Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

In all of this darkness…You are the light…

I am restless and not able to fall back asleep, so I thought I would get up and write.

So strange…when I just wrote that I realized that it is 2:05 am and in my earlier days, I would just be getting started…bars closing, after parties beginning…restless? Hardly…tired? Not even close…and invincible? You bet your sweet ass…Always ready for another ice cold beer and a cigarette…

How life changes and evolves and waves and bounces…ebbs and flows…ever changing and evolving. How beautiful that out of such immense and intense darkness, we are the light.

Doesn’t there feel to be a dark shroud over us all lately? As children kill children and adults rape our children…as husbands beat and rape their wives and as wives step out on their husbands…as those same wives beat their husbands and abandon their own children…doesn’t it all just feel a bit heavy? A little overwhelming? Doesn’t it just break your heart?

I know that it certainly breaks my heart, numerous times an hour, to feel the hurt and dysfunction that surrounds us all. We are overwhelmed and desensitized and we seem to like it that way. We walk through our lives half asleep and anesthetized, inundated with bullshit programs that we have all been running, unconsciously for generations, upon generations, upon generations.

How many times a day do you do something because you are supposed to do it? How much of what you do, is because you should do it? I started being mindful of this in my life and holy shit…I am replacing all of the things I “should” do and everything that I am “supposed” to do with things I want to do…and if you haven’t tried this practice, I highly recommend it…

We walk around uncomfortable and unaware and pretty fucking unconscious…some of us more than others. We do not even realize that we are the light.

I wrote about “aspiring” in one of my blogs and how you might want to try dropping the word aspiring from in front of whatever word you put it in front of…do any of you remember that? Did anyone actually go and drop this word, literally or figuratively in your own life? If you did, how did that feel? Let us never aspire to be who we already are…and let us never search for light outside of ourselves, because we are the light. You are the light. I am the light.

I think there may be some confusion on this, so here is my take on it:

No matter who you are, what you have done or not done…no matter where you are at right this moment and no matter who you have been prior to this moment, you are the light.

I can look in your eyes and I can see your light. I’m fact, please hold…I am going to do that right now. I am going to visualize you, right now, and I am going to take a moment to honor your light, to look as deeply as I can, into your eyes, and sit with your light.

Kind of twitchy at first…your candlelight…flickering and barely dancing…faint and off in the distance…subdued by the darkness around it, and yet brilliant, from where I am standing…

My light is drawn to your light and so I allow my light to do what will set it on fire…without any intervention, without exercising desire or control, I join my light to merge any slight separation, and we dance…slowly and clumsily at first, tripping and slipping…up and down and back and forth…bowing and leaping…in and out…and then, as our lights come closer, they intensify…not only in color, also in rhythm and synchronicity…in vibration and we fucking collide…

I look around and I start to see hundreds of other tiny flickers…faint and distant, at first, and then breaking out into this dance…all moving in an unspoken synchronized rhythm, and now, I begin to hear the honor beats, faint and way off in the distance…(loud beats during the songs, sometimes called “honor beats” are a time for dancers to honor the Drum)…

Can you feel all of this?! This is you! You are the light! Your heartbeat…the drum…WE ARE THE LIGHT!!!

We, you and I…we are the light. We must stop searching for the light outside of ourselves. We must stop the pursuit of something outside of us and ignite what we carry within us. YOU ARE THE LIGHT!

So, with that happy Saturday everyone! Go shine that light! In the realization that you are the light, go ignite someone else’s light…this is how we do it! With our flame, with our candlelight…we light up the entire world!

We are all just walking each other home, lighting each other up and if we are going to set the world on fire, why don’t we do it with the most beautiful, warm and inviting fire…the fire that invites us all home…I mean, aren’t those the best fires of all?

I am fondly thinking of John Denver and Solstice at our home…I am thinking of the fire I kept going for my Mom the whole time she was in hospice…how I have always been the fire tender in our home growing up…

I see you. I see your sparkle, through the barely flickering flame. More importantly, I feel you. I always feel you.

Do you feel that? Or maybe you hear it? However you do it…the honor beat is getting louder, getting closer…in your chest…in that mirror…YOU ARE THE LIGHT!

Welcome home!

 

 

I am feeling you…

Good morning! I feel moved this morning to really, really try to convey something, to each and every single one of you.

I am sitting quietly in my space, envisioning each of you, sitting here with me this morning.

I see that beautiful face of yours, those groggy morning eyes. I see the tear stains on your cheeks and the worry on your brow.

I see you trying to get through this blog, and whatever last minute things you do every morning, before you get ready for work. I see you coming home from work, after working all night, tired and ready for bed, and yet, here with me. Thank you for being here with me. However you got here, thank you for being here.

So, now that we are together, just you and I…let me tell you what I see when I look at you…I see the most amazing and infinite beauty, in your eyes. I feel warmed and invited by your smile. In this moment, with you, I feel home. I am inviting you to feel at home in this moment with me also.

Being at home is a great start, isn’t it? Even if it is just for these moments…let us just truly enjoy being and being together. There will never be another moment, just like this moment…let us just take that in and realize the magnitude of this moment, together.

I am sitting down, relaxed and comfortable. I invite you to do the same and if at any point, you feel lightheaded or like you need to stop, just stop and skip ahead…

Let us take a few deep and intentioned breaths in together, through your nose. When we breathe in, let us imagine that we are breathing in love, as much as you can possibly fill your lungs with…fill your entire being, with love breath…and hold it in for a few moments. Imagine your breath, carrying nothing but love, filling your entire being. Breathe in as many times as you need to, to fill your self up, even overflowing is perfect!

On the exhale, purse your lips and exhale through your mouth. As you exhale, imagine all of the pain, all of the hurt and disappointment…all of the despair and the darkness…going out with your breath. Anything that does not serve your highest good…let us breathe all of that out together now…all of it…every last breath…Let your exhale be fast or slow…forced or gentle, whatever you need…you will know…however it is comfortable for you, breathe it out.

This is a practice that I have adapted, over many years of combined practice in my own meditation. I use it every day with my clients, human and canines, feline and equine, bovine and very often with my friend Parsley (she is our duck that we have in rehab right now).

Breath is life. I choose to use life breath to fill me with love and then I use all of my intention to breathe out that which does not serve my highest good. You can take it or leave it, modify it any way you want, to fit you…

For me, at times, this has been my lifeline, my saving grace…the only light I could see in my darkness…and so I want to throw this lifeline out there to you now. Grab it if you need it and if not, maybe you could pay it forward and help someone else?

We can open our eyes now, as slowly or as quickly as you wish. My eyes always pop right open…just sayin…you take your time though. This is not a competition and our time together, in this moment, is infinite.

Okay…I see you again and you feel a little lighter, maybe even a little brighter…and you look like you may have dozed off, so welcome back to our space. I am glad to have you back! And you skipped the breathing and joined me here, and I am so glad you did.

I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, so I will ask you first, if it is okay, if I take your hands in mine for a few moments? I would really just like to feel the connection to you for a few moments…it helps me to feel that I am actually alive. Sometimes in my life, I have not felt alive at all and sometimes just having someone touch me, reminded me that I was alive, even though I felt dead inside. Thank you. It feels wonderful to be holding your hands and looking into your beautiful eyes, first thing this morning.

I already feel different, just because we spent these few moments together. My heart is lighter and there is a smile across my face. I see the smile across your face…maybe that is why I am smiling!

I know I have to get going and so, as much as I hate to, I am going to have to bring our beautiful time together to a close, for today.

I will let go of your hands now, and I want to leave you with these words, before I embrace you in the most amazing hug ever, before we go separately out into the world today…

I see you. I feel your struggle and I know your pain. I know that breathing, just breathing hurts you and that is why I am breathing with you, because I do know the pain of that breathing. You are not alone. You may feel alone and you are not, because I am here and I love you. I know you know that, or you wouldn’t be here.

If you are so inclined, I would ask a favor of you today…if you are not inclined, that is perfectly okay too…my favor is this…

Could you give one person and yourself some real, deep and heart-centered love today? One REALLY good hug…the kind you feel for hours after the embrace has lifted…wrap your arms around yourself and hug yourself like you would like to be hugged. It is good practice…I actually cannot lie, I do hug practice, with myself, so I know how to hug all of you…my favorite hug is when I can feel your heartbeat…and when I feel safe and warm in your arms…even for a couple of seconds, those hugs sustain me…maybe you will find that to be true for yourself as well. Hey, you never know until you try…right?

And one last thing before we practice that amazing, life giving, hug together…I want you to say one sentence with me, right now…

Use your name, not mine…

I love you Coral.

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