Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

And the alters have me this morning ❤️♥️💜

Good morning everyone! Happy Thursday! I did not get much sleep and I am a little bit pissy this morning. I apologize in advance for that. Fatigue and sleep deprivation do not help this girl to deal gracefully with her struggles at all. With that being said, I hope your night was more restful and peaceful than mine was!

I read a post on a page I follow this morning about “alters” and I am so thankful. Truly, I love reading something that I relate to so much, that explains so much about me, without fetching another diagnosis or being presented another smorgasbord of narcotic medication to “help” me. I do not want to be medicated with narcotics. I do not want to be more comatose than I already feel on some days, just waking up. I don’t want to be any more eccentric and outlandish than I already am, just to attempt to be well. Having alters scared me so much at first and the idea of other people finding out I had alters scared me even more. Now, it just simply explains me and how I survived the horrific abuse in my life. I have different egos and personalities that are actual split pierces of myself, and they work with me to navigate my life. Sam is my inner child and she came to save me from the impact that little Coral couldn’t survive. Sam and Coral work pretty well together. Some of the other alters do not work well very with anyone. Social anxiety, plagued with too much talking on my part, causes much discomfort and awkwardness for me daily. Misophonia, which is quite literally the hatred of sound, in which negative thoughts, emotions and physical reactions are triggered by sound, is my constant companion. If I had to pick one of my disorders that makes my life intolerably difficult daily, it would be the misophonia. A living and waking hell that knows no ends or bounds or limits. Dogs barking incessantly last night have me full blown triggered this morning. And so I begin reworking today’s schedule. I don’t want my colleagues to see me this way, and so today I skip VCA and do distance work with Aiden. My first client, also a dear friend, is a safe zone and so I can work comfortably there. My other client will be at work and so I’m feeling safe there. My errands, except for getting gas, can wait, and I’ll get back home as soon as possible. Back at home, I can begin to decompress a bit and recalibrate myself. This is my morning routine and today it fucking sucks. The struggle is real and I am a hot fucking mess today, all because I haven’t lined out my alters and my day and my emotions enough yet, to function.

My life is definitely a trip. I am super fucking intense. I care more about many of you than you care about yourselves. I love with all of me and I hurt deeply when love is with held from me. I give more than I’ve got to keep you on track and I care more about your finish than my own. I feel you. I am you. I spend time inside you and so I know who you are, your workings and your idealism’s. I allow you time inside me also, to allow for balance and intimacy in this very cold world. Your fears and inadequacies, I feel them. Your doubts and your negative self talk, I hear it. I am empathic. I bilocate. I intuit beyond the comprehension of most people. I truly do feel you. My alters saved me from death and yet, surviving the horror I did was a fate worse than death, many times over. Some days I grab my own arm and shake me to see if I really am still here at all. I am definitely not like any of you and I’ve known this my whole life. Bullying and constant taunting have always reminded me that I am different and kept me pretty fucking humble. These disorders that I have are simply who I am…this is me…this is my life and who I am. I’m awkward and crazy and without filter. I want life to be fair and when it’s horrifically unfair, I intervene to restore balance. I do this by divine guidance. I am a vessel for the work that comes through me and most days I feel So blessed for who I am and for my ability to do what I do. Today though…today I am tired and sleepless and irritable. Today I wonder what it would be like to be “normal” and I remember why I drank so fucking much. I drank to forget that God expects much more of me than he does from most. I drank to not feel so alone and isolated in who I am. I drank to fit in where I could once only sit and observe from the sidelines. Without drink…sometimes the pain of the my alters slams me into the wall suicidal and begging God to take me from the pain of not fitting in. This morning God said “no”and Aiden says it’s time to get going and so I set all this self pity down. I know how this is going to go…I’ll go grab my brightest tie dye and I’ll get myself presentable for my day…I will spend extra time in prayer and meditation this morning. I will take my hands off of all of you and Aiden and I will handle it. We will just handle it and get into our groove. Aiden and I do not get days off right now, as we are building Aiden a brand new airway. I never need days off from Aiden…just from everyone else sometimes. Today is one of those days, and so I’m going to lie low and mind my own business. I am going to keep my head down and keep my awareness on myself. I surround myself in love and purple light today, that we all be protected from the parts of Coral that serve no one…from the parts of society and one another that serve no one. We all survived something just to be here and we all developed survival skills for keeping us here. Some of those skills do not serve us anymore and yet, we’ve no idea what to do without them. We hold them tight, just in case we need them again. Our alters bring more subtle tools and today I accept those tools happily, as my own toolbox has me locked out this morning. Thank you Alice for your brilliant writing this morning, which totally inspired my own. Thank you for your honesty and your sharing yourself with us, so that I could share too.

To each of you, I love you. I really do love you. I don’t know how I love you or why I love you or what it means that I love you. I just know that I really do fucking love you. I’m going to keep saying so, even though I vowed not to. I vowed not to because some days I grow weary of being so fucking weird man. Fuck! Some days it’s a lot, even for me. Walking up to people and loving them for a deceased spouse or an absent, abusive, asshole spouse, simply because God said so…ya, some days, even in Coral land it’s a mother fucking doozie. I’m sure I’ll be back to my crazy, eccentric self soon. For today though, I’m not going to lie, just to get through it, I’m cutting my day short and laying low. I’m keeping my eyes down and to myself and my soul protected until I get back home. My soul, always open and peering from behind these green eyes, is closed this morning for self preservation. My eyes, constantly in contact with your own eyes, will be shifting away from your gaze today, to heal my own soul. I hope you each have a blessed and beautiful day today. I’ll love you from where I’m at and I will love you with all I’ve got. And if you would please, say it with me…”I love you Aiden!!!!!”

Aiden and Prajna and the hummingbird…

Good evening everyone! I was sitting down to contemplate writing when something hit the window of the studio really hard. When I looked out, there was a baby hummingbird on the deck. I ran out and picked her up and she was not moving much. She tried to fly and fell to the ground beneath the trees. I found her and picked her up again. I held her close to my heart and told her I was with her and she would be okay. Mostly she seemed very stunned. I lifted her up and she tried to fly again and fell face first into the dogs yard. I ran around to retrieve her before Nahko became curious…she wasn’t moving at all. I picked her up again and carried her into the studio. We had some water and waited for Tamara to get home. Tamara would know just what to do. Tamara got home and sure enough…she knew just what to do. We took my little friend “Hum-meer” to the hummingbird feeders so she could drink some sugar water. As I held her on my finger, she drank and drank and drank some more. Afterwards she stopped and looked at us, as if to say thank you, and then she fluttered her wings and flew up into the trees.

These moments and these little wonders make my life complete. Working with Aiden and living with Prajna, not many beings seem very small to me. Today though, with Hum-meer, Prajna seemed giant and Aiden seemed rejuvenated somehow. I thought Hum-meer broke her neck when she hit the window, as her windpipe looked weak like Aidens after she fell. Like Aiden though, she was not broken…she was badly bent for a moment or two…stunned and thrown off for a bit…discouraged, no doubt. And yet, she flew again. As I watched her fly away, I was reminded how we too, once we’ve been smashed and broken, we too fly away, don’t we? And to Prajna and Aiden, Hum-meer must have looked as small to them as they look to me sometimes…or maybe not. Anyway, the thud on the window certainly altered my evening a bit. I wanted to share this love and hope and inspiration with you, for I have felt broken before. When we hit the glass in front of us, that we took for open air, wouldn’t it be nice if someone picked us up and loved us back into flight? We all have the power to love each other back to life. We just have to have faith that we are love in the first place.

Aiden is love. That is all Aiden has ever been and that is all Aiden will ever be. Will you all help me to live Aiden back to flight please? Say it with me…”I love you Aiden!!!!!”

So Thankful for Aiden…

Good morning everyone! Happy Tuesday! Aiden and I have been very busy working on some things. Thank you for fueling us with all of your love and prayers while we work! We love and appreciate how you love us.

This time with Aiden is teaching me so much. Truly, giving your life over to someone else, to be them, to heal them…to unconditionally love them in a way that gives all of yourself to them…it is humbling and eye opening and surreal and beautiful and sometimes a little scary in spots. Aiden is a a great spotter though and we do not touch the ground. Ebbing and flowing, healing and growing and fro growing…Aiden and I are one. An opportunity presented itself for me to leave town for a week of musical medicine and festivities and I just could not leave and miss Aidens court date next week or my time with Aiden and his mom during this very important time in Aidens healing. Decisions like this bring me full circle to realize that some things are just more important than other things and Aiden is most important to me! I am blessed to be as I am and to be so close to Aiden and he is most important to me. Our time in healing space together is opening my eyes and my heart to many things. Thank you Aiden. I love you!!!

Our vet came out for all of the pigs, the goats, the cows and Hondo yesterday. It was about five hours of inoculations, hoove trimming and tusk trimming. It was humbling for sure to hear and see the stress and the fear of all of the animals as their turn approached, and to watch them react and adapt. If you have never heard a pig scream, you’ve absolutely no idea how that decibel registers in your own heart as it cuts through the air. It’s a sound like no other and it literally penetrates my soul every time I hear it. We were so blessed with skilled techs, an amazing veterinarian and our faithful volunteer and everything went off without a hitch. Thank you Western Trails and Dr. Thornton for an amazing afternoon taking care of our babies! We love you guys and are so thankful for you!!! Thank you Rob for always being so fucking amazing! We love you! And to my amazing girl, living her amazing dream, all of my love and respect. Truly, I am in constant awe of the passion that you have and the dedication that you have, to the love and commitment that you have to these animals and to your work in the world with and for them. Living your dream with you is an experience that I am so thankful for and I thank you for making me part of your world. We are so blessed and on days like yesterday, when it all just comes together, we are reminded just how blessed we are. Thank you universe for blessing my life so abundantly!

Today I woke in gratitude. Exhausted from yesterday and sore all over, I know I gave my all and did my best and that feels good. I’ve been working on a prosthetic for Aiden and I am going to drop that off to his mom today, so please pray that it works to help Aiden to keep his trachea open so he can breathe with ease. All of my love went into this design and Aiden and I think that it just may work! Love always works Aiden says!

I hope each of you have a beautiful day today! I’ve a full day today, so I’m off! Looking forward to seeing Aiden this morning and ready for some healing with my clients today. I hope each of you has a beautiful moment today that you share with someone else. A smile. A coffee. Lunch. A phone conversation. Go be for someone what you need in someone and see how your world opens up! Go hug someone…and I mean really hug them…and change your own world. Say you love someone and mean it and see how your heart feels. Open the door for someone. Buy two coffees and give one away. Start doing for others and see how much it does for you to do so. Aiden and I dare you! I love you guys! Have a beautiful day everyone! And say it with me, loud and proud…I love you Aiden!!!!

Exhaulting the pinnacle by Aiden….

Happy Monday everyone! Aiden and I are up and ready for this day! We have been working non-stop to get Aiden exhaulted to his highest heights and we will keep working until he gets there! Building new tracheas and laying in positions that humans don’t execute nearly as well as four pound dogs…practicing barking and making the trachea vibrate at different octaves to get vibrations and depths of sound…all I can say about my life some days is that my life is a trip! I am blessed beyond measure to be here with Aiden and I wouldn’t have it any other way! I am also so blessed to have an amazing partner who lets me fly my freak flag high and fucking proud…and I have all of you rallying around me and with me for Aiden! So…life is pretty fucking amazing and I am truly grateful to be on this journey with Aiden and his mom!

I hope that each of you had a beautiful weekend! For my friends with birthdays, happy birthday! I truly do celebrate my friends on their birthdays, as all of you complete all of me! The day of our birth is kind of a big deal, as we begin another trip around the sun, as we incarnate again to evolve some more, to love and grow and ebb and flow some more. So happy birthday to anyone celebrating! I celebrate you too!

My life is definitely a trip! I woke up to Tamara’s distress call yesterday..one of our guinea fowl had landed on the gate wrong and his foot got stuck between the gate slats. Manny must have been trying to roost and exhault (that was for Aiden) himself up into the trees Saturday night. Failure to launch and his inability to break free rendered him stuck and hanging upside down on that gate all night long, we suspect. When we found him, he was nearly dead and exhausted and his leg got torn up a bit. Lots of love and rest and a bandage job by Dr. Tamara, and we pray he does okay. God do we pray for these guys. Manny is in solitary and healing space and we ask for your love and prayers for his recovery.

The vet will be out today for inoculations and teeth floating and hoove trims, so we will have her care for Manny too. Today is a big day at Santuario, as all of the pigs and the goats and the dogs get vet care here today. We ask that you love our veterinarian and all of her techs and Tamara and I and all of our volunteers deeply this morning as we have our hands on these guys. I have mad respect for all of my friends who are veterinarians and doctors, as they have a lot of pressure on them to do it right, all of the time. Thank you to each of you who went to school so long and worked and studied so hard to take such great care of all of us. I’ve some mad love and respect for each of you and the path you travel. Thank you. Truly, thank you.

Aiden has a lot going on in that little head of his, almost all of the time. More than that though…Aiden has a lot going on in that huge heart of his all of the time! Aidens heart is all love, all of the time. Being in Aidens head and being Aidens heart is a privilege that I cannot find enough grateful words for. As human beings, we miss so much of the wonder and the glory and the contentment of just being a dog and so I embrace this time to just be a dog with Aiden. My life is much more beautiful behind Aidens eyes than it often is behind my own eyes. As I come in and out of Aiden and as I switch roles back and forth with Aidens mom, I know how blessed I am to be loving and working at this sacred level. The rest periods and the work periods are equally important to all of us and as we figure out how to ebb and flow in perfect precision with one another. The triangle…transforming itself into a pinnacle is the human experience. Guided by a dog like Aiden, it’s all pinnacle…every single bit of it! Brushing your teeth, getting married, making love….eating dinner, watching sunsets, riding shotgun next to mom in the race car and FJ cruisin…all pinnacle stuff. The triangle, and never to be triangulated, is only ever used to line us up for the pinnacle. Our lives, Aiden says, every single moment of our lives, can be pinnacle moments just like Aidens. I’ve asked Aiden to chime in on this, so everyone please welcome Aiden to our healing space this morning! Good morning Aiden!

  • Hi everyone! This is Aiden! Good morning and happy happy happy Monday! Thank you for loving me into the pinnacle. I feel each of you in my heart. Each feel makes me stronger. Each feel makes me weller and better and happier. Thank you. The pinnacle is what you humans look for and so I want to explain it to you. You have it all wrong and you all get stuck in the triangles a lot. You triangulate when you could be pinnacling. Here is how we pinnacle people! We surround ourselves with our greatest treasures and with those who love us the most and we spread them out like our favorite toys all around us. We make ourselves comfortable and secure first and then we make sure our love buttons are in full activation. We close our eyes and we imagine that every person in front of us is the person that we live the very most, in all of life. My person is my mom. I pinnacle her like this…My mom is the most beautiful and smart and dedicated and caring and kind person in my world…maybe even in the whole world, so that’s your world too. I take my mom in my arms and I love her with all of myself. My body…my mind and my heart…with all of me, I love all of her. There is not one thing about my mom that I don’t love. AND it seems like I love the things about my mom the most that she loves the least about herself. Some days if she doesn’t feel or look just right before we go to the race car, I feel her a little sad and so I just sing my loudest to her that she is beautiful! Sometimes my dad tells her she is beautiful and she doesn’t believe him at all and I don’t know why. My dad sees really good. When I tell my mom she is beautiful, she begins to pinnacle…the pentagram becomes alive again. So, dogs have hard work some days…telling beautiful humans that they are beautiful, only to be doubted. My mom though…my mom is my rock and my hero and my best friend. My mom is my pinnacle and I’m teaching her to pinnacle too. Coral is learning to pinnacle and to exhault herself too. So, I want you to know that you can learn to pinnacle and exhault yourself to the highest of highs with us too! Today, I know I have to reboot my mom. I know because some mornings when I see her, I know she is going to need me to beam her up!!! Coral is rebooting now. Coral beamed me up! Anyway, we have to pull out these words like pinnacle and exhault sometimes to remind us of where we are at and of who we are. We came here for greatness, to be great….and I think we should start being that, don’t you? I hope you have a beautiful day! I’m hoping to go race car driving later…after I spend some time with Jackson. I love you guys! I’ll talk to you later! My mom is sending more pics so be ready for some cuteness overload!!!!

And Aiden chimes in!!!

Good morning everyone! Happy Sunday from Aiden and I! Aiden and I are getting back into our groove together and I am thankful for that. Aiden is in my body and I in his to try to make some sense of what is happening on the inside of Aiden. With that being said, I will be out of sorts, so to speak, for the next couple of days. I will be inside Aiden and absent and unavailable to some of you. I go somewhere and my thoughts and my comprende go there with me. Today and tomorrow will be Aiden and Coral days…intimate and cozy and close…prayerful, contemplative and meditative. If you need me, I will be with Aiden, so please be sure it’s really important if you reach to me before Tuesday morning at dawn, as I am in session with Aiden. I go on and my life goes on and I don’t know how to explain all of that really…other than to say that if I seem aloof or distant or completely absent or downright fucking rude in the next couple of days, I apologize in advance. I will be in spiritual surgery so to speak. I will not be myself, for I will be in Aiden and Aiden will be in me, as we build new constructs together.

It would mean so very much to Aiden and I and to Aidens family of you could lift us up as high as you can, in love and light and prayer.

This is Aiden,

I prefer the word exhaulted. Coral doesn’t like to use it because it has a red line under it. Anyway, I would like to be exhaulted, to the highest of highs, to the almighty himself, to examine my throat. I do not wish to pass “go” or to wait in throat jail any longer because I have important stuff to do. I have to be in court, for instance, with my mom. I need to protect my big brother Jackson. My Dad and my mom need me and so do my sisters and even Michael. I cannot tell you the long list of things I need to be doing, other than lying around and trying not to cough. It is exhausting, not exhaulting, if you know what I mean? Anyway, happy Sunday to you and to me too. I’m going to love on my mom today, well more today than yesterday for sure. And more tomorrow than today, no doubt. As I was asking though, please lift me up to the highest of high and the mightiest of the most mighty to get my throat fixed. To me, that’s my mom…and so lift her up, okay? To lift me up…to lift Coral up to the highest healing place of all? If you don’t mind…I mean even if you do, please just lift me up. I love you. Thank you. ❤️♥️💜

So, with that being beautifully said by Aiden himself, please lift us up as we also lift you, to the highest healing place of all, exhaulted to your highest high!!!! Happy Sunday! We love you!! And all together…”I love you Aiden!!!!!”

Happy Saturday from Coral and Aiden…

    Good morning everyone! Happy Saturday! I hope your week has been a good one. I have had a productive week and feel fairly accomplished. My mom and dad would have celebrated their 50 year wedding anniversary yesterday. All day I felt a little sad that I wasn’t planning their 50th like Shawn and I had always wanted to do for them. I didn’t get stuck in my sadness, although I did visit there a few times throughout the day. So, happy belated anniversary to my parents. With my mom in heaven and my dad remarried, the day still held a whole lot of meaning for me and for that I am so grateful. Changing the way I look at things is a difficult tide to turn, and so fucking worth it. So, so worth it. The way I have looked at things in the past has made things ugly for when they didn’t need to be, difficult when it wasn’t hard at all, sad when it really wasn’t and overwhelming when it was easy. My thoughts have harmed me more than anyone or anything else, simply because I allowed my thoughts to take me over. Mindfully, I correct my thinking and miraculously my life is changing and I am so thankful for that.

Aiden is a soul from somewhere very special. Something about Aiden is the pure the and good. Aiden exemplifies and is the epitome of the beauty in us all. Aiden came from somewhere special to take us all back there with him.

I really am all Aiden all the time right now. My life goes on…it’s just that Aiden is the center of my world and the recipient of my constant attention. Practically every thought is of Aiden and every idea is to help Aiden to be well. It is just like the day I got the call about Aiden being missing…after that, until Aiden came back home, it was all Aiden until he was in his moms arms. When God calls you personally to care for his most beloved, you have a knowing that your life is blessed beyond measure. When God says to design Aiden a new trachea and think he called the wrong person because you failed A & P not once but twice, taking your massage licensing, you get out your paper and pen and you become a mother fucking architect. You make o rings out of C’s and E’s and O’s and you dance like you know how. You learn to balance and hold the weight and the world and the heart of someone else above you. You learn that the gifts you don’t possess will be evident in the gifts you allow others to come forward with as you rise and fall and ebb and flow in this healing process.

For me, life with Aiden has been a beautifully choreographed dance. We dance to the left for all of you and we come back to center to bring you in with us, before we slow start back to the right again. We go FJ cruising and race car driving together like old friends. We lie together for hours on our stomachs inviting the air to visit us in our windpipe very slowly and gently. We manipulate our windpipes and we reminisce about our beautiful moms together. We dream of a better world, and we find our own ways to improve the world we landed in for this incarnation. We have been together before, Aiden and I and his mom. We have journeyed together before. We are all in different roles now and our life is different than it was in the old world. In the old world, we were one and we knew that. Now we are seemingly separate and looking to reconnect. All of us are doing that you know? All of us have deja vu sometimes don’t we? A familiar smell, a sound, a voice or a place…and we know we have been there before. We know we have loved these beautiful beings before and we are here to love them better this time around. Blessed by more time with Aiden, I am beyond dedicated to do whatever I can to give him what he needs for his journey to be comfortable, safe and well.

Our lives begin to really matter the day that we realize that we are not here for ourselves. Our purpose begins to reveal itself when we openly share the gifts we have available to us. Finding Aiden to some was like looking for a needle in a haystack. For me, it was like my own life depended upon Aiden coming home. I can’t really explain it. I just knew when the call came in that Aiden would return to his mom. I can’t explain it now eitherwith that same knowing, I know Aiden is to be exalted of his struggles. So again, I ask each of you to pray with me for Aiden and his healing. I ask each of you to throw all of your love at Aiden and his mom and his dad and his siblings, as the struggle is real for each of them.

On this morning as I get ready to go out into the world, I reach up and feel the soft growth on my head, the hair that I’m growing for Aiden. For years, I’ve been shaving my hair off to give strength to those battling cancer. Now, with all of my love, I grow my hair to give Aiden all the love and strength I’ve got. As my hair grows, so does Aidens strength. And so I say, let that Aiden fro grow! Let it grow! Let it grow!

Thank you to each of you who is loving Aiden and his family so, so much. Please dial up the love and prayers with me this morning. Please open your heart and say it with me…”I love you Aiden!”

Have a beautiful Saturday and Aiden says thank you for loving him so much! Aiden will share the name of his groomer with me, so not to worry, I will be in the best hands with my new hair! Thanks Aiden!

Asking for love and prayers for Aiden…

Good morning everyone! This morning I am calling up love for Aiden and his family. Aiden has been struggling with Tracheal Collapse. The way his mom describes it, the cartilage in Aiden’s trachea gets weak and so when he breathes harder, his trachea literally collapses. It’s like drinking thick milkshake through a straw and if you try to drink too quickly, the straw collapses and nothing gets through. So…imagine trying to breathe through that! The struggle to breathe is real for Aiden and Quality of life for everyone in Aiden’s family is diminished, as Aiden must lie fairly still to avoid the coughing that ensues if he gets agitated or excited by getting up and moving about the cabin. Once the coughing starts, everyone is caught in its turbulence and it’s uncomfortable grasp. At only four pounds, this collapsed trachea is rocking Aiden’s little world, literally. Much consulting is going on and everyone who can help is being contacted to get Aiden whatever help is needed to improve his quality of life. As we are gathering and assembling teams to get Aiden all fixed up, I ask for your love and your prayers for Aiden. I ask you to lift Aiden and his mom up as high as you can and into the healing light. Please pray for the competence and steadfastness of Aidens medical team and everyone on this team, as we all place our love and hands and healing energies on Aiden to return him to wellness.

As many of you know, Aiden and his mom, and his entire family…are my heart. Aiden is part of me. Aiden and I are spending nights together and long afternoons lying still together. Although I cannot seem to explain exactly who I am or what I do, to most people, Aiden knows. Aiden and I are the same and I do my best to work with Aiden and his body through my own body. My heart functions as Aidens and Aidens as mine. Aiden and I are the epitome of walking each other home. So…when Aiden is not feeling well, I am not feeling well. And when Aiden needs love and prayers and healing energy, I am going to go out there and get it for him! I ask each of you to take a moment this morning to lift up Aiden and his family. Please pray for their hearts and for relief and healing and a return to wellness for Aiden. Aiden really is someone spectacular and special and extraordinary! Aiden is part of me and I ask you to lift us up as we embark on a healing and telling journey together. Aiden needs us and so I will be rallying the troops and gathering tribe to carry our precious Aiden through this storm.

I began growing my hair out yesterday, for Aiden. I have never grown my hair, only ever shaved it, for anyone. So, this is a bit of a twist for me. Divinely guided and full of faith…trusting and knowing…I begin my fro grow for my beautiful friend Aiden! All of my hair and all of the strength that it symbolizes, I grow, with all of my love for Aiden.

Please pray with me:

Lord,

Hear our prayer. This morning Lord, I lift my friend Aiden up into your loving arms. I turn him over to you Lord that you mend him and make him well again. Aiden is so special to so many of us and we need Aiden down here Lord. Aidens trachea is in collapse and Aiden is struggling to breathe and to be well. Please Lord, open Aidens throat clear and wide. Let Aidens air pass through with ease and please remove Aidens discomfort and struggle to breathe. Lord, in your will and your capabilities, please take Aiden into your arms and make him well again. With all of our love and gratitude, and in your name, we pray these things. Skill our hands and open our hearts. Fill our minds with knowing of what to do and bring forth the people who can make Aiden well again, to assemble his team, to raise him up to you, that you may make him whole again. And so it is. Amen.

Have a beautiful day everyone and thank you for loving Aiden and for praying with me for his wellness and for his beautiful family. All of my love and gratitude this morning. Thank you. And please, if you will, say it with me…”We love you Aiden!!!!!”

A duck is a duck is always and forever a duck.

Happy Thursday everyone! I hope you’re week is wonderful so far. I am doing well. Taking some stuff that isn’t mine, off of my plate helped a lot, to allow me to recalibrate and refocus on my own goals and dreams. I thank each of you for your love and support as I navigate my life and turn the tide in a new direction.

Many of you have known me a long time, and many of you don’t know me at all. Many of you who have known me a quick minute know me better and more intimately than people who have known me my entire lifetime. Many of you fell in love with me instantly and many of you never will love me at all. The dichotomy in all of it truly is our salvation and our splendor, isn’t it? We are our very own dichotomy and our very own splendor. We are our greatness and our failures. We are the sum of all of our parts, not just the parts slightly to us. We must begin to open up our paths and gather and carry our own rocks and sticks. We must prepare a place for ourselves that mimics the heavens that we aspire to reach, it we are to ever know heaven at all. The rocks are here for us. We simply must gather them and relocate them to the place they belong now, to serve us now. During our brief stay here. Someday, someone else will gather these rocks and sticks and move them to their purpose. Just as those before us and just as we move stones, so shall the generations to come. Do we ever really entertain the idea that other human hands have touched the rocks that we hold in our hands? Do we see our world from whence it came? We must do something to keep her going, Our beloved Mother Earth. We must begin to hold her soil in our hands again. We must lie in her warm earth again and absorb her sun again. We must stop taking from her, that which does not belong to us. We are the only species who fucks with their own Dharma. A duck is a duck is a duck. A duck never, ever tries to be a swan. We got the wrong memo my friends and we must begin to know this. We must unlearn what we have spent our whole lives learning, so that we can leave our Mother to our children. We are an entitled and destructive and negative bunch and we are doing some irreversible damage. To atone for the sins of many is one thing. To quit sinning like it’s cool and running up the “sin deficit” would be our best bet. To realize that hurting and killing and mocking and berating others is not only not cool at all, it’s straight fucking wrong. We are wrong and we cannot even grasp the concept of being wrong and being okay with it. We would rather be right, at any cost, than to promptly admit being wrong, thereby ending the conflict and confusion and drama immediately and all together. We do shit to unravel each other and then we watch in fascination as they fall apart. “Hey, watch this…if I keep doing this, he will lose his shit…just watch…” and guess what? He does lose his fucking shit. You were absolutely right. A self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts, isn’t it? I mean isn’t it really? And here’s the most fucked up part of it all, and as if that were not mind fuckery enough, NOW, when you lose your shit in reaction to being fucked with, now, you are to blame for all of it! The fuckery of it all man! The fuckery of it all is astounding and heartbreaking and debilitating and what’s more? We all do this shit to each other. We all fuck with each other and we don’t even see it, do we? Do you see it now, how maybe you have perpetrated someone else’s pain, for your own motives. You have made others wrong, just so you can be right. And, as Tamara often reminds me, us being insistently right, makes those that we love the most wrong. Do we want our wife to be wrong? Do we want our kids and our educators and our politicians and our clergy to all be wrong, just to make us feel right? Give this some thought my friends…truly…think about the people in your life, whom you love the most, whom you constantly make wrong. And how about going a step further with this…how about upon knowing it, you do something to stop it. Be better. Do better. Evolve. Learn. Grow. Apologize and mean it, like a verb….like stop doing the same shit and saying you’re sorry, because you actually are not sorry. “Sorry” is a word. That’s it…just a word. Being sorry, well that’s the action part of it all…the verb part…the I’m going to cut my shit part of it. Sorry isn’t a word to make it all okay because you said “sorry”. Being sorry, now that’s the ticket. Changed behavior is the apology my friends. The apology, the sorry, the remorse…that comes in action, in our changed, for the better, behavior. So, let us not say we are sorry until we are sorry enough in our hearts to change our behavior, thus actually “being sorry”, in action, like a verb.

We must find a way to become unfuckable with. We must know our own value and our own worth so much that no one can convince us otherwise or to the contrary. We cannot stand in the darkness, perpetuating it, and blaming everyone else for it. We cannot be holding resentment for the light and all who stand within its warmth, and ever believe or actualize ourselves, bathing in the warmth of the sun.

I think we would be best to call a truce. Every take your hands off of everyone. Take your negative and explosive and toxic energy and drink that poison yourself. I am not thirsty for your concoction. I would just as soon fast for eternity and thereby into my own death, than to swim in the currents of mean and ugly anymore. Mean and ugly has made us mean and ugly. We must know this. We did this, our species, to us all. We, the “superior human race”…we are destroying us all, at an alarming rate, and all we can do is point fingers. We are putting other species into extinction, for sport. Who in the actual fuck are we? We are an entitled and ruthless and ungrateful bunch of people who think that we are superior to other species, when in fact, we are the bottom of that totem pole. For we destroy our own species and all who interfere, and we call it justice. We mock and disrespect our own elders because we’ve no actual sense of respect engrained in us. We brutalize our own domestic animals and our own children and we somehow fail to see that. We pump ourselves full of chemicals, thereby deactivating our necessary and highly intelligent natural minerals and we go completely out of whack. We cannot look each other in the eyes because we are liars and hypocrites of the very worst kind, for we do not even realize that we are looking in our own mirrors at all of this chaos and destruction. We are “out there”, trying to fix a problem that comes from “in here” and we cannot even recognize it. Our demise, our destruction and our unhappiness come from our inability to live our Dharma like a duck. A duck is a duck is always and forever a duck.

Who are you when no one is looking? Who are you really? Integrity is who we are when no one is looking. And guess that else, who we are when no one is looking, is actually who we really are. There is no one else, just that person, who you are, when no one else is looking. Further, that is who you will be sleeping with, eating with and praying with, so be sure you can live with this person for your entire time on this earth. You, are who you are when no one else bears witness to you. Knowing that can change your life. If you don’t like what you’re looking at, change the fucking channel already. A duck is a duck is always and forever a duck. Who are you?

A brief visit from our sister Robin this morning….

Good morning everyone. I really don’t have a lot to share right now. I am horribly saddened by the state of affairs in our world. Senseless killing and so many people wishing they were not here…angry words and disposable friendships and families. Violence and hate being spewed from even the mouths of babes. Man, I’m fucking disheartened and sad about the way we treat one another. I am sad to be so unable to understand the world I live it. I have always felt that I am in this world and not of this world. Days like this, I feel this even more so.

I know I’m here to help, to be of service and to do life solid, by giving my very best. I really do try. I am way better at solving your problems than I will ever be at handling my own, and I am working on that. I am seeing so clearly that I can’t fix you. Hell, I obviously can’t fix me either. I show up where I am called and I often stay too long. I stay where I’m not appreciated or wanted or acknowledged. I show up excited to be a part of a world that you never even prepared space for me to be in and then I wonder why it feels shitty to be trying to be in it. It’s not my fucking world and this in not my circus and these definitely are not my fucking clowns!

And so I regress. Truly, on all things. In all situations in my life right now, I regress. I pull myself back and out. I pull myself up and out, and I pause, on everything. I am at a stand still on everything in my life…holding pause, turning within. I get to going so fast sometimes into and toward things that don’t feel just right to me, thinking this will right itself eventually. I see the error of my ways and I stand down and pause in my life, for a spell, to re-evaluate and to reassess my current situation. Big life decisions are on hold for me until at least October as I really take some time to feel how I feel and to end up where I belong. I’ve an offer in in a space that was accepted and then I realized that I’m not sure what I need the space for right now. So, right now, I slow my roll and pray and meditate a lot. For today only, I realize that I am right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing. If the space is available in October and the clients are getting referred and booked, I will look again, into space outside of my current operating system. For now though, I have decided to work on the studio and to work on myself. I have decided that I prefer to lie kind of low and to turn inward as I re-evaluate some things in my life that are calling out to me.

I pray for patience and understanding, for love and light and for the ability to be content and in gratitude, no matter what. I pray for guidance and illumination. I pray for peace and prosperity. I pray for tolerance and understanding. Most of all, I pray to not partner with, end up with, or to be tied in any way, to anyone who does not listen to me, talk with me and value me. I remove myself from all situations that are not mine. I take my energy from that which has no concern for me. I lift up my brothers and my sisters who are on the brink of giving up, that they back away from the ledge that is beckoning to them. I lift up the sick and the broken and the beat down Lord, that you restore us to your glory, to your will and to your vision. May we be instruments of your peace Lord. May we be instruments of your love Lord. MY we be in your light Lord, always, in all ways. And so it is. Amen.

And our sister Robin chimes in…

I haven’t been up here too long, looking down over all of you. I’m not really up or down or over. I am everywhere now. From everywhere, I see how nowhere that you feel that you are. I watch you scurry around in a tizzy, trying to make it all just right….trying to line it all up and line it all out. I see your master plans in front of you, for a rebuild that isn’t yours. I see an overhaul coming on a rig that you haven’t fired up and taken out in decades. I feel your frustration and I raise you mine. You aren’t living your purpose. You aren’t fulfilling your Dharma. You are an ass kissing fool my friend. You are far more worried about being liked that you are about being yourself. You are way too worried about stepping on toes. You pick up the phone for people crying wolf while you are teetering over your own edge. Knock that shit off already! Truly, if they can’t love you, out loud, like a verb, and be elated that you showed up at all, keep on walking sister. If their cries simply get heard because they are louder than your own, you best raise yourself an octave or two or ten. You are a lame sitting duck Coral Dawn. You are a lame, and I empathize and emphasize at the same time, with lame sitting ducks my friend. What does anyone need or want with a lame and sitting duck? What does anyone want or need with someone who doesn’t feel worthy or good enough? What does anyone have to offer outside of you that you don’t possess within you? You don’t need office space. That space needed you. That space needed your love and your energy and your gift…you never needed that space. You were to sit in Lotus pose and pray for your world for hours and days on end, for a world who didn’t even open the door for you to enter. This is your time to stop and realize your error and to leave this place that doesn’t validate you, inspire you and open space up wide for you. This is true if all spaces, all people and all situations before you. If a space has not been prepared for you, this is your sign to walk by in love without crossing the threshold. If you can’t get calls and texts back and answers that don’t feel like dragging the bottom of a lake, you are notifying the wrong people, to light you up. If it feels wrong, it is because it is wrong.

Thank you for stopping in Robin, and for the message for us all this morning. Thank you for the angels who light my path. Thank you for a partner who loves me no matter what. Thank you for the love and support and input of friends and family, at a time when clarity eluded me. Have a beautiful day everyone. I love you! Great to spend time with you this morning sister! I love you!

Thank you for a beautiful Birthday weekend everyone!

Wow! How blessed am I? Truly, thank you for all of the Birthday love! What an amazing weekend, with the most beautiful and dear and amazing people! And further blessed by all of your calls and texts and messages and well wishes. Thank you everyone, so much for all of the love!

Thank you God. For everything. Amen.

My life journey promises healing space for us all. My life’s purpose is to give that away to everyone! Puzzlement has overcome me as to how to do that for my entire lifetime so far. Who am I? What is my purpose? Why am I here? What am I “supposed” to be doing? Where do I go from here, and how do I get there? So many loaded questions. So few answers to these questions. And yet, I have been doing this all along, to some extent, for my entire life, as we all have. I have been living my life’s purpose. As I know better, I do better. More conscious these days, I am aware of where I have fallen short. More willing to be wrong so I can learn who I want to be and less quick to blame others…and I am grateful.

I hope everyone has a blessed and beautiful day today! Thank you again for all of the Birthday love! I love you all right back!