Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Aiden came home a year ago today! Welcome home Aiden! We love you!

A year ago today, Aiden came home! Many of you were here a year ago, loving and praying and helping us to get Aiden back to his family. A year later, Aiden and I and Aidens family, thank you so, so much for all of your love and prayers and help to get him back where he belongs. I saw Aiden yesterday when we went to walk Teddy home. There is something about being with Aiden they rights the wrong in my world. There is just something about Aiden that makes life make sense a little more to me. It was Teddy’s time to cross the Rainbow Bridge and Aiden gently reminded me of that as my tears fell on Aidens little head.

I think of the countless beings that Aiden sees and holds space for every day. I know Aiden is the comfort and the confidence of those less brave than he is. Aiden was missing for twelve days, in dire circumstances, with huge medical challenges. Aiden never gave up and we never gave up on Aiden. Aiden is that guy…four pounds of glorious wonder and love and courage. Aiden is the epitome of love, of service, of life. Aiden does life and Aiden does life big!

I try to see Aiden once or twice a week. In the last year, Aiden has become part of my life and my routine…part of my heart and a piece of my very soul. Aiden and I hid in recliners and abandoned cars together. Aiden and his mom and I clocked hours and hours of time searching for Aiden. Aidens friends at work and APD and so, so many of you, spent countless hours looking for Aiden. We were all in, looking for Aiden and Aiden was all in letting us know how to reach him. Aiden came home because there is nowhere else in the world for Aiden to be. Aiden and his love for his family, his families love for him and the love of so many who wished him well…love brought Aiden back to us! I have come to love Aidens family just as much as I love Aiden and I am so grateful that they are reunited. Thank you love for bringing Aiden home.

Today, Aiden and I want to remind us all that we are here to walk each other home. We are here to love each other. Life is hard sometimes and people are shitty sometimes. Our worlds collide with people who are less evolved and more miserable than we may know. We get knocked off of our stride by people who haven’t found their own stride just yet. Aiden says to help them find their stride and not to judge them for not striding like you. I concur. Aiden said that we must love the most unloveable people the most because they need it the most. Aiden says that the mean ones are the ones who have been hurt the worst and that we should find a way to be nice to them. Aiden says that those who take from us are the ones who don’t have what it takes to fill themselves….they are empty and they are hurting. Aiden says love them the hardest. Aiden doesn’t fuck around with love and he says, in no uncertain terms, that everyone deserves our love. Aiden is my mentor and I go to him in my trials and my tribulations. When I can’t find a way to love the most egregious..Aiden reminds me that I actually don’t know how not to love. I am love Aiden says, just like you, just like Aiden…we are love.

In your life right now, there is someone, who is slowing your roll. There is someone coming up against you. There is conflict and upset. In your life, someone is making more difficult, something that was working just fine, before they put their hands on it. In all of our lives, we will be faced with those who do not love,with those who judge and make difficult our journey. Aiden says to break out your love because this is where your love belongs. These are your obstacles and these experiences level you up…these are opportunities to see what you are made of. Loving the unlovable, well that’s why we are here! Loving Aiden is easy. Loving others, maybe not so much. Love isn’t always easy Aiden says…love is always worth it.

Siting here this morning, remembering my morning from a year ago…the morning that Aiden returned home…I am humbled. I am thankful. I am blessed. Thank you everyone for bringing Aiden home.

Aidens family has become my family. Aidens mom and his brothers Jackson and Michael have become my dearest friends. We walked through hell together and there is just something about that…something about walking through fire like that that bonds people together.

Yesterday when I carried Teddy to the back of the vet, Aiden was standing by. Teddy wasn’t going to make it out this time. Teddy took his last ride yesterday and Aiden knew this when he saw me holding Teddy. Aiden was there as Teddy left this world. Aidens mom was there as Teddy left this world. Aidens mom is the most amazing, kind and compassionate DVM that I have ever had the privilege of working closely with. Sitting with Janet and Kacie and Teddy in the floor of the goodbye room at the vet yesterday, we sobbed inconsolably as we walked Teddy to the rainbow bridge. Our hearts were not ready as Teddys body finally gave out. I tried to contain my inconsolable pain and tears. I could not contain them and I broke, and Kacie held us through it. It takes not only a special veterinarian, it takes an amazing human being, to do what Kacie does every single day. To be good at ones job is progress…to be the epitome of ones profession though, that’s Aidens mom. I am so blessed to know Aiden and his family…my chosen family. I am so thankful to be celebrating Aidens homecoming one year later. Thank you to each and every one of you who had a part in bringing Aiden home!

For old times sake, why don’t we all say it together…”Welcome home Aiden! We love you.”

Have a beautiful day today everyone. Please send Aiden and his family and Teddy and his family all of your love this morning. We never know the struggle of someone else, so Aiden reminds us to always, in all ways, to be kind.

Did I mention that I am home?

Happy Wednesday everyone! Did I mention that I am home?!

I have been away and with some amazing clients, at the home of some of our very dearest friends. I am always so at home there and so welcome there and so loved there. Even when they are away, they love me. They leave me the best vegan goodies! They leave fresh linens and fill the refrigerator of my favorite things! Best clients ever at loving me like a verb. My mom got sick and they flexed so I wouldn’t lose my pay. My mom died and they were at the mortuary for the viewing, the day that my very soul cracked. Every single moment since, and every bottom that fell out, they have loved me so, so much…like a verb, always, in all ways. Janet and William have become our close and dearest friends, our family actually…our chosen family. Being in their home is home also. Home is where you are safe and loved and always welcome. Home is a place prepared. Thank you William and Janet, Teddy, Alice and Penn for being so fucking amazing! Thank you for your love. Thank you for inviting me into your sacred space to love the ones whom you love more than anyone else; while you are away. Thank you for all of your love, like a verb, for your friendship and for believing in me and my work so, so much that we helped to bring Aiden home…and we walked Gypsy and Hannah home and we walk home together. I love you and appreciate you and thank you so much for being such a part of me!

Being away from our home is the best reminder of how blessed I am to have our home to come to. Being away from Tamara is the hardest part of anything I ever do. Seeing her before I fall asleep and watching her wake up…morning coffee and “light” conversation, as I’m learning (Thank you baby) are the best part of waking up….(you know you did it too…”is Folger’s in my cup…”). Seriously though…being away from her always brings me back to her…closer and more sacred…more beautiful and true…more real and honest…more raw and open. I am thankful I feel this way about the most amazing woman in the world! I love you Tamara. Thank you for taking care of everyone while I was away. I know you have been double-timing it for me for a while now. I thank you. I love you. I’m coming home baby! I’m coming home!

Spooning with Rocky and hugging Baby Taos…playing “shake your po po” with Aliah…nestling in Nahko Bear and Mala Bears fur and having Prajna sleep at my heart all night…watching Karma Kitty sleep in front of the fire…because I missed them so, so much. Taking Rocky’s face in my hands this morning and holding him close to me, I realized I missed them all for more than a few days…I miss them all for the time that I have been gone from me. I have seen them and touched them and been so unable to reach them since my Mom got sick. My bottom fell out and I just could not come back up. My bottom had more bottoms and the last bottom to fall out, I sank even lower than my first, and I just could not come back up. Hondo stood before me yesterday and I was with him, and I and so thankful to be back home!

Being away from home, and coming home, almost for the first time since my mom passed away, I got my head above water once again. I am breathing once again. I am home, once again. I haven’t had a breath since my last bottom fell out, when the man I trusted more than anyone, showed himself to be a liar. I finally took a breath, as I pulled into our driveway. Coming home yesterday morning, as the sun began to rise before me, with snow falling all around me, with Tamara’s voice on surround sound in my beautiful FJ, I thanked God for his mercy and for his grace, I shifted up a couple of gears, to get home to my girl. The snow fell softly. Pink blared through the speakers and I sang along, with my little big brother Jamie riding shotgun, queen amongst queens, with all of his heart singing louder than myself…I smiled a huge smile. I began to become myself again, to like myself and love myself again. “What About Us”…we are us! AND we are the best fucking part of us! All of us…we are the best part of us.

My world has been shaken and my PTSD has had her way with me for the last three years. Every time I get back up, I get knocked for a mother fucking loop! I come crashing to the ground and I cannot know how it happened. I am done with this cycle. My last bottom has fallen out. I am done with the drama that spins this fucking circus. I am done with the gas lighting and the bullshit. I am done talking about and consuming myself with the pain that rocked my fucking world. I am moving forward. That’s it. I am done back there, wondering, wishing, hoping. It is what it is. It has always ever been what it is. Nothing changes what it is.

I am an artist and a writer and a mother fucking poet. I have always been these things. I am love. I am learning what that means, to be love, to be loved, like a verb. I am a gifted and very blessed “healer”, although my views on that are that I am not. My hands…me…my words…those flow through me. The healing does not come from Coral and it never has and never will. I am a vessel, a portal, a voice…for the healer himself/herself/yourself/myself to enter in and to do their work. I am so blessed and so grateful and so thankful to be able to be who I am. I am so fucking excited to begin to know who that is! Thank you for being here with me while I figure things out. I love you. Did I mention that I am home?!

Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!