Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Aiden update…asking for lots of love energy…and so it is!

5833A386-033C-4CAC-9F11-4ADFB474C46C.jpeg

Hello everyone. I just got an update from Aidens Mom. Aiden went and saw a specialist earlier today and we have been awaiting results. Here is what we found out:

So they found a 3mm stone in the bladder and some inflammation of the bladder wall. Dr Ries doesn’t think it is surgical yet- best case is he passes the stone on his own. Otherwise it will be surgery. At least we have an answer!

Because the stone isn’t because of an infection, nothing can dissolve it. We aren’t there yet with dogs. I do hope he passes it and soon…for everyone’s happiness!

I have worked with a number of veterinarians, over the course of many years and Aiden’s Mom is by far the best. So medically speaking, with She and Dr. Ries on board, Aiden is golden. Truly, Aiden is in the best possible hands.

Energetically, and on Aiden’s behalf, there is me, and all of you, and we are going to gather together and love Aiden and his family through this. Does that sound like a plan? First thing, and super fucking important…imagine that Aiden is your 4 pound baby, in this distress and in this situation. Do you have a vision of this on your mind? More importantly, can you feel, in your heart, how fragile and tiny (in body only)…how concerned you might be in this very situation? Now that we all feel this, in our hearts and visualize with our minds, let us do this!

Here is what I need from all of you, to help Aiden to peacefully pass this stone without surgery, without complication and without pain, without damage, and did I say without surgery…yes please, without surgery. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. With all of your love and intention….you think I’m crazy now? I have only yet begun.

So, with all of the love and seriousness in my intention and with my higher power working through me, I ask you to help me, with all of your love and intention.

Please grant safe and painless passage of this stone. Knowing that chemically, this stone cannot be broken down by traditional medical means, it is imperative that we use our love, our energy and our intention to soften and polish this stone and break it down with all of our intention, into a manageable size for Aiden to pass. Our love is enough. We can let love be an immeasurable and immense space in such a way …a heart wide open way…a let’s love Aiden through this sort of way, can’t we? Let our highest and purest intention be our means, to love that stone out. Did you know that? I am here to tell you that we can. I am asking you to make it so. I am in the deepest gratitude for all of your love. Aiden and Aidens family send all of their love. Let us begin now, to love Aide through this. And so it is.

Everyone together….”I love you Aiden!” We’ve got you Aiden. We’ve got you! And so it is.

Talking about love in action…

Good morning everyone! I hope you are off to a great Friday, in preparation for your weekend! I am headed to an appointment with my PCP this morning, so I ask for your love and prayers, that we can get my pain managed. I am about to literally go out of my fucking mind in all of this pain. Post op with my surgeon is Wednesday morning. That’s all I’ve got right now, which will hopefully be enough to resolve this.

I know a lot of you are struggling with something also. I send you all of my love and prayers. I believe that we have the power to lift one another up. We have the means to lighten someone else’s load, even just a little bit, don’t we? We have the resources to find ways to help others. We must stand united or fall to pieces divided.

I find myself avoiding the news at all costs. I feel like every time I watch it, it’s all about who I don’t want to be. Every time I see the pain and the loss and the struggle and  I watch Children being brutalized, I begin to feel helpless. Never hopeless, and seldom helpless, when I am though, I feel debilitated. I must be in action to do my work. My work is loving you and I sure do love you!

There will always be skeptics and may-sayers, who will tell me otherwise, and yet, the more I think about it, the more obvious and the more simple things become…I am love. My life’s work is love. My calling is to embrace, teach, model and accept love…to learn love and to love how I want to love and who I want to love. My calling, my work, my passion…spreading love to everyone. Sure, I would love to be an author and I will be. I am an artist. Those things are tools to spread my love. Once I simplified it…it became crystal clear to me…my work is love.

My view of and definition of and even my modeling of love has not always been loving. Being in love seemed reserved for romantic endeavors and lovers. Loving someone and saying so has always seemed to make people uncomfortable. How can you possibly love everyone? I don’t know. The more time that passes though, I love everyone more and more. I want people to know, more and more, that I love them. My dear friend shared a story with me, which I will paraphrase, which essentially said that you can love everyone with all of your heart!! I was SO fucking stoked the day I learned that! I thought that “All of my heart” could only really be used for one person. Another love delusion of my past. Being in love…what is being in love to you? So, as I sit here and look at my life, I have never loved wrong. I never loved the wrong people or wasted my love on them. Misguided does not invalidate all of the love I felt and tried to share. I am here simply because I never gave up on love.

My life’s calling is love. My work is love. Our Sanctuary is love. I hope that my love never made you feel uncomfortable. I mimicked what I saw and I did my best to make it beautiful and right and kind. I offered what I had, which was all of me at the time. I fell short. My love wasn’t always loving. I can promise you this though…the love was always in my heart for you. I don’t love my dogs in the same way that you love your dogs, do I? Does that mean that I love them less, because I don’t love them like you do? Does it mean that you love your dogs less if you do not love your dogs like I love mine? I think not. Truly, love is not really right or wrong. My expression of love and your expression of love may not be the same, and isn’t that fucking wonderful? Truly, love is infinite and loves potential is limitless. Diversity in love, as in life, makes the experience all the richer; don’t you agree?

So, if I tell you that I love you, I fucking mean it. I am really in a place of modeling love more than I speak love. Love is an action word and a verb. Love is action. Dr King speaks about this in a way that makes sense to me.

I took this excerpt from an article by Ruth Haley Barton, titled The Soul of leadership: Part 3 Love in Action

Where the Real Action Is

As it turns out, love is where the real action is, spiritually speaking. Love in action is doing what God calls us to do when he calls us to do it—no matter how afraid we are or how ill-equipped we feel. It is the willingness to move beyond being concerned primarily for our own safety and survival to the confidence that comes from knowing that our real life is hidden with Christ in God no matter what happens to our physical life.

Love in action is doing the right thing, at the right time, in the right Spirit, completely given over to a Power that is beyond our own—even, and perhaps most especially, when the risks are very great. This kind of action is impossible without being radically in touch with that perfect love which casts out fear. Such risky action is impossible until we stop hesitating and give in to the authority of an invisible God.[iii]

Real action is not about the absence of fear; it is the courage to look fear in face and master it through love. Dr. King (by his own admission) was often very much afraid but he chose courage which he defined as “the power of life to affirm itself in spite of life’s ambiguities.  This requires the exercise of a creative will that enables us to hew out a stone of hope from a mountain of despair.”[iv]

This kind of love-directed action is not about our natural preferences.  As King once said, “I don’t march because I like it.  I march because I must.” It is not about our own personal safety; after King went public with his convictions, he was never safe again from a human point of view. It is not about what seems humanly possible. It is about saying yes to the God with whom all things are possible and doing whatever we do in union with God. “Neither God nor man will individually bring the world’s salvation. Rather, both man and God, made one in a marvelous unity of purpose through an overflowing love as the free gift of Himself on the part of God and by perfect obedience and receptivityon the part of man, can transform the old into the new.”[v]

Love worth Celebrating

Dr. King’s commitment to the moral ethic of love enabled him to envision and articulate a way forward that involved meeting violence and oppression with nonviolent resistance, combatting real fear with profound courage, and confronting social evil with soul force.  This love is not to be confused with sentimental slop; it is creative, redemptive goodwill toward all people—including (and perhaps most especially) one’s enemies. In the depths of his being he knew that “returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.  Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”[vi]

And so he chose the way of love—love in action—and that made all the difference.

I love you and I hope you have a beautiful Friday! My challenge to each of us is to be love in action. Love with all you’ve got and share it with everyone! Love deeply and enjoy the swim. Love openly and be amazed at the love that comes back. Let’s go do some loving, shall we?

In closing, I ask again, that you send all of your love to my little friend Aiden this morning. Aiden, we are all surrounding you with love and healing light. I love you Aiden!

Ram Dass…this morning’s blog inspiration…thank you Ram Dass!

B0680227-0EE5-475F-B5E2-4EF9D369CA89.jpeg

Good morning everyone! Welcome to the healing room this morning! We are going to talk about love and being in love, from my perspective. I have been reading Ram Dass lately and this morning’s post is brought to you by the inspiration I have from his beautiful and amazing human being!

When people think of being in love, I get the feeling it is almost always referring to romantic love, between partners. For me, for as long as I can remember, this hasn’t been a large enough place to hold all of the people that I hold such deep love for. Like Rumi, I often feel drunk in love. I often feel so much love that I feel like something must be wrong with me. I feel people loving me, probably not “in love” with me, and yet, possibly, on some level. Gauging and measuring love is something I have never done well. If I love you deeply, I have always assumed (we all know what that does, don’t we?) that you loved me deeply also. How could I possibly feel all of this love for you and not feel that you love me back? Truth? I can’t. Whether you admit it or not…whether you are able or willing…I know you fucking love me. Whether it’s big or small, I feel your love. Your words and your gestures cannot mask the beating of your heart, as it beats with mine. I make little issue of this, because i am way the fuck out there as it is. I do not prefer to try to explain and express my love for you, as my words would be awkward and could not possibly express my heart adequately. So, I carry all of this love deep inside my heart. Let me tell you something, I am busting at the fucking seams! I am so full of love that I cannot express…at least not appropriately, given the way I learned “love”. I know that my words and my actions, express my deep love. I also know that in “healthy lovers” language, my love is not always healthy. Always deep and always there, and I want to fucking express my love! I also ever only want to ever express my love in healthy and productive ways and always Namaste.

As I am emerging and allowing myself to admit that I do not know much at all about many things. I have done the best I could, as I was traveling here. Along the way, because of things I did not know, I may have expressed all of the love in my heart, in ways that spoke differently to others. I may have been loving you so deeply that the only words that captured that for me were to say that I am in love with you. If I said it, I meant it, with all of my heart. Although I’ve misunderstood love, I have never had a shortage of love. I have never withheld love on purpose,  With that being said, I have kept a lot of love, quite likely, most of my love, simply because I did not know how to express it like everyone else did. I did not want to express my love “wrong”. Thank you Ram Dass for your article “What are the Different Levels of Being in Love?” After reading this article several times this morning, I feel better. I feel like I do not want to change how much I love, only how and where I share it. I want to let all of my love out and share it with everyone, whether they love me back or not.

I have been confused my whole life simply because if you said you love me, I thought that meant everything to you, like it meant everything to me. I did not know that there were different levels of being in love. I only know, looking back, that all I have ever wanted was to be loved, like a verb, as deeply as I love.

Your husband and your boyfriend and your wife and your girlfriend will never keep me from loving you deeply. My wife will never keep me from loving you deeply. I love deeply. I’ve no desire to tone that down at all. If you do not want love and if you are not comfortable loving…if you don’t believe in love and you’ve been burned by love…if love is bullshit to you and nothing but heartache…I hear you and like it or not, I love you just the same.

My deepest love…my most vulnerable love…my give it all I’ve got love…making love and being blissfully in love…that love I only share with Tamara, and Tamara only shares that love with me. We are lovers. I love Tamara with a piece of my heart, untouched until she touched it…undiscovered until she found it…unpolished until she buffed me out a bit. So, deep within my depths, there is a love for only one girl. This is the only love that I will never share with anyone else. This sacred space that has survived time and some dark fucking darkness is my love of a lifetime. I share this love, at this depth, with only one girl. I love you Tamara, with my whole self, love you!

If you love me deeply, like a verb, I feel that and I love you deeply back. Relationship status is no barrier for my love or the depth of my love. I am an empath and a communicator, I send and receive and direct love energy. As a Reiki Master, Love is my work, and my soul purpose. Love is how I am able to do what I do, and for many of you, that is why you love me. I feel that and I love you back.

I was sent here to love. I was sent here to learn and to teach love. I have been looking for the proper forum, which has not come crystal clear to me as of yet, in which to do these things. I believe that may have been because I am critiquing and allowing others to critique my love. I believe I am done doing that and allowing that to be done to me. I have stagnated my own Dharma by stifling myself and my love. Henceforth, I shall love with prayer for appropriate expression always.

On this day, I accept whole heartedly that I am love and that I am here to love. Let the loving commence!

Have a beautiful and love-filled day everyone! I fucking love, love, love you!

How do I market me so you will buy me?

Good Afternoon! I am back! I have decided, after goal-setting this morning, that I must get on a writing schedule. I am sure that I need to create both time and space for me to write. For me, that means a set time, every morning, for me to write. I have decided to set my alarm and to get up and write, every day at 5:00am. This allows time for my morning writing. I give myself two hours, every morning to write my morning blog and do my morning meditation. I will wake up and meditate and pray, first thing, in my sacred space, before I begin writing. I set this time aside, every day, first thing in the morning, to begin my day as a writer.

I began blogging in December of 2017. My commitment was to blog, once a day, every single day for 365 days. I have honored my commitment to myself, without fail and I am so glad that I have. My blog has changed my life. My blog really started to change my life when I realized that my blog was changing your life. I feel like I am doing more than simply honoring a commitment to myself. I feel like my commitment to myself, paired with so many other blessings, and Nakho of course, has opened me to being of service in a way I never imagined possible.

Just last week, I transformed coralsblog.com into Coral’s Healing Room, a place for all of us to go. A safe place and a place where we can be real and authentic. We can be wrong and still be okay. Coral’s Healing Room is actually a safe and healing place for us all, not just a place for Coral to honor her own personal commitment. This transformation came about because I want to be of service to you. I want to know what I can do for you and how I can help you. In this room, I want us all to take an active stance in healing ourselves and the world we live in. I want us to take seriously, the important task of walking each other home. In this room, I ask you; what do you need from me and how can I best serve you? I ask because I really want to know, you know? If you don’t know…I only ask you how I can be of service, because I really want you to tell me…what can I do for you?

I have been listening to podcasts watching webinars, and dreaming of my own…and watching you tube videos, been on phone calls, submitted applications…I am inundating myself with positivity and googling ways to make myself , well for lack of a better explanation…to make myself, MY SELF. I have done worksheets and answered questionnaire after questionnaire, as honestly as I can, to find MY true calling, because who really wants a bullshit calling, right? I mean I know I don’t…want a bullshit calling. I want to know MY calling. Anyway, suffice to say, post-op and pretty flat on my back, IPad in hand….I have been trying to find my true calling, my life’s work, my God-realized purpose. I have acquired some amazing tools and I have listened to some amazing people. I have sought out more information on the people I have been watching and I am fucking inspired! I am…truly inspired.

Here’s the thing though, inspired as I am, I do not have $15,000 to $50,000 to send to you, to see if I can make something of me, with your program. I just do not fucking have that kind of money. I cannot sell enough of my things and my possessions, because I don’t have things. On purpose, I don’t have things and I don’t possess what I don’t need, for the most part. I am the co-founder of a 501c3, non-profit. If I did have $15,000-$50,000, it is already spent on our Sanctuary. So, with all of that being said, I am very impressed by your program, your materials,and our our talk…I am fucking pumped and ready to spend the next 8-12 weeks of my life, doing your program. You haven’t gotten back to me about my application, and I keep checking my inbox, because to be accepted, would mean so much to me! Truly, I think I am a perfect fit, given what you’ve asked for…who you need for your program…that is me, so far! A bonus is that I am more dedicated than a lot of people and I have a story I don’t mind telling, to help us all to heal. I think I write pretty well, and I am available and I am coachable . I am open to what you want to show me, and all of the amazing attributes you have and the resources you have available to you…you could help me to help so many others, so, so much! I am awaiting your acceptance letter, because I know I have what it takes!

Seriously, I have spent days looking at all of this inspiration and I am so thankful! I needed to see people out there, doing something with their gifts. I needed to feel like I am on my way to sharing my God given gifts with the world, while making a good living, to support my service work in the world. I need to do something substantial and honest and real and true. I need to do me…like my blog, do me, and for that to be the forum for me to help others. I know who I am. I am love. I know what I do. I am a vessel for substantial and life-altering healing. I am a human being with a story that the world needs to hear and I am willing to tell it. I believe we all deserve love and I am willing to work my ass off for that. I am love and I want to teach love and peace and hope and healing. I want to do me…to write books and stand on stages..write articles and talk to students…stand in the pulpit and preach love and light. I want to work with animals and to help them to heal and have the best lives they can possibly have, as I heal and have the best possible life I can have.

I charge $100 an hour right now, to do the work I do with animals and I need to fill at least a certain number of hours, just to pay my living expenses. I love, love, love what I do and I want to keep doing that. I just know that I am so much more than just that. I am more than the work I do on my clients dogs…I am also to my clients, so much more. I have a gift for writing and I don’t know how to organize all of this into anything helpful for everyone else, and I am willing to learn, because I know what I have to say really is that important to so many.

At the end of those calls…after those webinars, when I feel pumped and ready to go…and then I hear the price, to help me to be a better, more marketable version of me, I feel like someone poked me with a pin, and I begin to deflate a bit. I do not have what you are charging and I do not currently have a way to get it. I also cannot tell, even after all of my research, are you as real as I am? Are you as excited about me, after meeting me, as I was after I met you? Did you go and do your due diligence researching me, like I did mine on you? If you did do your research on me, then you know I am the real deal and I am gifted and I get results. I have countless references and people who will tell you who I am. I am willing to and eager to do your program, and I have so much confidence in me, that if all you say is true, I can guarantee you results, where I am concerned. I can meet your high end clients needs with my God given gifts. I can write the book you will undoubtedly want to publish, if you can do all of the marketing and editing and publishing. I can even sell my book to 25 people, before it is even written for $25.00 a book, and I can guarantee you that. I am so sure that I have what it takes to get the results you speak of with my charisma, my God given gifts and my dedication, that I am asking you to take a chance on me. I am asking you to front me the money for your very best program, and I will give it all I’ve got. I will sell the book before I write it and I will give my first earnings, all of them, back to you, first thing, provided that I get the results you speak of. I will bring my passion and my compassion. I will bring my desire to help others and my willingness to do what it takes to help others to the table, to the masses. I will work my ass off. I will always be transparent and I only ask the same of you. I will give my all and I will do heart and soul work, to help others. I know that I am here to do some amazing and unprecedented work and I am ready. I don’t need something packaged up pretty with bells and whistles…I need what you’ve got that will help me to get what I’ve got out to the people who need me and my message and my result driven, tested and re-tested message of love and hope and peace

I know this is a long shot..a really long shot. I have done my research on you and I hope you have done your research on me. If not, I invite you to. Maybe we can help each other to help the world. I can waive my skepticism and any doubt, and you can waive your upfront fees of $15,000-$50,000 and give me a chance to prove myself, I think we might really be able to help each other out and to make substantial difference in the lives of the people who need us most. You have the power to waive my fee and I have the willingness to change your life! What do you say? Will you take a chance on me?

Let me see what you’ve got this morning!

Good morning everyone! Couldn’t help it, woke up to My Christmas music for this morning’s meditation. As I sit in this healing room, I light up all of those candles for us all. Sitting in the glow and basking in the love, listening to the hum of this song..I swear to God, I am feeling the healing! I feel my Mom stroking my face and wiping all of these tears from my face. Sitting right next to my Mom, with all of this love in my heart, I ask her to hit me with all of the love she can, so I can bring it here for all of us. Fill me and overfill me, I tell her, and then add some more please. I need all I can carry. I need help carrying all of it. Let’s deck the halls in here, shall we? Let’s all take a moment this morning and visualize being in Christmas Eve service together…let’s hold hands and sing together…let’s love each other more than we have ever loved each other before. As open as we can be, as wide open as we can possibly be…let that love in you guys! I bring the one thing in that opened my Mom…Christmas, to illuminate the way for us this morning. We all have different memories and I’ll just ask you to pick your very best memory right now…your very best one, from your whole life.

As always, everyone go out there and take the time you need. Go find your very best memory and maybe even a song that goes with that memory, and bring it back to circle when you’re done. I know we all have at least one, and I want to emphasize, I want your very best one. A memory that nothing in this life has tainted, at all. Your moment…the one you’ve tucked away, so worn out that it’s fragility is somewhat concerning to you. That’s the one! The one you just grabbed that brought a childlike smile across your face…bring that one back to circle with you now.

Okay…looks like everyone is back, and look at these awesome treasures! Truly, beneath the dust and years, look at that sparkle! Dull as fuck and needing a good polishing…these are some relics here my friends! These are some beauties! Go ahead, lick your fingertip And write your name in the dust. Look at that shine in those letters! Look at your name, light up like a marquee! Fucking beautiful you guys! These are some glorious treasures!

Today, we begin, each of us, with our most precious memory. I have mine. It just so happens to be Christmas with my Mom and Dad and little brother…my Moms Mom and Dad are sitting around the tree, in front of the fire, waiting for Shawn and I to come out and see what Santa left for us. As we round the corner from the hall, peeking into the den, I can feel the softness of the lights. I feel the all of the anticipation of my little heart, just about to explode, from the excitement of it all. I have my little brothers hand in my hand. I smell the coffee and all of the baked goods my Mom bakes every year, in the background. My little pink ball, illuminated by a single light and my little Brother…my Mom and my Dad and my Mamma and my Pappa…everything I in the whole world that meant everything to me…all right here with me…and hey, that was Christmas to me…dusting it off and singing along, allowing the tears to flow freely and washing off the stains of the years with them, I polish this memory. Spit and shine…I want this one lit up perfectly! This is the one…the memory that stopped my beating heart for a moment this morning…this is the good stuff. This morning, that is all we are interested in…all we are looking at and all we are taking with us out into our day today…the good stuff!

Let’s see yours! Look at that sparkle! This is the time to commit to never letting anyone or anything, ever, dull your sparkle again. These are our treasures! No one can ever take them from us. We just shared them and look how they multiply. Look at the soft and reflective smiles on everyone’s faces, the soft tears and everyone’s favorite Christmas song in cue, to play next…tell me, which song is yours? These are some great songs, also bringing more good memories…let’s turn the music up and sit around this campfire together. Grab your cup of coffee and your blanket and come sit by me. I don’t know why, but I want to hold your hand…is that okay? Just for this moment, can we just have a huge ass slumber party? Can we all just please stay here, in this glorious moment together, for just a few moments more?

Yes. Yes, we can stay here, as long as we like. Work will wait. Your spouse and your kids will wait. The dogs, not patiently, and they will wait too. Just let it all sit there for a few minutes, while you revel in your good stuff. It may or may not be Christmas and this moment may have been hard for you to come by this morning, so you’re okay to stay here a moment more.

Look around you. What do you see and how does it make you feel? That sliver of a smile and that glimmer of hope, that is all we need, to keep this fire going. Pass it on…one of my favorite songs from campfire as a kid…Pass it on…

It only takes a spark to get a fire going

And soon all those around can warm up to its glowing

That’s how it is with God’s love

Once you’ve experienced it

You spread your love to everyone

You want to pass it on

What a wondrous time is spring when all the trees are budding

The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming

That’s how it is with God’s love

Once you’ve experienced it

You want to sing, it’s fresh like spring

You want to pass it on

I wish for you my friend, this happiness that I’ve found

You can come join in, it matters not where you’re bound

I’ll shout it from the mountain tops

I want the world to know

The joy of friends has come to me

I want to pass it on

Pass It On Kurt Kaiser 1969 EMI Christian Music Group

It only takes a spark, to keep a fire going. Look at all of these sparks…look at all of these master fire tenders…who brought the stuff for s’mores? A around you at all of this love. Feel all of us, in our best memories, with Christmas music and old country music playing gently and wafting through the air between us…wait, is that your song? How did I know that you picked that one? Great choice and one of my favorites as well!

Look at us! Would you just look at us! Healing and smiling and loving each other. This is our healing room and this is how we heal. We heal by being broken so that we may be open to being mended. We fall here, in this safe place, so that we can go out there and rise where we are needed! We break and fall apart…our guts spill all around us, so that we can observe, all of us, inside out, look pretty much the same, don’t we?

For today, I challenge you, to live inside out. All day, no masks, no facades…no bullshit…just you. No sarcasm and no petty bullshit…today, you are mindful, so fucking mindful, that we are here to walk each other home. No blame and no judgement…no anger and no fear…today, we bring Christmas morning with us out of this healing space and we share with our world. I know this sounds crazy, but I challenge you to take this moment with you, all day today. I want you to stop what you are doing right now and play your favorite Christmas song…your all time favorite, best one. Even better, go to my FB timeline, and just tag me…with your very favorite Christmas song…let’s keep this going today…no words unless you want to, and you don’t have to share. If you want to though, I would love for my wall to blow up with your favorite Christmas tunes all day long today! That’s Christmas to me…today, is our day and we can do what we want! I want to hear your favorite Christmas music flooding my timeline…and go!!!!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Can we forgive them for that too?

Good evening everyone! I tried to reach a lot of you personally tonight, just to say I love you. For those of you I didn’t reach personally, I love you.

I am saying a prayer for us all, that we may know true forgiveness in our hearts. My life has transformed miraculously, as I am learning how to forgive. There is nothing in this world worth being upset over or holding onto. Nothing. Withholding forgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to fall over dead in front of you. We have all heard that, right? Think about how true that is. We forgive to free ourselves from the bondage that denying forgiveness holds us in. We shackle ourselves with every thing that we cannot let go of. We harm ourselves, on top of already being harmed, because we don’t know how to forgive others. We don’t know how to forgive ourselves. Rather than learning how to do that, we just don’t forgive. We don’t let go. We don’t know how and we are somehow okay with that. We can change that, you know? We have a choice.

Why am I writing like a mad woman? Why am I unable to and unwilling to stop being the change I wish to see? So you want to know why? Because it’s working!!!! Look at us, in this healing room…look around you…we are doing this! We are turning the tide, you and I…we are the love!

We must not dive into the abyss of negativity and blame and stay there indefinitely. We must dive in and we must do what we need to do, and stay as long as we need to stay, and then we need to forgive it all, without discretion, and let that shit go. All of it. I fucking dare you, to let it all go! You know my laundry list…all of it…everyone on it…let it go and with all of your heart, forgive. No matter who and no matter what and no matter why…for your own sake, let it go. Forgive the most unforgivable and you will begin to break those shackles. Don’t take my word for it, ever. I always challenge you to do your work, however that looks. Take the worst thing that ever happened to you…the absolute worst thing. Pull that into your heart and hold it there. Better yet, here’s an exercise, just shared with me this evening by one of my readers. With permission, I repost this exactly as I received it. Here it is:

One last thing before I go. It’s something a guru taught me at this retreat I attended in LA. I think your readers can use. He spoke about when you are feeling emotions you are uncomfortable with you should take a bath. But this is an “Emotional bath”. You sit in the tub and think of what you need to work through. Example: you are mad at your partner. They didn’t understand your feelings and it bothers you. Now it’s time to go to bed and you don’t want to feel the anger anymore and sleep. Start filling up the tub while you feel that anger. When tub filled up(water represents ANGER) STEW in it. Feel all those thoughts. It can be 10 minutes it can be hours(I have refilled a tub a time or two😉). When you are ready to let anger go for the night, start releasing water(ANGER). When water is out that is all you can go for today and it allows you to sleep.

Let us all wash ourselves clean! Let us all gift ourselves and each other some forgiveness. The very, very worst thing…go and get it and bring it back here to the circle with the rest of us. Dig deep and go big…bring me the ugliest and the worst that you’ve got, all of that ugly junk up in your trunk. Lay it on me. You did it. It was done to you. Makes no difference, because only you know and only you need to know, what and who and how…and don’t go too deep there either. Don’t rip this wound open again…just got straight into your center and pull out the one thing you can’t let go of, or two or three or ten things. Bring them all and let’s circle back up, because we have some healing to do.

Is everyone ready? One at a time, and will all of your heart, bring yours up to me and set it down next to mine. Everyone, respectfully, and In no specific order, go ahead and come up.

Okay, everyone stand in a circle and put down what you brought, all of it, on the ground before your feet. Now everyone take one step to the left. Stand there and stop for a second and see how that feels. Better? Worse? One more time, three steps to the right and stop again. Stand there and tell me how that feels. Anything? Okay, last time, 17 steps to your left, everyone go slowly now. Stop again and we will stay in place. From here, everyone pick up what is in front of you, with no attachment what so ever, and bring it to their fire pit that I built for us. One by one and right on time, gently place yours in the fire. When you are done, we walk away in silence. We walk away in gratitude and we walk away for good, from that which no longer serves us.

With this, I will close the circle with a prayer of substantial and monumental healing for us all this evening. And so it is.

Your sins…my sins…their sins…they are all in there, rising back up in smoke, from the smoldering ashes, to the universe, to be recycled for the greater good of us all. All together now, taking each other’s hands…repeat after me…”Please forgive me. Thank you, I’m sorry. I love you.” Say it over and over and over again, in whatever order, from now until eternity…and don’t take my word for it…you can look it up…never mind…I got you!

Two years ago, I heard about a therapist in Hawaii who cured a complete ward of criminally insane patients–without ever seeing any of them. The psychologist would study an inmate’s chart and then look within himself to see how he created that person’s illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved.

When I first heard this story, I thought it was an urban legend. How could anyone heal anyone else by healing himself? How could even the best self-improvement master cure the criminally insane? It didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t logical, so I dismissed the story. However, I heard it again a year later. I heard that the therapist had used a Hawaiian healing process called ho ‘oponopono. I had never heard of it, yet I couldn’t let it leave my mind. If the story was at all true, I had to know more. I had always understood “total responsibility” to mean that I am responsible for what I think and do. Beyond that, it’s out of my hands. I think that most people think of total responsibility that way. We’re responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does. The Hawaiian therapist who healed those mentally ill people would teach me an advanced new perspective about total responsibility. His name is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. We probably spent an hour talking on our first phone call. I asked him to tell me the complete story of his work as a therapist. He explained that he worked at Hawaii State Hospital for four years. That ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous. Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff called in sick a lot or simply quit. People would walk through that ward with their backs against the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a pleasant place to live, work, or visit. Dr. Len told me that he never saw patients. He agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal. “After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being allowed to walk freely,” he told me. “Others who had to be heavily medicated were getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever being released were being freed.” I was in awe. “Not only that,” he went on, “but the staff began to enjoy coming to work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We ended up with more staff than we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was showing up to work. Today, that ward is closed.” This is where I had to ask the million dollar question: “What were you doing within yourself that caused those people to change?” “I was simply healing the part of me that created them,” he said. I didn’t understand. Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life – simply because it is in your life–is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation. Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life. This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy–anything you experience and don’t like–is up for you to heal. They don’t exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn’t with them, it’s with you, and to change them, you have to change you. I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr. Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in ho ‘oponopono means loving yourself. If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone–even a mentally ill criminal–you do it by healing you. I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those patients’ files? “I just kept saying, ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ over and over again,” he explained. That’s it? That’s it. Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, your improve your world. Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day, someone sent me an email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who sent the nasty message. This time, I decided to try Dr. Len’s method. I kept silently saying, “I’m sorry” and “I love you,” I didn’t say it to anyone in particular. I was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was creating the outer circumstance. Within an hour I got an e-mail from the same person. He apologized for his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn’t take any outward action to get that apology. I didn’t even write him back. Yet, by saying “I love you,” I somehow healed within me what was creating him. I later attended a ho ‘oponopono workshop run by Dr. Len. He’s now 70 years old, considered a grandfatherly shaman, and is somewhat reclusive. He praised my book, The Attractor Factor. He told me that as I improve myself, my book’s vibration will raise, and everyone will feel it when they read it. In short, as I improve, my readers will improve. “What about the books that are already sold and out there?” I asked. “They aren’t out there,” he explained, once again blowing my mind with his mystic wisdom. “They are still in you.” In short, there is no out there. It would take a whole book to explain this advanced technique with the depth it deserves. Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there’s only one place to look: inside you. “When you look, do it with love.”

An excerpt from Joe Vitale

Full speed ahead with nothing but love, love, love…

Taos and Coral

 

Good morning! I hope that everyone had a wonderful and restful weekend. My weekend was full and my heart is overflowing.

I do want to take a brief moment to say again, that this blog is for me to release my pain and sort my shit out. I intend no harm and I am aware that of the three sides to every story, mine is but one side, my side, hence my blog.

My blog is my 365 day commitment to myself, to write openly and honestly, about my world and my life experience. That is why I am here…to get it out, rather than keeping it in.

My entire life has been riddled with pain, and horrific abuse, from the most formative years and lasting until just before I was 18 years old. Newsflash just in…that fucked me up a bit…it really, really did for a while. Sometimes, not nearly as often, but it still fucks me up a bit.

I was finally, and very recently diagnosed with Complex PTSD and I was also highly recommend to get a service dog and so Taos stepped up, and I have The best service dog ever, who not only certified at the highest level…she also won the K-9 Good Citizen Award. Our training was rigorous and gut-wrenching and hard on us both…hard work and dedication, persistence and keep showing up…Taos and I did that together.

Service dog training almost really begins after your training and certification are complete. Taos and I, like all of us, are practicing and training, every day together, in some way or another, to be better than we were yesterday.

Taos and I both very much appreciate your love and support as we navigate our new world together. We also appreciate any and all prayers you want to send us for peace and strength and nothing but love on our journey together.

I am learning, very slowly, to brave my world with Taos. I leave her safe at home, when I know I’m too much. Should she be with me always? Since the word “should” is in there, no she should not.

I am hellbent on a mission to remove certain words from my vocabulary and “should” and “should not” are on the top of my “Words to release back to the universe” list.

As it occurs for me, as Coral sees it, everything that has happened in my life…all of it…was meant to happen. Everything happened for a reason.

I have been forced with literal death threats, to keep silent. I was scared shitless and so I did keep quiet. I am not afraid anymore and I absolutely refuse, to be silent, ever again, about anything that matters.

My voice may tremble and my hands may shake and I, will be my fucking voice. If I do not like the way you, or anyone else is treating me, I will say so. I will not subject myself to anymore abuse. Period. I don’t give a shit who you are, what space  you fill in my life, whether you are a client, a family member or a friend, I will insist that you treat me with kindness and respect. If you choose not to, there is the fucking door, and don’t let it hit you where the good Lord split you, on your way out.

The abuse in my life ends here. The shame I have carried because of my abuse, that my family has carried, it all ends here.

Moving forward, nothing but love in my life…absolutely nothing but love…and if that’s not for you, I totally get it, just keep on moving please and I will hug you as I pass…and send you all of my love. I will not invite you to stay, if you are not love.

I woke up and decided that I don’t want to live the way I have been living, tolerating shit that I am supposed to tolerate because someone said so. I don’t do tolerate anymore….if you merely tolerate me, please just leave me the fuck alone. I don’t need to ever, only be tolerated again, by anyone.

I also got a phone call, from someone who spoke her heart, told her truth, even though her voice shook a bit…and loved me through it all. I was called out on a couple of things and I righted a couple of the perceptions she had, based upon the other side of the story she heard. All in all, I was touched, beyond words, that she had the courage and the love to make the call she made to me. Love is a verb and I feel very loved. Thank you  Thank you. Thank you.

I invite anyone to call me anytime at all, should you have something you want to say to me. I will accept your call with open arms or I will call you back…my hope is that you will call me about whatever it is and not call everyone else. Wouldn’t that make everything easier for us all? If we could just speak our truth while someone we love holds space and loves us like a verb through it…wouldn’t that solve a lot of problems that never even needed to surface in the first place?

Have I been hurt and rendered speechless by the very people that I love the most? I have. Haven’t you?

So, I have but one life and I am going to start living it! I have but one heart, I am going to open it up wide. I have a purpose and I am going to honor it…I am going to live the life that I have always imagined.

My happy, Tamara’s happy…comes from being of service.

So, Tamara and I sincerely want to thank the person, who tied the beautiful dog to our gate yesterday. We thank you for giving us an opportunity to fufill our Dharma, to fill our hearts and to bring a smile to our faces…because we were called upon and we accepted the amazing gift, bestowed upon us, to be of service.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I write my posts for me and I somehow hope that my posts help you also.

From my own lifetime of experience, I will tell you that in spite of everything that has ever happened to me, I can find my smile in there somewhere, anytime I am blessed with an opportunity to bless someone else, to love like a verb…to be of service.

I highly recommend being of service and doing something for someone who can never re-pay you. Fill up your life and your heart with some love and kindness and go sprinkle that shit everywhere!

I can guarantee you that it will do your heart some good! Have a beautiful Monday everyone! Love, love, love…

 

My favorite thing in all of the world…love, love, love…Happy Valentines Day everyone!

Happy happy Valentines Day everyone! My wish for you is a lifetime, full of amazing love, starting today…and lasting your lifetime…

Grief has turned my life upside down and I am just beginning to re-emerge a bit…Today, for me, seems like a good holiday to really make an appearance back into my life…love, love, love…

There have been many a year that I just wanted this day to pass, so I wouldn’t be reminded that I was in a pretty loveless place in my life…and there have been years where Valentine’s Day was really something to celebrate in my life. Every year, for my whole life, Valentine’s Day was a big day to my Mon and she went all out…and I sure am missing her, on this day…

I know that of all the things I’ve decided to let go of,  love is not one of them. Of all the things I’ve given up on, love is not one. In times where I have lost my way, lost my faith, lost my ability to try…love has always found its way back to me, and today is no different.

My Mom is with me right now and she assures me that this is my day…if I am to make a comeback into my life, it may as well be on this, a day of love…

Here is some history on Valentines Day, by Elizabeth Haines, that I thought you might enjoy…I definitely learned something.

A man named Valentinus was martyred on February 14 late in the third century A.D.—this much we know. But when it comes to details about the life of St. Valentine, legend often supersedes fact. As you celebrate this Valentine’s Day, find out the truth about the man for whom the day is named, as well as some other intriguing facts about history’s most romantic holiday.

  1. The St. Valentine who inspired the holiday may have been two different men.
    Officially recognized by the Roman Catholic Church, St. Valentine is known to be a real person who died around A.D. 270. However, his true identity was questioned as early as A.D. 496 by Pope Gelasius I, who referred to the martyr and his acts as “being known only to God.” One account from the 1400s describes Valentine as a temple priest who was beheaded near Rome by the emperor Claudius II for helping Christian couples wed. A different account claims Valentine was the Bishop of Terni, also martyred by Claudius II on the outskirts of Rome. Because of the similarities of these accounts, it’s thought they may refer to the same person. Enough confusion surrounds the true identity of St. Valentine that the Catholic Church discontinued liturgical veneration of him in 1969, though his name remains on its list of officially recognized saints.

  2. In all, there are about a dozen St. Valentines, plus a pope.
    The saint we celebrate on Valentine’s Day is known officially as St. Valentine of Rome in order to differentiate him from the dozen or so other Valentines on the list. Because “Valentinus”—from the Latin word for worthy, strong or powerful—was a popular moniker between the second and eighth centuries A.D., several martyrs over the centuries have carried this name. The official Roman Catholic roster of saints shows about a dozen who were named Valentine or some variation thereof. The most recently beatified Valentine is St. Valentine Berrio-Ochoa, a Spaniard of the Dominican order who traveled to Vietnam, where he served as bishop until his beheading in 1861. Pope John Paul II canonized Berrio-Ochoa in 1988. There was even a Pope Valentine, though little is known about him except that he served a mere 40 days around A.D. 827.

  3. Valentine is the patron saint of beekeepers and epilepsy, among many other things.
    Saints are certainly expected to keep busy in the afterlife. Their holy duties include interceding in earthly affairs and entertaining petitions from living souls. In this respect, St. Valentine has wide-ranging spiritual responsibilities. People call on him to watch over the lives of lovers, of course, but also for interventions regarding beekeeping and epilepsy, as well as the plague, fainting and traveling. As you might expect, he’s also the patron saint of engaged couples and happy marriages.

  4. You can find Valentine’s skull in Rome.
    The flower-adorned skull of St. Valentine is on display in the Basilica of Santa Maria in Cosmedin, Rome. In the early 1800s, the excavation of a catacomb near Rome yielded skeletal remains and other relics now associated with St. Valentine. As is customary, these bits and pieces of the late saint’s body have subsequently been distributed to reliquaries around the world. You’ll find other bits of St. Valentine’s skeleton on display in the Czech Republic, Ireland, Scotland, England and France.

  5. Chaucer may have invented Valentine’s Day.
    The medieval English poet Geoffrey Chaucer often took liberties with history, placing his poetic characters into fictitious historical contexts that he represented as real. No record exists of romantic celebrations on Valentine’s Day prior to a poem Chaucer wrote around 1375. In his work “Parliament of Foules,” he links a tradition of courtly love with the celebration of St. Valentine’s feast day–an association that didn’t exist until after his poem received widespread attention. The poem refers to February 14 as the day birds (and humans) come together to find a mate. When Chaucer wrote, “For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne’s day / Whan every foul cometh ther to choose his mate,” he may have invented the holiday we know today.

  6. You can celebrate Valentine’s Day several times a year.
    Because of the abundance of St. Valentines on the Roman Catholic roster, you can choose to celebrate the saint multiple times each year. Besides February 14, you might decide to celebrate St. Valentine of Viterbo on November 3. Or maybe you want to get a jump on the traditional Valentine celebration by feting St. Valentine of Raetia on January 7. Women might choose to honor the only female St. Valentine (Valentina), a virgin martyred in Palestine on July 25, A.D. 308. The Eastern Orthodox Church officially celebrates St. Valentine twice, once as an elder of the church on July 6 and once as a martyr on July 30.

I found all of that information fascinating…I hope that you will also!

Our holidays and traditions…and the stories behind them…I have so rarely taken the time to research these things..and now, I want to know…I am thirsty for knowledge about so many things in my life right now.

I celebrate the love of my girl today, as we have been loving our way through life’s storms for the last four or so years together. Through the most difficult times, love has been our salvation and in the very best of times, love has reminded us why we are here in the first place…

I celebrate my Mom today and I honor her beautiful legacy…the legacy that was my Mom. Since her passing, I am coming to see her in a different light…I see her in the light  of my Mom and I also see her in the light of a human being, just like me, who did her very best, who wanted to be loved and to love…

We are all just souls having a temporary human experience in these crazy bodies of ours. As we bump around and fumble to find our way, as we make countless mistakes and as we navigate through our dreams and our opportunities…we are bumping into others, having the same human experiences as we are…so always be kind and always be gentle.

As you travel your journey, as you meet up with others on their journey…always be love and be loving…and always be open to love…to giving and receiving…to learning and growing…

Valentines Day is but one day, amongst many other days, where we have an open-ended opportunity to put out into the world, what we would like to receive…to be love, to receive love, to celebrate love…and it is our choice…

Today, I celebrate love and I celebrate the people who love me like a verb…I celebrate the woman who taught me to love, the best she could, for her whole life, my Mom.

I celebrate the woman that loves me every day, like a verb and I am so thankful. Tamara has carried me through my very darkest days, days that I could not have navigated alone…I love you Tamara. Happy Valentine’s Day!

I also celebrate everyone in my life who loves me like a verb…everyone who ever has loved me, like a verb…all of my chosen family, my clients and my dearest friends…Happy Valentines Day! God bless us, every one.

As for the empty holes left by grief and by people who have chosen to leave…I invite these holes to be filled with unconditional love, bubbling up and overflowing all over our world…washing over us all and renewing our spirits to go out and love and be loved some more…

Happy Valentines Day everyone! Love, love, love…

 

I am just not feeling it today…

I will be honest…I am just not feeling it today. My feelings are all over the place and I do not want to spew negativity, so I just checked in to honor my commitment to myself, of blogging every day, for 365 days and to say a quick hello to all of you!

Have a beautiful Saturday evening! Love, love, love…

Please join me in preparing to plant the garden of love, love, love…

I have managed to stay out of the depths of despair for several days now and I could not be more happy about that!

I find that after a few good days, I start to worry a bit, that a bad day is coming around the bend for me…and maybe it is,

I have just decided not to worry about it and to program for good days…my body, my soul, my relationships…they all desperately need some good days to plant their seeds here and grow the most beautiful garden…

I have the soil in my pots and the seeds all laid out…and I’ve researched the best garden habitats and structures and lighting and watering and feeding schedules…and I am ready to plant my garden of love, love, love…

My first planting will be love and I am just going to sprinkle that shit everywhere in my garden…everything else’s, I will plant mixed in with my love seeds…my idea is that planting love first, and everywhere…we will get the best coverage, of our most needed and important commodity…love, love,love…

These are the very best seeds, as they are from everywhere…I asked people to contribute seeds of their favorite love annuals and perennials, to use as starter for my love garden….I want everyone that I love to have their love seeds in my love garden!

I am not a gardener really. I mean, I watched my grandmother and my mother plant and grow things and I helped my Dad with his garden and Tamara with her garden. I planted a salsa garden once and some of my favorite spices once or twice…I always feared that I would kill my plants, by doing it wrong…and so I didn’t plant, and they didn’t die…easy fucking peasy…but not really…

Avoidance has been a pretty reliable safety mechanism in my tool box and I have pulled that jagged and serrated blade out many a time, when no other to would do the job…I’ll not be using this tool in my love garden…

I have been told and realized myself, that the only way to really do anything at all, is to jump right in, heart first…Maybe that is why I love the movie, “Superstar” so much…the message is simple and just that, you’ve got to just jump in!

I don’t think jumping in has been my issue so much, in many things…I jump in…and many times, without looking closely…without any real assessment of my situation, I have jumped in, headfirst, into an empty fucking pool, many many times…

I have to remind myself that water is life..in all things…water hydrates my cells and grows my hair and nourishes my body, my mind and my soul..and I must learn to respect water more…to be emerged in its healing and floating peacefully atop its security and endlessness…waster is my friend, and the friend of my love garden…

I have been composting this soul and this soil for my entire life…turning and nurturing….learning the breakdown process, where all things break down to be spread around, to build up and grow something else…and this soil is nutrient rich and ready…ready to build and to be born anew…

I will tell you this…I am fucking ready!!! I am so ready!! I have assessed my situation this time and the water is perfect and plenty deep enough, to jump in, even headfirst if I want to…safely…

I am realizing that there are a lot of things that I have really wanted to do throughout my life…things that I have not done, because of debilitating fear…and I am not afraid anymore, of anything…

I will not allow fear, to debilitate me and my life and to stunt my growth anymore…as I have in the past…

I can usually pick a fear out of he proverbial sky and I can work my ass off and I will overcome it…This is how I got my motorcycle license…this is how I enrolled in and graduated from Massage School…this is how I started my hug campaign…this is how I walked up to the casket at the mortuary, to make myself know that it was, really my Mom in that box and that she really was gone…

I am not talking about this kind of fear…the fear that I am eradicating at a ridiculously alarming rate….is the fear of rejection…the fear of what you think of me…the fear of your opinion and your judgement…And because there is absolutely no room for that in my life anymore…nope, no room at all,this will not be anywhere near my love garden…ever…

Earlier this week, when I drove down to get my haircut…I walked through this fear…and it wasn’t easy…and I have had nothing but the highest and most wonderful and beautiful compliments…mostly stating the same thing…welcome home…you look great…you look happy…you look like you…I love your eyes…I love your smile…

I have NEVER had such a supportive and positive reaction to honoring and being Coral…maybe because I haven’t really ever been able to be Coral, until now…

So, now, off I go, heartfoward, to smile and love and plant and nurture and grow my love garden…with my Musical Medicine in the background and Baby Taos by my side…we are off to plant some love seeds….and we will sprinkle that shit everywhere!!!!