in my ass. Nothing about that is easy for me to talk about, and so I’ve openly talked about it.

The physical and emotional pain of it all leaves me feeling nauseous and exhausted. I can’t sit and I can’t stand and I cannot do anything, except to lie down, semi-comfortably.

These things are concerning and isolated, I would probably still be really freaked out. Probably, my ass…I would be freaked the fuck out, about all things ass, always, especially my own ass.

In addition to all of that, I am having difficulty eating. I get really hungry,  like so hungry, and I eat a few bites and can’t eat anymore. A few moments later, I’m hungry again, and it’s the same thing, unless I’ve no appetite at all.

I have opted for no pain management of any kind, except for medical cannabis. I am desperate to find the right dosing for this intense and chronic pain. I know I need to feel this, and I mean really feel it, so that I can release it, and I mean really release it.

With that being said, cannabis, prior to this ass incident, was a huge appetite stimulant for me, like inessaciable, eat myself stupid, appetite, and now, at much higher doses, nothing.

Cramming brownies down my throat and trying to smoke enough and smile enough to keep the pain at bay. Trying not to WebMD and knowing my tendency, at times, to be dramatic…and feeling like I’m fucking dying…well, I guess I just thought maybe I should say something, you know? So I will never be “that guy”, or any guy for that matter….just to clear that up once and for all…I’m that girl, not that guy…

Anyway, I know myself and the irony of my life. Those of you who know me well will also appreciate the irony of the idea of…even just the thought or mention of…ass cancer, colon cancer, rectal cancer…and Coral in the same sentence. It’s the most fucked up thing I could possibly imagine…the fucking worst thing.

This is the girl who has literally driven to the next town to shit, because I can’t shit if you’re with in a mile radius. That may be a slight exaggeration, not much though.

My ass is an exit only. No salad tossing and no entry. My ass and all things about my ass horrify me and they always have and your ass horrifies me too. Truly, you’ve just no idea, unless you’ve an idea, and then you know that this would be the worst thing to take me out, that I could possibly imagine. My ass…really?

So, I’m sitting in this and trying to figure out how much to say and how much not to say. All you really have to do is look at me and I don’t have to say anything at all.

Tamara says that I look gaunt. I asked her what that meant and should I take it as a compliment. Tamara said that my face just looks drawn in…you know, gaunt. I didn’t know and so I just looked it up and the definition is pretty fucking eerie.

Gaunt;extremely thin and bony; haggard and drawn, as from great hunger, weariness, or torture; emaciated.

What do you know? Tamara is right. Gaunt is the perfect adjective to describe the shape I’m in, as of late, or is it as of most recent? Anyway, no matter.

So, being gaunt and unable to eat, nauseous from the constant pain and the horrific sensations down there, I won’t lie, I am a little more than a little concerned.

Oh and there is cancer all over both sides of my family, including my Mom, who died of Stage 4 breast cancer, with metastasis to the liver, the lungs and her brain. My Dad has skin cancer. That’s just the beginning of cancer in my family.

Oh and the fact that I have been drinking alcohol since near birth, until just over four years ago, smoking like a fucking train since I was eleven years old, until just over a year ago, and eaten whatever the fuck I wanted until going vegan four years ago. I’ve not been kind to my body.

In addition to me being unkind to my body, others have tortured and abused this body to a point of nearly, literally breaking it, over a lifetime.

It would not be any wonder if my liver and my lungs and my kidneys are riddled with disease too. Countless head injuries have undoubtedly taken their toll as well.

So, I would be remiss in not entertaining the idea that maybe, just maybe, this could be the beginning of the end. My ass might take me out after all. “Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think? Yeah….I really do think…”

This will be the first of an unpublished series, of my deeply personal journey, through whatever ails my ass.

Did you really think that I would change after all of these years? I mean, I guess a lot of you did think I would change, hope I would change…this personal account is for those of you who loved me just the way I was…always, in all ways, without ever wanting me to change.

This is for Tamara. May she never have to ask, why I didn’t say good bye.

Tamara, may you also know that I am doing all I can to stay. I’m just writing this, in case there comes a day that I can’t.

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.
A.A. Milne-Winnie the Pooh

If ever there comes a time when I am unable, I want to have begun to try to get all of my words out…every single last one of them…

This shall be the first post of my private journey through this, which I hope I neve have to publish).

In the event that this did get published, and I am no longer here, go grab that cup of coffee and hey, grab me one too, would you?Also, don’t forget to remember…I am always right here, for our morning coffee. You just have to invite me and I will find a my way to find you. I know you know I will…

 

Old drafts from the Coral vault, with a message for you?

I am cleaning out my draft folder and I’m just going to post these for you guys…if I reread them before I post, they may not make it. If I took this much time to write it…it’s going up. I feel like there is something in here for someone. This one is from January and I held it…I release it now! Fly free little blog! Fly free!

Some days I cannot find the words. Today is a day like that. I feel like I’m not tethered down at all to anything or anyone. I feel suspended in space that knows no beginning and no end. Back into the rooms for a noon meeting, I am so thankful for the fellowship of AA. I am so fucking thankful for the rooms and for the amazing people in the rooms! Disconnected and not grounded…I return to the rooms to find myself and the strength I need to keep on keeping on. Lost, I’m searching for a sponsor. I realize that I need some help right now, and so I reach.

Mostly, I feel melancholy. Mostly I feel the weight of other people’s struggles and decisions right now. Mostly, I just want to lie down and sleep for a week because I am so exhausted and so overwhelmed and under-sourced. Right now I am fucking irritated and blaming and short-tempered. I am sitting here, meditating myself back into my body, for I feel tethered to absolutely nothing.

It’s an odd thing when the stability that I relied on has been swept from beneath me. No words. Just pain. It’s an odd thing to watch someone do to someone what has been done to me and I am angry and in protective mode. I am also fucking sick of hurt people hurting people. I am sick of the unaccountably and the avoidance. I am sick to fucking death of the blame and the hooray for me and fuck you all around me. When will we truly understand that we are all one? When will we love each other and let ourselves be loved? When will we actually love the people that we claim to love, like a verb? We are so full of shit that it’s nauseating really. We lie to ourselves enough to be so foolish and then we violently attack anyone who questions us. Who the fuck do we think we are? Do we really believe that others do not see us as we are? Do we really think that we are hiding all of our undesirables? We are hiding nothing from no one. We are a hot fucking mess. Why can’t we see that?

The healing room is a place that I envision to be a space that we will all be in together someday. Right now though…we are so fucking angry, so blaming and so fucking unhappy that I we feel bifurcated. We are selfish and we are egotistical and we only give a fuck about what we need, and I’ve had just about enough. My sadness today if for us all, for having truly lost our way to the important things in life. Our children. Our families and our friends…how much do we really care about the closest people to us? We find new people and we leave the people who never left us. It’s sad…it is really fucking sad.

When did we stop seeing the children as children? Truly, when did their innocence and their needs and their dreams stop mattering to all of us? We put them in adult roles, expecting them to know what to do and they don’t. I’m in an adult role and I don’t know what the fuck to do a lot of the time. We owe our children their childhoods. We owe our children safety and security and love and nurturing. We brought them here and we need to start being fucking accountable.

I am all peace, love and a little go fuck yourself. When I see children being disregarded and harmed…I’m heavy on the go fuck yourself, as we owe our children more. Every single adult in this room owes it to our children to be their voice, to be their cheerleader, to be their protector.

This rant is far from over and fairly unproductive at best. I just had to get this out. I have got to find a way to come down from the drama that is not even mine and try to find my center again. I have to find a space within myself to accept what I cannot change. Until I’m absolutely sure I can’t change it though, I’m not done trying. We must be the change. We must speak, even and especially when our voices shake. This is not a dress rehearsal. We might want to start knowing this, so we stop dressing up and showing up to the fucking party as who we are not.

My life, right now, just is. I just am. For once, I am just being. I just want to be. I am not equipped for the situation at hand and so I pray for guidance. I am fucking angry and so I pray for peace. I am lost and so I turn to God to help me to know what to do. I am sober and I’m doing all I can to stay that way. Getting these thoughts out is a start. Changing my thinking is my best bet.

My name is Coral and I am five years vegan tomorrow!

I am sitting here in the studio with Nahko on Shawn’s Birthday, and I was remembering that the last time I ate my friends. Tomorrow is my five year veganversary! It was March 9th 2014 and My mom made my brothers favorite meal…my mom made her famous enchiladas. My last non-vegan meal was my moms ground beef enchiladas, smothered in cheese. My brothers birthday meal was my very last non-vegan meal. Five years ago something shifted for me and I want to write about that this afternoon. I didn’t stop eating animals because I didn’t fancy the taste of those enchiladas. If you ever had my moms enchiladas, you know what I am saying. They were the best enchiladas I have EVER eaten! And her birthday cakes…I didn’t stop eating those because I didn’t like how they tasted. I have to tell you that I stopped eating animals because I finally realized that I was eating animals.

My name is Coral and I am vegan. This is my story and I hope it teaches you a thing or two, as my life has taught me, a thing or two. I was so fucking disassociated that I truthfully had not made the connection, that I was eating a once living, breathing sentient being. Ground beef enchiladas did not equal our beautiful cows, Karuna or Ahimsa to me. We didn’t have Karuna or Ahimsa back then. Chicken fajitas weren’t Piñon. Lisa and Janet and Negro weren’t chicken tacos. Bacon wasn’t Sidney. The pork chops that I ate were not named Jenny Sue or Brixen. Namaste wasn’t a slab of ham on my plate and I wasn’t eating the ovulation of Lisa and calling it my breakfast. I wasn’t waiting to slaughter Samuel and Duncan for Thanksgiving dinner. I wasn’t stroking my lucky rabbits foot and making a wish. I wasn’t eating goat cheese on my crackers. I hadn’t made the correlation that all lives matter. I didn’t get that the lives of the sentient beings on my plate mattered at all. I thought they came here for me. I was so fucking ignorant that I believed that these beings came here for my gratification…to satisfy my tastes and my hunger. Five years ago I did not know that my food was actually the Caracas of my dead friends. I was eating dead flesh. I was drinking the bodily secretions meant for baby cows. I was eating the period of a fucking chicken for breakfast every day, with a side of crispy Tombstone. I was fucking asleep! And the worst part was that I had absolutely no idea that I was asleep. Only a couple of months sober from alcohol, I was definitely a hot fucking mess back then. I was so asleep and tuned out that I was about to be on an adventure like no other. I was beginning the journey of waking up…becoming conscious and aware and concerned. I had no fucking idea then…I was about to be transformed! I had no idea that I was so asleep. I could not have known how disconnected I truly was.

Five years later and I will tell you this, I will never not be vegan. I will never eat my friends again. I will never not know what I have come to know. I have come to know that their lives matter. Every single one of their lives matter. There are more carcinogens in the food that many of you eat than there are in the cigarettes that some of you smoke. Did you know that? Cigarettes have warning labels. The 40 pounds of raw chicken that you just bought is going to kill you quicker than the cigarettes are going to kill the Marlboro man next door, peering at you over his oxygen tank. Don’t believe me? Do your research. And now that we are outsourcing our food supply, so you really think what you are eating is safe? The disconnect is real. That 40 pound tray of chicken that you just bought…those chickens were someone. They were someone. All hacked up on a slab of styrofoam and shrink wrapped, slapped with a price per pound sticker and thrown in your cart. We are so disconnected.

We are raising children. We are teaching classes. We are in leadership roles and in animal rescue. We stand in pulpits and we preach peace. How can we rescue dogs and cats and eat cows, pigs and chickens? Your fucking bologna did have a first name. How do we preach peace when we eat the slaughtered remains of sentient beings? We are disconnected my friends. We are so disconnected.

Five years ago, I began to connect the dots. I began to question things that seemed wrong to me. I began to give a shit about someone other than myself. I set down my carne adovada burrito and I ate my last poached egg. I stopped buying leather and I made different choices. I started to give a shit and I mean really give a shit about other beings on this planet. Five years ago I stopped eating animals because I came to know that they are not mine to eat or to wear or to exploit.

As my brothers birthday lunch came to a close five years ago, I could never have foreseen how drastically our lives would shift. I could not have known that I would never eat another animal again. I could not have known that my mom would get cancer in a few months and die. I could not have known that our dining room would occupy another family that they wouldn’t welcome us. We don’t sit at that table as a family anymore. We are not a family anymore. I could not have known that I would be giving up some things and others would be taken from me. I gave up eating my friends. I lost my mom to cancer and my dad to someone and someplace far, far away from me. As I cleared those dirty dishes and washed the carcass of my friends into the trash, one last time…I could not possibly have known how my life was about to change. As I kissed my mom goodbye and hugged my dad under the garage door…as I hugged Shawn and JiSan “goodbye” and I drove away on that day…I could not have known all that would come to be of my life. We never truly do know what life has in store for us. We do run out of time. We do. People feel better somehow if we don’t run out of time…and so they say that we don’t. I am here to tell you that we actually do run out of time. So, make it count. Your time…your decisions…make them count. Be mindful of what you put into your body. If it shits, don’t eat it. Truly. For me, that was an easy gauge. I hope the simplicity of this helps you also, because it is that simple. If it has a face and it shits, it’s not yours to eat.

I am blessed to have learned that animals have just as much right to be here as I do. I am grateful to live in Sanctuary with so many beautiful and sentient beings. You may be astounded to know that I can eat whatever you eat and I can eat it vegan. If it’s not vegan, I won’t eat it at all.

My depression fucks with me a lot lately. I am struggling to stay afloat. Being vegan beings me some peace, as I know I have changed the world for some of them. I will spend the rest of my life fighting for the rest of them. For you see, we are all someone, not something. We each have every right to be here. If my depression takes me, at least it wasn’t someone else deciding that I was food, not friend. Truly, when did we decide that we got to decide for everyone, how things are? We have dominion over…we do not have control or reign or power over those without voices. Who told us that we had the right to crucify species after species after species for our own consumption and convenience? We did. We decided that we have no rules and they have no economic value…so fuck it…we decide. Look at us, deciding and shit. Egotistical, ignorant, insensitive and greedy as fuck…is the mentality that my appetite is more important than your life, isn’t it? I mean truly…that is some entitled and ignorant and ass backwards thinking and we are wrong. Plain and simple. We are wrong to slaughter millions of sentient beings for our own gratification…for sport…for our hunger and our taste in clothing and furniture. We cannot make this right…we just can’t. Excuses abound and generations pile, one on top of the other…doing it the way we have always fucking done it. Let me ask you something…How is the way we’ve always done it actually working for us? How is this entitlement and this superiority working out for us and our human counterparts? All you have to do is look around you to see that this isn’t working at all.

You will never catch me competing with you. Every single day though, you will see me fight like hell to be better than I was yesterday. From whom much is given, much is expected. I owe a great debt to the powers that be for my existence here, for my place and my peace and my work here. The debt can only ever be payed forward and it cannot ever be paid with the life of someone else. We each get what we get when we get it. Five years ago, I got it and I am forever changed. Go vegan. Truly…for yourself, for your health, for the planet…for each other…for your kids. I was pretty ignorant and naive…fuck, I still am…I would like to think that I have made a difference though, for someone, by being here.

Living a compassionate lifestyle includes more than eating a vegan diet, just as being sober means more than abstaining from drinking alcohol. When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. Friends, not food. Five years not eating my friends has softened my heart and I am so thankful. Five years of learning about the sentient beings in my life and cohabiting them…I cannot imagine how I was ever so thoughtless and reckless and careless. Being more connected now, I shudder at my own disconnect, for I knew not then what I have come to know now.

My life is blessed. I am blessed. I hurt, a lot. Depression keeps me struggling, until it doesn’t. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. Sometimes, I wish I were riding my bike around the block with my little brother, for hours and days on end…going everywhere and nowhere at all. Some days I really do miss my little family so, so much that it throws me into the abyss that swallows me for days. Depression seems to be the one thing I can’t just fucking quit…and every single day, until the day I don’t, I will battle it out. Being vegan has given me a lot of someone’s to fight for and so as best as I can, I stay. As much as I am able, when the calls come and I am needed, I answer. Getting out of me is the only thing that seems to save me at all, in times where I can’t get myself out of the abyss.

Five years ago, I started speaking for them and fighting for them and loving them like a verb. With the love and compassion and guidance of the most amazing vegan I know, I have learned so much. Thank you Tamara for loving me into compassionate space and for helping me to make more compassionate choices. Five years ago my life changed forever. My name is Coral and I am five years vegan tomorrow! For your soul, I encourage you to think about being vegan too. You will not know why you waited so long to assume a lifestyle that does not harm others. Your body will look and feel better. Your heart will open up. You will be better able to look in the mirror…I mean to really look in the mirror. Best of all, no one gets hurt for your appetite. Anyway, that’s all I’ve got today on being vegan. Inspired by my five year veganversary tomorrow…A post for us all to wake up and soften our hearts. Don’t trust me. Go out and try it for yourself! I love you! Have a beautiful day!