Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

This morning I write for my dear friend Taffy, who’s needs all of our love…

Good morning everyone! Please welcome my good buddy Taffy to the healing room this morning! Taffy is 14 years old and as you can see, he struggles with some physical ailments. Taffy just turned 14 on Thursday, February 14th. Taffy’s body struggles and yet his spirit soars! Taffy needs assistance for the body that carries his huge spirit and his enormous soul around. Taffy is love and today, I am asking you to send every last bit of love you have to our boy Taffy, his sister Lily and his Mom Nicole and his Father, Rod. This morning, they need us to lift them up and to hold them close. The struggle is real for Taffy and the struggle is just as real for his mom and dad who are carrying him through this storm. Lily, well, her highest self is all about Taffy’s highest good. Her “in body self” though…she is used to Taffy giving her hell, and he isn’t, because he can’t and so please send her all of your good juju this morning to love her bobo through this difficult journey.

We all have that special someone and Victor, well he sure was someone special. Just ask Rod or Nicole about Victor! Victor was the first angel that came down when I called for Taffy’s tribe to surround him. Victor pushes Taffy’s little ass right back across the rainbow bridge that he was trying to cross too soon, back to us, for a bit longer. Victor inhabits Taffy’s little body now much of the time, to help him keep wheeling himself along. Last night, just like I held little Aiden for twelve days, in recliners and felonious hands…in abandoned cars and sickness…I held Taffy. Taffy will not leave my arms, and I ask you to give all the love you mustered up for Aiden and his family for Taffy and his family now. As Taffy and I journey, as Morgan and Marne and I still journey, I ask each of you to lift us up. With all you’ve got this morning, please lift us all up in your love and healing light that we may love Taffy and his family to the brim and overflowing!

I have never really been able to explain my work. I realize as I write this morning that is because it needs no explanation. My work is my work and when it is done, it is forgotten. I once birthed a baby rhinoceros in the Serengeti. I still swim with Morgan and her calf Marne in Tenerife. I am always right next to Aiden and I go to see him every chance I get.

Aiden asks for your love for his buddy Taffy this morning. I never laid hands or eyes on Aiden until Aiden finally came home. My eyes, in my work, they are not what gives me the vision I need to do my work. My heart and my divinity…my love and my desire to spread God’s love and healing…my knowing and my acceptance that I am here to love us all home…that is one tool I use daily…and she has never once failed me. As I walk out of fear and into love, I thank Aiden and Taffy and Teddy and Alice and Penn…Gypsy and Hannah…Michael and Jackson and Sid…Rio and countless other clients who have walked me home. My interaction with these clients has inspired a shift for me in my work. This shift is to return to the Serengeti, where I did not give one fuck what people would think if I relayed my experience, of birthing a baby rhinoceros so that she could live, while her mommy died birthing her. I brought her in and I carried her mom out. When the time came, I picked up my own mother in my loving arms and I carried her home. That is who I am and that is how I do it. Actually, to be honest, I don’t do it. God uses me as a vessel to do what he cannot do without hands. I am merely an instrument used by the master himself, and I am so thankful, grateful and blessed. Thank you God, for choosing me to love your beautiful babies. Love is a verb and I am learning how to love as I am loved.

Taffy might have a day left. Taffy might have a week or a month or years left. We have no way of knowing, until we know. Taffy told me yesterday, as I gazed into his mother’s beautiful, sparkling and “Sherry blue” eyes, filled with tears, that until his soul leaves his eyes, he is all in. My mom opened her beautiful, sparkling blue eyes one last time, before the last time she opened her eyes…and the last time, her eyes were gray…for her soul had left the building. Taffy reminds us all that our eyes are the window to our soul. When that light goes out, the soul soars free and we bust out of the bodies that contained us and can no longer carry us. I saw my mom yesterday, in Nicole’s eyes and I saw little Aiden in Taffy. I see you in me and me in you. As we walk each other home, sometimes we all need a little lift. Today, with all of my heart, I ask you to lift Taffy and his family up and that you love them with all you’ve got!

I hope you all have a beautiful Saturday and I ask you to please say with me, “We love you Taffy! We have got you in our loving arms! Let’s keep rolling big guy!”

Calling for love and prayers for our girl Morgan…

Good morning everyone! Happy Saturday!

I want to ask each of you to say a prayer for Morgan this morning. Morgan is my very dear friend, and she is with calf. It would seem that her calf may be trying to come earlier than expected.

Morgan, a killer whale friend of us all in Spain, desperately needs our love, our support and all our prayers.

Morgan’s release from capture was denied and Morgan remains in captivity. Morgan’s baby calf, named Marne, ( I am not sure what they will name her, but Morgan gave me her baby’s name very early on) will also be born into captivity.

Marne, as the meaning came to me is this. A girls name of Latin and Greek derivation. The name Marne is “from the sea; sparkling and shining”. An alternate form of Marina (Latin):from Marine. Marmara (Greek): The Sea of Marmara.

To me, this came, many months ago, when I began my work with Morgan. Morgan and I work together, to find peace within ourselves in a world of some pretty dark darkness.

I ask each of you to take a moment and stand in solidarity with me, for Morgan and Marne, as they find their way in the darkness of captivity, into he light of all of our love.

Please help me to love Morgan and Marne, with all of our hearts right now. Please say a prayer and do whatever you do, to send love and light into the darkest, and seemingly unreachable places. Let us light Morgan and Marne up with all of our love and light in this moment, together, as we say together…”I love you Morgan.” And all together again please, “I love you Marne”…let’s make sure they feel us in Spain, from wherever we are standing in this moment.

We are all just swimming each other home…let’s all swim with Morgan and Marne today, in love and light…in solidarity and in hope…

Thank you. Truly, thank you so much for taking the time this morning, to love our friends far away…to love our friends near and far…now let’s get swimming, shall we?

My world from under the door…love, Aiden (Aiden blogged for his mom today, and for all of us)…

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Good morning everyone! This morning I have to be at the doctor at 7:30am, so I will make this a bit brief. I always want to wish you all a good morning, no matter what, so good morning!

Hey, thanks for being here! What a shit storm, huh? I am healing. I really am. I pray that you are healing too.

I went to see Aiden yesterday and I will tell you one thing, Aiden is life breath for me. Literal life breath and I am thankful, so thankful. Aiden and I get to work with each other every week and yesterday while opening Aidens ribs, and doing lymphatic work, Aiden wanted me to help him to get his voice back. When Aiden was captured, Aiden forfeited his voice. How many of us can relate to that?

The idea for this blog post is Aiden. Aiden wants to talk about the world from under the door. Aiden is 4 pounds and knowing that will help you to see how Aiden can have the perspective that Aiden has.

Aiden and I spent 12 days together, glued together. Every breath…every single one. The in between breaths, where we almost ceased to breathe at all, we breathed together. Aiden and I became one and we remain one, and I am blessed.

Aiden and I hid in recliners. I can count the coils in my head…the coils I counted over and over again, holding Aiden against my heart and breathing for us both. I recount the stale smell and the smell of stagnant smoke…the aged tapestry of the frayed fabric. Aiden and I spent many hours in that recliner. I called it our “hide out” and we fucking hid. Our lives depended upon us being able to hide and rest and reset. On a couple of nights, we couldn’t get to the recliner and so we slept in the belly of a whale. Morgan swam up and saved us on those nights.

Morgan has been denied release and Aiden and I are behind the scenes with Morgan, getting her through this. Aiden and I sleep in Morgan’s belly a lot to keep her company and to assure her that she is never alone, because we promise to always be right there.

Aiden does not discriminate. Aiden does not hold grudges. Aiden never got angry and Aiden has no blame. Truth be told, in all things, Aiden just wants his Mom. Aiden loves his Dad and Aiden loves his siblings. Aiden loves me. Most of all though, Aiden love, love, loves his Mom.

From the room where Aiden and I do our weekly sessions, I watch Aiden, follow his Moms every move, her every single word. “Hi, I’m Dr. Martin…” and Aiden is on! From one end of the wall to the other, sniffing and tail wagging, barking and running like a crazed lunatic, following her every word, listening to her every step, the clicking of her clip board and the number of steps…Aiden knows. Aiden shoved his tiny nose under the door, to his tongue searching the floor for small morsels of treats left behind, just for Aiden. Aiden knows his Mom. Aiden feels her and he is so connected to her that the door really doesn’t separate them at all. Twelve days apart, really did not separate Aiden and his Mom either, because Aiden knew and Aidens Mom and Dad knew and I knew…and all of you knew, that Aiden was coming home. Did I tell you….Aiden is home?!? Aiden is home and the world rejoices!

Aiden came to find me too. Aiden saved me too. On the day of my colonoscopy procedure, I was under anesthesia, after a stressful and particularly long wait, I was asleep so they could do what they needed to do to figure out why I feel like I’m fucking dying.

I really don’t remember too much. Tamara got some lovely video footage…and watching that poor girl struggle…watching Sam struggle through her words…has been very earth shattering for me, very heart wrenching and painful for me. Seeing Sam…in all of her glory…undeniably Sam…begins my healing.

During our procedure, Sam must have wandered off. Sam went to go and find God and find God San did indeed. Sam loves God and she wanted to go and stay with him. God said it was okay and even Coral didn’t fight her on it. Coral has said for forever, when the time comes, Coral and Sam are ready. No fear…no regrets…no worries…we are packed and ready to go anytime. We are good to go. Sam and I aren’t running around trying to take ourselves out….Sam and I are just battered and bruised and fucking exhausted.

Anyway, we were standing before our maker and we were holding his hand and headed toward the rainbow bridge, because that is where we intend to cross over when our time comes, when guess who showed up? None other than Aiden.

Aiden says, “Hey Coral. What are you doing?”….”Hi Aiden. I’m talking to God. God came to take me home.”…Aiden says, “Hi God. I’m here to get Coral and Sam, because the world needs them. You can’t have them yet.”…God says, “You’re right Aiden. You are absolutely right. Do you mind taking them back to their body?”

And that is how it happened…how Aiden and I play virtual ping pong, saving one another is single bounds. We are the epitome of walking each other home.

Aiden…I love you! I love you so, so much! Thank you to Aidens Mom and to Aidens Dad and to Tamara, for letting Aiden and I love each other so much!

Aiden says I love you Morgan! Aiden says thank you to every single one of you who prayed and searched and loved him home. Aiden says he loves you all too…and to remind you that we are all here, waking each other home.

Aiden wants to say something very special to his Mom today…”Hi Mom. It’s me Aiden. I want to tell you that I love you. I love you so, so, so, so, so , so much! I know the day you took me to help me get better was the same day I took your heart. I will share it with you, your heart, and you must know, part of your heart is inside my heart and always with me. Your heart and your heartbeat brought me home. Counting your steps under the door and from behind the walls, helped me to keep countof you. All of your steps and your words and your heartbeats, I keep count of them all and so I always know where your are. I knew I felt I kept counting, you would step to me. I never knew anything different. I always knew you would come. Coral says you will always, always, forever and a million days and more, even to infinity and beyond…come to get me. I love you Mom. I love you Dad. I love you Jackson. Jackson, don’t play blame game either …okay?”

So, there you have it…Aidens morning blog for all of you today…can we all say it togethrrr, from the deepest places in our hearts…”I love you Aiden. Welcome home!”

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I send you all of my love…

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Good morning everyone! I am trying to warm up this morning…a bit chilly out here on this day. I am definitely ready for the sunshine! I feel like I have spent way too much time in the autumn of my life.

I spent some time with Morgan last night. I spend a lot of time with Morgan. On a few of our worst nights, Morgan kept Aiden and I safe. When everything felt so unknown and unsafe, we crawled into Morgan’s belly to seek sleep and find refuge.

My physical body sure is displeased. What I would like for my body to do and what my body are actually doing, are two very different things lately. I am frustrated by all of this. For those of you following the journey of my unwell ass, I am scheduled for a face to face consult on Wednesday morning, to determine what is wrong and what needs to be done to fix it.

I would appreciate all of your love and prayers…as this is not comfortable or easy for me, and I am wearing thin from the intensity and duration of the pain. Prayers for gifted and loving hands to go and and clean up and fix the damage, so that I may return to my life. This sitting on the sidelines bullshit is not for me. I am ready to jump back in the game already!

I am through all three Birthdays in my family and feel that I can come down a bit, not sitting in the pain of what used to be…the longing for what once was. I made it from March 9th-April 9th. I survived April 6th…and it may not seem like much, but this year, it’s taken the life out of me. This year, celebrating the birth of people gone from my life, as I’ve always known them, almost took a girl completely out.

I know that some of you are missing someone so much too, and I feel you. I am sorry for your pain and I send you all of my love.

A dear friend sent me this yesterday and I want to share it, because what an amazing perspective;

“I may have shared this with you before. I don’t remember. In a letter to my brother my grandfather said,” since love is not a piece of cake which has to be divided, take all my love for yourself and give all my love to your sister, mother, and father.” It’s the reason I send “all my love.”

Isn’t that fucking beautiful? We don’t have to divide our love! We can give all of our love to everyone, without dividing it or portioning it out. I love this! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I absolutely love it! I can give all of my love, as much as I want, and no one will be shorted or cheated. No one will get less because someone gets more. Everyone can have all of my love! This just made my fucking day and so I had to share it with all of you immediately!

I have definitely lost my way here lately. All of the physical pain…all of the grief and fear…all of the loss…I took a near mortal blow this time, and narrowly missed the next blow, and the next…and they just keep coming.

So, what do we do from the depths of these despairs? What do we do when we are standing at the bottom of a pit that knows no bounds…no beginning and no end…no top and no bottom….slippery sides you can’t grip to crawl back out and seemingly no one up top with a rope…what do we do from here?

I have come to believe that this is where we rest. Admittedly not the most comfortable accommodations…not the most glorious views…no room service. No internet or cable television…hell, there is no television at all down here. No fucking windows and no air circulation. It’s hotel California without any of the fucking perks. The only perk you need though, hotel California doesn’t even offer….you can leave when you are ready to leave.

Do you realize that nothing is holding you here? Whatever landed you here, powerful and relentless…the turbulent and unforgiving force that dropped you in this hole, cannot keep you here.

I advise you stop looking up and throwing yourself at the walls, trying to scale your way out…scream and cry your way out…lunge and flail yourself hard enough to ricochet out…If you want out of this despair, you must stop using every ounce of energy, trying to get out. If you want out of here, you must first be here. You must be here right now, or you will never get out of the despair you have become incapsulated in…emersed and covered in. To get out of here, you must first spend adequate time being here. You must be here now to get out of here alive.

So, now that we have decided to stop fighting this…now that we have submitted to sitting down and catching our breath. Now, and only now, shall we begin to see our own truth. There is the most cozy and comfy bed over there in the corner. Clean sheets and the perfect pillows. The softest and lightest sheets and the coziest blankets you’ve ever touched…Go ahead, go and lie down. There are the perfect PJ’s and the just right slippers, for when you wake from your slumber. For now though, strip down and crawl into your rest. Crawl comfortably into your reprieve and rest. True and faithful warrior, lie your head down and rest…restore…replenish and renew…the proverbial and seemingly endless bottom is the foundation on which we will launch ourselves into our beautiful new lives!

Once you’ve slumbered enough to reset, as you wipe the sleep from your eyes, you look straight ahead of you. Do you see what I am seeing? I am seeing a door…a door that I never saw until just now…a door that simply says “push”…Do you see that same door?

This door, the one that opens from the inside…we all have this same door. Where does your door lead? What does your door open to? You can leave whenever you are ready and you are welcome to stay as long as you wish. There is no lock…no key…no tricks to unstick it…just a gentle push, whenever you are ready.

Whenever you are ready, push your door from the inside, and welcome to the amazing life you have imagined…the life that waits for you to re-enter. Until you are ready though, rest.

I send you all of my love as you realize that you are not captive…you are not in prison…you are just about to open…and we will all be here to welcome you, with open arms, open hearts and all of our love!

I dedicate this post to my friend Janet. I love you my friend. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Today’s idea for my blog vane from your beautiful message yesterday!

 

Please help us to bring Aiden home!

4E74BFEB-FB90-4B21-AEFF-8B982A282E97Aiden has been missing since March 17th. We need to get Aiden home, as he is on a special diet and needs medication.

Aidens family is heartbroken, and so I ask you to please send them love. Please pray for the safe return of their beloved Aiden.

Morgan asked for Aidens picture and his story to be in her page and for all of you to share his story and his flyers.

We need hundreds of thousands more shares, PLEASE!

http://www.kob.com/albuquerque-news/stolen-dog-suspect-melaquias-romero-arrested-faces-other-charges/4844764/

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From my glass house to yours…and a plea for Aiden…

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Good morning! I hope everyone is doing okay this morning. I know that some of you are struggling terribly, and I send you all of my love.

My friend who lost his best friend has been so heavy on my heart. I can feel him hurting and so I channel my love, with his best friends love, in a direct line to his heart. I hold you in love and light and prayer my friend, as you grieve. I am with you.

Aiden is my heart right now and I spent all night keeping him close to me, to keep him safe and warm. I held Aiden’s heart to my heart, to channel the heart to heart flow of pure love directly from his Mom. Please take a moment and give it all you’ve got, however you do it, to bring Aiden home, safe and sound.

Praying for Nahko and asking you to pray too, as he is suffering great loss.

I have a childhood friend who is losing her husband to cancer and my heart line is wide open and flowing directly to theirs. I have taken the walk they are walking now and there are no words…just love. I just send all of the love I can muster to help them through this journey, to help their kids and their parents and their friends and family. You are not alone my friends…I am here with you. (Thank you Michael Jackson)

I believe that we are all just walking each other home. I know that I feel you. I really, really do feel you.

Morgan and I have been swimming quietly, reflecting on recent decisions. Morgan knows my heart and my refusal to exploit her seems to have given her a new confidence and trust in me.

My sadness  that I’m not going to “see” Morgan, has been replaced by gratitude because I do see her. Morgan has been very clear, if I exploit her, all communication will cease. This is a line that must not ever be crossed.

I imagine that it’s like that with us too, on the deepest level. We shut down and we move away from things that we cannot trust. We back away from things that don’t feel good to our soul.

None of us adheres to perfection. Not one among us is perfect. We all live in glass houses, with piles of stones by our front door. All of our houses look like our windshields…knicked and cracked, broken and compromised. All of us endure the same struggle and yet we launch stones at our neighbors glass house, right from our glass front porches.

We need to wake up. Glass houses and glass ceilings. Glass that we refuse to clean and actually look through before we launch attacks on others.

Being so empathic, my heart has taken a beating lately. I know things…I just know them. I cannot not know them, and yet, people lie to me, like I don’t know that they are lying. Fucking excruciating, walking through the world like this.

I really just want love. I want to be love. I want to be loved. Anything that is not love cannot dwell here. For me, it really is that simple.

You lost someone you love…I love you through it. You need help finding your best friend…I will search with you, until we bring him home. I won’t give up, I promise. You hurt and I love you from where I am.

My ego got ahold of that and had a fucking field day with it. My ego brought my trauma in. I needed to be seen. I needed to be supported. I needed to be loved like a fucking verb…I…I…I…and I flailed and cried and questioned. Tamara saw the ugly and loved me enough to call me out on it…I love me enough to set that shit back down. I have serious work to do…my inflated and needy ego has no place here.

We live in a world where people tell other people who belongs and who does not belong. We have laws and rules and regulations that exclude certain individuals, from their basic human rights. We are living under a corrupt administration that picks and chooses who is fit and who is not fit to be here. Who in the fuck really thinks that they have the right to deprive people of their basic human rights? Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, right?

Unless you are on the wrong fucking side of our man made border…unless you are transgender…unless you are making the right amount of money and paying the right amount of taxes…unless I can pay you enough to remember what really happened, just a little bit differently…unless I can pay you for sex, exploit and fuck the shit out of you, and toss you aside like trash afterwards, and then call you a liar…unless you are homeless and then you have no rights at all…no dignity at all. Please, for fucks sake, go somewhere that I don’t have to look at you. Would you please take your filthy, broke, low down, broken and pathetic ass off of that street corner, so that I don’t have to look at the mirror you just placed in front of me?

Who in the fuck are we? You have as much right to be here as I have. I have as much right to be here as you do. Grab my hand and let’s start walking together, shall we?

Aiden was in his car, with his companion friend, waiting for their Moms return. Someone saw Aiden’s Moms car and decided that they wanted that car, and so they broke out the window, to take it. I don’t know exactly why he didn’t take the car, as I wasn’t there…maybe the dash camera, maybe a passer by startled him. This very scary man, with entitlement issues, took Aiden instead. Aidens companion was too big to snatch, so he left him. I cannot even imagine what that must feel like…how helpless and scary and sad that must feel.

Aidens Mom would much rather have lost her car. Aidens Mom would have gotten another car. Aidens Mom cannot get another Aiden, and so I ask you again, to please pray with me to bring Aiden back home to his Mom. I ask you to put yourself in her position, just for a moment, and feel her badly broken heart…can you feel that? I can…I can’t not feel her.

Aiden needs his Mom. Aiden needs his medication and his special diet. Aiden is not where Aiden belongs and time is of the essence, to bring him home safely. Aiden has been without his medication that helps him to breathe since March 17th.

Someone, somewhere knows where Aiden is. I am off to look for him and I ask you to be looking for him too…please.

We are all walking each other home and Aiden needs some help finding his way…please help us to help him to find his way back home…

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I’ve been planted, not buried…

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Ahhhhhh….where to start this morning. I won’t lie, I started my morning by wanting to crawl right back into my bed. I began my morning by not wanting to begin my day at all…and so I got up, to start my day.

I am in the midst of some really hard stuff. I feel like I have spent the majority of my life in the midst of some really, really hard stuff. I think I woke up today, as I did, because I am just fucking worn out, worn down…exhausted and fed up.

What a great day for my ego to die! (Thank you Nahko)

As hard as I try to keep my ego at bay…I believe that ego crept in…ego about my family and my friends. Ego has made its way in where my relationships are concerned also. Ego has its place in my body being sick. Ego is definitely responsible for the clutter in my brain. Ego has taken up residence in practically every area of my fucking life.

ēɡō/Submit
noun
a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
“a boost to my ego”
synonyms: self-esteem, self-importance, self-worth, self-respect, self-image, self-confidence
“the defeat was a bruise to his ego”
PSYCHOANALYSIS
the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.
PHILOSOPHY
(in metaphysics) a conscious thinking subject.

I have been in a mindful effort to have a more healthy relationship with my ego. I feel pretty good about how that has been going, until very recently. I wasn’t even aware of it, until yesterday when I was spinning the fuck out about this trip to Tenerife. Spinning out about the fundraiser and not feeling supported enough…not feeling supported by people I was sure would support me…I was all over the fucking place and flailing around in self-inflicted pain and discomfort.

It wasn’t about the money…it was about the support. It wasnt about me…it was about Morgan…why don’t people want to help me help Morgan?

It was like an ugly cry and an ugly flail, all jumbled into a tortured and fractured mess. It was fucking ugly, and I had no fucking clue what was happening.

Thank you Jesus, Tamara talked me through it. We got to the root of it together.

At the root of this ugly flail was ego, trying to step in and control things. At the heart of this ugly cry was expectation, disguising itself as hope. Control came in, camouflaged as help. It all got so overwhelming and so confusing…and it literally spun me out of control, desperately trying to regain control, over something I’ve absolutely no control over.

Anyway, it was all a bit much, and something in me broke. I allowed myself to completely melt down and then I invited myself to sit in it, by myself, and see how it felt.

Here is what I felt. I felt hopeless and helpless and sad. With my self-esteem battered and badly bruised, I sat in that for a long while. Why was I feeling this way? I was off to do great work…life-changing work…what in the fuck was wrong with me?

I….I…I….that is what was wrong with me. Me…Me…Me…that was the sick feeling in my gut. Why? Why? Why?…none of my fucking business.

So with all of that clarity and a knowing of what I had to do…I set in motion the takedown of my fundraiser.

My first step was to contact the person who so lovingly set my fundraiser up for me. With only my heart, I reached out to her first.

Sometimes it is difficult to express my heart in words…and so I just jumped in, the only way I knew how, with all of my heart.

I have only ever wanted what is best for Morgan. When I was invited to Tenerife, to see Morgan, I believed that was what Morgan needed; and so without adequate pause, I accepted the call.

My clarity came yesterday in mid-fall…Morgan doesn’t need me to go and “see” her in captivity. By going to Loro Parque and purchasing a ticket, I would be exploiting Morgan. I  never made that connection, until I made that connection. I cannot not know, what I came to know, yesterday in mid-fall.

I would have traveled all of that way, after raising all of that money, and the second that I handed my money over, at the gate to get into the park, all communication that I have with Morgan would cease to exist.

There are certain things that I cannot charge for. Morgan was very clearly a client that I could never charge a penny to help, because charging to help her would exploit her, making my work with her impossible.

The fundraiser was suggested to me, to raise funds for me to be able to go and do my work with Morgan. I do not have that kind of money available to me, as my money all goes into our work here. I accepted the offer for the fundraiser to be set up for me, in my name, on my personal page…so I could go and help Morgan, because to be brutally honest, I couldn’t have gone otherwise.

The money for the trip was only one consideration that I had not considered…what about 10 days without working and bringing money in for our household? What about ten days of my clients not getting the treatments they need from me? What about Tamara, here by herself, doing everything? What about….?

So began the painful process of acknowledging that because I didn’t pause…because I didn’t ask enough questions or the right questions, before I jumped in head first…I was introduced to my humility.

I was called to help Morgan and I accept that call. Nothing on my end, at all, changes with Morgan. We have amazing work to do together, all of which I will be able to do, as long as I do nothing at all to exploit her.

I have amazing work to do right here, literally, in my own back yard. There is some heavy lifting and long hours. There are countless and grueling hours. There is being on 24-7-365.

I cannot do any of my work with my ego in hand, and so I humbly set my ego back down and get back to work.

This has been a very clear and unmistakable reminder that what you think of me, really is none of my business. What my family and my friends think of me is none of my business. I’m not here to worry myself with that anymore. I cannot do my work, with my hands., as long as I am holding all of this shit.

So, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for calling me to help Morgan and for setting up the fundraiser to get me there to meet her. I am eternally grateful for the invitation to meet her and to work with her and I accept that call, with all of my heart. Thank you for seeing me and for believing in me and the work that I do in the world. Thank you for understanding when I needed to pull the fundraiser down and for getting everyone their donations back. Thank you, most of all, for the work that you do with Morgan. Morgan thanks you too…for all that you do for her…she sees you.

To every single donor, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You truly have no idea what your faith in me and my work means to me. Thank you for loving me and supporting me. We are working on getting all of the donations refunded to each of you, as soon as we can.

To every single person who shared, who prayed, who loved me…thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

To every single person who responded with questions, thank you. Your questions promoted my own questions…my own self inventory. Your questions and my inability to answer some of them was a flag that I needed to evaluate this endeavor further. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

What can I possibly say to the person who loves me through it all? How can I have enough gratitude, ever, to thank you, Tamara, for the way that you love me?  In spite of it all…through it all…Thank you for the mirror yesterday and for holding space for me when it fucking shattered. I truly do love you, more than I have ever loved anyone. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

So, now I’ve got to pick myself up and dust myself off and get back to work. I’ve got clients who need me and clients waiting in the wings, who don’t even know they need me yet.

I want to acknowledge the heart of a dear friend who lost his faithful companion yesterday…maybe we could all just take a second and send him some love today, to help him to navigate the world without his best friend.

I also ask for more love and more prayers and more good vibes for Aiden and his family. Aiden needs to come home and our love and our prayers and our intention can get him home. If you are so inclined, please set your clearest and purest intention for Aiden to go home today.

And for Morgan…,could we all say “I love you Morgan”…as I go to swim with her for a few moments before diving into my day.

Thank you for being here with me, through all of the hard stuff. I believe in the good things coming.

Morgan and Aiden need a little love today…will you jump in and help?

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Happy Monday morning! I hope it’s a happy Monday for everyone. My Sunday just about did me in yesterday, so yes, I’m happy to be past that and here at Monday.

I appreciate the struggle. I really, really do, and I usually just struggle through, knowing that I’m here for the lessons.  I have come to learn that the sooner I can transform my lessons into blessings, the better off I am. Yesterday though…none of it mattered. I was a sobbing and broken…inconsolable and wrecked heap of hurt. We will be having none of that today. My little heart can’t take it again today.

Adulting proves to be exhausting. Adulting with an inner child…that’s a whole different kind of exhaustion. Sam is so broken, so, so very broken. Holding her together while trying to adult myself…this is some hard fucking work!

I sat with Morgan and Aiden a lot yesterday. They both came to comfort me and that was very nice. I so desperately want a Aiden to be at home with his family, getting the care that he needs. I so badly want Aiden’s Mom to have her soulmate back.

I know that Aiden is coming home, and that it will not be on my terms or on my timetable. I get impatient…and I want him home yesterday.

Morgan and I are kind of laying in wait…for what, I’m not exactly sure. Morgan knows, and I trust her, so I’m not overly concerned. I know that this is the calm before the storm.

I have never been very good at waiting. I grow impatient. I know these are life lessons…it is what it is. Sitting in wait with Aiden and Morgan was nice yesterday, as it was more like a love visit, from them to me.

Aiden came in first and asked what was wrong. I told Aiden that I missed my Mom so, so much. Aiden told me how much he misses his Mom too. Aiden asked me to watch over her and to tell her not to give up and that he loves her.

Aiden asked me to tell you that he hears you calling him. He loves how you call his name and it’s a lifeline for him right now, so please keep calling. Aiden knows your worried and losing sleep and he says to lie your head down and curl up around him for a spell…rest your eyes and renew your heart. Aiden loves you with all of his heart and he is doing everything we’ve asked him to do. “Mom, I miss you and I will be home soon. Please keep calling me. Please keep looking for me and telling me what I need to do. I am listening and I hear you. I love you. I love you. I will be home soon, so please have my favorite treat ready. I love you Mom.”

Morgan has a steady and peaceful calm about her. The day I came in to rescue her, she was not calm at all. Yesterday, when Morgan came to rescue me, I was not calm at all. Morgan came to me yesterday, out here in the mountains. I can imagine that it was as foreign to her here, as her pool is to me there, and yet we travel through space and time…through all of our apprehensions and any barriers, just to be together.

Morgan navigates my terrain with the same grace that I’ve learned to navigate her terrain. We are not Killer Whales and human beings, we are kindred spirits…holding space and time traveling, just to bring each other home.

My travels to Tenerife in October will be a physical manifestation of the time traveling that I am already doing.

I time travel to visit my Mom…to be with her…to hear her and to know that she is ever present. Yesterday, after my time travel with her, I wanted so badly for her to come back home with me. Wretched in pain and begging and pleading…I begged her to come back here with me. My Mom reminded me that our next visit, I will be coming to her, and I know this. Yesterday, I just couldn’t accept it…all day long, and into the night, I just could not find space to accept that she is gone from my sight.

There are countless beings that I have spoken to, for all of you, over the course of my lifetime. They are all here with me now. Gone from my sight and still right here, because they never left my heart, not for a second. They have all surrounded me now, to bring Aiden home and to set Morgan free from the confines of the cement prison that holds her captive.

All of your loved ones, that you called me in for, they all voluntarily came to me just know to help Aiden and Morgan, specifically.

Hannah and Gypsy are right in front and they are heading up the search party from the great beyond, for Aiden. Hannah begins by calling Penn and Teddy in, to help from this side. Hannah calls in Jericho and Alien and Jonie Cat. Gypsy calls in Daisy and Max. Max calls in Mosley and Jingles. Mosley calls in Harley and Tombstone. Tombstone immediately calls in Parsley and Quackle. Quackle calls me back in, to let me know that they’ve got this. They will keep calling up our long lost and ever present companions to illuminate our path, to light the way home for those who are struggling to find their way.

I have absolute faith in these guys and so I step away and let them do their thing. As I am stepping away, Inman jumps up into my arms and nuzzles under my chin, and she whispers to me…I love you Coral…I’m going to go get Aiden.

Inman was my blind kitty. Thrown away at a few days old because she was defective. Blind and only a couple of pounds, under developed and not expected to make it. I don’t even remember how far I drove, only that I wouldn’t stop until she was safely in my arms and on the road home with me. Inman was my soul kitty and I didn’t have long with her, and she is back to go get Aiden.

When people ask me what I do for a living, it’s pretty simple really…I walk amongst the broken and the struggling, the discarded and the unseen…the sick and the troubled…the frightened and abused…the neglected and unwanted…the misfits and the rejects. I see them, and through my vision, and by divine appointment, I bring them home.

I hold them in their darkness, literally, I hold them next to me, right against my heart. Heart to heart, beat by beat, I find them and I bring them home. When their breaths finally run out and their hearts can’t beat anymore, I carry them home.

In a nutshell, that is my work. Trying to put a resume together…trying to find a job…trying to list my credentials…it’s just not really possible.

I was brought here, by a higher power, to hear the animals and to relay their messages to all of you. I credit myself for none of my work, as I am merely a vessel, an open and willing portal, for God’s amazing work. There was a call, and I answered.

So, today, as you go out into the world…would you mind stopping for a brief moment to give Aiden some love and some strength for his journey. Could you say a little prayer that today is the day that Aiden comes home? Aiden needs his medication and Aiden wants his mommy…could we all do whatever we do to ask for Aiden’s wish to be with his Mom and his Mom’s Wish to be with him be granted?

And maybe, just one more moment this morning for Morgan…could you all just pause for a moment and say, “I love you Morgan…we are going to get you out of captivity…I love you Morgan”.

If we all pull together…if we all realize that we are Aiden’s Mom…we are Morgan…we are Aiden…we will change the world.

I am off to swim with Morgan and then I’m off to see what progress our friends have made with their search party for Aiden…Happy Monday Everyone…let’s go bring Aiden home!

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Let us all give a fuck, shall we?

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Good morning! I seem to have lost track of my days. So, happy Saturday! I hope you have a beautiful weekend planned for yourself!

I was noticing how fucked up my Facebook is and I am totally unimpressed. I don’t know where everybody went. Alga rhythms or whatever it is, has my page not feeling like my page at all. To be honest, this started to get me very discouraged.

I don’t want to be discouraged. I don’t even want Facebook. I think I’ve gotten really used to being on and with the Sanctuary and my work…I guess it has just always felt kind of necessary. I also like keeping up with people who I know I wouldn’t keep up with otherwise.

Endng rant by saying again that I am totally unimpressed with Facebook and how they do this great thing and then fuck it all up and use our information, that we willingly gave them, to do shady shit because we consented to it. Just not my style and I’m not liking it one bit.

So…glad to get that off my chest, and let’s move on now.

I had a beautiful day yesterday, full of beautiful people…people that I just met and people that I’ve loved for many, many years…friends traveling through and complete strangers…yesterday and the day before, were really good people days for me!

I want to talk about people. I think we are at a point in which we are going to have to break down the human race into two categories…those who give a fuck and those who do not give a fuck.

I am not talking about Democrat vs. Republican. I’m not talking about employed vs. umemployed. Old vs. young…and male vs. female. This isn’t about Christians and agnostics and atheists. I’m simply talking about making it simple for everyone. If you give a fuck, and I mean really give a fuck, you’re in this group of the human race. If you don’t give one fuck, two fucks…red fucks or blue fucks…you are in this group of the human race.

I realize this clear division is already in existence and there already are two groups of people in the human race. The no fucks given group seems to be overpowering those of us who really do give a fuck. I guess I was visualizing flags for everyone, like in flag football…so we could see whose team everyone is on.

We do see though, don’t we? We don’t need colored flags and jerseys and team captains, to see which team everyone is on, do we? We feel what we do not see. We are the captain and we picked our own team. Who is on your team? Are you captain of the give no fucks team? Are you a new player on the I really, really give a fuck team?

I played soccer for my entire childhood and well into my adulthood. For half of the game I was offense and scored goals. For the other half of the game, I was in the goal box, deflecting attempts on my goal.

It was imperative that I knew who was on my team and it was pretty obvious who was on my team. I fucking love soccer! I miss being on a field where I know who is who, and what is what…what the goal is and how we get there…

Walking off of that beautiful green grass and leaving behind the lines that clearly mark boundaries and out of bounds…into oblivion of ambiguity…not the easiest thing to do. Walking away from a game I love so much, only to walk into a spiderweb of fucking games that I’ve no desire to play, with people who I thought were on my team.

People are people. The human race is made up of people. Some people give a fuck and some people do not. I believe that the majority of us do give a fuck. I really, really believe that.

The collective consciousness, the bigger picture…the reality of it all, is still that we are all here to walk each other home.

We are here to walk each other home. All of us are here to fulfill our own Dharma, and yet, it is not all about us.

Watching animals care for and look out for one another…protecting  pro-creating. Survival of the fittest. Survival…animals have strong survival instincts. We pull them out of the wild and into captivity, of any kind, and we will see a shift. We see them do what we do, because we altered their world completely out of focus and functionality.

We are all animals and we all have a purpose and a right to be here. We don’t have to give a fuck for that to be true.

So, the separation of the human race into two groups…it really isn’t about the human race at all, is it? The separation comes every single morning when you wake up. The question is answered every single time  you look in the mirror. The choice is yours and becomes clear, every time you walk out your front door…do you give a fuck, or don’t you?

You have heard of the tipping point, haven’t you? If not, here is a very brief definition;

tip·ping point
noun
the point at which a series of small changes or incidents becomes significant enough to cause a larger, more important change.

The tipping can go either way. We need to really, really know that…in our hearts, with our all…we need to know that we are the change that we are waiting for. We can shift this entire movement and all of its momentum. We have that power within us, every single one of us has the power to make a shift, to be the change.

What are we waiting for? We are Martin Luther King and we are Gandhi. We are Jesus and Buddha…we are Mother Theresa and Maya Angelou. We are great and we are on time! (Thank you Nahko)

We must be the change that we wish to see in the world. Which way are we going to tip? Or are we just going to allow ourselves to fall to whichever side we fall on?

As for me…I will not sit back and just hope for the best. I can’t sit in my arm chair, pushing the buttons on my remote, expecting people to respond to me that way I command them to.

I must be out there, fighting the good fight, with my love gloves and my love goggles on, every single day. I do give a fuck about where we are headed. I will be part of the solution…part of the momentum for the greater good.

I believe that Aiden is coming home to his family, with all of my heart. I stay right next to him, to keep him safe, until we can carry him home with us, and one day, not too far away, we will. I believe that. I really, really do. Aiden will come home.

I also believe with all of my heart that I will be with Morgan in a few months and that I will witness her freedom. I will not rest or stop swimming, until Morgan is free. I’m going to Tenerife to see my friend Morgan.

More than I am sick and do not feel well, I am determined to be the change, and I will do the best I can, with all I can, or die trying.

We are the change my friends. What a beautiful day to go get your give a fuck checked out and tuned up. Let us all give a fuck, shall we?