You know I know the place inside you that hurts as I do? The primal scream that just won’t cease and yet won’t allow others to hear its cries. The disappointment over and over and the hurt of those you love the most. The weight that is not yours, resting on your shoulders and the sleepless nights in agony. The cries you hear that others don’t. The pain you feel that others pass in complacency. The knowing that you can’t not know. You and I. I and you. I feel you. You am you and I am not you at all. I’ve come to understand you as I better understand myself. We are the same. We are one. I m because you are. Ubuntu.
The similarities become clearer as our differences fade. Reality is. It is what it is. The knowing of the unknowing graces us if we allow it to. We divide and we come together. We ebb and we flow. We grow. We become. We let go. We understand what once perplexed us. We conquer demons we once feared. We open. We close. We give and we receive. We let go. We accept what we do not know. We hurt. We hurt so fucking bad. We scream: we cry. We go silent inside for days. We emerge and we cave back in. We expect and call it hope. We say we know when we do not. We want to know and yet don’t know because we want you to think we already know it all. We do not know it all. I say fuck a lot. I love a lot. When I’m gone, I’m gone. Sometimes when I am here, I am still gone. We cannot master what we dare not to learn.
The remembering has been hard for me. The knowing. The indisputable truths. The irreconcilable doubts. The nerve blocks lasted less than 48 hours this time. 48 hours is the most relief I’ve ever had from the pain. The pain is off my charts today. I am thankful for the 48 hours. Next time I will have more relief, more time without pain. Not today though. Today I hurt. You hurt too, don’t you? I feel that…your heart. I love you. Have a beautiful Saturday afternoon.