Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Swimming in a big bowl of gratitude this morning ❤️

Good morning everyone and happy Saturday! I hope you’ve an amazing weekend planned! I want to thank you all for all of your love for Aiden and his family. Love is where it’s at and so thank you!

As for me…let’s see if I can write anymore at all without Aiden or Robin or my mom chiming in for me this morning. I realized when the sentencing came down for Aiden on Thursday, that I have not been breathing for a while. I wasn’t even aware of it. And, I have been breathless way longer than Aiden. The night my mom was rushed to the ER, shortly before she died, I stopped breathing then. I stopped everything then. I stopped living and breathing. I stopped knowing who I was or what to do or where the fuck I was. The night my mom went by ambulance to learn of her fate to cancer, my world kind of stopped too. I’ve been puttering and sputtering along, to very little avail. Seeing clients and hugging…desperately trying to be a good friend and a good therapist and a good human being…I’m always a click off or a step just behind what feels to flow for me. My thoughts and feelings border on the edge of insanity and I desperately try to hold the middle. My love is deep and raging and untamed and inside of me that just feels mostly like confusion on some days.

Lately, I mostly feel that I am here to unlearn what I learned that does not serve me or make sense. To be honest, I am unlearning a lot. I am learning how to share my feelings and my thoughts and it’s kind of scary and intimidating sometimes. Sometimes my feelings seem too deep and too complicated and too far away and I get really discombobulated. Working closely with other people and their hearts and their lives and their stories can be a fine line and so I am learning how to walk it with more grace. Energy work definitely stirs energy and so I’ve been working on grounding myself better and setting up better protection around my own heart. The semi-permeable membrane between our thoughts and reality can be a very slippery slope and I am glad to be riding this one out a bit and realigning to my own center again. I cannot really explain the sensation of the work I do or the places I hold, other than to say that my life truly is a fucking trip!

I’ve learned that I have to fall in love with people and I have to let them fall in love with me. I have to hold them tight in the places where they don’t even want to be touched at all. If you’ve ever been in studio session or animal session with me, you know exactly what I speak of. There is a space in between, a “sweet spot” in our journeying. This spot is undefined and surreal and this is my pivot point. This is the spot that I work from. This is my desk and my work…this is how I lay it all out. It’s all love and love balancing. It’s all isotonic and isometric movements…subtle and intense and true. Precision based and intimate is my work to love us all home. I land in families and relationships and marriages. I become the object of many altercations within the psyche of those confronting themselves. I become the adored and the hated and I ebb and flow in and out of places most people dare not tread. There is good reason not to tread here. Here hearts are wide open and words aren’t needed. It’s deep and murky sometimes and boundaries aren’t clear like they are with words and with physical touch. In this place, it’s up to me to exercise boundaries and decorum and good judgement, to bring us all around to the other side. And so, with that all being said, Thursday when Aiden met justice, I took my first breath since the call that my mom was in that ambulance. My mom will be gone four years in December and my life is finally returning to me now. My thoughts, my feelings and my emotions and my touch with reality have all been affected by the loss of the woman who carried me in to this world and I will never be the same.

I feel myself and my work evolving and I center myself and mind my own breath. I am going to be going into some deep and murky waters and I feel that coming on. My work is taking me into the trenches to pull us up and out of this cesspool of shit that we are swimming in right now. We must know that until something changes, nothing is going to change. Until something shifts, we are all horribly out of balance running up and down our own unbalanced beams. We must slow our roll and intention ourselves into the lives we wish to be living. We are in a tizzy living lives we don’t belong in and doing things we ought not be doing, all simply because we have lost touch with ourselves and our own moral compasses. And…we have a choice. We can be kind and just and fair just as easily as we can be absent, unaccountable and irrational. Our worlds do collide and we can mitigate the impact by simply owning our own chaos in all of this. Anyway, amidst the noise and chaos lie all of the answers to the calm. Inside of each of us there is all we need, to be who we came here to be…and we have reserve to help others to summit too. All that ever really holds us back is ourself isn’t it? An “insular Tahiti ” inside of us all says Dr. Dyer. What are we doing with what we have inside us?

This morning I am grateful to be landing back into me a bit. It was a bit of a crash landing at first and its calming down a bit now. Thank God! Coming back into me and my life after being away for so long has its challenges and my struggle is currently real and active. As I find my own center again and slow us all down a bit to return to ourselves again, I feel a little sad leaving this space. Mostly though, I feel accomplished in knowing that I’ve a sacred job in this world and that God trusts me to go where others cannot tread, simply because I’m willing to go there.

So with all of the gratitude in my heart this morning, I thank Aiden and his family and Robin and her family and my family for trusting me in such sacred and vulnerable space, as I become who I am.

Most of all, to my beautiful and amazing partner, Tamara, thank you for holding me through this storm. Thank you for loving me just the same and no matter what. Thank you for sharing me with those who need me the most. Thank you for supporting me and honoring my work, even when it makes our lives more difficult and unmanageable. Thank you for loaning me out to be what others need in the absence of their others and for dealing with the ebb and flow of me falling in and out of love a million different times with my clients and their humans. There is absolutely nothing easy about this part of my work and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for holding me through the pain and hardship of it all some days. Most of all, thank you for being there when my world smashed into the ground and annihilated me and all that I was before my mom left. Thank you for never giving up on me or on us. Thank you for listening to my endless rhetoric about absolutely nothing, as I simply try to find my way back into the world I left when I couldn’t handle the pain anymore. Of all of the things in my life, you matter the very most to me and I love you with all of my heart and all that I am. I am so sorry that my words fail me with you. I regret that my communication skills are non-existent sometimes when it comes to you and I am working around the clock to hear you better and to speak less. Thank you for holding me through the pain and for loaning me out to love others. Most of all, thank you for always being here with open arms, loving me, when I return from wherever I’ve been.

Thursday was my first breath since we got the call from my Dad that my mom was in an ambulance to the ER to begin her journey of leaving us all behind. I feel like I literally just landed here and so please be patient with me as I find my parameters once again. I feel a little out of sorts so please be gentle as I acclimate again, to the life I was living before my moms heart stopped beating almost four years ago.

If you are still here with me, thank you. If you are not still with me, thank you.

Have a beautiful weekend and enjoy those who share your life with you. Playing soccer with Taos yesterday in Aidens red adidas shoes reminds me of who I am. Waking up this morning, I am grateful to be returning to me. Thank you to each and every one of you for all of your love and prayers and for always dialing up your love when it is most needed! I love you!!!

❤️♥️💜❤️♥️❤️Justice for Aiden ❤️♥️💜❤️♥️💜Thank you❤️♥️💜

Good evening everyone! This is Aiden!!! Guess what you guys?!? Guess what?! I said I was going to court in the race car and I did. I went with my mom in my service dog vest to see the judge this morning. The man who took me was there and I felt uneasy. My mom was more shaken because she hadn’t seen him so much like I had or heard his voice. I spent a lot of days with his family and they were there too. The judge had a lot of people telling her what they thought they should do and I heard everyone. My mom had to go talk loud to the judge on a stick to say what we wanted. My mom said we wanted something called “justice”, I think, in other words, she said that he should pay for what he did to me and my family and to all of you who loved me and worried so much for me, and even to some other people who he hurt with his bad behavior. The judge seemed to agree with my mom on everything. The police talked too and they wanted what mom wanted too. And then the man who took me and his family wanted something different. Something about leniency and furlough, I think. Anyway, the judge did not say this was okay. The Judge was very nice when she told the man and his family that the most he could repay for what he did, he would have to pay…the most time. The most consequence and the most offers to help him to get better. The man asked for help and the judge offered him help. We asked for fair and the judge was fair. That’s a nice judge to me and I feel happy inside.

The one thing that I noticed a lot in court was the friend to me when I was in the house that man took me to. He was very sad and someone took his leg too since I saw him. Anyway, he is the dad of the man who took me and I felt him crying inside with his son. I asked Coral to send him our love because he was very, very sad. When people are sad, I want them to smile. The man without a leg told me and my family that he was sorry for what his son did. I believe him. I wanted to tell him I was sorry for him too because he lost his son to bad behavior for a while. Coral said we should say “God bless you” instead and put our love on his shoulder, and so we did that instead. Coral said that sometimes our words can be more important than we ever know and so we should pick words very carefully. Coral told me that sometimes she forgets and sometimes she uses way too many words. I think sometimes the best words are no words at all.

I want to tell you something special from the time we have spent tangled up in this mess…something special is the love that came from everyone. This very sad thing brought us all to ❤️♥️💜 love and so to me, it’s okay that it happened. It is better that it’s over now. My mom and I and my dad haven’t breathed, like really, really breathed and Coral said she and Tamara and Janet haven’t breathed much either. I think maybe that’s because we were holding our breath for this right decision to be said by the judge today.

Anyway, I just want to say thank you to everyone who loves me so, so much. I love you all so, so much too. I’m going to be taking some time to love on my family, especially on my mom. I felt my moms heart hurt the hardest and her throat shake. My mom is so strong and this man really hurt her by taking me away from her. When my mom had that loud talking stick, I was so, so proud of her. A couple of times, she looked at the guy who took me and she told him it was not okay. My mom was so brave and my dad was there too. My family needs to breathe and so this is a very good day for breathing. I hope all of you breathe good tonight too. And…wait until I tell Jaxson and Howie about justice tonight!!!!

One more thing that I think is most important…please say “I love you” to Melaquias and his family tonight. A lot of hearts were hurt in that courtroom today. A lot of people were lost and hurt and scared. A lot of people have to spend a lot of time without their someone because of bad stuff too. I get to be with my someone…the most special and important and brave someone I know, tonight…my mom, and he does not and his dad does not. I saw them looking at each other’s souls in court today and crying on the inside of their cheeks. A dad and a son who lost their way to each other and a family blown apart like mine was when they took me away from my mom and dad. I know how sad and scared I was and so I just want you to say you love them so they aren’t so sad and scared. Even if it sounds crazy to you, will you please love Melaquias and his someone’s too?

I’ve got to go and celebrate with my family!!!! ❤️💜♥️💜❤️💜❤️💜💜❤️♥️💜❤️💜💜❤️❤️♥️💜❤️💜♥️❤️💜♥️❤️♥️💜💜💜I love you guys so much! Thank you for helping me meet justice today. And a very special thank you to APD for working so hard to get justice. I love you guys. ❤️♥️💜

A life lesson from Aiden: All I want to do is stay

Happy Sunday from Pecos everyone! I am finishing up my classes for my CEUs in Santa Fe this weekend! Today is my final day of Ortho-bionomy and WOW! What an epic weekend of learning and practice and being with people! For this gal, it’s a lot. Socially awkward an anxious at times…a loner and with a strong preference to be alone, I really threw myself in to lot of social interaction this weekend. Hands all over me and mine all over you…ya, it’s a lot. It’s an awful lot of continuing education and continued practice, so that we can bring all of you the best of ourselves. Ortho-bionomy is going to be a catalyst in my private practice to invite healing at a deeper level for all of my clients. What a beautiful technique! How did I not know if this before now? To be totally honest, my sister Robin Dyer picked this class for me. Aiden picked my shoes. Red adidas, before your first class on Friday, no exceptions. And here’s me…”but sister, that doesn’t interest me or sound like me at all…Aiden, I don’t have a budget for red adidas shoes right now. I just rented a shared home in Pecos, instead of a private residence in Santa Fe to save money!!! I can’t buy shoes!! And red? You want me to find red adidas?” And here I sit, with my brand new Aiden kicks on and my Ortho packet staring back at me, in the beautiful meditation space of my shared home in Pecos! Thank you Robin and Aiden! Thank you James and Jenny for hosting me! Thank you Santa Fe School of Massage and to all of the instructors and participants in this amazing weekend!

I came up Friday night to get settled in before my ethics class. Aiden had me running ragged for these red adidas shoes, which I found at my last stop finally. Then I headed up to Pecos to settle in before my Ethics class from 6-10pm in Santa Fe. I am often agitated and unsettled and arriving in Pecos, I was a bit out of sorts. I was greeted by Jenny and showed to my room. I was in and out in 15 minutes and returned well after dark, from Santa Fe. I began to unravel like I do…I should have gotten a private place…I needed privacy…I didn’t feel like talking or being jovial….what the fuck was I thinking? I piss money away like nothing and then I “save” money on my place to sleep, shower and shit. Really Coral? Fuck, I irritate myself sometimes! So fucking irrational and ridiculous is the notion that I do not deserve the best of myself and my life and what I have to offer. Ahhhhhh. Anyway, I got myself into a spin and my boxer briefs all into a twist. I freaked out inside and I got so mad at myself. I beat myself up and I drove around aimlessly for a bit trying to reconcile it all within myself. And then I looked down and saw those bright red adidas shoes and Aiden looking up at me. And I just stopped. Everything just stopped. What the hell is happening to me? Who the fuck am I? Where did I become so afraid of my own life and my own fucking choices and preferences? When did I start skimping on me? When did the hundreds of dollars passing through my hands not hold value for me and my preferences anymore? Do you know my all time favorite brand of anything? Adidas. My favorite color to wear, even though I look much better in green…is red. I won’t buy shoes that expensive for me. That red is too bright and too eccentric for me. I spent my life in adidas, playing soccer. I dribble a soccer ball better than I fucking walk. I look down at these crazy fucking shoes and I see Aiden looking up at me with a huge grin, and I’m back in the game again! Thank you Aiden. Thank you little buddy! Let’s play ball my friend!

So, Aidens shopping excursion seemed untimely and ridiculously unnecessary. I didn’t have to do it. I was justified in being busy. It was Aiden though and so I knew there would be something to these shoes. Countless stores offering me black or grey adidas shoes in just my size. Out of red. None in my size. Not adidas but bright as fuck red for absolute sure. And somehow I knew to stay the course and to not falter on Aidens requirements for these red adidas shoes. Here’s the lesson:

I am staying in Pecos with a man and his wife who God himself has host for him. I am staying in God’s house here in Pecos. All of the things I feared here were things I needed desperately in my life. I feared being close to someone and not having time and space for myself this weekend. I feared bed bugs and smells unfamiliar to me. I feared being alone in a strange and rural place. I feared being awkward. Last night I came home and met James. I came into my room afterwards, for I had just met God. I just fucking sat there stupefied and paralyzed and dumbfounded. I had no words at all. I looked around me at everything I had feared. Everything looked and felt much different to me. Suddenly the idiosyncrasies turned into divine blessings. Everyone and everything in my world became sacred. The details. The love. The place…this place…I was on hallowed and sacred ground here. The bed, made just for me and the cinnamon roll under the glass cake safe, homemade by James himself…the carefully labeled bottles of shampoo and soap in the shower…everything was prepared just for me. The texts to get my ETA and the waiting up for me to get home…the promise that he would be up to see me off this morning…all of it…I missed all of it at first. Now, I’m just sitting here in awe of all of it. God himself sent Aiden to usher me off this weekend, into my own divinity, to come back to all of you different somehow. In my meditation space, writing with all of you this morning, I know I am. I am different.

I came here pretentious and uptight and scared. I was ready to run. I was less than I am in an effort to be more than I am. I wanted solitude as I needed some fucking love man. Aiden knew I needed someone leaving the light on for me and getting up to tell me goodbye this morning. James is a chef and he baked in Las Vegas, Nevada. James makes cinnamon rolls and he leaves them under the glass cake safe on the table for us. I left mine there yesterday because I assumed it probably wasn’t vegan. This morning I went and swiped it, because I don’t care if it’s vegan or not. That cinnamon roll, made especially for me, with all of his love…ya, that’s where it’s at. It’s in the love man!

Aiden showed me how I cry for love in a million different ways every single day of my life. More importantly, Aiden showed me how I shun that love for not being “just right” for me in the same million ways that I call it up.

The red adidas shoes and the accommodations in Pecos…the really, really hard class with an equally difficult name…the long drive down a dark road to a rural and serene space, prepared just for me. Aiden ushered me in and I tried to run right back out because I guess I learned higher standards and bigger expectations…fuck, I’ve no idea what I think I knew. I didn’t know a damn thing. I knew nothing. Now, as I sit here with my coffee and my thoughts and myself…looking down at my shoes and Aiden…waiting to go and greet my hosts…I just feel whole somehow. Like nothing is missing from me this morning. I want to stay. All I want to do is stay. Thank you for the lyric Enya. Pale Grass Blue is the song this morning, from Aiden, for each of us.

Please say it with me, to my guru, this morning, “I love you Aiden!!!!”

A brief visit from our sister Robin this morning….

Good morning everyone. I really don’t have a lot to share right now. I am horribly saddened by the state of affairs in our world. Senseless killing and so many people wishing they were not here…angry words and disposable friendships and families. Violence and hate being spewed from even the mouths of babes. Man, I’m fucking disheartened and sad about the way we treat one another. I am sad to be so unable to understand the world I live it. I have always felt that I am in this world and not of this world. Days like this, I feel this even more so.

I know I’m here to help, to be of service and to do life solid, by giving my very best. I really do try. I am way better at solving your problems than I will ever be at handling my own, and I am working on that. I am seeing so clearly that I can’t fix you. Hell, I obviously can’t fix me either. I show up where I am called and I often stay too long. I stay where I’m not appreciated or wanted or acknowledged. I show up excited to be a part of a world that you never even prepared space for me to be in and then I wonder why it feels shitty to be trying to be in it. It’s not my fucking world and this in not my circus and these definitely are not my fucking clowns!

And so I regress. Truly, on all things. In all situations in my life right now, I regress. I pull myself back and out. I pull myself up and out, and I pause, on everything. I am at a stand still on everything in my life…holding pause, turning within. I get to going so fast sometimes into and toward things that don’t feel just right to me, thinking this will right itself eventually. I see the error of my ways and I stand down and pause in my life, for a spell, to re-evaluate and to reassess my current situation. Big life decisions are on hold for me until at least October as I really take some time to feel how I feel and to end up where I belong. I’ve an offer in in a space that was accepted and then I realized that I’m not sure what I need the space for right now. So, right now, I slow my roll and pray and meditate a lot. For today only, I realize that I am right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing. If the space is available in October and the clients are getting referred and booked, I will look again, into space outside of my current operating system. For now though, I have decided to work on the studio and to work on myself. I have decided that I prefer to lie kind of low and to turn inward as I re-evaluate some things in my life that are calling out to me.

I pray for patience and understanding, for love and light and for the ability to be content and in gratitude, no matter what. I pray for guidance and illumination. I pray for peace and prosperity. I pray for tolerance and understanding. Most of all, I pray to not partner with, end up with, or to be tied in any way, to anyone who does not listen to me, talk with me and value me. I remove myself from all situations that are not mine. I take my energy from that which has no concern for me. I lift up my brothers and my sisters who are on the brink of giving up, that they back away from the ledge that is beckoning to them. I lift up the sick and the broken and the beat down Lord, that you restore us to your glory, to your will and to your vision. May we be instruments of your peace Lord. May we be instruments of your love Lord. MY we be in your light Lord, always, in all ways. And so it is. Amen.

And our sister Robin chimes in…

I haven’t been up here too long, looking down over all of you. I’m not really up or down or over. I am everywhere now. From everywhere, I see how nowhere that you feel that you are. I watch you scurry around in a tizzy, trying to make it all just right….trying to line it all up and line it all out. I see your master plans in front of you, for a rebuild that isn’t yours. I see an overhaul coming on a rig that you haven’t fired up and taken out in decades. I feel your frustration and I raise you mine. You aren’t living your purpose. You aren’t fulfilling your Dharma. You are an ass kissing fool my friend. You are far more worried about being liked that you are about being yourself. You are way too worried about stepping on toes. You pick up the phone for people crying wolf while you are teetering over your own edge. Knock that shit off already! Truly, if they can’t love you, out loud, like a verb, and be elated that you showed up at all, keep on walking sister. If their cries simply get heard because they are louder than your own, you best raise yourself an octave or two or ten. You are a lame sitting duck Coral Dawn. You are a lame, and I empathize and emphasize at the same time, with lame sitting ducks my friend. What does anyone need or want with a lame and sitting duck? What does anyone want or need with someone who doesn’t feel worthy or good enough? What does anyone have to offer outside of you that you don’t possess within you? You don’t need office space. That space needed you. That space needed your love and your energy and your gift…you never needed that space. You were to sit in Lotus pose and pray for your world for hours and days on end, for a world who didn’t even open the door for you to enter. This is your time to stop and realize your error and to leave this place that doesn’t validate you, inspire you and open space up wide for you. This is true if all spaces, all people and all situations before you. If a space has not been prepared for you, this is your sign to walk by in love without crossing the threshold. If you can’t get calls and texts back and answers that don’t feel like dragging the bottom of a lake, you are notifying the wrong people, to light you up. If it feels wrong, it is because it is wrong.

Thank you for stopping in Robin, and for the message for us all this morning. Thank you for the angels who light my path. Thank you for a partner who loves me no matter what. Thank you for the love and support and input of friends and family, at a time when clarity eluded me. Have a beautiful day everyone. I love you! Great to spend time with you this morning sister! I love you!

I believe in the good things coming!

Good morning everyone! Happy Friday! I have some amazing news to share!! I don’t have details nailed down or anything set in stone just yet, so I’m not saying much about it. I am, however, in the process of some huge changes in my life and my career path!

My life purpose work began in 2008 when I decided to go to massage school. I literally quit my job, enrolled in massage school and began again, after being in the restaurant and bar business my whole life. One night of too much violence, ending in death downtown and I walked away from it all. It wasn’t even a leap of faith at that point, I was running as fast as I could, away from a life that no longer fit me or served me or nourished me. Fast forward a few years later, to the day I gave notice at the vets office I was working in, to go out in my own with my work. I was scared to death and without a sufficient client pool. I was never so scared and so I closed my eyes and I jumped. Fast forward again, to the present, and I am about to jump again, into the great unknown. I have been calling for change and space and clientele. I have been manifesting space and people and love. My friends, we are at another threshold! We are embarking on magnificence in these moments! I will be opening up office space in the very near future, so that I may be of service to more of you. My office hours will be limited at first, as I navigate this new terrain. I know that my gift is needed in more abundance.I hear the universe and I am moving to meet her. I will be taking both canine and human clients, new and existing, on this amazing journey with me! I can already feel the slots filling up and so I am diligently working to have myself up and running a couple of days a week, in office, by September. I will be able to offer studio sessions both at my office space and in studio space at my home! So…with all of my love, I offer you, me! Stay tuned for details!

With that being said, I am definitely turning my life’s tide here. I wake up some days feeling like I just cannot go on at all. I feel like I’m lacking purpose and motivation and the drive I need to propel myself through this sludge of procrastination. Most of all, I am learning that I am afraid of my own success. I am self-sabotaging in situations that I know I’m destined to be in. This office space is epic, in that it’s a blank slate, just waiting to become whatever I make it! The energy is amazing and the space is spectacular! I am so ready for all of the good things coming! I can’t wait to take you guys with me! I will be partnering with the most amazing people in my field and with one of the most inspiring human beings I have ever had the privilege of meeting! Stay tuned for the amazing things opening up for all of us!

With that being said, I will be switching gears and shifting a lot of my focus to manifest my dream in the coming weeks. Please send love and light and abundance…and most of all, all of your love.

I need a couple of people who can help me to take down an existing wall and put up a wall in this space. It appears to be pretty straightforward and yet, way out of my own skill set. If you can help me, please send me a message. 504-269-9242, so we can get that addressed as soon as possible. I thank you in advance.

Have a beautiful day everyone. All of my love. I’m off to great things and to be with my beautiful girl!

I loving memory of my friend Taffy…

Good morning everyone. Happy Monday. Over the holiday weekend, I lost one of my dear clients and friends. Taffy had to take his walk across the rainbow bridge on July 5th and is terribly missed here. This morning I dedicate my blog to Taffy, Lily, Rod and Nicole. Happy Independence Day beautiful boy! We love you and miss you so much already!

Rod, Nicole and Lily have written this beautiful piece for Taffy and they said I could share it with all of you this morning.

This is what they had to say about their beautiful boy;
We adopted Taffy, a senior whose owner had passed away, in December of 2016 from Top of Texas Corgi Rescue. From the moment he joined our family, his energy and love of life were always present. He loved to run across the fields chasing his dad and nipping at his calves, Corgi style. After a few months, we knew we had gained his complete trust and acceptance when he finally let us kiss him on the forehead, something that we did every single day after. We spent the next year and 8 months spoiling Taffy and his sister Lily. Going to the park three times a day, snuggling on the couch, and taking trips in our camper, even going all the way back to Pennsylvania. He was a joyful soul even as we started to notice a slight stumble when he walked. Later we would discover that he had degenerative myelopathy DM and intervertebral disc disease IVDD. As we started making adjustments for how our life was going to change, buying him a stroller, a cart and a wagon for moving around in the house, he didn’t seem to be at all affected by the changes in his body. In September of 2018 we went to Salado, Texas to get him hyperbaric oxygen therapy to help with the IVDD. When he was examined by the vet before his first treatment, she noticed two large masses which had appeared almost overnight. We immediately left the next day to go to our oncologist in Santa Fe who recommended surgery. The following day Taffy had his spleen and one kidney removed and the diagnosis came back as hemangiosarcoma and we were given 3 to 6 months.  We were devastated but determined to prove the surgeon wrong and Taffy was definitely up to the challenge.  He slowly regained his strength but not his ability to walk. We will probably never know what happened during surgery, but he was never able to use his back legs again. We continued to have hope that he would regain the use of his legs and did everything to help. After his recovery we took him back to Salado where he received 10 Hyperbaric treatments. When we returned to Las Cruces, we started him on Electro acupuncture, hydrotherapy, electrical stimulation treatments, Reiki, energy work and lots of physical therapy. Taffy was showing some moderate Improvement but when he went to the oncologist for his monthly exam in April we discovered that he had another large mass measuring 4 inches in diameter that had appeared within a month. Knowing the aggressive nature of this cancer, we decided to stop all of his treatments and accept the fact that he would remain unable to walk. After all, he didn’t seem to mind one bit. He was living in the now and we were worrying about the future. We decided we would just let him be a couch potato if he wanted or an explorer and adventurer too. We continued to take him on long walks using his sling, because his front legs were still strong. His dad would always push the stroller just in case Taffy got a little tired, which started happening more often as the months progressed. We were so focused on treating his cancer that it was sometimes easy to forget that he had DM. We were 10 months post diagnosis and he was keeping the cancer at bay while the DM marched relentlessly through his body making him weaker and weaker. For the last 10 months of his life, Taffy never left our side. He went with us in his stroller to restaurants and grocery stores,  home improvement stores  and  gardening centers. He even went to the gym with us once. And everywhere we went,  he made people smile. 
He let us know on Independence Day when we were camping at City of Rocks, that he was ready for his rebirth. We granted him his wish the following day as we held him in our arms and told him how much we love him and that we would never be apart. We pictured him flying across the Rainbow Bridge just as he used to fly across the fields here with us. 

Taffy never gave up and joyfully accepted everything we did for him. Taffy returned all the love we gave him tenfold. When his little body could not sustain itself any longer, he knew that he could count on us to show him the ultimate expression of our love for him. We will hold you close in our hearts little boy until we hold you in our arms again. All our love to you Taffy, now and forever. ❤💚💜💛💙
What a beautiful tribute for Taffy! Thank you so much for sharing your heart with all of us. Run free sweet Taffy. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life and part of your world. Please stay close to Mom and Dad, as they are heartbroken without you.
All of my love Rod, Nicole and Lily. I love you guys so much! Thank you for sharing Taffy with us this morning.
Could everyone please take Rod and Nicole and Lily in your arms today and lift them up? Surround them with your love and light today and always , as they find their new way without Taffy. Hold them close. Lift them up and love them through. That’s how we do it! That is how we will always do it in the healing room. Have a beautiful day everyone! Thank you for being here and for loving Taffy. I love you! Blessed be sweet Taffy! Run free my friend. Run free sweet boy!

I am Quitting my past cold tofurkey this morning!

Good morning everyone! Happy Sunday! I began writing about a shift I had yesterday…an epiphany…an awareness, an awakening and an acceptance that came to me yesterday morning, for which I am so grateful.

Good afternoon beautiful people! I’ve a few moments before an EPIC studio session coming in and I’ve some great news to share with you all!! I was looking for an 8:30 am A.A. meeting this morning on Rio Grande to start my day off right. Early, as most always, I looked and looked and looked, to no avail for the meeting. I even went into a salon and asked if they knew where the address was. My experience in there was pretty typical…eye-rolls…you’re in the wrong place….and they had no idea where my meeting was. I was discouraged for a moment, as I stepped back outside to start looking again. I looked at my car, Big Book in hand, I chose to sit on a bench nearby and to have my own meeting this morning, instead of leaving all together. I thought I would read Chapter two, as assigned by my sponsor on Monday, and so I did. I read chapter two. I sat a spell longer and I reflected on something Wayne Dyer said. I am on an “All Wayne, all the time…” kick right now, as I need a spiritual kick in my ass. Wayne has never not given me that when I’ve called for it and today was no exception. Today Dr. Dyer was talking about quitting our pasts cold turkey, so to speak. Like right here and right now…just drop it. Somehow, today I heard it and I got it and I’m so fucking grateful for that. Drinking…I quit cold turkey. Smoking…cold Tofurky. My past, beginning today…I quit, cold Tofurky! Truly, I got it today…what all of you have been saying all along. My family doesn’t want to be with me. My past is behind me. My mom is dead, God rest her precious soul. I am here and I don’t need anyone who doesn’t want me in their life in their life. Not anymore.

Something lifted and shifted for me in those moments on the white bench, right around the corner from the AA meeting I missed. Something released and let go and I realized that I am okay. I became aware of a family that simply never wanted me to be in their family. I became equally as aware that I do not want to be their family either. I have hurt over all of this to the point of nearly ending it all. I have pursued these people to the ends of the earth for my whole life and it is finally finished. Yesterday, sitting all alone on that bench, I accepted who I am and where I am at in life. Yesterday I let go of my wants and needs and desires. I released my expectations and I just let it all go. As people came in and out of the Seasons, I released the memories of Mothers Day’s long past. I let it all just drain right out of me, right then and right there. All of this self-loathing and pathetic begging and wanting for something so long gone and far away from me…I just stopped. I just stopped wanting. I just stopped crying and hurting and needing the thing I thought I needed most.

Yesterday it felt pretty surreal. I awoke this morning and realize that I am still okay. This morning, I’m not grasping for my past. I am not angry or hurt or concerned about all that has plagued me. I’m not agitated or crying. I just am. I am so grateful for this revelation. I know that it is the sum of all that each of you have said to me all along…the words all finally fit together and made sense to me. The words that finally tied the bow on this little package came from a friend who told me, simply and very matter of factly, that my family simply doesn’t want me. What an astute observation. Truly. I missed that. I couldn’t even begin to fathom it and I guess the truth is often like that, isn’t it? Right in front of my face all along , and still so far from obvious to me, was the truth. So, this morning I am grateful to wake up here alone, without trying to attach myself to anyone or anything anymore. I am thankful to be a lone wolf and not merely tolerated. I have taken the pack off of my back for once and for all. I am done here and all of this is finished. It is a bit surreal to stand here by myself this morning, looking all around me. It began to feel a little empty until I realized that I’m not empty. I’m simply making room for those who have made room for me. There is a lot of room now and I am looking forward to the journey. For those of you who stayed and waited for me to come to my senses, thank you. I know you have all been patiently waiting for me to simply turn around. I know that you are my family and that you have chosen me to be so. I’m sorry I kept you all waiting. My tribe has assembled and my people have spoken. It is finished.

As I stand here and take one long, hard and last look around, and as I pack all of my trash to pack up to move out, it is so barren, so desolate. Don’t worry you guys….this is the last time you have to busy yourself when I stroll by, in an effort to not exchange words. I’ve no words left. I’ve nothing at all left for this place or for the people who occupy it, except for all of my love in parting. I am leaving for us all. I am going for us all. Most of all though, I leave here for me. I accept what I couldn’t accept all along and I say a prayer of thanks for all of the lessons and the blessings I have acquired here. I shall not pass this way again. Not in words nor deeds, not in death nor in life…shall I pass this way again.

For all of you who have known me for so long, I am here to let you know that the letting go has taken place. There is still some pain and as it lifts, I don’t want to talk about my family of old anymore. I don’t want to swim in this pool of pain anymore and I don’t want to inflict anymore pain either. I am simply walking away. To each and every person who has journeyed with me, thank you. To my mom and Dad, thank you. To myself, for finally knowing my own worth, thank you.

I stand here in the sun awhile, as I reflect on where I’ve been, before I head to where I’m going. I vow to not look back. I vow to seal the vault and to not return to this place again. This truly is finally finished. Walking away this morning, I know that I am saving us all, for our work here is done together. For all of those lessons, most especially the ones I now claim as blessings, I am so thankful.

As I finally turn around, I see all of you waiting with open arms for me. Thank you. Thank you for waiting for me to get it. Thank you for not giving up on me.

I am somber this morning, for I feel that I m at a funeral, laying to rest my entire life and all of those I’ve loved. I mourn as the caskets begin to close and lower into the ground around my mom. My family has forsaken me and I have forsaken them. I bury my past and all of its sickness and dysfunction this morning, I thank God for another day. This service is over and we are all free to depart from here and resume our own lives. All of my love family. All of my love and no more of me here anymore.

For a while I may not want to speak of my life before now. For a while, I just want to be silent and to learn what I don’t know. Thank you all for loving me through the most difficult task of my entire life…letting go of that which no longer serves me.

For all that I am not, there is much that I am. For all that you are not, there is much that you are. For all that we can no longer be for each other, let us go and be for someone else. This life is too precious and too short to spend one more moment in my past. Cold Tofurkey this morning, I quit my past! And so it is!

I have had the most epic studio sessions in the last couple of weeks! Yesterday was no exception. I am able to offer one session this coming week if anyone is in need. I’m still getting some things squared away in my life and will have more time soon. For now though, if you need time with me, please PM me as soon as possible so I can prepare a space for you. Thank you to everyone who has scheduled. My time with you in studio session heals us both and I am so thankful for this time with you! Thank you.

Have a beautiful Sunday everyone! That is exactly what I am going to do…I am going to go enjoy my new life! All of my love today, to each of you.

My name is Coral and I am an alcoholic.

Good morning. I’m sorry I’m so distant. The struggle is real and I am just finding my way through it. My life is in the serenity prayer and daily meetings as of late. I am blessed to have a sponsor and a meeting to chair to keep me coming back. The rooms are the most welcoming and inviting place for me to be right now, as my life has become unmanageable. The rooms are where I belong if I wish to stay out of the abyss that has taken me before, in times like these. The rooms are my safe zone and that is where you will find me until I’m strong enough to make it on my own.

I am so thankful, grateful and blessed to have my sobriety. Dry drinking though, has led me back to the meetings and the rooms and my tribe. Five and a half years sober and I got a desire chip yesterday, to remind me how fragile we all are…how fragile I am right now. Drinking is not the only danger in losing ones sobriety and ones self. For me, drinking does begin the downward spiral that I have fallen into so, so many times before. I know with all of my heart that I would not come out of it alive again.

I am so blessed with an amazing partner and so thankful for the gift of the rooms and my tribe. So thankful to my sponsor for swooping me up and taking me under her wing at this time. I struggle and yet I know how truly blessed I am. Thank you to each of you who carries me through. Thank you for your love me. I love you too.

I cannot explain the place I am in right now, other than to say again that the struggle is real. To each of you struggling, I love you. To each of you loving me through my struggle, thank you. Have a blessed and beautiful day today.

If you would like to, please pray with me this morning:

God,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen

Happy Saturday!

Happy Saturday everyone! I hope you’ve an amazing weekend planned for yourselves. I am getting ready for clients and so my weekend is off to a good start so far. I am so blessed with such amazing clients and my work is not like work at all, which I am so thankful for. I am pausing while Tamara is down and so I’m sorry I’ve not been as available as I like to be. My schedule will open up soon. I am actually offering some Sanctuary studio sessions outdoors. I have been working really hard to create space for healing sessions out in nature. I call them “our secret gardens” and they are throughout the Sanctuary. These spaces are being created with healing energy portals and they are highly sacred and charged to heal. So…some very exciting news on the horizon on that front.

All of the animals are doing very well. They sure do miss their momma Tam while she is healing. Tamara is integrating back in and everyone is taking care of each other. We feel blessed beyond measure for the life we live up here on the mountain. We thank you for your love, support, and all of your reaches. We feel you and we thank you and we love you.

If you are interested in a healing studio session with me out in the mountains, please get in touch with me. I am putting together some great material for our healing, and I look forward to hearing from you. Spaces are limited as Tamara heals and please know I will always make time if you need me.

Lots of reflection lately and lots of things to look at and feel and work through in my life. I have been struggling for so, so long. I know many of us have been struggling for so, so long. I know my purpose for being here is to love us home and I’m just now learning how to love and that I fucking suck at it. How can you suck at your own life’s purpose? I know, right? Very discouraging for me to learn that I am an unlovable and loveless lover…simply because I don’t know how to love. This is true. I do not know how to love. The love I learned wasn’t so much love at all. I am teaching myself to love the way that love feels right to me. I am learning to love and I want to invite you to learn and teach love with me. That is why I am here and so I am looking forward to becoming a good lover as I learn to love me and you and everyone else just a little better than I did yesterday. Love is a word that has been used and misused…misguided and abused…hurtful and pointed…those things are not love. Love is an unconditional place…an accepting and warm and inviting place. As I create this in my life and my reality, I cannot wait to share it with all of you! We all deserve to learn how to love and be loved, and so if you are down for it, I invite you on this journey of love with me!

For today, I begin by praying for grace, mercy, peace and understanding in my life, and that above all, I may be those things and offer those things for others today. For today, that is enough. I love you. Have a beautiful Saturday!

Let us be the love today. I dare you!

Good morning everyone! Happy Friday! All of my love to all of us for getting through this work week!

It was nice to get out for a bit last night. It was nice to see some of the people I’ve not seen and to catch up and laugh with our friends. It was nice to support our friend and her amazing work in the world. We are so blessed and I am so thankful.

They found a deceased body down the road from us and I cannot stop thinking about it. Life is so fucking fragile and yet, we’ve so little regard for it. A dead body…someone’s someone is fucking dead. My heart fucking screams and cries out in anguish. Who in the fuck do we think we are and what in the fuck are we doing to one another? Dead and tortured and traumatized bodies…dumped out here in God’s country, like there’s really any hiding anything. Integrity is what we do when no one is looking and guess what? Someone is always looking. I hear people upset that our Alexa devices can be recording us and that our computer cameras and our phones are spyware. I do not doubt this at all and yet, I’ve really nothing to hide. Recording me could bore a poor soul to tears for sure. And yet, we fear these things because we think I and we feel that someone is watching us. Why in the fuck aren’t we watching us? Why aren’t we watching our mouths and our actions and our tempers? Why aren’t we living in integrity enough that it really wouldn’t fucking matter if someone is recording us or watching us? Integrity…it’s what we do when no one is looking. If we are always in integrity, we wouldn’t have to be so fucking paranoid, would we?

We have an illusion that we can hide from others and mostly we think we can hide from ourselves. We lie to others and to ourselves and we wonder why we cannot trust. We are not fucking trust worthy. Look at our world and how we operate. Look at the deception that we surround ourselves with and then tell me what Alexa could tell me about you. What goes on in your home that you don’t want others to know about? Therein lies your problem…not with Alexa or the person listening in. The issue lies in many places, doesn’t it? Privacy being violated and secrets violated. How does this happen? We need to know that it does happen and we need to act in accordance with our higher selves. Who are you when no one is looking? The truth is…that is who you really are. Do you like this person? Would you be seen in public with this person? I’m just sayin…we have to start being honest with ourselves. We have to stop thinking that we are actually hidden when we are hiding. If you wouldn’t say it to me, don’t say it at all. The things we say in the privacy of our own homes, to our partners…those things are out in the universe and they matter. Once the words leave your mouth, they are not sacred or private anymore…for you have shared them and the universe acts in accordance. Whether or not your partner violates your trust…well that is an entirely separate issue. I’m just pointing out the fact that we are spewing shit all over the place and then we wonder why we are covered in shit. Just something to ponder. If the Alexa in your house started talking to me…what would I learn about you?

We all have a choice to write our own stories. Let’s start writing some uplifting and inspiring stories. Let us lift each other up and love each other home. We must know that we are not so hidden and we are not so private, that our true colors won’t eventually run through. Be mindful. Be kind. Be love. We cannot afford anything less than all of our love.

Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you. Let us be the love today! I dare you!