Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

How do I market me so you will buy me?

Good Afternoon! I am back! I have decided, after goal-setting this morning, that I must get on a writing schedule. I am sure that I need to create both time and space for me to write. For me, that means a set time, every morning, for me to write. I have decided to set my alarm and to get up and write, every day at 5:00am. This allows time for my morning writing. I give myself two hours, every morning to write my morning blog and do my morning meditation. I will wake up and meditate and pray, first thing, in my sacred space, before I begin writing. I set this time aside, every day, first thing in the morning, to begin my day as a writer.

I began blogging in December of 2017. My commitment was to blog, once a day, every single day for 365 days. I have honored my commitment to myself, without fail and I am so glad that I have. My blog has changed my life. My blog really started to change my life when I realized that my blog was changing your life. I feel like I am doing more than simply honoring a commitment to myself. I feel like my commitment to myself, paired with so many other blessings, and Nakho of course, has opened me to being of service in a way I never imagined possible.

Just last week, I transformed coralsblog.com into Coral’s Healing Room, a place for all of us to go. A safe place and a place where we can be real and authentic. We can be wrong and still be okay. Coral’s Healing Room is actually a safe and healing place for us all, not just a place for Coral to honor her own personal commitment. This transformation came about because I want to be of service to you. I want to know what I can do for you and how I can help you. In this room, I want us all to take an active stance in healing ourselves and the world we live in. I want us to take seriously, the important task of walking each other home. In this room, I ask you; what do you need from me and how can I best serve you? I ask because I really want to know, you know? If you don’t know…I only ask you how I can be of service, because I really want you to tell me…what can I do for you?

I have been listening to podcasts watching webinars, and dreaming of my own…and watching you tube videos, been on phone calls, submitted applications…I am inundating myself with positivity and googling ways to make myself , well for lack of a better explanation…to make myself, MY SELF. I have done worksheets and answered questionnaire after questionnaire, as honestly as I can, to find MY true calling, because who really wants a bullshit calling, right? I mean I know I don’t…want a bullshit calling. I want to know MY calling. Anyway, suffice to say, post-op and pretty flat on my back, IPad in hand….I have been trying to find my true calling, my life’s work, my God-realized purpose. I have acquired some amazing tools and I have listened to some amazing people. I have sought out more information on the people I have been watching and I am fucking inspired! I am…truly inspired.

Here’s the thing though, inspired as I am, I do not have $15,000 to $50,000 to send to you, to see if I can make something of me, with your program. I just do not fucking have that kind of money. I cannot sell enough of my things and my possessions, because I don’t have things. On purpose, I don’t have things and I don’t possess what I don’t need, for the most part. I am the co-founder of a 501c3, non-profit. If I did have $15,000-$50,000, it is already spent on our Sanctuary. So, with all of that being said, I am very impressed by your program, your materials,and our our talk…I am fucking pumped and ready to spend the next 8-12 weeks of my life, doing your program. You haven’t gotten back to me about my application, and I keep checking my inbox, because to be accepted, would mean so much to me! Truly, I think I am a perfect fit, given what you’ve asked for…who you need for your program…that is me, so far! A bonus is that I am more dedicated than a lot of people and I have a story I don’t mind telling, to help us all to heal. I think I write pretty well, and I am available and I am coachable . I am open to what you want to show me, and all of the amazing attributes you have and the resources you have available to you…you could help me to help so many others, so, so much! I am awaiting your acceptance letter, because I know I have what it takes!

Seriously, I have spent days looking at all of this inspiration and I am so thankful! I needed to see people out there, doing something with their gifts. I needed to feel like I am on my way to sharing my God given gifts with the world, while making a good living, to support my service work in the world. I need to do something substantial and honest and real and true. I need to do me…like my blog, do me, and for that to be the forum for me to help others. I know who I am. I am love. I know what I do. I am a vessel for substantial and life-altering healing. I am a human being with a story that the world needs to hear and I am willing to tell it. I believe we all deserve love and I am willing to work my ass off for that. I am love and I want to teach love and peace and hope and healing. I want to do me…to write books and stand on stages..write articles and talk to students…stand in the pulpit and preach love and light. I want to work with animals and to help them to heal and have the best lives they can possibly have, as I heal and have the best possible life I can have.

I charge $100 an hour right now, to do the work I do with animals and I need to fill at least a certain number of hours, just to pay my living expenses. I love, love, love what I do and I want to keep doing that. I just know that I am so much more than just that. I am more than the work I do on my clients dogs…I am also to my clients, so much more. I have a gift for writing and I don’t know how to organize all of this into anything helpful for everyone else, and I am willing to learn, because I know what I have to say really is that important to so many.

At the end of those calls…after those webinars, when I feel pumped and ready to go…and then I hear the price, to help me to be a better, more marketable version of me, I feel like someone poked me with a pin, and I begin to deflate a bit. I do not have what you are charging and I do not currently have a way to get it. I also cannot tell, even after all of my research, are you as real as I am? Are you as excited about me, after meeting me, as I was after I met you? Did you go and do your due diligence researching me, like I did mine on you? If you did do your research on me, then you know I am the real deal and I am gifted and I get results. I have countless references and people who will tell you who I am. I am willing to and eager to do your program, and I have so much confidence in me, that if all you say is true, I can guarantee you results, where I am concerned. I can meet your high end clients needs with my God given gifts. I can write the book you will undoubtedly want to publish, if you can do all of the marketing and editing and publishing. I can even sell my book to 25 people, before it is even written for $25.00 a book, and I can guarantee you that. I am so sure that I have what it takes to get the results you speak of with my charisma, my God given gifts and my dedication, that I am asking you to take a chance on me. I am asking you to front me the money for your very best program, and I will give it all I’ve got. I will sell the book before I write it and I will give my first earnings, all of them, back to you, first thing, provided that I get the results you speak of. I will bring my passion and my compassion. I will bring my desire to help others and my willingness to do what it takes to help others to the table, to the masses. I will work my ass off. I will always be transparent and I only ask the same of you. I will give my all and I will do heart and soul work, to help others. I know that I am here to do some amazing and unprecedented work and I am ready. I don’t need something packaged up pretty with bells and whistles…I need what you’ve got that will help me to get what I’ve got out to the people who need me and my message and my result driven, tested and re-tested message of love and hope and peace

I know this is a long shot..a really long shot. I have done my research on you and I hope you have done your research on me. If not, I invite you to. Maybe we can help each other to help the world. I can waive my skepticism and any doubt, and you can waive your upfront fees of $15,000-$50,000 and give me a chance to prove myself, I think we might really be able to help each other out and to make substantial difference in the lives of the people who need us most. You have the power to waive my fee and I have the willingness to change your life! What do you say? Will you take a chance on me?

Welcome to Our healing room…I am so glad you are here!

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Good evening everyone! Welcome to my healing room. I visualize this room as a safe place for us all. We can be wrong here and we can be different here. This room is my manifestation of space I wish I could physically share with each of you. A room without judgement, without fear. A place where we can gather together to be love. I just put it up, so it’s rough, no doubt. I will work out the kinks to bring my three pages into focus and alignment, for the healing of us all. In the meantime, imagine a safe place where you can come and be yourself…a place to set it all down and rest for a spell…a healing room for each of us.

All three of my pages will autopost to Facebook, as I have decided to use my personal Facebook page for some good work, some hard work…some work that needs to be done. I have become so disheartened with the ugly and I bring you this page to celebrate the beauty. I’ve a choice between deactivating my facebbook pages, which I have seriously considered all day long, and then I realized, I will transform my personal Facebook page into a healing room for us all. I will pray and ask for prayers here. I will speak my truth here, even and especially when my voice shakes. I will post my meditations and my quotes to inspire us all.  I will transform the ugly, right before your eyes, on a page I’ve been ready to take down for years…my personal page.

When my Mom got sick, we used my page to keep everyone updated and apprised of my Moms journey. When my Mom died, I kept her page going on my page, so you could all follow me. Now, I take my page back and I promise t my spin on it. I post what I want and I say how I feel. You are free to take it, leave it, like it or not…either way, Bear in mind that you came here, I didn’t come to you. You sought me out, not the other way around.

My personal pages will have my clients and my business page posts, my blog posts and my meditations, for all of you to join in, as you wish. I am no longer attached in any way, to Facebook and how the drama of it all has pushed me to my witts end. I am simply going to use my Facebook pages as a forum for my writing, so if you like my writing, there you go. If you do not like my writing, I’m easy as hell to avoid.

This Page, different than my daily blog commitment on coralsblog.com and different than my maxandme business page….different because I created it with all of us in mind and I invite everyone, without bias, to come here and heal and learn and teach and grow. For those not interested in that, I invite you to leave.

Life is short. Life is really fucking short and I’ve no more time for petty bullshit. I am here to be the change. I am here to guide us home. I am because you are. This is our room and I am stoked that you are here with me!

I don’t do petty. I don’t do shitty. I don’t do mean girl. I don’t edit myself anymore. I am here to heal and I am ready to take you with me!

Welcome to our healing room. Welcome home. Welcome to my journey…another layer…another level…another minute or two, here with you, as we walk each other home.

Thise of you who already know me from my blog, know that I write to heal us all. My words, somehow, are needed and I am willing. I have been called and I accept. I have been asked and I am happy to stand up. If you’ve got it in you and I feel you’re so inclined…I invite you to stand with me now, as we become the change we wish to see in the world. I wish to see more love and so I will be more love. I wish to see more peace and so I will teach peace. I love you and I’m going to let you love me too. That’s how we do it! Let’s get to it!

There will be a learning curve for me, as to which page is posting, as this is posting on my blog, not on my new healing page right now. No bother. We’ve got this! All posts will forward directly to Facebook. Enjoy!

Hurt people, hurt people…

Good morning! I had restless sleep and crazy dreams last night and I woke up a bit disoriented this morning.

I struggled through last nights writing, Through many tears and with shaking hands. I was sure I was having a heart attack…I was certain that I was going to get in trouble for what I wrote,  and so pushing the publish button proved to be a daunting task.

The threat always was, if I told anyone about my abuse, my brother and my parents would be killed. I believed that, my whole life and I feared it…I mean, completely ingrained into me…I knew that she would kill them if I spoke, and so I did not speak. With my Mom being dead already and my Dad and Brother pretty estranged…I guess the need for healing and closure, finally outweighed my fears…

Speaking last night, calling her out publicly, by name…I guess I thought that it  would feel different than it feels. I cannot say how I thought it would feel, only that it wasn’t what I expected to feel.

I mean after years and years of carrying this and after years and years of therapy to deal with this, I guess I thought I would be celebrating…and I am far from celebrating.

My stomach feels sick and my insides are shaking and I can’t catch my breath. I feel a numbness that I have never felt before…almost as though I am in shock.

Hurt people, hurt people.

I don’t know if you have read the book, “But Inside I’m screaming” by Elizabeth Flock. It is a book that I have suggested to people who struggle to understand me.

I think it resonates so deeply with me because she found words that I couldn’t find. Inside, I have been screaming, for my entire fucking life. The tears have fallen non-stop, down the insides of my cheeks, and hardly ever on the outside, until my Moms diagnosis.

My Moms untimely end in this world definitely blew me wide open from the inside. Systems that have been in place for many years started to crumble. Walls started falling and I began to emerge from the rubble…

So, I would totally encourage full disclosure…whatever I am feeling or that I am not feeling,  pales in comparison to the paralyzing fear of being kept silent.

Our lives are just that…our lives, to live as we see fit. Our decisions are our decisions. Our bodies are our bodies. Our consequences for our actions, they are our consequences. No is a complete sentence.

I have come to realize that I really did not realize these things. Learning these things now is a bit overwhelming for me, as it goes against everything programmed in me by such horrific abuse, during my most formative years.

So, to all of the bullies and the people who inflicted their own assaults upon me throughout my life…I know you had no idea, but I was already fucking crushed beyond repair…there was no need for you to make it worse.

Hurt people, hurt people.

You didn’t see me when you took my lunch every day and kicked my ass with your big scary friend. You didn’t see me when you literally slammed me into a trash can and closed the lid so that I couldn’t get out, or get air, as everyone stood by and laughed at me. You didn’t see me when you made fun of me and the clothes my Mom had worked so hard to make for me…you didn’t see me when I got home and told my Mom that I didn’t like those clothes anymore and I never wanted to wear them again. You didn’t see her face, and the deep, deep hurt I caused by saying something so shitty to her, after she worked so hard, to make me exactly what I had asked for. I am crying now, recounting her hurt and it hurts me to the core that I hurt her, because you and your friends hurt me.

Hurt people, hurt people.

You didn’t see me, but I saw you. I didn’t know what was wrong with you or why you were hurting me, and yet, even at that age, I knew that you must be really hurt yourself, to be hurting me like this, every single day of my treacherous mid-school career.

Hurt people, hurt people.

This brings me to my own accountability as a Hurt people…I too have hurt people. I feel great remorse for the people I have hurt, no matter who or why or how…I am deeply sorry for any pain that I ever inflicted upon anyone, ever. It pains me to know that I have hurt people.

This blog is public and I have no one blocked…not one person. I did this for a reason. I did this because I have been hiding my whole life, from this person or that person, and I’m not hiding anymore.

My abuser may be reading this…my Dad…my Brother…you…maybe I hurt you, or maybe you hurt me or maybe we both hurt each other…I have no idea if anyone is reading this at all. It matters not to me, because I write for me. I will say though, if you are reading this and I am someone who ever hurt you, I am deeply sorry. I hope you knew me on a deep enough level to know that I am just struggling through, trying to find my way after living a lifetime in the dark. I make no excuses. If I hurt you, I am sorry.

Hurt people, hurt people.

Today, I am off to make some amends. I am going to show up and listen and I am going to speak my own truth, even if my voice shakes and my hands are sweaty. I felt very wronged and I retreated, right in the aftermath of losing my Mom…and I could not handle conflict or fallout or mistrust, of any kind…I have been in retreat since the attack and I am ready now, to go forgive and be forgiven.

Hurt people, hurt people.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and that you can begin to identify and heal some of your hurt. I offer you all of my love as you begin to be brave too, as you slowly open and heal…I’ve got you!

I want to say thank you, from the bottom of  my heart, to the people carrying me through this horribly frightening and painful part of my journey. Thank you to my partner, to Ohana, to my amazing and gifted therapist…to my true friends, who keep coming back and showing up and holding space for me…thank you. To my dear friend, who I will not name, who is walking a very similar path to my own…who was raped by her own father, as her mother stood by, and did nothing.

To all of the warriors out there who didn’t even know that they were in battle…I fucking hear you. I was out there unarmed and unprotected too…riddled with assault after terrifying assault, completely unprepared and unarmed.

Hurt people, hurt people.

So, here is my challenge…as always, take it or leave it…

My challenge for myself today is to go heal one thing in my life that is so broken that I am debilitated by it. Today, I am off to go give and to receive some love and some forgiveness and to offer some love and forgiveness…I encourage each and every one of you to do the same…