Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

What would Jesus do on Easter Sunday?

Good morning everyone. Happy Easter. Easter was a super important day in our family growing up. Church and Easter brunch…gathering with friends, the Easter bunny and hiding and finding eggs for hours. The resurrection and the meaning of this day. For me now, Easter is different. Easter, like other holidays is another day. We don’t eat or color eggs because they are not ours. We aren’t up before the crack of dawn to get to sunrise service. We do not gather the congregation and dig a hole in the ground and roast a pig that was alive a couple of days ago, to celebrate the resurrection of Christ. No, Easter is different for me now. My life is different for me now. Bunnies and baby chicks and pigs are not exploited for me to celebrate my beliefs. My beliefs have never made me a better person. My actions have made me a hypocrite to some and a saint to others, at times. At the end of this day though, just like any other day, Easter is in our hearts. God doesn’t give a fuck that you show up to church on Easter Sunday when you go virtually Godless for the rest of the year. God doesn’t care about the cross you carry today, he wants to know what you did with the cross you were crawling upon when you got distracted by that ego of yours again. Easter Sunday is yet another opportunity for us to realize that we are all walking each other home. We miss that, don’t we? I find it a difficult imagine to conjure up…Jesus picking out the perfect pig to slaughter, gathering up the rabbits and baby chicks and wishing them all a happy Easter before he wacks their fucking heads off…as he moseys up to the cross to meet his fate, so that we may all be forgiven. I’m just saying…parts of the story have a nice ring to them and parts of the Easter story are fucking horrifying. Our spirituality is like that, isn’t it? Some of it…we have nailed down and know it backwards and forward and inside out and upside down…and some of it, well it’s not even a fable…it’s fucking utter bullshit. Our own bullshit, that we cannot even sell in a nice little Easter Basket on Easter Sunday. God is in the details. God is in you. You are God. We are not separate from all of this. We are not outside of our spirituality looking in. We are out spirituality. We are our God and we show others who God is through us. Easter Sunday, all dressed up and looking dapper as hell…don’t forget who you are. Don’t forget why you are here. Don’t throw Jesus back up on that cross for your sins…how about you atone and stop fucking sinning? How about you look deeply into that mirror and ask yourself what Jesus would do. What would Jesus do? What would Jesus be doing on Easter Sunday? I mean if that matters to you…what would your homeboy, Jesus, be doing on this sacred and holy day? How about today, you go out there and do and be that…be who Jesus would be today. Do you think that Jesus would be slaughtering baby lambs for Easter dinner? Or roasting pigs in the ground? Do you think Jesus runs around gathering ovulations from chickens cloacas, to color and hide for the children to find? Do you think that Jesus has an Easter basket and eats peeps and chocolate bunnies? Does Jesus walk amongst a sea of white crosses and see his cross any differently than our crosses? Today and every day…what does your Jesus do that you want to model in your own life? What would Jesus be doing on this Easter Sunday? Let us all go out today and do that, shall we?

We have these sayings and we have these memes….we have these notions and ideas of things. We have these picture perfect pictures…pictures that we aren’t even in. Pictures that we don’t even recognize. The last supper…the twelve disciples…Jesus and his apostles…doubting Thomas and the Virgin Mary…Zachary and Zacheaus…This little light of mine and the church and the steeple…where are we in all of this? Who are we in this picture of divinity? We worship things outside of ourself and we wonder why we are not whole. We cannot and do not buy in to things that we are not a part of. So, I’m just curious…on Easter Sunday, does your worship include you? Does your story of Jesus have you in it? May I say that if not, you might want to take a look at that? In order to express your own dharma and your own divinity, you need to realize that your story, not Jesus’ story is why you are here. You have to jump up in that picture and you have to be the star of your own life. Jesus was the star of his life. He set an example for us to follow, to improve upon…to model…he never came here to make you invisible and unaccountable to your own self and those you claim to love, as you hide behind him and all of his glory. We all have our own cross to bear. We all have our own trials and tribulations. We all need some direction and some assistance sometimes. What would Jesus really be doing on Easter Sunday? How about we all go out today and do that? Just a suggestion…let us be like Jesus today. Being like Jesus will mean a different thing to each of us…as this is a personal journey for each of us. I would say that Jesus is a good start though…someone to model ourselves afterwouldn’t you? Like Buddha, And the thousand other names for God…let us not forget that we are our own divinity. We are the God within us. Let us not forget that when we go out I to the world today, okay? What would Jesus be doing on Easter Sunday?

Happy Sunday. Happy Easter. Whoever you are and however you celebrateremember that we are all in this together, walking each other home…Jesus knew this. Today, let us be reminded of it as well…we are here to love each other home. Our resurrection will be the day we realize that and begin to live accordingly. Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!

Just for today, let us all be love

Good morning everyone. I really am struggling to write as of late. I’ve got a lot going on that I don’t have any words for and a lot that doesn’t deserve words. I am in a lot of pain and thankful for the lessons. I know this too shall pass and I am looking forward to the day it does. In the meantime, hank you for your love and prayers. Thank you for holding me up and for loving me through.

In my dreams at night, I have been going through my files and deleting what doesn’t serve me. I am cleaning out my house. I am making room. I am clearing energy and rearranging my space. Purging and healing and falling apart…all so I can build me the way that I really am.

Life doesn’t wait for us. Life doesn’t stop until we catch up. Our past does not have to determine our future. In my case, my past had simply prepared me for my calling. As I suit up, I am grateful for the lessons that built this armor. I am grateful for the hell that opens me to my own divinity. I have no regrets. I strive to be free and to allow others their freedom also. I strive to let go and allow others the same freedom for themselves.

Sorting things out has taken me down roads that have broken my heart. I have seen and remembered things that I will never understand or forget. I must not stay in the darkness, for I am the light.

I know that to many, I seem like someone who I am not. To others, I am clearly who I am. To some, I am an open book and to some, I have become closed. I, like you, have unpublished chapters. I, like you, am just learning how to do this thing called life. Doing my best and showing up every day to begin again….and some days that’s all I’ve got.

There is so much hate and judgement…so much intolerance and abuse…and this girl just can’t look at all of it right now. Kids and animals being tortured, abused, exploited and killed…sick adults parading around as parents. And all of us, like what in the fuck do we do? How did this happen and how do we fix it?

We fix it with love. We heal with love. We come home to love. We will never get from here to there as long as we are busy pointing out the flaws in each other. We will never rise by stepping on top of each other. We will never succeed by pointing out other peoples failures. We must stand united or we will crumble divided. We just don’t get it, that we have missed the whole point of being here in the first place. We came here to grow and evolve and to love and to walk each other home. We did not come here to divide and conquer. We did not come here to separate ourselves and to color-code ourselves. We didn’t come here to fall apart. We came here to come together. We must set our weapons down and end the war that we perpetuate daily, simply by pointing out our differences, instead of embracing our similarities.

Don’t take my word for it. Look at yourself. Do you love, like a verb, every day when you go out into the world? Do you see yourself in everyone and everyone in you? Do you love with all of your heart? Be the change my friends. Be the change. We cannot change what was before us. We must change what is before us now though, if we don’t want to be who we have always been. To evolve is to wake up. To wake up is to know we have been asleep.

I hope you have a beautiful day today. More than that, I hope you do something to make someone else’s day beautiful. That is why we are here, you know? We are here to love each other home. Let us each be only love today. Just for today, let us all be love.

Kindness and compassion…it’s what’s missing…I’m calling up your love today…

Good morning everyone! Happy Wednesday. I come with a heavy heart this morning, to the healing room. Why are we so fucking mean and intolerant and judgmental? Why in the fuck are we throwing stones when we live in glass houses ourselves? Why aren’t we holding each other and ourselves accountable? Why do we feel that we have the right to destroy people who don’t think and feel and love and act the way that we do? What in the fuck is right with us you guys? Why are we always so hypersensitive to what the fuck is wrong with everyone? What is right with the most “wrong” person in your life? For all that each of us is not, there is so much that we are. Why can we not start loving each other up instead of tearing each other down?

I really want to dive into this today. We are a hot fucking mess. We are cruel, intolerant and fucking heartless and it is making me sick. We rape our own children. We beat our wives. We fuck around on our husbands. We berate our children. We torture our animals. We live amongst some sick mother fuckers. We are some sick mother fuckers. Wellness will not come by berating one another for being sick. Wellness will come when we start loving each other to wellness and wholeness.

I can look at you and your life and I can see all of the ways that you are “doing it wrong”. I can see how you could do it all better. Easy to see that in my shoes, what I think I might do in your shoes, right? Actually, it’s not right. It is utter fucking bullshit, to think that I can do you better than you do you. You and only you, can do you. I, and only I, can do me. We must begin to know this. What you think of me is none of my fucking business. I know this and yet, I still hurt at your words, at your action and inaction. This tells me I’ve much work yet to do on myself, and I hear that. I take things personally and so I learn not to. For me, it’s a slow process sometimes, to remind myself to think differently. My thinking is the root of all of my pain. And so, I am learning to think differently. This isn’t easy and so when I am out in the world, I am awkward a lot. I’m in here, working stuff out and you’re out there, judging me, like you’ve any fucking idea what I’m going through. I do that to you too. I judge you. I say shit I shouldn’t say and think thoughts that make me embarrassed to be me sometimes. I’ve learned to do this inside and to keep my lips closed. Sometimes though, I slip. In these moments, rest assured that I will tell you bluntly and exactly how I feel. I am flawed. I am a work in progress. I know that you are too. I thought we could help each other out here. Maybe we could lovingly hold one another accountable? Maybe we could lovingly and privately talk, with our actual voices, to one another, when we have something to say? Maybe we could say what we have to say to the person who we are saying it about, rather than to everyone else? Maybe we could use social media outlets to the greater good of us all, rather than to crucify one another for our “shortcomings”? Hey, I’m not you and I’m not for everyone. I know that and I get it. With that being said…if you can’t help me, how about you don’t harm me either? Truly, how about you just go your way and not upset yourself by being in my realm…don’t keep upsetting yourself, watching me, do all of the things that you don’t like to see me do. Why watch a shit show that you are only watching to throw more shit on? Just fucking stop, okay? Just stop being mean to each other. Just stop hurting each other. Just stop acting like you have any idea at all what someone else is going through. We have no fucking idea what storm someone is weathering or what heartbreak someone is enduring. We have no way of knowing how hurt someone is or how close to giving up that they are. We have no clue as to what has caused this kind of behavior or reaction. I can tell you that hurting and taunting and teasing and mocking someone who is already broken, is not only wrong…it’s sickening. If you cannot help them…at the very least, do not harm them.

My life is full of animals and a few human beings. There is good reason for this. Animals walk next to me and never drag me behind or run so far ahead that I’ll never catch up. Animals lick my tears instead of seeing how many they can inflict upon me. Animals love me unconditionally. Animals never say hurtful things to me. Animals don’t hate. If animals could talk, they would only speak love.

I have been seeing so much mean. I urge you to stop before you blow someone to shreds on social media, and ask yourself these things…1. Is it kind? 2. Is it necessary? 3. Is it true? Before you go clickety clicking away on your keyboard, the answer to all three of these questions must be “yes”. If it’s not, stop tying. Sit the fuck down and listen to your heart here. Do not speak if it does not pass through all three of these doors first. You may be right about everything you have to say. Here’s the thing though…your delivery fucking sucks! My delivery often sucks. I am not wrong and yet, my delivery of what is right cannot be heard at all. We must begin to remember that treating others as we would like to be treated ourselves, really is golden.

I get discriminated against a LOT. I get refused service a LOT. I get treated like shit on the bottom of someone’s shoes a LOT. I get discarded a LOT. Here is the good news though…not as much as I used to. AND, for everyone who has tossed me in the trash, someone else has found a treasure! You are like that too you know? You are a treasure. Know this though…so is the person that you just ripped apart to prove your point. You are not wrong my friend. Your delivery though…well your message has long been lost because of your delivery. I bring you today’s message from a one on one I had as a green assistant manager, early on in my career. “Coral, you are one hell of a manager. You walk the walk and talk the talk. Your expectations are high. Your message is spot on. Your delivery could use some fine tuning. Right message Coral. Wrong delivery.” This lesson never left me and I see that a few of you could benefit from it too, and so I pass it on this morning!

Be kind my friends and you will always be right. I love you. Have a beautiful day. Be kind to one another.

Some self-reflection for us all!

Happy Friday morning everyone! I’m glad we are here together. Sometimes I feel so separate from the world around me. Being here with you is nice. Thank you for being here with me!

The struggle is real, isn’t it? We battle it out with our addictions and our medical ailments. We battle it out with our hearts and our minds, as they go to war over the basics. We battle each other. We battle ourselves. We battle anything and everything and anyone who lives differently than we do. We constantly battle the voices in our heads and the voices from our past…the voices that tell us we can’t. We battle the voices of others who tell us we can’t…the voices that say we aren’t enough and the voices that say we are too much. We know the struggle is real because we are the struggle. When we understand that we are the struggle, that we are our own tsunami, we have an opportunity to make better choices, don’t we?

Today, for me, is about making better choices with my own thoughts. Some things deserve the time and energy that my thoughts take and some things do not. Some things are worth the brain space and some things are not. My thoughts are mine and I need to do some major spring cleaning and purging of my thoughts. Thoughts that don’t serve me must go. Thoughts that direct harm at me and/or others must go. Thoughts of blame and harm, be gone. Thoughts of inadequacy and wanting to be wanted…bye bye! My thoughts have wrecked me, as I have been thinking all wrong. Like seriously, I have thought more about what could go wrong than about what is already going right. I have spent more time behind me than I have ever spent just being right here, right now. I have been so far ahead of myself that I will never catch up, if I don’t slow my roll and let myself just be right here, right now. My thoughts have damn near nailed my own casket closed, at least a million times. My sword has been pointed at myself…my words have been less than kind when I speak of myself. My thoughts about who I am were put there by people who never cared to know me at all. Those thoughts about who I am…they are jaded, inaccurate and not mine. I am just getting to know who I am and I am really digging this girl and her new vibe.

I am blessed to be amongst the most amazing people. I am loved by the most beautiful hearts. I am well provided for. I am in amazing health. I have entered my own heart space. I am here now. I am working diligently to remove thoughts that don’t serve me. I accept that those who left, needed to go. I am a work in progress and sometimes I have to fake it until I make it. That’s okay with me, because I will make it. I accept that you truly know what is best for you. I honor that in you and I wish you every happiness! My hands are too small to carry anything that isn’t mine. My heart is too big to be open 24/7 and without any protection. My life is too precious for me to take it from myself. Your life is precious too. You are precious to me. Our intention is more important than many things we deem more important. There are only two choices…love or fear…choose wisely. I have let go of everything and I only wish I had done so sooner. I am home. My life led me to the very best of everything and I am so grateful. I have the most loyal, loving, generous, kind and compassionate partner. I know love because I am love. Tamara loved me when I couldn’t fathom loving myself. Death is not the worst thing…there are many fates worse than death. Living has been harder than dying. Our darkness is our entryway into the light. Being sick has made me appreciate being well. Being thrown away has allowed me to be recycled to a greater purpose. That is true for you also. The trash can is my salvation, for it took me from those who did not know my value and my worth. I rise up. I love my life. I love myself.

My self-talk is mine to dialogue. My mirror is mine to really look at. My heart is mine to examine and grow and perfect. My smile is mine to find. My love is a love all its own and I want to share it with everyone. My healing is for all of us. That is why I am here…I am here to teach us love and I am here to walk us home. You are too, you know?

Have a beautiful day today! Sending so much love to the people who need it the most. If you’re sober, stay that way…just for today…one day at a time. If you’re healing, let yourself heal. If you’re hurting, know that it shall pass. If you’re happy, enjoy it, for that too shall pass. If you’re here, be grateful, for that reminds you that you have purpose! I love you!

Happy Birthday to someone who means the world to me!

I took this reading from our morning devotion with Rumi…Happy Birthday to our friend today!!!

Good morning everyone! Today is the birthday of someone very special to me. Birthdays don’t give us a lot of information about someone…other than…For all of these years, no matter who or what or where or why…they stuck around. That is a lot to celebrate, don’t you think? That is a lot of information…just seeing them on their born day…they fucking made it around the sun again! We see people so superficially sometimes. Today, on my friends birthday though, I started thinking about spending my birthday with her a few years ago. We were on our amazing road trip together. I flew out so that we could bring her back to NM. I was escaping my birthday because I missed my mom unbearably, and she was returning home. We had an amazing road trip. I fact, we call it that…our amazing road trip. Well, today is her birthday and I am so grateful that I will be spending today with her!

Life goes on, doesn’t it? I mean Birthdays kind of slow is down and remind us to contact the people we care about. For many of us, the other 364 days kind of slip by in between. We forget how much we love each other. We forget how much we miss each other. So, I and thankful for the reminder to love and celebrate my friend today.

Absence often does make the heart grow fonder. I had a falling out with my friend a couple of years ago. We actually fell out of each other’s lives completely. We disagreed. We misunderstood. I’m sure I showed my ass. We walked away. I missed her so fucking much. The sadness and the void that was left without her, was not worth whatever it was that caused the fallout. We sure did fall out though. I felt like I fell and I was bruised and I was sad a lot without her. I knew and she knew it was done though. We both let it be done. Letting it be done has been not only been the only thing we could do…it has also made my heart fonder of my friend.

I received a text from her a week or so ago. It was like Christmas and I was elated. We had lunch last week and it was like old times, only better. We laughed so much and so hard. I don’t remember laughing like this since I last laughed with her. We text ridiculousness and I 😂 😆 😝 laugh my ass off. Happy Birthday my friend! I have missed you and I am so glad we are back!

I have set up a special reservation in Texas, under a windmill, with a giant cross right in front of the fucking window, at Waffle House, just for you, my friend, in honor of your born day!!!!! Happy Birthday! I love you my friend! I will see you soon!

Please say it with me….”Happy Birthday!!!!”

Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!

A couple of really important Coral lessons this morning…

Before I begin my blog this morning, I want to address yesterday’s blog for a moment; I wrote about my experience of going off of my prescribed medication, without the care of consult of my PCP or my therapist. I had therapy yesterday and my therapist was not impressed. I will leave it at that. My friend Sigrid asked me to make this clear and so I make clear that, not only is it not recommended to go off of any prescribed medication, ever, without consulting your prescribing physician, it could be deadly. It could have been deadly for me. I cannot say what caused me to sink as low as I did, and to let those closest to me know, that I was afraid that I might not pull through this time. I will say that it likely could have been My abruptly going off of my medication, combined with my chemical imbalances and mental disorders. At any rate, and without exception, please do not ever do as I do. Do not go off of your medication without consulting the person who put you on it. I made and error in judgement, that could have cost me my life. I am sorry and I did not do so consciously or on. purpose. Thank you Sigrid for bringing this to my attention so that I could be very clear about this. Do not ever go off of your prescribed medication without medical consult! Deal? Truly, please hear me and be more responsible than I have been in this regard, okay?

I stepped into her world to save her from our world,

For our world cut her you see.

I crawled into her den to love her because I took her from her den mate.

I licked and nursed her wounds. I held her in her pain. I woke with her in confusion.

We tamed one another. We, entangled in the bear den, just to survive the night. We became one, baby bear and I.

She, feral and untamed. Dreadlocks and fresh wounds. Distant and painful eyes, seeking my help.

And I, with not one knowing of what to do…We, just baby bear and I, and Sam…I called Sam…we had to figure it out.

In the car, she cried. I prayed and asked Sam to crawl back there with her while I drove us home. At home, we got her out together, into the night sky. We stood in the driveway and we cried. We had to pee and we did not. We went into the studio to wait for help.

Feral and frightened and drowsy and confused…cut 12 inches wide open and closed with staples, the bear and I stood weary. We stood that way for a long time. Baby bear cried. Mom cried too. Mala wailed in anguish. I asked Alexa to go get Enya. We spent a LOT of time with Enya. Enya could not drown the cries of the baby bears. Enya could not soothe the broken hearts of babies separated from each other for the very first time. Yes, hearts broke in the studio that night and baby bear and I stood in the not knowing of what we had just entered into.

The hours turned into daylight and the daylight turned to dark. Fourteen times, we saw that cycle, baby bear and I, from a box in the driveway that housed us and kept us warm and safe together. The studio disappeared and the forest was seen through the windows mostly. We saw the forest, through the trees, on daily visits to see Mala Bear and on potty breaks. We saw our friends sometimes. Mostly though, we saw each other. Momma Tamara was a constant companion in the baby bear den and we really missed her every time she had to go.

I sit here now, in the baby bear den, without my baby bear…my new and dearest friend. I sit, not in my studio, for we left it as it was. We, baby bear and I, ran back to our own lives. We hurried to them because we missed them. We could breathe our own air again, and we could shit comfortably in our own toilets again. We could lie in our own beds tonight and we would be next to our true loves once more! Hallelujah!

It was wonderful to be home! Fourteen days and fourteen nights without a girl, well, I was happy to be home! Our bed…you have no idea!!!! Hallelujah! Tamara and I did not share more than an hours or so drive from Santa Fe together, except in passing, for the last fourteen days.

Mala cried and laid in wait for us to come out into the driveway. When Mala saw Nahko she cried and she shook and she broke. Every time we walked away, she broke again. To bear witness to this…to feel this…well, it changed me. It softened me. It broke me too. I shook too. I cried too. I only knew to do for Nahko, what I wish someone would have done for me when I hurt, when I was scared, when I was sad without my brother. I wanted comfort. I needed love. I needed touch. I did not get those things and so I don’t know if I did it right, I did my best, so I did it perfect, says Sam. Thank you Sam. I did those things I never got for Nahko. I loved her my very, very best. I slept in her bear den with her until she fell asleep. Sometimes I stayed after, just to watch her sleep. I fell in love with Nahko Bear and Nahko Bear with me. It felt nice to love so much.

Nahko Bear and I loaded into the Jeep yesterday to go and see the vet. The vet says Nahko looks great! Her healing is amazing! Her staples were removed and she was released back into her life. I returned to mine.

On my way out to a client, I stopped by to lie a moment with Nahko Bear, in she and Malas baby bear den, on my way out. I wanted to check her tummy and give her some love. I missed her already and I could feel she missed me too. We were like old friends, rolling around and laughing together. Mala Bear came to join and I was so happy! Together again, at last. And out of nowhere, Nahko went for Mala and Mala went back for Nahko and I laid in between and kicked them apart. I was stunned at first. I was still on the ground next to Nahko and she went to lick me. It was then that I realized that Nahko was protecting her new cub, as we had switched worlds now. Nahko protected me from her sissy. You cannot know what that is until you know what that is. What that is…that is heartbreak. Tamara has come running out and we separated them. We all came down a bit. I had to go to work. I returned. I fed them their dinners apart. Nahko followed me everywhere. Mala was so sad. I was so sad. I knew what I must do.

As excited and honored as I am to have been accepted as a pack member, I am not. We are not members of their pack. We, if not checked, can fuck up the hierarchy of their pack. We must only ever be, the leader of our entire pack. We must not remain in the role of a pack member. I knew that in an instant and I cannot not know it now. For me to be so moved, to have been chosen, would destroy a sisters bond. I have become invisible for the sisters to repair themselves and to learn their new places. That shall be between Nahko and Mala. Tamara and I always lead the pack and must never be in the pack for too long. To be invited in and to have to leave…well it mixes honor and heartbreak. The deepest love and loss of that love, on a level that knows no words, that you will ever know, in the shortest amount of time. A beauty to behold and a heartbreaking you’ve not known, until you’ve known it. Even then, every break is a bit different.

So, in the baby bear den, not yet returned studio, I fight back the tears this morning. Fuck it, I let the tears fall all over my screen this morning! For I miss my baby bear. The den is empty and I must be invisible for a while. My heart breaks down here this morning, as I pull back from one of the greatest loves that I have ever known, to allow the love that belongs, to be…between sissy and sissy, baby bear and baby bear. I am not a baby bear, although it sure was nice to be an honorary baby bear for fourteen days and fourteen nights, in the baby bear den I made for Nahko Bear, under my drafting table in the studio.

Sometimes, when we love someone the very most, we must do the very hardest work of all. We must love them enough to take our hands off of them. We must let go and let them do their work. After finally being invited all the way in, we must quietly and gracefully bow out. As I do this this morning, my heart breaks and I ask you for your love and prayers for Tamara and I, as we do this dance again. This dance if getting so close and pulling back. Most of all though, please send all of your love and prayers to Nahko Bear and Mala Bear that as they return to their world and we return to ours, that they find their way peacefully back to each other. We love you baby bears! Welcome home Nahko Bear!

Five years ago, I stopped eating my friends.

Today is monumental for me, as today is my five year vegan anniversary! Of all of the things I have done in my life…being vegan has definitely gifted me ten-fold and changed me forever. Being vegan is one thing that I do that I know makes a difference and I am so thankful. Today and every day, I am so, so thankful to be vegan!

My name is Coral and I am the Co-Founder of Santuario de Karuna, a vegan farm animal sanctuary in Tijeras, New Mexico. For the last five years, my life has been dedicated to the animals we hold dominion over, on this beautiful land. My life…my purpose…my loyalty…all right here, in this place that I call home. Santuario de Karuna has 44 residents, including Tamara and Myself and countless residents without official living quarters here. Our home is their home and we love and live and heal here in harmony and in Sanctuary. My life’s work combined and scattered as it has been, has led me here…to my home on the mountain. Tamara and I are sober, vegan women who have a dream. Every day, without fail, we get up and live the dream. All days are not easy. Every single day is worth it though! Tamara and I realize that each of our roommates have dreams too. Our beautiful chickens dream of lying in the sun and catching an egg that a raven drops in flight. Hondo dreams of the day that the gate will open and he can free-range upon his mountain yard once again. Sidney dreams of food. Jenny Sue dreams of Brixen. Every single one of us here is living the dream!

Having spent over forty years not being vegan, I will suffice to say that I have learned a lot. I could not live long enough to make amends to the animals that I have disregarded in my life. I could not eat enough tofu in my lifetime to be sorry enough for all of the carcasses I have feasted upon. I humble myself before these amazing beings every day and learn more about how naive and ignorant I was.

Being vegan has softened my heart a great deal. I am a work in progress for sure. I am on the same journey as you are…every day striving to be better than I was yesterday. I fuck up…every day. I learn…every day. Being vegan gives me one thing to know that my heart has allowed me to do right, without any exceptions or excuses. Not being vegan is no longer a choice for me.

For 1825 days, animals have not been on my plate. That may not seem substantial to some people. To me though…to them though…every single time you choose compassion, it is substantial. Every time you make a compassionate choice about what you put in your mouth, to feed your appetite, you make a substantial choice. Did it ever occur to you, as you are driving alone in your car, past pasture after pasture, after pasture, that these beings live and shit and eat and hurt bleed and cry and breathe, just like you and I do? Do you know that their lives do matter? Like I said, I’m learning a lot. At first, being vegan was very overwhelming to me. It really was. I was pretty fucking sure that I would “do it wrong”. Hell, I still do it wrong sometimes. I can’t see a damn thing without my readers on and I bring home something every now and again without seeing all of the ingredients. Fuck, an egg here…milk there…for no reason at all, and we don’t eat it. I just feel a little sad that I wasn’t more careful. I just contributed to their suffering by buying my dead friends. I say a prayer and promise to be more mindful. I am so sorry when I mess up and don’t slow down and honk of them more than I think of me when I shop.

I won’t lie, I wasn’t vegan before I was vegan because I encountered some pretty intolerant and exclusive vegans. They were twats actually. Pretentious and snarky and “better than”….and I ate meat to spite them, if nothing else. Fuck them and their pretentious bullshit! I will just eat another dead carcass and fuck them! Ya, I was pretty un-evolved. I was fucking asleep and full of blame. I will tell you that there’s not a pretentious, snarky, holier than thou, twat in this world that could keep me from being vegan now. My blame about not being vegan sooner is simply because I was not ready. That’s it. Plain and simple. I had not arrived at a point yet where I understood and empathized with the suffering of the sentient beings in my cart and in my living room. I still know some of those vegans. I’m sure you know them too. And we can suffice to say, just “wow”, can’t we? I mean, their circus, their clowns, right? Who gives a fuck what the clowns in someone else’s circus have to say about you my friend? Fuck those clowns man! This is your circus and you are the clown in charge! Own your circus man! Own your circus and set everyone else’s circus down! I am learning this and it helps, and so I pass it on to you.

Being vegan is my choice. Only mine. Nothing you do or say or don’t do or don’t say, changes that. Truly. I’ve not judgement of your journey. You do you and I’ll do me. My journey though…I share it to give you an opportunity to learn what it took me so long to come to know. They are not ours. I will leave you with that. They are not ours.

Have a beautiful day and if you have any questions about what it is to be vegan, please hit me up! I didn’t know until I knew and I was so blessed to have Tamara to ask all of my questions to. There are no stupid questions, only the ones you do or ask. Live compassionately my friends. And remember, if you are the dad, the mom, the breadwinner, the cook, the one paying the bills and buying groceries, you do make the decisions as to what is consumed in your household. Don’t tell me that your kids don’t want to be vegan. Don’t tell me that your husband won’t eat tofu. Don’t tell me that you can’t quit cheese. Bullshit. All of it. It’s bullshit and you know it. “But Coral…I grew up on a ranch.” Okay…you grew up on a ranch, and? You cannot be vegan because you grew up slaughtering animals? And I cannot, not, be a sexual predator then? Right? I mean, if you can’t be vegan because of how you grew up then I am so super fucked, aren’t I? Nope, I’m not fucked because that is a bullshit excuse, just like the rest of them. “My husband won’t eat tofu Coral.” Do you expect me to believe, for one single solitary second, that your husband tells you what to do about anything? Ever? “My wife has to have her iron Coral.” Well, then you better start seeing what is high in iron that doesn’t shit and have a fucking face my friend. “My kids would never be vegan Coral.” May I ask you who is running your household? You or your kids? I do not recall ever, telling my mother what I would and would not eat. Handle your business sweetie. Handle your business. And for those of you who have doctors who have told you to eat eggs and cheese and whatever other bodily secretions and puss and infection and ovulation, For whatever ails you…I will just ask you this…where in the fuck is your second opinion? Truly, don’t act like you aren’t smart enough to question bullshit like that. Don’t make excuses to not be compassionate…Rather, return to the place in yourself that knows right from wrong and step back into alignment with yourself. And my favorite…”Coral, being vegan costs too much.” Being vegan costs too much for whom? For you? Oh…I’m sorry, when you spoke of costs, I assumed you were talking about the 40 pounds of chicken in your shopping cart. I thought you had a bout of consciousness about what your appetite costed them. “Being vegan costs more” is bullshit. Being compassionate will never cost anyone more than living half asleep and unconscious costs us all.

So, to those of you who cannot bake without eggs, don’t think you’ll get enough protein…need cheese…can’t sway your family…I am going to ask you an honest question. What is this really about? For you, what are all of these excuses not to be compassionate really about? If we each start here, we can begin to make conscious choices for ourselves, our families and the people we love the most, the animals, the planet and for our children. Going vegan five years ago is the single most important thing I have ever done to soften my heart. Being vegan is my biggest contribution to the planet I live on. Being vegan changed me for the better and I am so thankful. Today, for five years of compassionate living, with all of my heart, I say thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Welcome home!

Spring forward into Sunday!! Happy Sunday everyone! This is the first day of the week…of daylight savings time…of the rest of your life! I am so glad you are here! I really hope you like the new space. I have been working hard to clear some energy and set some positive intention in here.

I have been working on my blog while homesteading in the studio with Nahko. It is pretty surreal to think that this is actually my blog…something I did. I look at it and it feels like someone else’s page. I begin reading and it feels raw. I posted all of my drafts yesterday, so we begin anew this morning. Everything previously published…all of the past and the memory…the horror the torture and the abuse…and the blame, so, so much blame…the whole lot of it…I release it all now, back to the universe, to be recycled for the greater good of us all. I pray that it has served you and helped you to grow. I pray for my own power to release it all…every single last shred of it…I let it all go this morning as the sun rises. Today I am done dragging the pain of my past along behind me. This morning, at dawn, I rise. Today is my first day to be who I decide to be. If you are still here, thank you. If you are not still here, thank you. All is as is should be and I am at peace with that.

This space has become sacred to me. This healing room has become a church for me. I feel like we started out in a small circle on a basketball court, on the gym floor, with our morning coffee and blankies. Look at us now…in sacred union together…in healing space together, having morning coffee together once again. We aren’t on that gym floor anymore, are we? We are in sacred sanctuary now. So, grab that cup of coffee and your blankies and let’s get to some healing, shall we? I am going to grab my tea and I will be right in! Get comfortable and squeeze in. We are overflowing this morning! No worries though…we have plenty of room for everyone in this space.

I would like to start this morning by asking you guys for a quick favor, if you don’t mind? If you do mind, don’t participate. Easy enough? What has this space become to you? What do you come here for every day? What needs are met for you here? These are things that matter to me, and so I ask you, how can I help you? Is there anything you would like to read about or know about? Do you need one on one time with me in this actual studio space? Do your animals need someone sacred to facilitate their healing and continued wellness? I have added all of these options in the “pay now” section of my blog, for those of you who need my services. My words don’t really quantify the experiences I offer. My credentials do not really tell you who I am. Maybe your words will though…I mean to say that maybe your words will help others to know what I do. Maybe you can write a testimonial that will tell others who I am to you? I mean, would you mind writing something for others, about how working with me has helped you? Ok just throwing that out there this morning. I took most of my description of me, out of this page. I don’t believe I can define my work as well as you can. So, with that being said, if I have helped you or your animals and you don’t mind writing a brief testimonial about your experience, I would really appreciate you! It matters not who you are to me…a client, a friend…a follower…if I’ve touched your life and you have a moment to share, I would really appreciate it. You can email your testimonial to me at the following address:

Iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com

Hey, thanks so much! Truly, I am really looking to put myself out into the world and to be available to you. So, thanks for helping me to let people know who I am and what it is that I do! It always helps me to read reviews and testimonials before I make decisions about our animals and our Sanctuary and ourselves, so thank you for taking the time to help me with this. If I may use your name, please say so. If you would Ike to be anonymous, please indicate that also. That wraps up the office-keeping stuff, so to speak. Now, back to us, and this space this morning. I am so glad you are here!

I have had a LOT of time down here with Nahko Bear to just be. In this studio space, we are just being together. Healing and laying and sleeping…we aren’t really “doing” anything. We are down here being done. We are sacred beings, traveling together in temporary bodies. We are souls in this space, carrying each other home. We nap in the baby bear den under the drafting table and we go for afternoon walks to see Mala Bear. We stretch and we cry and we just are. We go out to potty and we come in and we sit together for hours. We say nothing for hours. Nahko and I don’t need any words. We are treading on sacred ground down here and we know how blessed we are. This time, once passed, will always be a sacred space for us both to return for love and strength for the journey. We will never lose the bond we have built from this time of healing and solitude and time, just lots and lots of time, together. My life has moved into sacred space. I occupy sacred space. I am sacred space. Being with Nahko Bear in the studio for a slumber party that spans almost two weeks, is bringing us both home again. We are blessed and we are grateful. I love you Nahko Bear! Thank you for being here with me. Very soon baby girl, you will finally be free to be you! Without the confines of these walls and with your body healed and strong, you will be Nahko Bear, in all of your beautiful glory! This time with you is priceless to me. I love you Nahko Bear.

Yesterday I lost it a little bit. Feeling a little pent up and like I’m missing a lot of special moments in my life, I spun out a little. As soon as it came on though, I let it pass, for I am right where I belong, doing exactly as I need to be doing. There is nothing, there is no one…there is nowhere more important than right here, right now, with Nahko Bear. And so it is. We are al like that you know? We all know what really matters to us…who really needs us…how we want to show up in our world…we know who we are. Our challenge is to allow ourselves to be that…whoever that is…Who are you? When no one is looking and when no one is there but you, who are you? Thank you Nahko Bear for mirroring me and for showing me a little piece of who I am and what I am made of. You are glorious! You are majestic! You beautiful and you are perfect Nahko Bear! I thank you for sharing sacred space with me, and for walking me home. I love you Nahko Bear!

Have a beautiful Sunday everyone! I look forward to reading your testimonials! I thank you in advance for your help with this. I love you!

If ever there comes a day…(last one from the Coral vault and a hard read, as I was in a very dark place when I wrote this many months ago)

Last one from the drafts vault. I just needed to clear all of that out. As I am in the raging war with depression, I must pick my battles. I must change my thoughts. I must let go. I must let God. With my drafts folder empty, I begin again. As always, take what you need and leave all the rest. And we send it all back to the universe I be recycled for the greatest good of us all. And so it is. This is a dark read.

As I just published my last blog about carrying my Mom home and why didn’t she say goodbye…it occurred to me that I have a post to write…not to publish, but one that must be written.

I have come to know that time does run out. We have so many cliches, don’t we?  Time is a cliche…

I am sitting completely suspended in time…suspended animation, a state of bliss (thank you Pink Floyd for the amazing lyric and the memories that go with it). Or am I?

I feel pretty fucking suspended…in slow motion, timeless and weightless, pretty literally weightless these days and dropping.

Which brings me to this unpostable post. The post that will never leave you all saying…why didn’t Coral say goodbye?

I mean, here I am, every single day, invited into your life, honoring my daily commitment to myself, of writing for 365 days…and I know I could be really, really sick, and I don’t want to be that guy…you know, the one who knew and said nothing. Only in my case, I don’t “know”, I mean I don’t ever really “know”, and yet I know…In this case, I don’t know, and I’m getting checked out, as soon as they can see me, so don’t fret.

The thing is, I really don’t feel right. My ass, which don’t lie, you either stopped following me for, you started following me for, or you know absolutely nothing about. Consider yourself blessed if it’s the latter…truly, I’m a lot. Ask the people closest to me…I am a fucking handful.

Just to get you up to speed, I’m having some intense pain and discomfort in my ass. Nothing about that is easy for me to talk about, and so I’ve openly talked about it.

The physical and emotional pain of it all leaves me feeling nauseous and exhausted. I can’t sit and I can’t stand and I cannot do anything, except to lie down, semi-comfortably.

These things are concerning and isolated, I would probably still be really freaked out. Probably, my ass…I would be freaked the fuck out, about all things ass, always, especially my own ass.

In addition to all of that, I am having difficulty eating. I get really hungry,  like so hungry, and I eat a few bites and can’t eat anymore. A few moments later, I’m hungry again, and it’s the same thing, unless I’ve no appetite at all.

I have opted for no pain management of any kind, except for medical cannabis. I am desperate to find the right dosing for this intense and chronic pain. I know I need to feel this, and I mean really feel it, so that I can release it, and I mean really release it.

With that being said, cannabis, prior to this ass incident, was a huge appetite stimulant for me, like inessaciable, eat myself stupid, appetite, and now, at much higher doses, nothing.

Cramming brownies down my throat and trying to smoke enough and smile enough to keep the pain at bay. Trying not to WebMD and knowing my tendency, at times, to be dramatic…and feeling like I’m fucking dying…well, I guess I just thought maybe I should say something, you know? So I will never be “that guy”, or any guy for that matter….just to clear that up once and for all…I’m that girl, not that guy…

Anyway, I know myself and the irony of my life. Those of you who know me well will also appreciate the irony of the idea of…even just the thought or mention of…ass cancer, colon cancer, rectal cancer…and Coral in the same sentence. It’s the most fucked up thing I could possibly imagine…the fucking worst thing.

This is the girl who has literally driven to the next town to shit, because I can’t shit if you’re with in a mile radius. That may be a slight exaggeration, not much though.

My ass is an exit only. No salad tossing and no entry. My ass and all things about my ass horrify me and they always have and your ass horrifies me too. Truly, you’ve just no idea, unless you’ve an idea, and then you know that this would be the worst thing to take me out, that I could possibly imagine. My ass…really?

So, I’m sitting in this and trying to figure out how much to say and how much not to say. All you really have to do is look at me and I don’t have to say anything at all.

Tamara says that I look gaunt. I asked her what that meant and should I take it as a compliment. Tamara said that my face just looks drawn in…you know, gaunt. I didn’t know and so I just looked it up and the definition is pretty fucking eerie.

Gaunt;extremely thin and bony; haggard and drawn, as from great hunger, weariness, or torture; emaciated.

What do you know? Tamara is right. Gaunt is the perfect adjective to describe the shape I’m in, as of late, or is it as of most recent? Anyway, no matter.

So, being gaunt and unable to eat, nauseous from the constant pain and the horrific sensations down there, I won’t lie, I am a little more than a little concerned.

Oh and there is cancer all over both sides of my family, including my Mom, who died of Stage 4 breast cancer, with metastasis to the liver, the lungs and her brain. My Dad has skin cancer. That’s just the beginning of cancer in my family.

Oh and the fact that I have been drinking alcohol since near birth, until just over four years ago, smoking like a fucking train since I was eleven years old, until just over a year ago, and eaten whatever the fuck I wanted until going vegan four years ago. I’ve not been kind to my body.

In addition to me being unkind to my body, others have tortured and abused this body to a point of nearly, literally breaking it, over a lifetime.

It would not be any wonder if my liver and my lungs and my kidneys are riddled with disease too. Countless head injuries have undoubtedly taken their toll as well.

So, I would be remiss in not entertaining the idea that maybe, just maybe, this could be the beginning of the end. My ass might take me out after all. “Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think? Yeah….I really do think…”

This will be the first of an unpublished series, of my deeply personal journey, through whatever ails my ass.

Did you really think that I would change after all of these years? I mean, I guess a lot of you did think I would change, hope I would change…this personal account is for those of you who loved me just the way I was…always, in all ways, without ever wanting me to change.

This is for Tamara. May she never have to ask, why I didn’t say good bye.

Tamara, may you also know that I am doing all I can to stay. I’m just writing this, in case there comes a day that I can’t.

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.
A.A. Milne-Winnie the Pooh

If ever there comes a time when I am unable, I want to have begun to try to get all of my words out…every single last one of them…

This shall be the first post of my private journey through this, which I hope I neve have to publish).

In the event that this did get published, and I am no longer here, go grab that cup of coffee and hey, grab me one too, would you?Also, don’t forget to remember…I am always right here, for our morning coffee. You just have to invite me and I will find a my way to find you. I know you know I will…

 

My name is Coral and I am five years vegan tomorrow!

I am sitting here in the studio with Nahko on Shawn’s Birthday, and I was remembering that the last time I ate my friends. Tomorrow is my five year veganversary! It was March 9th 2014 and My mom made my brothers favorite meal…my mom made her famous enchiladas. My last non-vegan meal was my moms ground beef enchiladas, smothered in cheese. My brothers birthday meal was my very last non-vegan meal. Five years ago something shifted for me and I want to write about that this afternoon. I didn’t stop eating animals because I didn’t fancy the taste of those enchiladas. If you ever had my moms enchiladas, you know what I am saying. They were the best enchiladas I have EVER eaten! And her birthday cakes…I didn’t stop eating those because I didn’t like how they tasted. I have to tell you that I stopped eating animals because I finally realized that I was eating animals.

My name is Coral and I am vegan. This is my story and I hope it teaches you a thing or two, as my life has taught me, a thing or two. I was so fucking disassociated that I truthfully had not made the connection, that I was eating a once living, breathing sentient being. Ground beef enchiladas did not equal our beautiful cows, Karuna or Ahimsa to me. We didn’t have Karuna or Ahimsa back then. Chicken fajitas weren’t Piñon. Lisa and Janet and Negro weren’t chicken tacos. Bacon wasn’t Sidney. The pork chops that I ate were not named Jenny Sue or Brixen. Namaste wasn’t a slab of ham on my plate and I wasn’t eating the ovulation of Lisa and calling it my breakfast. I wasn’t waiting to slaughter Samuel and Duncan for Thanksgiving dinner. I wasn’t stroking my lucky rabbits foot and making a wish. I wasn’t eating goat cheese on my crackers. I hadn’t made the correlation that all lives matter. I didn’t get that the lives of the sentient beings on my plate mattered at all. I thought they came here for me. I was so fucking ignorant that I believed that these beings came here for my gratification…to satisfy my tastes and my hunger. Five years ago I did not know that my food was actually the Caracas of my dead friends. I was eating dead flesh. I was drinking the bodily secretions meant for baby cows. I was eating the period of a fucking chicken for breakfast every day, with a side of crispy Tombstone. I was fucking asleep! And the worst part was that I had absolutely no idea that I was asleep. Only a couple of months sober from alcohol, I was definitely a hot fucking mess back then. I was so asleep and tuned out that I was about to be on an adventure like no other. I was beginning the journey of waking up…becoming conscious and aware and concerned. I had no fucking idea then…I was about to be transformed! I had no idea that I was so asleep. I could not have known how disconnected I truly was.

Five years later and I will tell you this, I will never not be vegan. I will never eat my friends again. I will never not know what I have come to know. I have come to know that their lives matter. Every single one of their lives matter. There are more carcinogens in the food that many of you eat than there are in the cigarettes that some of you smoke. Did you know that? Cigarettes have warning labels. The 40 pounds of raw chicken that you just bought is going to kill you quicker than the cigarettes are going to kill the Marlboro man next door, peering at you over his oxygen tank. Don’t believe me? Do your research. And now that we are outsourcing our food supply, so you really think what you are eating is safe? The disconnect is real. That 40 pound tray of chicken that you just bought…those chickens were someone. They were someone. All hacked up on a slab of styrofoam and shrink wrapped, slapped with a price per pound sticker and thrown in your cart. We are so disconnected.

We are raising children. We are teaching classes. We are in leadership roles and in animal rescue. We stand in pulpits and we preach peace. How can we rescue dogs and cats and eat cows, pigs and chickens? Your fucking bologna did have a first name. How do we preach peace when we eat the slaughtered remains of sentient beings? We are disconnected my friends. We are so disconnected.

Five years ago, I began to connect the dots. I began to question things that seemed wrong to me. I began to give a shit about someone other than myself. I set down my carne adovada burrito and I ate my last poached egg. I stopped buying leather and I made different choices. I started to give a shit and I mean really give a shit about other beings on this planet. Five years ago I stopped eating animals because I came to know that they are not mine to eat or to wear or to exploit.

As my brothers birthday lunch came to a close five years ago, I could never have foreseen how drastically our lives would shift. I could not have known that I would never eat another animal again. I could not have known that my mom would get cancer in a few months and die. I could not have known that our dining room would occupy another family that they wouldn’t welcome us. We don’t sit at that table as a family anymore. We are not a family anymore. I could not have known that I would be giving up some things and others would be taken from me. I gave up eating my friends. I lost my mom to cancer and my dad to someone and someplace far, far away from me. As I cleared those dirty dishes and washed the carcass of my friends into the trash, one last time…I could not possibly have known how my life was about to change. As I kissed my mom goodbye and hugged my dad under the garage door…as I hugged Shawn and JiSan “goodbye” and I drove away on that day…I could not have known all that would come to be of my life. We never truly do know what life has in store for us. We do run out of time. We do. People feel better somehow if we don’t run out of time…and so they say that we don’t. I am here to tell you that we actually do run out of time. So, make it count. Your time…your decisions…make them count. Be mindful of what you put into your body. If it shits, don’t eat it. Truly. For me, that was an easy gauge. I hope the simplicity of this helps you also, because it is that simple. If it has a face and it shits, it’s not yours to eat.

I am blessed to have learned that animals have just as much right to be here as I do. I am grateful to live in Sanctuary with so many beautiful and sentient beings. You may be astounded to know that I can eat whatever you eat and I can eat it vegan. If it’s not vegan, I won’t eat it at all.

My depression fucks with me a lot lately. I am struggling to stay afloat. Being vegan beings me some peace, as I know I have changed the world for some of them. I will spend the rest of my life fighting for the rest of them. For you see, we are all someone, not something. We each have every right to be here. If my depression takes me, at least it wasn’t someone else deciding that I was food, not friend. Truly, when did we decide that we got to decide for everyone, how things are? We have dominion over…we do not have control or reign or power over those without voices. Who told us that we had the right to crucify species after species after species for our own consumption and convenience? We did. We decided that we have no rules and they have no economic value…so fuck it…we decide. Look at us, deciding and shit. Egotistical, ignorant, insensitive and greedy as fuck…is the mentality that my appetite is more important than your life, isn’t it? I mean truly…that is some entitled and ignorant and ass backwards thinking and we are wrong. Plain and simple. We are wrong to slaughter millions of sentient beings for our own gratification…for sport…for our hunger and our taste in clothing and furniture. We cannot make this right…we just can’t. Excuses abound and generations pile, one on top of the other…doing it the way we have always fucking done it. Let me ask you something…How is the way we’ve always done it actually working for us? How is this entitlement and this superiority working out for us and our human counterparts? All you have to do is look around you to see that this isn’t working at all.

You will never catch me competing with you. Every single day though, you will see me fight like hell to be better than I was yesterday. From whom much is given, much is expected. I owe a great debt to the powers that be for my existence here, for my place and my peace and my work here. The debt can only ever be payed forward and it cannot ever be paid with the life of someone else. We each get what we get when we get it. Five years ago, I got it and I am forever changed. Go vegan. Truly…for yourself, for your health, for the planet…for each other…for your kids. I was pretty ignorant and naive…fuck, I still am…I would like to think that I have made a difference though, for someone, by being here.

Living a compassionate lifestyle includes more than eating a vegan diet, just as being sober means more than abstaining from drinking alcohol. When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. Friends, not food. Five years not eating my friends has softened my heart and I am so thankful. Five years of learning about the sentient beings in my life and cohabiting them…I cannot imagine how I was ever so thoughtless and reckless and careless. Being more connected now, I shudder at my own disconnect, for I knew not then what I have come to know now.

My life is blessed. I am blessed. I hurt, a lot. Depression keeps me struggling, until it doesn’t. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. Sometimes, I wish I were riding my bike around the block with my little brother, for hours and days on end…going everywhere and nowhere at all. Some days I really do miss my little family so, so much that it throws me into the abyss that swallows me for days. Depression seems to be the one thing I can’t just fucking quit…and every single day, until the day I don’t, I will battle it out. Being vegan has given me a lot of someone’s to fight for and so as best as I can, I stay. As much as I am able, when the calls come and I am needed, I answer. Getting out of me is the only thing that seems to save me at all, in times where I can’t get myself out of the abyss.

Five years ago, I started speaking for them and fighting for them and loving them like a verb. With the love and compassion and guidance of the most amazing vegan I know, I have learned so much. Thank you Tamara for loving me into compassionate space and for helping me to make more compassionate choices. Five years ago my life changed forever. My name is Coral and I am five years vegan tomorrow! For your soul, I encourage you to think about being vegan too. You will not know why you waited so long to assume a lifestyle that does not harm others. Your body will look and feel better. Your heart will open up. You will be better able to look in the mirror…I mean to really look in the mirror. Best of all, no one gets hurt for your appetite. Anyway, that’s all I’ve got today on being vegan. Inspired by my five year veganversary tomorrow…A post for us all to wake up and soften our hearts. Don’t trust me. Go out and try it for yourself! I love you! Have a beautiful day!