Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Sherry Lesson about dreaming the dream. Coral And Tamara lesson about living the dream.

Good morning everyone! My post is inspired by a conversation… probably a number of conversations, with Tamara, about building the dream. I know a lot of people talk about building the dream. We have a friend who lives to save animals…a beautiful and devoted and true and wonderful soul…and she has a quote that we use often (I may be paraphrasing a bit)…”You don’t have to win the lottery to save animals. You just have to save animals.” Thank you for this, our beautiful friend. I pull this out of my toolbox all the time! This speaks to us on a soul level, as it encompasses the work we do here at Santuario de Karuna. We save animals. We are too busy living the dream to play the lotto. The odds of winning the lottery…in other words…the odds of you ever living your dream, if you are waiting to win the lottery, are extremely low. You know that though, right? You know that you give yourself next to zero chance of living your dream if you rely upon living the lottery to do so. My mom and Dad religiously bought lottery tickets, as long as they have been able to in New Mexico. I am not kidding, twice a week, as long as they could, for as long as I’ve known, with their “lucky” numbers, they played the lottery. No matter the payout, they had it pen to paper, spent their lottery winnings. Taking care of family, traveling…a place to live here and a place to vacation there…clothes and jewelry and cars….and that is how they dreamed their dream. At the casino, in Las Vegas…the same thing…the odds were low and they just knew if they kept playing, they would be the next winner, and then they could live their dreams. After they retired, they could then live their dreams. My mom was admitted by ambulance to the ER the night before she was to retire, from a job she hated for over 20 years, with stroke symptoms, unable to get off of the floor. My mom did not have a stroke. My mom had stage four breast cancer, with metastasis to her liver, her lungs and her brain. My mom died two months later. My mom never won the lottery. My mom never won a jackpot big enough to fund her lottery tickets or her gambling, let alone her dream. My mom never spent one single solitary moment in retirement. I venture to guess that my mother never spent one single solitary moment. My mom died at 66 years old dreaming about a dream that she was doing nothing to build. My moms dreams were so far out there that she only ever dreamed what it might be like, to actually live her dream. How many of us are doing that right now? Truth. How many of you are living like this right now? Working in a job or a career that you fucking despise, waiting to retire and live your life…trying to win the lottery to solve your life’s problems…and missing your life all together…what kind of dream is that? Any one of these things may be a sign that YOU ARE DREAMING a lot MORE than you are LIVING the dream. My mom didn’t have any idea that she was doing this. This is a Sherry Lesson by the way…Sherry sent this to you, through me, this morning. Sherry missed this lesson and she wanted to gift you with it, especially those of you who know exactly what I’m talking about. If you knew Sherry at all, you knew these things about her. My mom openly said that she went to the casino to escape her life. I never knew what that meant or what she was escaping exactly. Hell, I went with her to escape my own sometimes. I went with my parents to Vegas yearly and I loved our trips. I even played for hours and hours, trying to win and solve my financial woes (by dumping my limited funds into a slot machine…go figure) and I really thought they If I put enough money in, eventually, I would hit the big one. I did not and my mom did not and my dad did not hit the big one. These things were not healthy. Sherry walked around like she had it handled and like this behavior was not at all what it was…gambling is gambling my friends. Sherry gambled a lot, not just at the casino in Las Vegas. Sherry gambled with her whole fucking life…waiting to live the dream, dreaming about it, instead of getting out there and living her dream. This is not to say that Sherry did not live her life. This is simply to illustrate that dreaming is not living the dream. Sherry spent her lifetime waiting to live until she retired and dreaming of living the dream when she finally did. May God rest her sweet soul, and may she finally Rest In Peace…now that she can be free to live her dream, wherever she may be!

We all have choices. I am learning a lot about myself through these Sherry Lessons. I hope that you are learning a lot too. Sherry sends them to make us better, and because she loves to hi jack my blog also! Thank you for the visit and the beautiful Lesson this morning mom. I love you.

So…as I was, before I was so gracefully interrupted…go out and LIVE your dream

Did you know that President Barack Obama was awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for his “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between people.”? Wayne Dyer said that having the dream was enough to win the Nobel Peace Prize, because it all starts with the dream. You don’t have anything if you don’t first have the dream. It all begins with a dream. Santuario de Karuna began with a childhood dream…Tamara’s childhood dream. Dreams are US in action. We must act, for our dreams to come true. We must be hungry for our dreams. And…we will get dirty and messy and busy. We will be in constant action. Living the dream is like loving…it’s a verb my friends.

Waiting to live your dream for the lottery or retirement or until you have the money…will never, ever manifest the actual dream. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr….President Barack Obama…Tamara….they had a dream! What is your dream my friend? What is your dream?

Have a beautiful day everyone! Go love and live your dream like a verb!!! I love you!

Be the Angel that you have prayed for…

Good afternoon everyone! Happy Sunday! I have missed you. Hell, I have missed me! I will not lie. The struggle has been real and I have had to hold my tongue. I return today with love in my heart, to where we left off with the beautiful new paint, in our healing room!

I hope you are loved deeply by someone. Being loved deeply by someone has truly saved me and given me the strength, to begin to find ways to love me deeply. I am talking about being loved deeply, like a verb. Loved so deeply that you cannot not feel it. I am learning how to love, and part of how I am learning is to feel how I want to be loved. I want to feel it in my soul and know it in my heart and so that is where I begin. To me, love like this has to be a verb, because I have to feel it. I cannot see it. I cannot hear it. Not unless it is in action and in harmony with how I want to feel it. I must know it in my soul because it has returned to me, this knowing of love. I have always known. Now, I feel home.

I write today for us all, to remind us that we are not alone. Not really a poem…a writing from me to you, to remind you to be the Angel that you have prayed for.

When we scream out in need, love answers the cry. We must feel it. We know only what we have come to feel, not what we have come to hear.

When we pray for the angels, they appear. Often in ordinary clothes and without their wings. Angels on earth walk among us and they guide us home.

When the darkness overcomes us and the demons run us out, love brings us back to our own soul. Love will never co-exist with fear and God will never co-exist with fear. God is love. Fear is not God. Fear is not love. God is benevolent. We forget, don’t we? Our own divinity…we forget that we are God. God created you in his image and God is in your mirror. We are not and never have been separate from God. God is not out there. God is in here. He asked me to remind us all of this. And so it is.

Every single one of us is here with opportunity to be an angel to someone else, every single day.

Every single one of us will see the angels we have called upon if we lose our expectation as to what they will look and be like. Angels will feel like angels. You will always know the angles among you.

What feels amazing to you? What lights you up? What cozies you up in loves embrace? Go be that for someone else. We must act outside of ourselves, in both thought and deed, and the angels will surround us. Wayne Dyer reminds us to want what we want, more for someone else, than we want it for ourselves. The person you are struggling to love right now, love them the most. Want for them, more for them, what you want for you, than you want it for you. Truly. If you doubt, try it and then you shall doubt no more.

Unconscious action and behavior still has accountability.

Compassion is just a word without action. Karuna means compassionate action in Sanskrit.

Love is just a word without action.

Saving those without voices does not only include the animals and sentient beings. Those without voices are those who cannot and do not and have a voice to speak up for themselves.

Being an advocate for anyone begins with first advocating for yourself, with all of your heart. You must fight harder for you than you will ever fight with anyone else. In the end, the battle is only ever with yourself anyway.

If you want it badly enough, you are the only one who can make it happen for you. Only you can set it down and never pick it back up. SOJA thank you. You are the only one who can release whatever it is that you are struggling to release. Stop holding whatever it is and hold yourself instead. I believe you. I have always believed in you.

We…you and I…we are fabulous, aren’t we? Angels and lovers and friends…we are blessed. We are love. Let us go out there and spread ourselves amongst those who do not know that they are angels also, shall we?

Have a beautiful Sunday afternoon! Go be the Angel that you have prayed for, for someone else! I love you!

Scattered all over this morning…

To be spun wildly by the inertia that is me, has me in a bit of panic and uncertainty as of late. Wiped out completely by waves of my unresolved thoughts and emotions. Knowing that when my mind finally stops that my body will follow, and yet being unable to calm my mind enough to experience the stillness. The taunting and teasing ceases as the carrot once dangling in front of me ceases to exist. There is nothing. Nothing anymore except the void of the space left in between, all of the people and places that mattered so much to me. Crashing and slamming and pounding and racing and ripping is this pain in my heart, attempting to ricochet it’s way out of the prison that holds us. The world keeps fading to black and I scurry towards the crack of light. My heart shatters and I scramble to gather her pieces in my arms. A scurvy elephant all of my life ( Thank you for that reference Wayne Dyer)…I break off to find my tribe.

The darkness consumes me and I claw and gnarl and tear to break free of her grip. My darkness is your darkness and your darkness mine. We are the only way out. When I am in my darkness, I reach for you. In your darkness, reach for me. We will break free…you and I. We will break free to see a sliver of darkness in the light. We will run and awaken her darkness to her beauty and bring her to our light. As long as I must, I shall stay here, enduring what remains of my darkness, while focusing ahead on the light. I am the light. You are the light. As surely as I am learning this, I am telling you…you are the light! I don’t know exactly how to begin with me. I am learning. I am failing a lot. I am getting back up a lot, and I am weary.

Depression hurts. Have you ever seen that commercial? The dog pans in and he is as depressed as his person? Depression hurts. Ask Baby Taos. Ask Rocky or Aliah or Prajna or Nahko Bear or Mala Bear. Depression hurts. Ask Tamara. How it must feel to be wanting only to get in. And how lonely it does feel to want nothing more than to get out. Open the door from the inside Coral…remember? I remember, and I cannot forget, and so depression has made the knob slippery and my hand loses her grasp. With my hand around the knob…too slippery to open the door, I am reminded that depression hurts. My hand is around the knob to the door that is my salvation…the door that sets me free, like a noose that hasn’t tightened to its limit yet. Depression hurts.

You know I just thought of something a little odd and probably blatantly obvious. I grew up listening to virtually nothing but country music. I see people struggling with video game addiction with their kids, and how it impacts them. The violence and the sexual assaults become normalized and kids mimic what they constantly engage with. My music auto-shuffled yesterday and country music was shuffled in with Nahko and Lady Gaga. As some of the songs played, I realize that some of all of this dysfunction that I am in right now must have something to do with being patterned in formative years by by music like that. I am not blaming Merle Haggard or Johnny Cash. I’m certainly not saying that Patsy Cline put the glock in my mouth in my 30s. I’m simply pondering the idea that listening over and over and over again to the woes of the alcoholic, as they normalize the exploitation and sexualization and demoralization of women might fuck a formative child up a bit in their thoughts and feelings. Constant drunken and disorderly conduct being repeatedly normalized must have had something to do with my having normalized those things in my own life. Johnny Cash and “Sunday Morning Coming Down” was my fucking life! I ate Merle Haggards “Rainbow Stew” for breakfast. I’m sure that Charley Pride and his song about when he stops leaving he’ll be gone, has nothing to do with my running from every good woman that came before me. I sat next to George Strait in “The Chair” and I listened to song after song after song about adultery and infidelity. I could go on for weeks…and please don’t get me wrong. These are some of my favorite songs. I’m just fucking sayin, as a kid, with her ear pressed to the speaker, it probably mattered what I was listening to. My opinion is that it does matter. I love county music and I probably always will. Those are my memories and my road trippin songs with a family long gone from me. Listening to those songs now is helping me to to put my own puzzle together, I wonder how significant it is that those were the messages I heard from the moment I was conceived. Again, I believe it matters. What messages do we want our kids to hear? We must be mindful what we play in front of them. I was the worst step-parent ever, as I had absolutely no concept of this what so ever. I thought it my duty to pass it on, in case it suits it serves you. As always, take what you need and leave the rest. We get what we get when we get it, as Tamara always reminds me.

I want my life narrated by my friend Wayne Dyer. I love Morgan Freeman. I just really feel Wayne is the one to narrate my life. He has been doing it in my head for years! Just throwing that out there. Anyway, Rough night last night, and a scattered blog this morning. Rough night last night, and so I write to heal us all.

Thank you for being here this morning. I really am glad you’re here! I love you and I hope you have a beautiful day!

Thankful for some time with Wayne today…

Good evening everyone. I am glad you’re here, as I learn to return here more completely. My absence of self has been overwhelming. I have been dark and sad and lost. Not wanting to say things I can’t take back and not wanting to blame…I just had to turn within for a bit. I am reconciled now and I pick myself up and I dust myself off and I forge ahead.

I was reminded by Wayne Dyer today that the wake cannot ever drive the boat. The wake is the trail left behind…our history’s and our pasts….we must leave our pasts behind us, where they belong, if we are ever to truly move ahead. I have been stuck looking to the trail left behind me, for guidance for my future, and that is why I am stagnant. I have reflected there and pondered there enough. I have not been here…right here, right now. I have been blinded by my own pain and paralyzed by my own fears and I’m done doing that.

I must not stay asleep. I must open my eyes to the beauty and inspiration that I am. We must all do this. We must all awaken to our callings. We must live our purpose and not the will of others imposed upon us any longer.

The worst pain of my life hit me and I knew not what to do. I did the best I could to stand up for what I believe in my heart to be right and just and true. I stepped out of bounds with my soul for a second to defend my heart and I’m okay with that. I have stepped back into my own souls purpose and desire. I set my sword down. I set my anger and my resentment and my entitlement and my expectation down. I set the weight of this pain that is crushing my soul down.

I thank you for being here. I thank you for being patient with me as I navigate this storm. Your love and prayers are priceless to me and I thank you. I pray for you also and I love you back! I am horribly wounded and learning to drop the illusion that my wake could ever possibly drive this boat. I am so thankful for Dr. Dyer…so, so thankful. I love you Wayne. Thank you!

Have a beautiful evening everyone. I love you.

Let’s light it up!

Good morning everyone and happy Saturday! Thank you to everyone who began following my blog yesterday. I feel much better pulling it from Facebook, as I am a little overwhelmed by all of the negativity and hate as of late. I was starting to absorb all of that shit and I was becoming reactive and intolerant myself. I apologize for that and I think pulling myself out of it a bit will help. I am so glad you are here! I really am. We try to find some solace here, don’t we? Some peace and some love…somewhere to belong and someplace we can all come anytime we like. This healing room is ours and we can be ourselves here. Thank you for being here with me this morning! I love you!

When I am facing my most difficult challenges, my most personal challenges…I tend not to write about them right away. I am in such a situation right now. I ask for your love and your prayers that I may hold my tongue and make sure that when I do speak that my words pass all three gates. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?

And so I pray…please pray with me if you are so inclined:

Dear God and brother Rumi, this morning I pray for peace and surrender in my heart for that which has come to be and for all that will come to be. I pray that I may hold loving space and that I honor the highest good of everyone involved, including myself. I pray for peace. I pray for acceptance enough to let go of expectations. I pray for peace. I pray that I may be love and be loved. I release my need to be right. As Tamara says, being right makes someone you love wrong. Please shower me with your grace and mercy that I may just be. Lord hear my prayer. And so it is. Amen.

Thank you. I am trying not to try so hard to sort it all out. The struggle is real though and I am in my fucking head a lot more than I wish to be. Always in my head. Always in my past and in my future and wanting to be right here, right now. I know the spinning starts in my head and not in my heart. PTSD is just my mind fucking with me over and over and over again. The severity of the attack is like the volume control button and sometimes, I blow my fucking speakers, before I can begin to dial it down. The spinning is nauseating…truly sickening and I cannot steady myself. The double-headed serpent is a mother fucking bitch to walk around with. Clashing and thrashing and gnashing and clawing in fight or flight, until complete exhaustion drops me to my knees again. And so I begin to pray again. The struggle is real.

Let’s talk about you though, shall we? How are you? I know that many of you are struggling too. The darkness is heavy around us, isn’t it? We are in uncharted territory and in unsure times. We are running scared and spinning out, aren’t we? We all have PTSD of our own, in my opinion. The severity ranges and The diagnoses vary. The causes are a sea of many horrors that we have trouble treading water in, no matter who we are. We all go somewhere and can’t find our way back sometimes. We all shut out that which we cannot hear or see or know, until we make a choice to see and to hear and to know something different. We are not locked out my friends. We are locked inside. The door opens only from the inside. We are held captive in our own prisons, at our own hands, and we have the fucking key. Only we have the key to truly get ourselves out. Only we, when we are ready, will be able to free us from the bondage of our pasts. I have heard this and I have known this to be true. This morning though, I am going to open that fucking door and get the fuck up out of here! Prison break! Do you want to join me? We could devise a plan…”the best laid plans of mice and men”…nah. We could….how about we just fucking do it? Who is with me? Let’s just grab hold of that knob and let us open the doors that imprison us. You will notice that the knob does not even have a keyhole in many cases. In other cases, you will see that the key in your hand fits right into the keyhole, that unlocks your door. We are held captive by ourselves…by our own minds. We must change the way we look at things and the things we look at will begin to change. Just ask Dr. Wayne Dyer. God rest his beautiful soul! Hi Wayne! I love you!

The door opens only ever form the inside. This news is not news at all. It is old news and we already know it. We have always known it and yet we have never known it at all. Today, let us learn, for the first time, that we are in control of nothing, that our doors are not locked and that we are not defeated. In this darkness that overtakes us, we are the light. Put your hand on your heart and feel it beating. You are the light. We must stop searching for light and love and healing outside of ourselves. We are the light. We are love. We are capable of much of our own healing. We must open the door and we must cross the threshold into the unknown, so that we will know the light. Light that we haven’t found in our darkness is on the other side of the door that holds us captive in the dark. We have become accustomed to the illusion of safety in the dark. We are where the light enters us. We are the light. We hold the key. Isn’t this wonderful news! We are the light!

Many of us, myself included, have lost our way. Many of us have been stuck and paralyzed by the horrors of our past. This morning, with my hand on the knob, and my heart throbbing out of my chest in anticipation, open the door from the inside. Thank you Rumi for the inspiration and words for this post. My brother you lit me up! Thank you. I carry the torch and I’m coming around for you. If your torch needs some help to reignite your flame, just place it outstretched before you and I will be by to light you up!

A hug from a year ago…a smile from yesterday…love from my girl this morning…setting down my expectations…feeling myself softening…opening…growing, ebbing and flowing…loving you so fucking much…this is my good morning. This is our good morning. We don’t need to make a list, we just need to fucking do it. So torches out everyone, let’s go ignite our world with love and light and peace this morning! Be the change. Be the love. That’s where I’m off to this morning! Will you join me? Let’s light it up, shall we?

The darkness in our lives will persist until we accept that we are the light. As long as we wait for someone else to do it, it will never get done. We are here to love each other home. Let’s get loving!

Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!

I come to the garden alone…

Sitting silent in the garden with my Mom. I am at peace. I am grateful. I am blessed.

My prayers have been answered. I am on a warriors path and my time to rise up is upon us. I, much like Nahko, am gathering the nations. Nahko has been my musical medicine from the start. Thank you Nahko. My mentor in poetry and truth and musical medicine and someone I feel honored to have met in Denver in December. If you’ve not googled this guy, take a moment  for yourself and look him up. Nahko and Medicine For The People. I have never been inspired, moved or healed more by music than that of Nahko. Thank you Nahko for paving the way and for the love and inspiration. I love you! My FJ Cruiser is the Nahko Medicinemobile and my Sanctuary . I spend a lot of time with you there my Brother.

Authors and teachers…ministers and coaches…colleagues and competitors…those here in body and those who have shed their bodies…friends and adversaries…family and acquaintances…next of kin and neighbors…community and compassion circles…doctors and patients…Reiki and her servants, more often called Master. I am because you are. Umbuntu.

My Mom left the garden before me this afternooon and I was not so sad, as I know she is always right next to me in some form. Be it a butterfly or a hummingbird…the sun and the moon…a breeze or a whisper…a moment or a memory. My Mom shed a body that she was way too big for. We shall all do the same some day. We are all dying, every moment, for we are not here for always. We are here now and that is all we have…this moment.

One of my Moms all time favorite songs was “The Garden”. We sang it with her in church and she sang it to us as kids and we played it at her funeral. I thought you might enjoy the lyrics, so here you go:

 

 

The Garden

I come to the garden alone,

While the dew is still on the roses,

And the voice I hear falling on my ear,

The Son of God discloses…

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,

And He tells me I am His own,

And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other, has ever, known!

He speaks and the sound of His voice,

Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,

And the melody that he gave to me,

Within my heart is ringing . . .

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,

And He tells me I am His own,

And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other, has ever, known!

And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other, has ever, known!

 

Words and Music by C. Austin Miles, 1912

 

God is in is. We are in God. We are God. We must understand that before we will ever understand ourselves. “I will give you an orange to show me where God is.”..to an Avatar. The Avatar, in response says, “I will give you two oranges if you show me where God is not”. Thank you Dr. Wayne Dyer and Neale Donald Walsch and Ram Dass for the inspiration and the beauty and delivery of your words, in language I can appreciate understand. I love you!

Have a beautiful evening everyone. I love you.

 

Do you want to love some trees with me today?

Good morning everyone! Welcome to the healing room this morning! What do you say we get in a huge circle this morning? I would like to spend our morning looking into each other’s eyes, feeling each other and just being together. How does that sound?

I am not wanting to talk about my medical situation today, as it only fucking depresses me. For those of you following though, I am awaiting more test results amd more tests are being ordered. Friday I have an appointment with my primary. Yesterday was my six week post op appointment, which was scheduled with someone other than my surgeon, so I canceled to reschedule with her. Too many complications and oversights for me to just let it all go without seriously inquiring about what happened to cause such a fucking catastrophe. I am on an antibiotic, which is very strong. So, that’s all of that for now.

This morning I actually want to talk about you. Yep, that’s right…I want to talk about you on this day. Inspired again by Ram Dass this morning, as he wrote about trees in the forest. I paraphrase here and the just of what he said is this; We don’t judge the trees because they are bent and awkward. We accept the trees just as they are without any judgement. He says to practice turning people into trees. How lovely! Truly! I say we are talking about you today, simply because I’m turning you all into trees! Each of you…a beautiful tree, perfectly and masterfully designed. What a beautiful sight, all of the individuality and all of the stories, in the trunks and the branches of our trees.

We do judge each other, don’t we? We judge ourselves, don’t we? Probably more than we judge others…we judge ourselves.

Have you ever seen an ugly tree? I mean truthfully, have you ever walked up to a tree and said offensive, mean and judgemental things to a tree? Wow, look at that fat ass tree over there with all of the twigs! Looks like she is pregnant. Look at that tree, all bent and crooked…and just look at that tree, thinking she’s better than all of the other trees…what an asshole that tree is….said no one ever! Think about it. Ram Dass thought about it. Our innate nature, the one we were born with, much like the trees in the forest…where did we lose who we came in To this world as? How do we get her back?

We begin by unlearning what does not serve our highest good. We share our stories and we encourage one another. We lift and build one another up. We are kind, no matter what. We are kind to people who are kind. We are kind to people who are unkind. We are kind because that is all we have to give away…kindness. (Paraphrasing Wayne Dyer from his year in the Tao).

We accept the trees as they stand, even as they bent and sway and fall. We accept each one and appreciate each one individually. Why wouldn’t we? Why don’t we do that for ourselves? Why don’t we love ourselves like we love the trees, without judgement? Why don’t we love each other like we love the trees? All of the uniqueness that is you, to be celebrated and loved and cherished…how do we celebrate all of that if we are too busy judging all of that?

Just look at her over there, eating those chips like she’s somebody. And those clothes he is wearing. Look at his ass crack. I cannot believe she thinks she is pretty. I can’t leave my house, looking like this. I look like hell today. Wow, you look like shit! I’m fat. I’m ugly. I’m not good enough. STOP. Just STOP. Why do we have these thoughts? Why are we more worried about his ass crack showing than we are about our own appearance. I am an ass cracker myself. I’ll not lie about it. My ass crack shows a lot. I just lost about 35 pounds and my pants don’t fit. I cannot go buy all new pants, and so I do the best I can to wear my pants in a way that they do not fall off. Sometimes though, even in spite of my best efforts, my crack is exposed. Am I an asshole (no pun intended) because my pants don’t fit? Did you ever consider just worrying about your own ass crack and not showing your ass by judging or commenting on someone else’s? Truly, I have heard people say, more than a handful of times, something to the affect  of…we shouldn’t have to look at that. We should not be subjected to her in spandex, for fucks sake. Really? We should not be subjected to how someone else dresses, because it offends us? Are you fucking kidding me? How is what someone else wears, how they cut their hair or wear their makeup any of our business? Trees people…be the trees…love the trees…love like the trees and be loved by the trees.

What ever gave us the right to be so judgmental and intolerant? Who gave us a green light to judge and ridicule and destroy one another with our words? We all have plenty of work to do on ourselves, don’t we?  Look at all of you…beautiful and individual and unique…gorgeous and strong…brave and gorgeous trees, standing here in this circle this morning. You are fucking gorgeous you know! I love you just the way you are. I encourage us all to love each other like trees today. Will you try it with me?

I don’t write about what I’ve not experienced myself. I have been judged and I have been judgemental. I have been intolerant and I have been guilty of saying mean things about myself and others. I have been wronged and I have been wrong. I write about me…Coral, the alcoholic…Coral the imperfect and flawed human being, who just wants you to know that you are not alone. I am here with you. (Thank you Michael Jackson). We are all in this together. Let’s start by ceasing to chop each other down. Let us begin by embracing and admiring the beauty that is us! We live in a beautiful forest, surrounded by one another. One by one we fall, every time we chop one of us down. Like the trees, we are unique and beautiful and good enough. We are fucking trees man! Let us not ever forget that.

Nelson Mandela would have been 100 years old today. Today, on the anniversary of his birth, we celebrate this man and the beauty he brought to our world. What an extraordinary human being!  Truly, talk about kindness and compassion. I just read 100 facts about Nelson Mandela in an article by USA Today. I encourage you to check it out, as I learned a lot! I posted it on my FB page of you care to check it out.

Thank you for being here, in this amazing circle with me his morning! You are stunning and I love your branches and your trunk and your twisted little limbs. I love you, just the way you are. I see you swaying and bending in an effort not to break. I feel you frantically trying to avoid being cut down. I feel you my fellow trees. I feel you. How about this? Let’s go out And do some tree hugging today? Are you up for it? Go out there today and see all of the beautiful trees that cross your path and give those beauties some love! And so it is. Let’s get out there and love our world into a brighter and better place for us all, shall we?

I am inspired and I am on fire!

 

54F4D272-31C7-453D-B458-E0867E3D833D.jpegGood late morning to everyone! I hope your week is off to a good start! I think we shall all gather directly in the healing room today. How does that sound? Perfect…I am three weeks post op tomorrow, so I am  still in PJ’s between clients and quick trips out and about, let’s all grab our blankies and get started, shall we?

I want to talk today about being inspired. What inspires you? What drives and motivates and moves you? Who are you really, when no one is looking at or judging you, for who you “should” be?

Inspiration is what lights us up, isn’t it? I mean, when we are inspired, don’t we feel lighter in our bodies and lighter on our feet? When something inspires us, we feel it, don’t we? I feel it all the way to my soul when I am inspired! I have not been inspired for a very, very long time. I have been asleep and dead inside and literally dead, more times than I can count. I died for the very last time during my most fortunate and very insightful overdose, post surgery. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I have died many times, and this was to be my last time dying and coming back. I will live until I die for good, from now on!

What beagn as a seemingly unfortunate chain of events in my life, coming out of surgery three weeks ago, with no pain management on board, for hours, right out of the OR. No pain management, other than a handful of prescribed to me, Percocet, until Friday evening. I overdosed, when we were told by my surgeon to turn on. We did turn it on, for another 14-15 or so hours, running on 3x the recommended dose. I lost a lot of all of this and slowly, it’s coming back. For every experience, and for every obstacle, I am on my knees, so thankful, for the lessons and the blessings. I am committed, with all of my heart and soul to passing it on!

Meeting with Aiden on Thursday, for my first time since surgery, Aiden was quiet and he cried and he clinged to me. This is not my experience of Aiden, other than when Aiden was missing for 12 days and near death himself. During those days, we didn’t let each other go, not even for one breath…not for one moment. Aiden looked up with tears in his little eyes and he asked me why I didn’t tell him I wasn’t dead anymore? I was very confused and almost disbelieving, and this is Aiden we are talking about. I do not and never have, doubted Aiden. He asked me again why I didn’t tell him I wasn’t dead anymore. He asked me to play the song he had sent to me, in Tamara’s Jeep on Tuesday. I knew exactly what song he was speaking about and he asked me to play it then and there. I pulled out my phone and there it was, the song I had been playing non-stop since Tuesday:

Lights On (Makeshift Innocence) YouTube

This song, as I sat and watched the lyrics swirl around with Aiden on my lap, had a whole new meaning to me. I began sobbing, tears falling on Aidens little fluffy head. During my overdose, after I violently threw up and went to lie back down, with the pain ball that just Overdosed me, still running at 3x what it was initially set at, for several more hours. Somewhere in there my heart stopped beating. I looked at Aiden, both of us with tears in our eyes, and I said I didn’t tell you I wasn’t dead Aiden, because I did not know myself, until this moment with you that I was dead.

Aiden and I sat in that space together, holding one another and listening to that song, watching those lyrics dance around the page, and we made a promise, to always in all ways to do our best to love and touch people who cannot be loved and touched by more orthodox means. Aiden and I are both back and ready to be of service. How may we help you? What can we do for you?

I left here and I went somewhere. I saw God and he gave me a choice. He said I could stay with him, as my work had been enough. I told him I must come back, because my work has only just begun. Sam has known, since she was in the seed, that she had big work to do, and we are just getting started. We are inspired and we are on fire! We have wanted to help to heal our world since at least the first grade, when our world was small, and the biggest person we saw, the President of the United States of America…that’s who Sam was for career day in first grade. Do you know why Sam wanted to be the President of the United States of America? Sam knew that if she was president, she could make people love each other and be nice to one another. Sam, from when she was in the seed, has committed to doing whatever she can to heal our world. Every career day was like that for Sam…a doctor, to make people well…a hobo to show us all that we are all the same inside…oh, and once, Sam was John Lennon for career day.

Whatever happened in those moments that I lost during that overdose, I took MY life back. I made a commitment to be of service, to use my gifts to be a vessel, an instrument to do God’s work. I didn’t come back invisible and broken and small. I don’t come back in fear and torment. I came back peacefully and quietly, not knowing at all, what had just happpened to me.

Tony Robbins says that if you are going to blame someone, you better blame them for every fucking thing. You blame them for the bad stuff, you better blame them for the good stuff too. I really heard that. I really get that. I really honor that. I am that. I can hear Tony and I can hear Wayne because they speak like I speak, for the same reasons I do, which I didn’t totally know until now…I talk so that people will listen. I don’t curse to piss you off…my Mom..ya, maybe…but you, not so much. I am willing to use words that others won’t use, to liberate a place within themselves where they too are able, to be liberated.

Dr. Wayne Dyer has been a mentor and a huge source of inspiration and enlightenment for me, for many, many years. Wayne Dyer and Tony Robbins do not fuck around. I grieved when Wayne Dyer passed away, like I had lost my own Father. I never had the opportunity to meet him because I couldn’t afford to go to Maui and see him. Wayne left his world before I got to meet him in person, and I walk closely with him now. My Mom will often, and very matter of factly, tell me that Wayne said hi when she visits me from the other side. Wayne will tell me that my Mom says hi. Wayne told me when I am ready, to tell Anthony he sent me…”just not on the first day”…he chuckled…and he will know Wayne sent me. Too good to be true I would have once thought. Crazier than I thought I was, I would have once said. This time, I just said “Thanks Wayne. I will. I love you!” Dr. Dyer spent a year in the Tao…living and translating, into words we could better understand. I spent six months or so listening to nothing but his interpretation of those verses in my truck. The one verse that comes to me often and resonates with me always is the verse that says, and I paraphrase…I am kind to those who are kind. I am kind to those who are unkind. Kindness is my nature and that is all I have to give away.

Whatever all of it is and wherever it comes from…the source of unconditional and abundant and overflowing love for us all…I tapped into it when I left here in those moments and my spark was ignited. I am so grateful, so thankful and so blessed! I will use all of these tools to light up our world. Life does not happen to us. I know that, without a doubt now.

I came here to be of service on a very grand scale. Although I have always known that to be true, I haven’t known what it meant. I am listening universe. I am listening. I am ready and I am willing. I am fucking inspired! Truly…wholeheartedly, inspired…and ready for all of the good things coming!

You all have a blessed and beautiful day! I love you and I thank you again, for always believing in me and for praying for me and for loving me. I love you too, you know?

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