Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Thank you from Aiden and his Family this morning!!!!!

Happy Friday morning everyone! I thought I would sleep later this morning as I felt like I could breathe yesterday for the first time in years! When Aidens court hearing was winding up, I was twisted up in knots for a second or so…Yesterday, I found my peaceful place and hung out there, steady and connected and true. When sentencing came and justice was served, we all looked at each other and breathed a bit. We got to see Aiden and his mom and some other victims get justice yesterday. There was a whole lot of pain in that courtroom. I imagine there is a whole lot of pain in many courtrooms. Aiden was a badass! Truly, a few little barks to let us all know he was seated there with his mom and that he was here for serious business. After it was all said and done and we walked out of the courtroom, Aiden sounded off again and let us all know that he was victorious and he won the war like he said he would yesterday morning! Aiden asked me to thank every single one of you who made his victory possible. There are so many of you and Aiden wants every single one of you to know his love and thanks ❤️♥️💜 Aidens family also wants you all to know how appreciated you all are. This ordeal is over for Aiden and his mom and we all thank you for your places and your contributions in getting this behind Aiden and his family. At Aidens request again, I ask you to also lift up the Romero family, as they are suffering tremendously at this time. Aiden is glad that justice was served and he is also aware that there is a family in pain. Aiden just wants to remind us all that there is only love or fear. Aiden says to choose love, Always and no matter what. So, from all of Aidens family and especially from Aiden and his mom, thank you for your love and support during these very difficult months for the Martin family.

I personally want to thank each of you for all of your love and prayers for Aiden and his family. Your love means everything to me. As we bend and channel and throw it out there, love changes us and the world around us. When someone needs our love and we call for the love of others, love begins to shift our world and our perspective. We make calls and we go to extraordinary lengths to be of service to the greater good of our world. Love is big and we become big and willing and able, with love, to move mountains. Aiden moved a mountain yesterday with all of your love. A four pound Pomeranian moved his own Mt. Everest yesterday and I was there for the summit. Did you know that there are over two hundred dead bodies on Mt. Everest and that over 295 people have died on both sides of the mountain since 1924? Both Nepal and China said they will remove the remains of more dead climbers this year. Everyone who takes the hike in does not summit. Everyone who goes up the mountain does not come back down. Life is like that you know? Aiden had to go in and hike his heart out with his mom and their DA and Team Aiden. Lots of people helped Aiden to be in court and to be spoken so well for. Lots of people exhaulted Aidens pinnacle to get him to his heights yesterday! Aiden, I am so inspired by you my little buddy! Congratulations! You did it buddy! You exhaulted the pinnacle for us all!!!

And to each of you who has done so much and prayed so much and loved so much, thank you. Thank you so much for how you love me and lift me up. My work in this world depends upon your love and so I thank you for loving me so fucking much. I don’t know what I did to deserve all of your love and I thank you so much for being as you are, loving as you do and spreading as far and wide as you are able to love us to summit! We are all here to summit our Everest’s. We are all here to love each other home. I love you and I thank you for loving me.

Aiden and his family asked me to say it with them for all of you guys…”We love you Team Aiden!!!!!”

Have a beautiful Friday everyone!

❤️♥️💜❤️♥️❤️Justice for Aiden ❤️♥️💜❤️♥️💜Thank you❤️♥️💜

Good evening everyone! This is Aiden!!! Guess what you guys?!? Guess what?! I said I was going to court in the race car and I did. I went with my mom in my service dog vest to see the judge this morning. The man who took me was there and I felt uneasy. My mom was more shaken because she hadn’t seen him so much like I had or heard his voice. I spent a lot of days with his family and they were there too. The judge had a lot of people telling her what they thought they should do and I heard everyone. My mom had to go talk loud to the judge on a stick to say what we wanted. My mom said we wanted something called “justice”, I think, in other words, she said that he should pay for what he did to me and my family and to all of you who loved me and worried so much for me, and even to some other people who he hurt with his bad behavior. The judge seemed to agree with my mom on everything. The police talked too and they wanted what mom wanted too. And then the man who took me and his family wanted something different. Something about leniency and furlough, I think. Anyway, the judge did not say this was okay. The Judge was very nice when she told the man and his family that the most he could repay for what he did, he would have to pay…the most time. The most consequence and the most offers to help him to get better. The man asked for help and the judge offered him help. We asked for fair and the judge was fair. That’s a nice judge to me and I feel happy inside.

The one thing that I noticed a lot in court was the friend to me when I was in the house that man took me to. He was very sad and someone took his leg too since I saw him. Anyway, he is the dad of the man who took me and I felt him crying inside with his son. I asked Coral to send him our love because he was very, very sad. When people are sad, I want them to smile. The man without a leg told me and my family that he was sorry for what his son did. I believe him. I wanted to tell him I was sorry for him too because he lost his son to bad behavior for a while. Coral said we should say “God bless you” instead and put our love on his shoulder, and so we did that instead. Coral said that sometimes our words can be more important than we ever know and so we should pick words very carefully. Coral told me that sometimes she forgets and sometimes she uses way too many words. I think sometimes the best words are no words at all.

I want to tell you something special from the time we have spent tangled up in this mess…something special is the love that came from everyone. This very sad thing brought us all to ❤️♥️💜 love and so to me, it’s okay that it happened. It is better that it’s over now. My mom and I and my dad haven’t breathed, like really, really breathed and Coral said she and Tamara and Janet haven’t breathed much either. I think maybe that’s because we were holding our breath for this right decision to be said by the judge today.

Anyway, I just want to say thank you to everyone who loves me so, so much. I love you all so, so much too. I’m going to be taking some time to love on my family, especially on my mom. I felt my moms heart hurt the hardest and her throat shake. My mom is so strong and this man really hurt her by taking me away from her. When my mom had that loud talking stick, I was so, so proud of her. A couple of times, she looked at the guy who took me and she told him it was not okay. My mom was so brave and my dad was there too. My family needs to breathe and so this is a very good day for breathing. I hope all of you breathe good tonight too. And…wait until I tell Jaxson and Howie about justice tonight!!!!

One more thing that I think is most important…please say “I love you” to Melaquias and his family tonight. A lot of hearts were hurt in that courtroom today. A lot of people were lost and hurt and scared. A lot of people have to spend a lot of time without their someone because of bad stuff too. I get to be with my someone…the most special and important and brave someone I know, tonight…my mom, and he does not and his dad does not. I saw them looking at each other’s souls in court today and crying on the inside of their cheeks. A dad and a son who lost their way to each other and a family blown apart like mine was when they took me away from my mom and dad. I know how sad and scared I was and so I just want you to say you love them so they aren’t so sad and scared. Even if it sounds crazy to you, will you please love Melaquias and his someone’s too?

I’ve got to go and celebrate with my family!!!! ❤️💜♥️💜❤️💜❤️💜💜❤️♥️💜❤️💜💜❤️❤️♥️💜❤️💜♥️❤️💜♥️❤️♥️💜💜💜I love you guys so much! Thank you for helping me meet justice today. And a very special thank you to APD for working so hard to get justice. I love you guys. ❤️♥️💜

❤️♥️💜Love Aiden

Aiden here this morning! Today is an important day and so I can’t talk much. I’m going to court this morning with my mom. The guy who took me is going to pay for what he did in court. We just have to got to be sure that the judge makes him pay. You don’t take dogs from their moms purses. God doesn’t like that. You don’t break glass and scare big dogs because I don’t like that. My brother Jaxson was so so scared and he can’t come to court today. Coral said she will bring everyone to court who can’t go through that police light up beeper. So, Coral is bringing Mikey and Howie and Dori and Jaxson and Sid too and my dad and moms dad and your dad too, if you want. Coral has special security clearance in other realms and so she brings Team Aiden, no matter where or who or what. Don’t tell everyone though, okay? Today we are going for sentencing. I don’t know what that means. I just know that I have my bright red vest on so I can be there in court and hear the judge too! So many people are very enrolled in the outcome of this court case from what I hear, for dogs rights and for people rights too. Do you know that dogs and cats like Howie have rights too. Howie has his own rights and now he was more rights…Howie will be so happy to hear this! I cannot wait to tell him!!! Anyway, it’s time to get ready for court with my mom, so I’ll catch you guys later! I would say wish me luck…I don’t know why…I think we don’t need luck. We’ve got this. We just need left hugs and lots and lots of love…and maybe, if you’re cool like me and Alice, a tongue out 👅 too!!! Alice is coming to court with Coral too, for Team Aiden. I love you Alice and I love you Howie and I love you Sid and Dad and Dori and Mikey too and most of all today, I love you Jaxson. I’m fighting for your rights too Jax. I love you and I’m mad they scared you. I’m going to tell the judge they scared you too, okay? I love you guys!

Please say it with me…

“I love you Aiden!!!!!”

Hurt pouring down my cheeks and thankful for Aiden…

Good early morning. I’ve been unable to sleep. Thoughts plague me and emotions run high. I figured I would write. Hopefully if you’re up at this hour, it’s not because you are sleepless or lonely or sad. Those feeling just seem intensified for me at 2:33am this morning. Maybe it’s all of the years working in and being in bars. Damn, 2:30 am was hella depressing then…”you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here…closing time…”Semisonic must play in every bar in the world on mornings just like this, at least in everyone’s head, if not blasting out of the speakers….I used to be the one who played it and a few times, I was the last one ushered out while it played. This morning, I feel like that…fucking lonely as hell place to be this morning. “I hope you have found a friend….”I guess there are just moments like this for each of us, aren’t there? For me, this morning, it all just hurts. It all just fucking hurts.

I find myself plagued by noises that others do not even hear. Plagued is actually fairly mild…it’s more accurately a hell all its own. I exist in a place in between, all of the fucking time. Sometimes, when I come up out of the deep for some air, I want to stay. Just for a moment or two…floating in the shallow. I have tried to stay to no avail. I have almost drowned there many a time. I’ve a feel for the deep waters. Shallow waters fuck me up though…my balance, my self confidence…all of it. I feel suffocated somehow in waters that don’t move me. And so, back into the deep I go. Sometimes, the deeper I go, and the darker it gets, the murkier and less clear to others; the more I know my way around here. I am of great service here and also so lonely here sometimes. At this depth, one must spend time swimming uphill alone. And I guess, to be fair, I was hoping for some clearer water and less choppy current while I gathered myself. My request was denied and the turbulence is astounding to me, down here on my knees. Daggers flying and me so fatigued I cannot even dodge them. And, to be fair, the sting of the sharpest words…well, they are not entirely untrue. It’s truth in those words that hurt me the most I suppose. My hope for its untruth feels empty somehow this morning at 2:50am and I feel very sad. I think I will just go lie back down and pray that this will pass before the depression sets to deeply in. I ask for your love and your prayers as I sort myself and my heart out. The struggle is real for me for sure this morning.

Aiden keeps me company in these darkest hours. Seeing him today and seeing Alice see him today made my heart smile. I am grateful for much more than I am depressed about for sure. I’m glad Alice got Aiden in her bucket and I’m glad I got to be part of it all! Thank you all for being a part of Aidens journey. Truly; Aiden and I love you all so much ❤️♥️💜 and we wish you a wonderful day! Please say it with me…”I love you Aiden!!!!!”

Aiden writes for his dear friend Alice…..

Good evening everyone! I was thinking I was writing and Aiden corrects me….Aiden blogs for me tonight…welcome Aiden!

Hi everyone! This is Aiden. I am here with my mom and my friends Alice and Coral. Alice is the organizer and inspiration for something very special. Coral is Alices hands and words and so is my mom and Alices mom Janet and Tamara. Those are my closest and innerest circle and Jason too. Anyway, it’s not top secret…it’s more that it’s in planning stages and I won’t jinx it by saying too much like Coral sometimes does. Humans do that and dogs don’t. So I told Coral I would handle this part, as dogs have better decorum than people. Mouths with no words does that. Anyway, I’m pretty important and some pretty important stuff is happening in my life. Soon and now and far away too. Anyway, I’ll start with now. Now is court on Thursday for the guys who stole me from my mom. I need you guys to pray and love us a lot. Dogs rights depend on these decisions. People cannot just take dogs. Court is to say that to the people who can protect dogs and get them justice, so when people take dogs, they get in trouble. Getting in trouble is to say to us to not forget to remember to not do that again. Dogs know this. People forget this a lot. Judges can say in ways that lots of people can hear that if you do bad things, you will have to be accountable. That means you have to take your consequences if you act badly. So, anyway, I don’t know so so much about all of this except it’s my day in court. I am taking all of you guys in with me to love me so high up that the judge sees me, my heart, my mom and my family that got so hurt when I got took from moms car at moms gym.

I have many fans. Today, Coral came to see mom and we all talked serious business and then Coral came back with my friend Alice. Alice was not sick and she didn’t come to see my mom. Well, I think Alice is like a lot of the dogs, I think maybe she is “lovesick” for me. If you know what I mean? She says something about a bucket list and I’m in the bucket, or something. Anyway, Alice had to ask Coral to ask her dad if she could take her in the FJ to see me at work today. Dad said yes and I saw Coral with Alice, her heart all a flutter and her eyes wide like saucers. Alice has been dying to meet me and since today is tongue out Tuesday, it meant so much more to her to meet me on this day. Anyway, you’ll see in the photos…Alice is over the moon. I kept cool though, cause I get this a lot. The ladies…the men…the world…I’m Aiden….I’m used to this spotlight and I share it with my dear friend Alice today. If you guys would, please say it with me…”We love you Alice!” Thanks guys! I kinda like her 😉 Have a great night! I love you!

Love, Aiden

And with that, I bid you all good evening. And if you would, say it with me…”I love you Alice and Aiden!!!!!”

So blessed for the beauty in my life…say it with me…”I love you Aiden!!!!!”

Good Monday morning everyone! Wow! What a whirlwind weekend I had! I am happy to announce that I have completed all of my requirements to submit my licensing renewal for my LMT license. Ethics, Ortho-Bionomy and CPR…check, check and check! I arrived home last night and I feel so blessed and so full from my time up in Pecos. I am excited to implement new techniques into my own practice from all I learned over the weekend.

Aiden was a pretty constant topic of conversation and everyone loves his taste in shoes! I was so glad to have Aiden with me and to be working so closely with him, even while I was away for a few days. The beauty of my work is that I can take it and it takes me wherever I go. There is a whole new group of people who have fallen in love with Aiden and who are loving him and praying for him. This makes me so happy and so full and so sure of who I am and I am grateful for that.

I met some amazing people, who do some amazing work! Gifted and seasoned therapists and instructors…a beautiful facility and wonderful accommodations…thank you to everyone who made my experience amazing. All of my love and gratitude.

I haven’t been on and off of massage tables like that in years. Partner rotations and demos…technique practice and show and tell. It reminded me of how vulnerable we really all are and how we must never lose sight of that in our lives and in our work. First rule of massage therapy is the same as it is in practicing medicine, and that is to do no harm. I am blessed by all of the hands that touched me and thankful for the opportunity to place my hands on so many people in practice. I am also thankful that I have completed this very daunting task for me! I’ve two years before I have to visit this again and I am feeling some weight lift from me and I am so thankful!

I hope you all have a beautiful Monday! I intend to have a beautiful Monday myself, just basking in it all and coming back to center a bit. All of my love to all of you and if you would please, say it with me, “I love you Aiden!!!!!”

A life lesson from Aiden: All I want to do is stay

Happy Sunday from Pecos everyone! I am finishing up my classes for my CEUs in Santa Fe this weekend! Today is my final day of Ortho-bionomy and WOW! What an epic weekend of learning and practice and being with people! For this gal, it’s a lot. Socially awkward an anxious at times…a loner and with a strong preference to be alone, I really threw myself in to lot of social interaction this weekend. Hands all over me and mine all over you…ya, it’s a lot. It’s an awful lot of continuing education and continued practice, so that we can bring all of you the best of ourselves. Ortho-bionomy is going to be a catalyst in my private practice to invite healing at a deeper level for all of my clients. What a beautiful technique! How did I not know if this before now? To be totally honest, my sister Robin Dyer picked this class for me. Aiden picked my shoes. Red adidas, before your first class on Friday, no exceptions. And here’s me…”but sister, that doesn’t interest me or sound like me at all…Aiden, I don’t have a budget for red adidas shoes right now. I just rented a shared home in Pecos, instead of a private residence in Santa Fe to save money!!! I can’t buy shoes!! And red? You want me to find red adidas?” And here I sit, with my brand new Aiden kicks on and my Ortho packet staring back at me, in the beautiful meditation space of my shared home in Pecos! Thank you Robin and Aiden! Thank you James and Jenny for hosting me! Thank you Santa Fe School of Massage and to all of the instructors and participants in this amazing weekend!

I came up Friday night to get settled in before my ethics class. Aiden had me running ragged for these red adidas shoes, which I found at my last stop finally. Then I headed up to Pecos to settle in before my Ethics class from 6-10pm in Santa Fe. I am often agitated and unsettled and arriving in Pecos, I was a bit out of sorts. I was greeted by Jenny and showed to my room. I was in and out in 15 minutes and returned well after dark, from Santa Fe. I began to unravel like I do…I should have gotten a private place…I needed privacy…I didn’t feel like talking or being jovial….what the fuck was I thinking? I piss money away like nothing and then I “save” money on my place to sleep, shower and shit. Really Coral? Fuck, I irritate myself sometimes! So fucking irrational and ridiculous is the notion that I do not deserve the best of myself and my life and what I have to offer. Ahhhhhh. Anyway, I got myself into a spin and my boxer briefs all into a twist. I freaked out inside and I got so mad at myself. I beat myself up and I drove around aimlessly for a bit trying to reconcile it all within myself. And then I looked down and saw those bright red adidas shoes and Aiden looking up at me. And I just stopped. Everything just stopped. What the hell is happening to me? Who the fuck am I? Where did I become so afraid of my own life and my own fucking choices and preferences? When did I start skimping on me? When did the hundreds of dollars passing through my hands not hold value for me and my preferences anymore? Do you know my all time favorite brand of anything? Adidas. My favorite color to wear, even though I look much better in green…is red. I won’t buy shoes that expensive for me. That red is too bright and too eccentric for me. I spent my life in adidas, playing soccer. I dribble a soccer ball better than I fucking walk. I look down at these crazy fucking shoes and I see Aiden looking up at me with a huge grin, and I’m back in the game again! Thank you Aiden. Thank you little buddy! Let’s play ball my friend!

So, Aidens shopping excursion seemed untimely and ridiculously unnecessary. I didn’t have to do it. I was justified in being busy. It was Aiden though and so I knew there would be something to these shoes. Countless stores offering me black or grey adidas shoes in just my size. Out of red. None in my size. Not adidas but bright as fuck red for absolute sure. And somehow I knew to stay the course and to not falter on Aidens requirements for these red adidas shoes. Here’s the lesson:

I am staying in Pecos with a man and his wife who God himself has host for him. I am staying in God’s house here in Pecos. All of the things I feared here were things I needed desperately in my life. I feared being close to someone and not having time and space for myself this weekend. I feared bed bugs and smells unfamiliar to me. I feared being alone in a strange and rural place. I feared being awkward. Last night I came home and met James. I came into my room afterwards, for I had just met God. I just fucking sat there stupefied and paralyzed and dumbfounded. I had no words at all. I looked around me at everything I had feared. Everything looked and felt much different to me. Suddenly the idiosyncrasies turned into divine blessings. Everyone and everything in my world became sacred. The details. The love. The place…this place…I was on hallowed and sacred ground here. The bed, made just for me and the cinnamon roll under the glass cake safe, homemade by James himself…the carefully labeled bottles of shampoo and soap in the shower…everything was prepared just for me. The texts to get my ETA and the waiting up for me to get home…the promise that he would be up to see me off this morning…all of it…I missed all of it at first. Now, I’m just sitting here in awe of all of it. God himself sent Aiden to usher me off this weekend, into my own divinity, to come back to all of you different somehow. In my meditation space, writing with all of you this morning, I know I am. I am different.

I came here pretentious and uptight and scared. I was ready to run. I was less than I am in an effort to be more than I am. I wanted solitude as I needed some fucking love man. Aiden knew I needed someone leaving the light on for me and getting up to tell me goodbye this morning. James is a chef and he baked in Las Vegas, Nevada. James makes cinnamon rolls and he leaves them under the glass cake safe on the table for us. I left mine there yesterday because I assumed it probably wasn’t vegan. This morning I went and swiped it, because I don’t care if it’s vegan or not. That cinnamon roll, made especially for me, with all of his love…ya, that’s where it’s at. It’s in the love man!

Aiden showed me how I cry for love in a million different ways every single day of my life. More importantly, Aiden showed me how I shun that love for not being “just right” for me in the same million ways that I call it up.

The red adidas shoes and the accommodations in Pecos…the really, really hard class with an equally difficult name…the long drive down a dark road to a rural and serene space, prepared just for me. Aiden ushered me in and I tried to run right back out because I guess I learned higher standards and bigger expectations…fuck, I’ve no idea what I think I knew. I didn’t know a damn thing. I knew nothing. Now, as I sit here with my coffee and my thoughts and myself…looking down at my shoes and Aiden…waiting to go and greet my hosts…I just feel whole somehow. Like nothing is missing from me this morning. I want to stay. All I want to do is stay. Thank you for the lyric Enya. Pale Grass Blue is the song this morning, from Aiden, for each of us.

Please say it with me, to my guru, this morning, “I love you Aiden!!!!”

Happy Friday from Aiden and Coral

Happy Friday everyone! I hope you have been having an amazing week so far. I am struggling and so I don’t want to be a downer this morning. I just wanted to stop in and say hello from Aiden and I. We hope you have a beautiful day!

Please say it with me…”I love you Aiden!!!!!”

And the alters have me this morning ❤️♥️💜

Good morning everyone! Happy Thursday! I did not get much sleep and I am a little bit pissy this morning. I apologize in advance for that. Fatigue and sleep deprivation do not help this girl to deal gracefully with her struggles at all. With that being said, I hope your night was more restful and peaceful than mine was!

I read a post on a page I follow this morning about “alters” and I am so thankful. Truly, I love reading something that I relate to so much, that explains so much about me, without fetching another diagnosis or being presented another smorgasbord of narcotic medication to “help” me. I do not want to be medicated with narcotics. I do not want to be more comatose than I already feel on some days, just waking up. I don’t want to be any more eccentric and outlandish than I already am, just to attempt to be well. Having alters scared me so much at first and the idea of other people finding out I had alters scared me even more. Now, it just simply explains me and how I survived the horrific abuse in my life. I have different egos and personalities that are actual split pierces of myself, and they work with me to navigate my life. Sam is my inner child and she came to save me from the impact that little Coral couldn’t survive. Sam and Coral work pretty well together. Some of the other alters do not work well very with anyone. Social anxiety, plagued with too much talking on my part, causes much discomfort and awkwardness for me daily. Misophonia, which is quite literally the hatred of sound, in which negative thoughts, emotions and physical reactions are triggered by sound, is my constant companion. If I had to pick one of my disorders that makes my life intolerably difficult daily, it would be the misophonia. A living and waking hell that knows no ends or bounds or limits. Dogs barking incessantly last night have me full blown triggered this morning. And so I begin reworking today’s schedule. I don’t want my colleagues to see me this way, and so today I skip VCA and do distance work with Aiden. My first client, also a dear friend, is a safe zone and so I can work comfortably there. My other client will be at work and so I’m feeling safe there. My errands, except for getting gas, can wait, and I’ll get back home as soon as possible. Back at home, I can begin to decompress a bit and recalibrate myself. This is my morning routine and today it fucking sucks. The struggle is real and I am a hot fucking mess today, all because I haven’t lined out my alters and my day and my emotions enough yet, to function.

My life is definitely a trip. I am super fucking intense. I care more about many of you than you care about yourselves. I love with all of me and I hurt deeply when love is with held from me. I give more than I’ve got to keep you on track and I care more about your finish than my own. I feel you. I am you. I spend time inside you and so I know who you are, your workings and your idealism’s. I allow you time inside me also, to allow for balance and intimacy in this very cold world. Your fears and inadequacies, I feel them. Your doubts and your negative self talk, I hear it. I am empathic. I bilocate. I intuit beyond the comprehension of most people. I truly do feel you. My alters saved me from death and yet, surviving the horror I did was a fate worse than death, many times over. Some days I grab my own arm and shake me to see if I really am still here at all. I am definitely not like any of you and I’ve known this my whole life. Bullying and constant taunting have always reminded me that I am different and kept me pretty fucking humble. These disorders that I have are simply who I am…this is me…this is my life and who I am. I’m awkward and crazy and without filter. I want life to be fair and when it’s horrifically unfair, I intervene to restore balance. I do this by divine guidance. I am a vessel for the work that comes through me and most days I feel So blessed for who I am and for my ability to do what I do. Today though…today I am tired and sleepless and irritable. Today I wonder what it would be like to be “normal” and I remember why I drank so fucking much. I drank to forget that God expects much more of me than he does from most. I drank to not feel so alone and isolated in who I am. I drank to fit in where I could once only sit and observe from the sidelines. Without drink…sometimes the pain of the my alters slams me into the wall suicidal and begging God to take me from the pain of not fitting in. This morning God said “no”and Aiden says it’s time to get going and so I set all this self pity down. I know how this is going to go…I’ll go grab my brightest tie dye and I’ll get myself presentable for my day…I will spend extra time in prayer and meditation this morning. I will take my hands off of all of you and Aiden and I will handle it. We will just handle it and get into our groove. Aiden and I do not get days off right now, as we are building Aiden a brand new airway. I never need days off from Aiden…just from everyone else sometimes. Today is one of those days, and so I’m going to lie low and mind my own business. I am going to keep my head down and keep my awareness on myself. I surround myself in love and purple light today, that we all be protected from the parts of Coral that serve no one…from the parts of society and one another that serve no one. We all survived something just to be here and we all developed survival skills for keeping us here. Some of those skills do not serve us anymore and yet, we’ve no idea what to do without them. We hold them tight, just in case we need them again. Our alters bring more subtle tools and today I accept those tools happily, as my own toolbox has me locked out this morning. Thank you Alice for your brilliant writing this morning, which totally inspired my own. Thank you for your honesty and your sharing yourself with us, so that I could share too.

To each of you, I love you. I really do love you. I don’t know how I love you or why I love you or what it means that I love you. I just know that I really do fucking love you. I’m going to keep saying so, even though I vowed not to. I vowed not to because some days I grow weary of being so fucking weird man. Fuck! Some days it’s a lot, even for me. Walking up to people and loving them for a deceased spouse or an absent, abusive, asshole spouse, simply because God said so…ya, some days, even in Coral land it’s a mother fucking doozie. I’m sure I’ll be back to my crazy, eccentric self soon. For today though, I’m not going to lie, just to get through it, I’m cutting my day short and laying low. I’m keeping my eyes down and to myself and my soul protected until I get back home. My soul, always open and peering from behind these green eyes, is closed this morning for self preservation. My eyes, constantly in contact with your own eyes, will be shifting away from your gaze today, to heal my own soul. I hope you each have a blessed and beautiful day today. I’ll love you from where I’m at and I will love you with all I’ve got. And if you would please, say it with me…”I love you Aiden!!!!!”

Aiden and Prajna and the hummingbird…

Good evening everyone! I was sitting down to contemplate writing when something hit the window of the studio really hard. When I looked out, there was a baby hummingbird on the deck. I ran out and picked her up and she was not moving much. She tried to fly and fell to the ground beneath the trees. I found her and picked her up again. I held her close to my heart and told her I was with her and she would be okay. Mostly she seemed very stunned. I lifted her up and she tried to fly again and fell face first into the dogs yard. I ran around to retrieve her before Nahko became curious…she wasn’t moving at all. I picked her up again and carried her into the studio. We had some water and waited for Tamara to get home. Tamara would know just what to do. Tamara got home and sure enough…she knew just what to do. We took my little friend “Hum-meer” to the hummingbird feeders so she could drink some sugar water. As I held her on my finger, she drank and drank and drank some more. Afterwards she stopped and looked at us, as if to say thank you, and then she fluttered her wings and flew up into the trees.

These moments and these little wonders make my life complete. Working with Aiden and living with Prajna, not many beings seem very small to me. Today though, with Hum-meer, Prajna seemed giant and Aiden seemed rejuvenated somehow. I thought Hum-meer broke her neck when she hit the window, as her windpipe looked weak like Aidens after she fell. Like Aiden though, she was not broken…she was badly bent for a moment or two…stunned and thrown off for a bit…discouraged, no doubt. And yet, she flew again. As I watched her fly away, I was reminded how we too, once we’ve been smashed and broken, we too fly away, don’t we? And to Prajna and Aiden, Hum-meer must have looked as small to them as they look to me sometimes…or maybe not. Anyway, the thud on the window certainly altered my evening a bit. I wanted to share this love and hope and inspiration with you, for I have felt broken before. When we hit the glass in front of us, that we took for open air, wouldn’t it be nice if someone picked us up and loved us back into flight? We all have the power to love each other back to life. We just have to have faith that we are love in the first place.

Aiden is love. That is all Aiden has ever been and that is all Aiden will ever be. Will you all help me to live Aiden back to flight please? Say it with me…”I love you Aiden!!!!!”