Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Some food for thought….and I love you!!!!!

Happy Labor Day weekend everyone! I hope you all have a moment of rest from your labor this weekend to reflect and appreciate your contributions to the world you live in. I know I appreciate you and the contributions to the world I live in.

I am so blessed to be so surrounded by such beautiful and amazing beings. In my work…in my home life and in my acts of service work as well. We become who we hang out with. We take on the thoughts and the ideas and the behaviors of those we spend our time and energy with. My suggestion is to always raise the bar a bit, for yourself. Don’t worry about anyone else. You raise your own bar. You do it your way. Get a good spotter until you find the best spotter of all, the one made just for you. Our lives are obstacle courses and we can only navigate our terrain with our own skill sets.

I am learning that I swim deep in the deep. I don’t spend a lot of time in shallow waters. I simply cannot thrive or survive long there. Others would drown in the depth of my waters. We must know this. We cannot navigate the terrain that isn’t ours to navigate any more in the wrong mindset than we can in the wrong vehicle. Sometimes you need and FJ or a Jeep to get over rocks and through off-road mountain terrain. Sometimes you need a race car with SlP racing performance that can corner on fucking rails. If you take the race car to Moab, it had best be for the amazing sightseeing on the way to watch the Jeeps tear it up! And if you’re taking the FJ to Indy, park it way back from the racetrack. We forget who we are and what we are built for. We all have vehicles to take us on this amazing ride called Dharma. Using them as they are intended or building them to be what we need them to be to get us where we are going…well that’s what each of us does with our lives. Anyway, food for thought.

Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!

Swimming in a big bowl of gratitude this morning ❤️

Good morning everyone and happy Saturday! I hope you’ve an amazing weekend planned! I want to thank you all for all of your love for Aiden and his family. Love is where it’s at and so thank you!

As for me…let’s see if I can write anymore at all without Aiden or Robin or my mom chiming in for me this morning. I realized when the sentencing came down for Aiden on Thursday, that I have not been breathing for a while. I wasn’t even aware of it. And, I have been breathless way longer than Aiden. The night my mom was rushed to the ER, shortly before she died, I stopped breathing then. I stopped everything then. I stopped living and breathing. I stopped knowing who I was or what to do or where the fuck I was. The night my mom went by ambulance to learn of her fate to cancer, my world kind of stopped too. I’ve been puttering and sputtering along, to very little avail. Seeing clients and hugging…desperately trying to be a good friend and a good therapist and a good human being…I’m always a click off or a step just behind what feels to flow for me. My thoughts and feelings border on the edge of insanity and I desperately try to hold the middle. My love is deep and raging and untamed and inside of me that just feels mostly like confusion on some days.

Lately, I mostly feel that I am here to unlearn what I learned that does not serve me or make sense. To be honest, I am unlearning a lot. I am learning how to share my feelings and my thoughts and it’s kind of scary and intimidating sometimes. Sometimes my feelings seem too deep and too complicated and too far away and I get really discombobulated. Working closely with other people and their hearts and their lives and their stories can be a fine line and so I am learning how to walk it with more grace. Energy work definitely stirs energy and so I’ve been working on grounding myself better and setting up better protection around my own heart. The semi-permeable membrane between our thoughts and reality can be a very slippery slope and I am glad to be riding this one out a bit and realigning to my own center again. I cannot really explain the sensation of the work I do or the places I hold, other than to say that my life truly is a fucking trip!

I’ve learned that I have to fall in love with people and I have to let them fall in love with me. I have to hold them tight in the places where they don’t even want to be touched at all. If you’ve ever been in studio session or animal session with me, you know exactly what I speak of. There is a space in between, a “sweet spot” in our journeying. This spot is undefined and surreal and this is my pivot point. This is the spot that I work from. This is my desk and my work…this is how I lay it all out. It’s all love and love balancing. It’s all isotonic and isometric movements…subtle and intense and true. Precision based and intimate is my work to love us all home. I land in families and relationships and marriages. I become the object of many altercations within the psyche of those confronting themselves. I become the adored and the hated and I ebb and flow in and out of places most people dare not tread. There is good reason not to tread here. Here hearts are wide open and words aren’t needed. It’s deep and murky sometimes and boundaries aren’t clear like they are with words and with physical touch. In this place, it’s up to me to exercise boundaries and decorum and good judgement, to bring us all around to the other side. And so, with that all being said, Thursday when Aiden met justice, I took my first breath since the call that my mom was in that ambulance. My mom will be gone four years in December and my life is finally returning to me now. My thoughts, my feelings and my emotions and my touch with reality have all been affected by the loss of the woman who carried me in to this world and I will never be the same.

I feel myself and my work evolving and I center myself and mind my own breath. I am going to be going into some deep and murky waters and I feel that coming on. My work is taking me into the trenches to pull us up and out of this cesspool of shit that we are swimming in right now. We must know that until something changes, nothing is going to change. Until something shifts, we are all horribly out of balance running up and down our own unbalanced beams. We must slow our roll and intention ourselves into the lives we wish to be living. We are in a tizzy living lives we don’t belong in and doing things we ought not be doing, all simply because we have lost touch with ourselves and our own moral compasses. And…we have a choice. We can be kind and just and fair just as easily as we can be absent, unaccountable and irrational. Our worlds do collide and we can mitigate the impact by simply owning our own chaos in all of this. Anyway, amidst the noise and chaos lie all of the answers to the calm. Inside of each of us there is all we need, to be who we came here to be…and we have reserve to help others to summit too. All that ever really holds us back is ourself isn’t it? An “insular Tahiti ” inside of us all says Dr. Dyer. What are we doing with what we have inside us?

This morning I am grateful to be landing back into me a bit. It was a bit of a crash landing at first and its calming down a bit now. Thank God! Coming back into me and my life after being away for so long has its challenges and my struggle is currently real and active. As I find my own center again and slow us all down a bit to return to ourselves again, I feel a little sad leaving this space. Mostly though, I feel accomplished in knowing that I’ve a sacred job in this world and that God trusts me to go where others cannot tread, simply because I’m willing to go there.

So with all of the gratitude in my heart this morning, I thank Aiden and his family and Robin and her family and my family for trusting me in such sacred and vulnerable space, as I become who I am.

Most of all, to my beautiful and amazing partner, Tamara, thank you for holding me through this storm. Thank you for loving me just the same and no matter what. Thank you for sharing me with those who need me the most. Thank you for supporting me and honoring my work, even when it makes our lives more difficult and unmanageable. Thank you for loaning me out to be what others need in the absence of their others and for dealing with the ebb and flow of me falling in and out of love a million different times with my clients and their humans. There is absolutely nothing easy about this part of my work and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for holding me through the pain and hardship of it all some days. Most of all, thank you for being there when my world smashed into the ground and annihilated me and all that I was before my mom left. Thank you for never giving up on me or on us. Thank you for listening to my endless rhetoric about absolutely nothing, as I simply try to find my way back into the world I left when I couldn’t handle the pain anymore. Of all of the things in my life, you matter the very most to me and I love you with all of my heart and all that I am. I am so sorry that my words fail me with you. I regret that my communication skills are non-existent sometimes when it comes to you and I am working around the clock to hear you better and to speak less. Thank you for holding me through the pain and for loaning me out to love others. Most of all, thank you for always being here with open arms, loving me, when I return from wherever I’ve been.

Thursday was my first breath since we got the call from my Dad that my mom was in an ambulance to the ER to begin her journey of leaving us all behind. I feel like I literally just landed here and so please be patient with me as I find my parameters once again. I feel a little out of sorts so please be gentle as I acclimate again, to the life I was living before my moms heart stopped beating almost four years ago.

If you are still here with me, thank you. If you are not still with me, thank you.

Have a beautiful weekend and enjoy those who share your life with you. Playing soccer with Taos yesterday in Aidens red adidas shoes reminds me of who I am. Waking up this morning, I am grateful to be returning to me. Thank you to each and every one of you for all of your love and prayers and for always dialing up your love when it is most needed! I love you!!!

Thank you from Aiden and his Family this morning!!!!!

Happy Friday morning everyone! I thought I would sleep later this morning as I felt like I could breathe yesterday for the first time in years! When Aidens court hearing was winding up, I was twisted up in knots for a second or so…Yesterday, I found my peaceful place and hung out there, steady and connected and true. When sentencing came and justice was served, we all looked at each other and breathed a bit. We got to see Aiden and his mom and some other victims get justice yesterday. There was a whole lot of pain in that courtroom. I imagine there is a whole lot of pain in many courtrooms. Aiden was a badass! Truly, a few little barks to let us all know he was seated there with his mom and that he was here for serious business. After it was all said and done and we walked out of the courtroom, Aiden sounded off again and let us all know that he was victorious and he won the war like he said he would yesterday morning! Aiden asked me to thank every single one of you who made his victory possible. There are so many of you and Aiden wants every single one of you to know his love and thanks ❤️♥️💜 Aidens family also wants you all to know how appreciated you all are. This ordeal is over for Aiden and his mom and we all thank you for your places and your contributions in getting this behind Aiden and his family. At Aidens request again, I ask you to also lift up the Romero family, as they are suffering tremendously at this time. Aiden is glad that justice was served and he is also aware that there is a family in pain. Aiden just wants to remind us all that there is only love or fear. Aiden says to choose love, Always and no matter what. So, from all of Aidens family and especially from Aiden and his mom, thank you for your love and support during these very difficult months for the Martin family.

I personally want to thank each of you for all of your love and prayers for Aiden and his family. Your love means everything to me. As we bend and channel and throw it out there, love changes us and the world around us. When someone needs our love and we call for the love of others, love begins to shift our world and our perspective. We make calls and we go to extraordinary lengths to be of service to the greater good of our world. Love is big and we become big and willing and able, with love, to move mountains. Aiden moved a mountain yesterday with all of your love. A four pound Pomeranian moved his own Mt. Everest yesterday and I was there for the summit. Did you know that there are over two hundred dead bodies on Mt. Everest and that over 295 people have died on both sides of the mountain since 1924? Both Nepal and China said they will remove the remains of more dead climbers this year. Everyone who takes the hike in does not summit. Everyone who goes up the mountain does not come back down. Life is like that you know? Aiden had to go in and hike his heart out with his mom and their DA and Team Aiden. Lots of people helped Aiden to be in court and to be spoken so well for. Lots of people exhaulted Aidens pinnacle to get him to his heights yesterday! Aiden, I am so inspired by you my little buddy! Congratulations! You did it buddy! You exhaulted the pinnacle for us all!!!

And to each of you who has done so much and prayed so much and loved so much, thank you. Thank you so much for how you love me and lift me up. My work in this world depends upon your love and so I thank you for loving me so fucking much. I don’t know what I did to deserve all of your love and I thank you so much for being as you are, loving as you do and spreading as far and wide as you are able to love us to summit! We are all here to summit our Everest’s. We are all here to love each other home. I love you and I thank you for loving me.

Aiden and his family asked me to say it with them for all of you guys…”We love you Team Aiden!!!!!”

Have a beautiful Friday everyone!

❤️♥️💜❤️♥️❤️Justice for Aiden ❤️♥️💜❤️♥️💜Thank you❤️♥️💜

Good evening everyone! This is Aiden!!! Guess what you guys?!? Guess what?! I said I was going to court in the race car and I did. I went with my mom in my service dog vest to see the judge this morning. The man who took me was there and I felt uneasy. My mom was more shaken because she hadn’t seen him so much like I had or heard his voice. I spent a lot of days with his family and they were there too. The judge had a lot of people telling her what they thought they should do and I heard everyone. My mom had to go talk loud to the judge on a stick to say what we wanted. My mom said we wanted something called “justice”, I think, in other words, she said that he should pay for what he did to me and my family and to all of you who loved me and worried so much for me, and even to some other people who he hurt with his bad behavior. The judge seemed to agree with my mom on everything. The police talked too and they wanted what mom wanted too. And then the man who took me and his family wanted something different. Something about leniency and furlough, I think. Anyway, the judge did not say this was okay. The Judge was very nice when she told the man and his family that the most he could repay for what he did, he would have to pay…the most time. The most consequence and the most offers to help him to get better. The man asked for help and the judge offered him help. We asked for fair and the judge was fair. That’s a nice judge to me and I feel happy inside.

The one thing that I noticed a lot in court was the friend to me when I was in the house that man took me to. He was very sad and someone took his leg too since I saw him. Anyway, he is the dad of the man who took me and I felt him crying inside with his son. I asked Coral to send him our love because he was very, very sad. When people are sad, I want them to smile. The man without a leg told me and my family that he was sorry for what his son did. I believe him. I wanted to tell him I was sorry for him too because he lost his son to bad behavior for a while. Coral said we should say “God bless you” instead and put our love on his shoulder, and so we did that instead. Coral said that sometimes our words can be more important than we ever know and so we should pick words very carefully. Coral told me that sometimes she forgets and sometimes she uses way too many words. I think sometimes the best words are no words at all.

I want to tell you something special from the time we have spent tangled up in this mess…something special is the love that came from everyone. This very sad thing brought us all to ❤️♥️💜 love and so to me, it’s okay that it happened. It is better that it’s over now. My mom and I and my dad haven’t breathed, like really, really breathed and Coral said she and Tamara and Janet haven’t breathed much either. I think maybe that’s because we were holding our breath for this right decision to be said by the judge today.

Anyway, I just want to say thank you to everyone who loves me so, so much. I love you all so, so much too. I’m going to be taking some time to love on my family, especially on my mom. I felt my moms heart hurt the hardest and her throat shake. My mom is so strong and this man really hurt her by taking me away from her. When my mom had that loud talking stick, I was so, so proud of her. A couple of times, she looked at the guy who took me and she told him it was not okay. My mom was so brave and my dad was there too. My family needs to breathe and so this is a very good day for breathing. I hope all of you breathe good tonight too. And…wait until I tell Jaxson and Howie about justice tonight!!!!

One more thing that I think is most important…please say “I love you” to Melaquias and his family tonight. A lot of hearts were hurt in that courtroom today. A lot of people were lost and hurt and scared. A lot of people have to spend a lot of time without their someone because of bad stuff too. I get to be with my someone…the most special and important and brave someone I know, tonight…my mom, and he does not and his dad does not. I saw them looking at each other’s souls in court today and crying on the inside of their cheeks. A dad and a son who lost their way to each other and a family blown apart like mine was when they took me away from my mom and dad. I know how sad and scared I was and so I just want you to say you love them so they aren’t so sad and scared. Even if it sounds crazy to you, will you please love Melaquias and his someone’s too?

I’ve got to go and celebrate with my family!!!! ❤️💜♥️💜❤️💜❤️💜💜❤️♥️💜❤️💜💜❤️❤️♥️💜❤️💜♥️❤️💜♥️❤️♥️💜💜💜I love you guys so much! Thank you for helping me meet justice today. And a very special thank you to APD for working so hard to get justice. I love you guys. ❤️♥️💜

❤️♥️💜Love Aiden

Aiden here this morning! Today is an important day and so I can’t talk much. I’m going to court this morning with my mom. The guy who took me is going to pay for what he did in court. We just have to got to be sure that the judge makes him pay. You don’t take dogs from their moms purses. God doesn’t like that. You don’t break glass and scare big dogs because I don’t like that. My brother Jaxson was so so scared and he can’t come to court today. Coral said she will bring everyone to court who can’t go through that police light up beeper. So, Coral is bringing Mikey and Howie and Dori and Jaxson and Sid too and my dad and moms dad and your dad too, if you want. Coral has special security clearance in other realms and so she brings Team Aiden, no matter where or who or what. Don’t tell everyone though, okay? Today we are going for sentencing. I don’t know what that means. I just know that I have my bright red vest on so I can be there in court and hear the judge too! So many people are very enrolled in the outcome of this court case from what I hear, for dogs rights and for people rights too. Do you know that dogs and cats like Howie have rights too. Howie has his own rights and now he was more rights…Howie will be so happy to hear this! I cannot wait to tell him!!! Anyway, it’s time to get ready for court with my mom, so I’ll catch you guys later! I would say wish me luck…I don’t know why…I think we don’t need luck. We’ve got this. We just need left hugs and lots and lots of love…and maybe, if you’re cool like me and Alice, a tongue out 👅 too!!! Alice is coming to court with Coral too, for Team Aiden. I love you Alice and I love you Howie and I love you Sid and Dad and Dori and Mikey too and most of all today, I love you Jaxson. I’m fighting for your rights too Jax. I love you and I’m mad they scared you. I’m going to tell the judge they scared you too, okay? I love you guys!

Please say it with me…

“I love you Aiden!!!!!”

Hurt pouring down my cheeks and thankful for Aiden…

Good early morning. I’ve been unable to sleep. Thoughts plague me and emotions run high. I figured I would write. Hopefully if you’re up at this hour, it’s not because you are sleepless or lonely or sad. Those feeling just seem intensified for me at 2:33am this morning. Maybe it’s all of the years working in and being in bars. Damn, 2:30 am was hella depressing then…”you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here…closing time…”Semisonic must play in every bar in the world on mornings just like this, at least in everyone’s head, if not blasting out of the speakers….I used to be the one who played it and a few times, I was the last one ushered out while it played. This morning, I feel like that…fucking lonely as hell place to be this morning. “I hope you have found a friend….”I guess there are just moments like this for each of us, aren’t there? For me, this morning, it all just hurts. It all just fucking hurts.

I find myself plagued by noises that others do not even hear. Plagued is actually fairly mild…it’s more accurately a hell all its own. I exist in a place in between, all of the fucking time. Sometimes, when I come up out of the deep for some air, I want to stay. Just for a moment or two…floating in the shallow. I have tried to stay to no avail. I have almost drowned there many a time. I’ve a feel for the deep waters. Shallow waters fuck me up though…my balance, my self confidence…all of it. I feel suffocated somehow in waters that don’t move me. And so, back into the deep I go. Sometimes, the deeper I go, and the darker it gets, the murkier and less clear to others; the more I know my way around here. I am of great service here and also so lonely here sometimes. At this depth, one must spend time swimming uphill alone. And I guess, to be fair, I was hoping for some clearer water and less choppy current while I gathered myself. My request was denied and the turbulence is astounding to me, down here on my knees. Daggers flying and me so fatigued I cannot even dodge them. And, to be fair, the sting of the sharpest words…well, they are not entirely untrue. It’s truth in those words that hurt me the most I suppose. My hope for its untruth feels empty somehow this morning at 2:50am and I feel very sad. I think I will just go lie back down and pray that this will pass before the depression sets to deeply in. I ask for your love and your prayers as I sort myself and my heart out. The struggle is real for me for sure this morning.

Aiden keeps me company in these darkest hours. Seeing him today and seeing Alice see him today made my heart smile. I am grateful for much more than I am depressed about for sure. I’m glad Alice got Aiden in her bucket and I’m glad I got to be part of it all! Thank you all for being a part of Aidens journey. Truly; Aiden and I love you all so much ❤️♥️💜 and we wish you a wonderful day! Please say it with me…”I love you Aiden!!!!!”

Aiden writes for his dear friend Alice…..

Good evening everyone! I was thinking I was writing and Aiden corrects me….Aiden blogs for me tonight…welcome Aiden!

Hi everyone! This is Aiden. I am here with my mom and my friends Alice and Coral. Alice is the organizer and inspiration for something very special. Coral is Alices hands and words and so is my mom and Alices mom Janet and Tamara. Those are my closest and innerest circle and Jason too. Anyway, it’s not top secret…it’s more that it’s in planning stages and I won’t jinx it by saying too much like Coral sometimes does. Humans do that and dogs don’t. So I told Coral I would handle this part, as dogs have better decorum than people. Mouths with no words does that. Anyway, I’m pretty important and some pretty important stuff is happening in my life. Soon and now and far away too. Anyway, I’ll start with now. Now is court on Thursday for the guys who stole me from my mom. I need you guys to pray and love us a lot. Dogs rights depend on these decisions. People cannot just take dogs. Court is to say that to the people who can protect dogs and get them justice, so when people take dogs, they get in trouble. Getting in trouble is to say to us to not forget to remember to not do that again. Dogs know this. People forget this a lot. Judges can say in ways that lots of people can hear that if you do bad things, you will have to be accountable. That means you have to take your consequences if you act badly. So, anyway, I don’t know so so much about all of this except it’s my day in court. I am taking all of you guys in with me to love me so high up that the judge sees me, my heart, my mom and my family that got so hurt when I got took from moms car at moms gym.

I have many fans. Today, Coral came to see mom and we all talked serious business and then Coral came back with my friend Alice. Alice was not sick and she didn’t come to see my mom. Well, I think Alice is like a lot of the dogs, I think maybe she is “lovesick” for me. If you know what I mean? She says something about a bucket list and I’m in the bucket, or something. Anyway, Alice had to ask Coral to ask her dad if she could take her in the FJ to see me at work today. Dad said yes and I saw Coral with Alice, her heart all a flutter and her eyes wide like saucers. Alice has been dying to meet me and since today is tongue out Tuesday, it meant so much more to her to meet me on this day. Anyway, you’ll see in the photos…Alice is over the moon. I kept cool though, cause I get this a lot. The ladies…the men…the world…I’m Aiden….I’m used to this spotlight and I share it with my dear friend Alice today. If you guys would, please say it with me…”We love you Alice!” Thanks guys! I kinda like her 😉 Have a great night! I love you!

Love, Aiden

And with that, I bid you all good evening. And if you would, say it with me…”I love you Alice and Aiden!!!!!”

So blessed for the beauty in my life…say it with me…”I love you Aiden!!!!!”

Good Monday morning everyone! Wow! What a whirlwind weekend I had! I am happy to announce that I have completed all of my requirements to submit my licensing renewal for my LMT license. Ethics, Ortho-Bionomy and CPR…check, check and check! I arrived home last night and I feel so blessed and so full from my time up in Pecos. I am excited to implement new techniques into my own practice from all I learned over the weekend.

Aiden was a pretty constant topic of conversation and everyone loves his taste in shoes! I was so glad to have Aiden with me and to be working so closely with him, even while I was away for a few days. The beauty of my work is that I can take it and it takes me wherever I go. There is a whole new group of people who have fallen in love with Aiden and who are loving him and praying for him. This makes me so happy and so full and so sure of who I am and I am grateful for that.

I met some amazing people, who do some amazing work! Gifted and seasoned therapists and instructors…a beautiful facility and wonderful accommodations…thank you to everyone who made my experience amazing. All of my love and gratitude.

I haven’t been on and off of massage tables like that in years. Partner rotations and demos…technique practice and show and tell. It reminded me of how vulnerable we really all are and how we must never lose sight of that in our lives and in our work. First rule of massage therapy is the same as it is in practicing medicine, and that is to do no harm. I am blessed by all of the hands that touched me and thankful for the opportunity to place my hands on so many people in practice. I am also thankful that I have completed this very daunting task for me! I’ve two years before I have to visit this again and I am feeling some weight lift from me and I am so thankful!

I hope you all have a beautiful Monday! I intend to have a beautiful Monday myself, just basking in it all and coming back to center a bit. All of my love to all of you and if you would please, say it with me, “I love you Aiden!!!!!”

A life lesson from Aiden: All I want to do is stay

Happy Sunday from Pecos everyone! I am finishing up my classes for my CEUs in Santa Fe this weekend! Today is my final day of Ortho-bionomy and WOW! What an epic weekend of learning and practice and being with people! For this gal, it’s a lot. Socially awkward an anxious at times…a loner and with a strong preference to be alone, I really threw myself in to lot of social interaction this weekend. Hands all over me and mine all over you…ya, it’s a lot. It’s an awful lot of continuing education and continued practice, so that we can bring all of you the best of ourselves. Ortho-bionomy is going to be a catalyst in my private practice to invite healing at a deeper level for all of my clients. What a beautiful technique! How did I not know if this before now? To be totally honest, my sister Robin Dyer picked this class for me. Aiden picked my shoes. Red adidas, before your first class on Friday, no exceptions. And here’s me…”but sister, that doesn’t interest me or sound like me at all…Aiden, I don’t have a budget for red adidas shoes right now. I just rented a shared home in Pecos, instead of a private residence in Santa Fe to save money!!! I can’t buy shoes!! And red? You want me to find red adidas?” And here I sit, with my brand new Aiden kicks on and my Ortho packet staring back at me, in the beautiful meditation space of my shared home in Pecos! Thank you Robin and Aiden! Thank you James and Jenny for hosting me! Thank you Santa Fe School of Massage and to all of the instructors and participants in this amazing weekend!

I came up Friday night to get settled in before my ethics class. Aiden had me running ragged for these red adidas shoes, which I found at my last stop finally. Then I headed up to Pecos to settle in before my Ethics class from 6-10pm in Santa Fe. I am often agitated and unsettled and arriving in Pecos, I was a bit out of sorts. I was greeted by Jenny and showed to my room. I was in and out in 15 minutes and returned well after dark, from Santa Fe. I began to unravel like I do…I should have gotten a private place…I needed privacy…I didn’t feel like talking or being jovial….what the fuck was I thinking? I piss money away like nothing and then I “save” money on my place to sleep, shower and shit. Really Coral? Fuck, I irritate myself sometimes! So fucking irrational and ridiculous is the notion that I do not deserve the best of myself and my life and what I have to offer. Ahhhhhh. Anyway, I got myself into a spin and my boxer briefs all into a twist. I freaked out inside and I got so mad at myself. I beat myself up and I drove around aimlessly for a bit trying to reconcile it all within myself. And then I looked down and saw those bright red adidas shoes and Aiden looking up at me. And I just stopped. Everything just stopped. What the hell is happening to me? Who the fuck am I? Where did I become so afraid of my own life and my own fucking choices and preferences? When did I start skimping on me? When did the hundreds of dollars passing through my hands not hold value for me and my preferences anymore? Do you know my all time favorite brand of anything? Adidas. My favorite color to wear, even though I look much better in green…is red. I won’t buy shoes that expensive for me. That red is too bright and too eccentric for me. I spent my life in adidas, playing soccer. I dribble a soccer ball better than I fucking walk. I look down at these crazy fucking shoes and I see Aiden looking up at me with a huge grin, and I’m back in the game again! Thank you Aiden. Thank you little buddy! Let’s play ball my friend!

So, Aidens shopping excursion seemed untimely and ridiculously unnecessary. I didn’t have to do it. I was justified in being busy. It was Aiden though and so I knew there would be something to these shoes. Countless stores offering me black or grey adidas shoes in just my size. Out of red. None in my size. Not adidas but bright as fuck red for absolute sure. And somehow I knew to stay the course and to not falter on Aidens requirements for these red adidas shoes. Here’s the lesson:

I am staying in Pecos with a man and his wife who God himself has host for him. I am staying in God’s house here in Pecos. All of the things I feared here were things I needed desperately in my life. I feared being close to someone and not having time and space for myself this weekend. I feared bed bugs and smells unfamiliar to me. I feared being alone in a strange and rural place. I feared being awkward. Last night I came home and met James. I came into my room afterwards, for I had just met God. I just fucking sat there stupefied and paralyzed and dumbfounded. I had no words at all. I looked around me at everything I had feared. Everything looked and felt much different to me. Suddenly the idiosyncrasies turned into divine blessings. Everyone and everything in my world became sacred. The details. The love. The place…this place…I was on hallowed and sacred ground here. The bed, made just for me and the cinnamon roll under the glass cake safe, homemade by James himself…the carefully labeled bottles of shampoo and soap in the shower…everything was prepared just for me. The texts to get my ETA and the waiting up for me to get home…the promise that he would be up to see me off this morning…all of it…I missed all of it at first. Now, I’m just sitting here in awe of all of it. God himself sent Aiden to usher me off this weekend, into my own divinity, to come back to all of you different somehow. In my meditation space, writing with all of you this morning, I know I am. I am different.

I came here pretentious and uptight and scared. I was ready to run. I was less than I am in an effort to be more than I am. I wanted solitude as I needed some fucking love man. Aiden knew I needed someone leaving the light on for me and getting up to tell me goodbye this morning. James is a chef and he baked in Las Vegas, Nevada. James makes cinnamon rolls and he leaves them under the glass cake safe on the table for us. I left mine there yesterday because I assumed it probably wasn’t vegan. This morning I went and swiped it, because I don’t care if it’s vegan or not. That cinnamon roll, made especially for me, with all of his love…ya, that’s where it’s at. It’s in the love man!

Aiden showed me how I cry for love in a million different ways every single day of my life. More importantly, Aiden showed me how I shun that love for not being “just right” for me in the same million ways that I call it up.

The red adidas shoes and the accommodations in Pecos…the really, really hard class with an equally difficult name…the long drive down a dark road to a rural and serene space, prepared just for me. Aiden ushered me in and I tried to run right back out because I guess I learned higher standards and bigger expectations…fuck, I’ve no idea what I think I knew. I didn’t know a damn thing. I knew nothing. Now, as I sit here with my coffee and my thoughts and myself…looking down at my shoes and Aiden…waiting to go and greet my hosts…I just feel whole somehow. Like nothing is missing from me this morning. I want to stay. All I want to do is stay. Thank you for the lyric Enya. Pale Grass Blue is the song this morning, from Aiden, for each of us.

Please say it with me, to my guru, this morning, “I love you Aiden!!!!”

Happy Friday from Aiden and Coral

Happy Friday everyone! I hope you have been having an amazing week so far. I am struggling and so I don’t want to be a downer this morning. I just wanted to stop in and say hello from Aiden and I. We hope you have a beautiful day!

Please say it with me…”I love you Aiden!!!!!”