Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

We love you Tiny Dancer…and a message from Aiden…

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Good morning everyone! Happy Friday! I hope you have had a wonderful week and are set to have an amazing weekend! I am recovering well and relieved to be on the mend. I know a lot of us are going through some transformation and so I remind us to be gentle and kind.

It occurs to me, as I am unable to show up in the world as I usually do, that I need assistance sometimes, that I drive slower and very protected. I am very consciously using 10 and 2 on my steering wheel, which hasn’t happened in years. To people in a hurry, I just look like some asshole I’m sure.

This is the part, right here, where we all make our choices, isn’t it? We can choose to be helpful and kind and non-judgemental. We can offer assistance. We can be of service. We can be love. We can also be angry and impatient and rude and hurtful. We do have the choice, don’t we? In a hurry…late for work…and we can’t wait for you to take your sweet ass time! Or, we can slow down and we can embrace this opportunity to be love, to be kind…Whether we realize it or not…we do have a choice. We must be the change that we wish to see in the world.

I am working with a beautiful soul and her name is Tiny Dancer. Tiny is needing our love. Aiden called me yesterday morning and I had no idea why. I went to see him and still wasn’t sure why. Aiden and I…we are tight like that! Aiden calls and I do not question…I show up. As always, another call, gave clarity to the previous call, and my work begins.

Found trying to swim in a grease trap, with her companion, who did not make it, Tiny Dancer needed a miracle. The good news is that Tiny got a miracle and the very best vet care. Tiny was literally loved back to life by her medical team and the supporters gathering around her. Right now, Tiny needs your love, and so I ask you, however you do whatever you do…please do so for Tiny. Please pray…meditate..send your love and all of your light…please do what you do, to let Tiny know that she isn’t alone.

Pranja has been loved back to life. Pranja’s was found with her eye hanging out of the socket and in heat, on the streets and beaten down…and a good Samaratain found her and got her the best veterinary care. Pranja got a second chance. Aiden got a second chance. Tiny Dancer got a second chance.

Aiden has something to say to all of you, so I will type for him, until he figures out how to type without thumbs;

”Thank you for coming when I called. Thank you for helping Tiny. I knew Tiny wasn’t in a pool swimming. I knew Tiny needed help and I called Coral. Coral says you guys will help Tiny too, if I just ask you to. So, I want to ask you to please pray for my friend Tiny…please love her all the way back to life and help her to see again. Tiny is scared and sweet and sad and she needs us to love her back to life, to dance her, to the left, to unwind her trauma. Coral says to dance counterclockwise to unwind Tonya demons. I don’t know that that means, and I trust Coral, so please dance making left circles for Tiny today. Please dance to the left and love with all of your heart, my friend Tiny Dancer who has been hurt and her friend died, so she is so sad and can’t see too. Thank you for bringing me home and please help Tiny as much, to come back to life and to see some again. I love how hard you loved me home and I know you can love Tiny Dancer well again too. Please help her and love her with your whole heart.”

Thank you Aiden, for talking to everyone. Pranja chimed in and says she will help her with her eyes. Pranja’s got the eyes. Aidens got her heart. Let’s all jump in together now and love this girl back to health and love and light.

As always, thank you for being here with me this morning. Today’s call is a big one and I am headed to see Tiny Dancer now, so please fill her with your love and healing light and let’s get this girl healing and knowing she is so loved and so very much wanted.

All together and with all of your heart, please say this with me…”We love you Tiny Dancer and we are all here to carry you through this. We’ve got you Tiny. We love you and we’ve got you.”

Thank you everyone, for loving me through the hard stuff and for being on Team Aiden! Aiden loves you and says thank you too! I’m on my way Tiny…we are all in our way, to carry you through the hard part and to celebrate with you when you are out of the woods. We love you Tiny Dancer!

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I am so blessed to live the life I am living!

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Good evening! I am glad you’re here. Hell, I’m glad I’m here. When I don’t blog in the morning, I feel a little thrown off all day long.

Tamara and I slept in the barn with Ahimsa last night. Not exactly the roll in the hay that some speak of, and yet, the best roll in the hay I’ve ever had!

We received the call yesterday that we have been waiting for…We found Karuna’s baby yesterday! We got the call to pick her up by three yesterday and you bet your sweet ass we were there!

Ahimsa is exactly one month and one day old today.  We rescued her to be Karuna’s baby and to give her a Mommy.

No one at Santuario de Karuna has a Mom. Not me and not Tamara and no one who resides here, resides here with their Mom. We are all orphans. We are all just walking each other home.

Watching Pranja inspires me. I do not think there has ever been another being who loves me as much as Pranja and Taos love their Momma Coral. I am so fucking blessed! Pranja falls down shaking so hard when she hears my voice and she has a shaky little voice,  that is for me alone that says  “I miss you and I Love you Momma!!! And I cannot stand to not be touching you! Please come kiss me! I love, love, love you. You are my world. Forever.” I love Pranja like that too and I would have never imagined it possible. Chihuahua’s I said…little clothes I said…not for me, I said….I was so wrong, so, so wrong, I say…Pranja rescued me from a place I didn’t even know I was in. Pranja touches me where no one else has been able, literally heart center, as she sleeps against my chest every night.

Ahimsa recused Tamara and I yesterday too. We just went to pick her up and give her a ride home. Namaste had her third Birthday yesterday, of being at the Sanctuary  and Hondo has his one year Sanctuary Birthday today. Tamara and I are tired and we are sore and we are so fucking blessed!

Last night, we didn’t want Ahimsa to be scared. Ahimsa and Karuna cannot be together, without a fence between them until our vet checks Ahimsa. We also want Ahimsa to have time to adjust and find her own personality. We decided to go have a slumber party in Ahimsa’s barn with her last night to keep her safe and warm and to let her know she will never be alone. Down the driveway we went, headlamps on and blankets in tow…two pillows and our cozies…to slumber with the most beautiful baby heifer you have ever laid eyes upon. We spent the night in Ahimsa’s barn with her last night, until she was sound asleep and knew she was home.

I don’t know if you have ever heard a one month old baby cry without their Mom. I will tell you that it is a cry like no other…primal and deep and painful…soul shaking and deep like rumbling thunder. From the deepest depths you can imagine erupts a pain; a hurt, a loss so deep that it scars your soul forever. I know because Ahimsa cries the same way without her Mommy that I cried the day I saw my mommy laying in that casket. Inconsolable, intolerable, unstoppable and unimaginable pain, from the depths of a place that you never ever knew you had…a loss so deep…the loss of our Mom’s…the deepest loss that one can possible suffer…the severing of the maternal bond that brought us into our very existence as human beings. A goodbye forever. A forever separation from the person who carried us into this world and birthed us…even if they never did anything else for us…that bond, broken, for any reason is soul shaking.

As Mother’s Day quickly approaches, I have chosen to be here, in Sanctuary, and celebrate Tamara and I and the work that we do with our Moms, largely in part because of our Moms, every single day, as stewards to this beautiful land and guardian to these amazing beings. Losing our Moms has given us the ability that many do not have…an ability to truly empathize with every single being here, going through the same feelings, without their Moms on Mother’s Day…every day…

We really are just walking each other home. There is nothing in the world to remind me of that more than the amazing freedom ride I took in the back of the Jeep yesterday with Ahimsa, covered in shit and smiling ear to ear, as I held her close to me, to let her know that she was not alone, that Momma Tamara and I had her now and everything is going to be okay. Laying in Ahimsa’s barn, spooning Ahimsa, with Tamara spooning me, watching the stars light up the sky and listening to the wind rustling through the trees…no matter what I’m worried about, it all just washed away…if only for those moments, in that barn with Karuna by the fence, keeping watch over her baby and Tamara and I, in our element, camping in our front yard with our cows…life was fucking perfect!

I will be having more moments like that please! In fact, I’m scooping Pranja up in my arms to head to bed with my girl, right next to Baby Taos to watch some movies and thank God for our beautiful and blessed life!

Have a safe and beautiful Friday everyone! I love you!

Anyone have time for morning coffee today?

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Good morning everyone! Pranja just had her breakfast and is napping next to me. Watching Pranja navigating her world, with one eye, spay sutures and a cone makes it kind of difficult to bitch about not feeling good myself. Pranja, like Rocky and probably a lot like the companions next to you for morning coffee this morning, is so resilient. Weighing in at 4.4 pounds yesterday with a soul as big as the world…that’s our baby girl Pranja!

We haven’t had morning coffee in a while have we? I mean we have coffee together every morning, as I sit here and you sit there. We haven’t really checked in with one another in a while, have we? So…how are you? I mean, how are you really? It’s just you and me right now, and Benny…always Benny, watching over us, with his own cup of Joe in his hand.

How have you been since we last sat together? I know when we last spoke, well, that was the last time we spoke and it’s been a quick minute or two, hasn’t it? Do you remember what we talked about? I hope we had a good conversation and I hope we both parted feeling happy and whole. I have missed our talks. I have missed you. Morning coffee with you, always sustained me somehow, for my day. It wasn’t the coffee, although I’m sure the caffeine does didnt hurt…it was you and our conversations.

As Mother’s Day approaches, I can’t help but miss weekend morning coffee with my Mom and Dad. For so many years, even many years after I moved away from home, I would go over for coffee and Sunday brunch. Morning coffee on the patio was the best!

I am determined not to let myself get too down this Mother’s Day, and yet the moment I typed this, there is a huge lump welling up in my throat and tears in my eyes. I miss my Mom so fucking much! Abnormally close, she and I? Maybe. We have always been very close to our Mom and Dad, and so the transition to live without them both right here…it’s a lot. Painstaking, heartbreaking, life-leveling…a lot of fucking pain. You know what? I don’t want to live in pain anymore. Doug Stone wrote a song called, “Come in out of the pain”…which just came to mind…and I am ready.

I believe we can either get busy living or we can just give up. Theare has always been something in me that just won’t let me give up. No matter who or what or how bad…I have always held on to that tiny barely flickering light, off in the distant corner of my soul. I have always made my way back to that light and today is no different. Today, as I head toward that light, like my ass is on fire; the light is becoming warmer and brighter…more inviting and easier to visualize reaching. I will not let anyone else dull my sparkle. I will not let anyone else attempt to snuff my candle out. I shall be the torch that ignites us all!

When you change the way you look at things…the things you look at change. I need a new, fresh and more lively view. I need more belly laughs. I seek more love…unconditional, unfiltered, unmistakable love, love, love. I seek light as I emerge from the deepest depths of darkness and despair. You have all seen me crash clumsily and awkwardly, into the earth…now as I begin to rise from the ashes, you shall see my ascension into the greatness that life has in store for me…for you…for us all.

Our intentions take us there. Did you know that? So, be mindful about where you really want to go and how long you’re willing to stay there. I will spend as much time as I need to spend here, so that I do not pass this way again, and my time here is about to ignite! My spirit is stronger than the body that holds it. My love is bigger than any hate I’ve come up against. I’ve fucking got this! You’ve fucking got this too, you know?

I am glad we took a moment to have our morning coffee together, before we begin our day today. I am blessed to be here, in these moments with you and I love you! Go have yourself a most beautiful day!

I do have a challenge for you today. Are you up for it? Today, I challenge you to go do something amazing for someone who can never repay you. I mean fucking amazing…like go out there and change someone’s life today, for the good, amazing. Don’t overthink it or plan it out. Don’t wait until you can make it just right…just go out there and fucking do it! Whatever “it” is…big or small…no matter…costs money or doesn’t cost money…no matter. The only thing that matters at all for this challenge is that you do it, with all of your heart, for someone who cannot do it for themselves, whatever it is. I dare you!

So while you’re walking I that coffee mug back to the pot for your last refill of the morning…fill up that heart of yours too…and let’s get to work healing our world!

The beginning of Consciousness…a thank you to my pack!

 

7FEEEACF-21A5-4B6C-99B4-79497BD50F80.jpegGood morning everyone! Blogging with Pranja this morning. Pranja just had her second poop since she came home and we are elated!!!  Prajna’s swelling is coming down and her spirit is coming up, and we couldn’t be more blessed to have been rescued by Pranja.

Pranja…the beginning of consciousness. What exactly does that mean? We are definitely on time. Pranja’s very presence in my life has shifted my consciousness a great deal. Who am I? Who do I see myself as? The beginning of consciousness for me… I’m changing the way I look at things and watching the things I look at change.

My Dad and Cheryll are married and off honeymooning together. We had a nice afternoon at the Sanctuary before they took off on their trip. Seeing my Dad with someone else is different and a little unsettling…I’ve never seen him with anyone besides my Mom before. Seeing them happy together, is truly all I want for him. This has been a long and painful journey for me, navigating through the loss of my Mom and the loss of my Dad, on some level too. It really is what it is and I am feeling better coming out the other side a bit wiser. My Dad has a second chance at happiness and I couldn’t be happier for my Dad. Thank you all for your place in this difficult journey with me. Many of you have literally picked me up off of the floor in this transition…thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

My health issues are being addressed and I have appointments scheduled. Everything that has come back so far appears to be normal. I am awaiting biopsy results, as my consult was rescheduled. A week from Friday, I will get results on my colonoscopy and my endoscopy. On the same day, I go in for my pre-op appointment for my hysterectomy. My primary is out of town until the end of the month and I will schedule with her when she gets back. My pain is manageable most days. Although ever present, I am finding ways to live around it. I am looking so forward to some rest and reprieve from the pain. I truly do want to thank each and every one of you for all of your love and prayers, for your texts and phone calls. I believe in the good things coming!

I also want to take a moment to thank Nahko. I also want to thank my Brother and my Sister…Ohana…who introduced me to Nahko. I cannot even begin to tell you how being introduced to Nahko’s music and meeting Nahko in Denver over New Years has changed me and grown me and lovingly supported me, through the most difficult days of my life. I love you Nahko and I hope to hang out with you someday. I mean, I hang out with you every day. Surrounded by your words constantly and inspired by the way you string your words together, by your real and honest account of your life and your experiences. As I write, I often see your words in my writing, as they have doused my very soul with inspiration for my own words. Your words give me strength for my journey Nahko. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Sam, you have no idea how amazed and inspired I am by you! Truly, I have no words for how humbling it is to watch you come to life and speak your truth. I watch you transition the horror of your abuse into a healing room for us all. I love you Sam and I want you to know that I will always love you, no matter who or what.

Sigrid…no words my friend, for how happy I am that we are back in each other’s lives. I missed you while we were away and I know we are never really away. Our weekly tea has given me a place to be with Sam and to be whole. Our time together inspires me to continue my work in the world, especially when it hurts the most. I love you Sigrid. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

To my dear, dear friend of over 20 years, thank you for making calls and referrals on my behalf. Thank you for being my liaison and my contact through all of this. Thank you for using your gifts to help me to be happy and well and whole again. The night of silence, next to a campfire at church camp, all of those years ago, Embraced in a hug with you…for me, began an amazing journey of the truest and deepest friendship, and I am so blessed that you are in my life. I love you sister. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

To my therapist…you just have no idea how you have saved me and how you have helped me to learn to save myself. All of these years with you have given me a foundation for my healing and my growth. I know you’re got a best seller in my client notes…a fucking doozie for sure! Thank you for allowing me to use my words, my favorite word…whatever words I need to get it all out. I love you and I am so appreciative of all you do for me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Baby Taos…I know that being my service dog is a challenge. I know that I am hard to read and often hard to please. I know you’ve been unable to do your job, as I have tried to protect you from my pain by keeping us separate. Thank you for your patience as I learn to navigate my world. Thank you Baby Taos, for waiting for me to catch up, and I will catch up. You are my heart and I love you.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Aliah…where do I even start? We have had some rough patches, haven’t we? Thank you for your patience with me and for your push…you know the one I fucking hated…to open up a bit. Thank you for playing boxer with me and for even letting me win sometimes. Thank you for loving me when I was unlovable and for holding space for me when I pushed you out of my space. I love you my little ghost face tacolita! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Karma..my little seemeow…I do aspire to be like you…to live my life large and without boundaries, to speak when I’ve something to say, to get up to wherever I need to get for the best view…to sleep whenever and wherever I want to. I aspire to have your voice and your tenaciousness. I imagine that is why we bump heads sometimes…you are who I aspire to be in a lot of ways. I love you Karma kitty. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Rocky…rocket man, Okja…you have no idea how you touch and inspire me every day my friend. Having been so unable for so long, to re-enter my own life after being badly battered…I defer to you and Pranja for strength and inspiration. I have never met another dog like you Rockadoodle. Losing a leg didn’t slow you down at all and your resilience inspires me to drawn upon my own. Thank you for being willing to be my service dog, even though you needed a service person. I live you Rocky, so, so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Pranja…sitting here with you, pulling heat out of your eye socket and having to take a lot of breaks because it hurts your eye and your heart…brings me to my fucking knees. While I am down here, I want to thank God and Tamara for you. I could never have known what a four pound chihuahua could do for my soul. I am humbled sitting next to you, sleeping with you curled up on my chest and in the pappose around my neck. Pranja, you truly are the beginning of the shift in my consciousness. I love you so much and I am honored that you chose to come her with us to be, forever home. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

To all of our amazing and beautiful and healing babies here at Santuario de Karuna, thank you for holding spacefoe Me. Thank you for forgiving my absence. I am ready to come back home. Thank you for loving me through the hard stuff and waiting for me to come share the good stuff. I believe in the good things coming! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Tamara…no matter how I try, I never have words big or strong or deep enough to convey to you how much I love you. You and I have been on a difficult journey since we met. Losing Mom and all that has brought upon us…loss like that destroys relationships. I know that we can see how that could happen, and yet, we have done everything to ensure that it does not happen to us. I am so grateful that you never gave up on me. I am so thankful that you wanted to meet Sam, instead of leaving me because I am trying to meet Sam. I thank you for being my home, my forever and my strength. I thank you for carrying me when I couldn’t walk. I thank you for loving me when I didn’t know how to love me. I do love you, more than anyone or anything in this world and I thank God for you, every single day. Tamara, I love you, to the moon and back a million times. Thank you for loving me too, no matter what. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

To each of you…thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For all of the prayers…for all of the love…for all of the texts and calls and hugs…for being here with me and for loving me, no matter what, thank you. I love you all right back.

I want to send some love to Tamara and her family today…I would like to ask for prayers going up and God will know what those prayers are for. Maybe we could all take a moment of silence this morning and send all of your love and prayers to Tamara and her family…it would mean a great deal to me.

Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!

Rocky and Pranja and how they bring me home…

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Happy Monday everyone! Pranja and I just settled in to write. My time with her has opened doors in me that I thought were forever shut. Her spirit gives my soul a jumpstart. Her resilience inspires me. Her pain…I release all that I can and help her to carry the rest until it subsides.

These day’s with Pranja remind me of those days with Rocky. Seeing an innocent life so hurt and hanging in the balance and the spirit soars through it all, with sleepy eyes and groggy everything…with shattered hearts and body parts missing…and the soul still in tact. These minutes, these seconds with Pranja, the breath to breath with Rocky as they amputated his leg. Praying for poop and finding new ways to hydrate…one piece of kibble at a time and only out of my hand…and lots of sleepy, sleepy…

Groogy eyes staring up scanning for my eyes…with a calling and a yearning…a plea that I will promise to always be right here. Barely able to keep the lids up, the soul shining through and begging for forever. Pranja with her one eye, desperately scanning and wondering why everything looks and feels different…with the same yearning and need for my commitment of forever as Rocky…the same soul barely shining through. Battered and bruised, held together by sutures…and needing to know with everything in them…can I count on you? If you’ll be here when I wake up, then I will fight all of the demons to find may way back to you…I will come back, if you will just want me. I just want you to want me forever, no matter what, and I will come back to you.

I want you Rocky. Look around me and see how many people want you. Look how many eyes and hearts are on you. They are going to take your leg and your other leg is in bad shape. You’ve lost part of your ear and you’re a hot mess, and I love you just the same. I’m going to wrap myself around you the whole time. I will never leave your side and I will place my heart against yours to beat for you when yours tries to give up. I will hold you through surgery and be your life support. I will carry you when you cannot walk on your own and I will be your breath when yours lapses during anesthesia. When we see the white light, I will let you make the choice that best fulfills your Dharma. I will carry you to the Rainbow Bridge if that is your next stop and I will carry you back with me if you are meant to come back. Either way, now that we share hearts, I will never leave you. Our hearts will always beat together and I will always be the breath that you can’t take on your own. You are mine and I am yours; no matter which walk we take today.

I was Rocky’s therapist and I was called for consult on an amputation for Rocky. My recommendation was to have the leg taken, and the joint taken, yesterday, as he was suffering. Rocky’s veterinarian and I agreed and Rocky was scheduled for surgery to amputate his leg. From the moment I met Rocky, I was all in…just like I was all in when I got the call about Aiden. I ate, drank, slept and all things were Rocky…I never left his side. Long story short, Rocky’s foster situation didn’t work out and the rescue asked us if we could keep Rocky until she could place him in the perfect home. Tamara and, without even having to pause, both said yes. The next day, I called and told her that Rocky found his forever home, and he has never left our side since. Rocky is home and we are so fucking blessed. Rocky is truly one of the most amazing and resilient spirits I have ever had the pleasure of knowing…I love you Rocket Man!!

Tamara was contacted and sent photos about a 4 pound chihuahua in bad shape, found on the streets in heat, with her eye literally hanging out of the socket. When I saw the photos, I wept. I began distance work on her immediately. On Friday I made plans to go do a treatment on her at her vet to try to pull heat and inflammation, post op, and to give her some love. I was en route to her vet to work on her and got a message from her savior saying that I would be picking her up and bringing her home with me.

The wave of emotion that came over me when I first laid eyes on Pranja, when I first held her in my arms…and placed her against my chest. I will just say that I knew I was home.

Pranja has some nightmares and I feel her. Tamara and I gently rouse her, like we do Rocky, and ease her back into the present, hold and love them through their fears. We literally feel their pain and it breaks our hearts right in two. You know what though, we wouldn’t trade one single second of who we are and what we do…not one second…we take the misfits and the throw always, the old and mistreated, the broken and the abused…the ones about to be slaughtered and the ones with no mommies. We take the ones left in boxes on the side of the road and the ones thrown in dumpsters. One mans trash is another mans treasure and we have some fucking treasures up in here!

As I sit here writing, with Pranja laying on my chest in her little pink blanket…I see that little eye begin to sparkle and the life in that little soul re-ignite, and I know that she and I are both home.

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My lowest lows are making way for my highest highs…

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Good morning everyone! Happy Saturday!  I am writing with Pranja this morning. I cannot even begin to describe the emotions I have gone through in the last 20 hours or so. I am going to try though, as it has been so powerful and life altering for me.

I had a doctors appointment yesterday morning and while I was waiting, I sent our friend a message to see if I could drop by and do some Reiki and lymphatic work on Iris. Iris was found on the streets, in heat and with her eye literally hanging out of the socket. Our friend came to the rescue and began the process of getting her mended.

Between the message about dropping in to give Iris a treatment and me arriving at the vet, my doctors appointment rescheduled and Pranja, formerly named Iris, was in a pappose across my chest hopping up into the FJ for her freedom ride home. Pranja is home with Tamara and I and we hit the fucking lottery!

I cannot begin to put into words just how much I love Pranja and how  I feel her. My heart has been flipping between breaking and rejoicing for the last 20 hours. I look deeply into her eye and I see and begin to really know my own soul.

Our first stop was to go and meet up with Momma Tamara. Momma Tamara and I have been watching her story from the beginning. There was such beauty to behold the moment Momma Tamara laid her eyes on Pranja…all of that love flowing out with those tears…the release of al of that held emotion, the gratitude for prayers answered, that Pranja would find the best forever home ever. We all came home yesterday in that moment. We all had a freedom ride of sorts, as we laid our hearts and our eyes on one another in those first moments of our new life together. We are so blessed and we are so grateful and we are so committed to making the rest of Prajna’s life, the very best of her life.

I have been flailing and hurting lately. I feel attacked a lot and under siege a lot lately. I have been feeling bruised and battered…hopeless and helpless and worried. Sam and I have been stuck in that battered and tormented and tortured and broken little body of ours, unable to break free of its confines, until yesterday. Yesterday, when I took Pranja in my arms, I could never have imagined the love that would wash over me, the emotions and the gratitude that would flood me. On Prajna’s freedom ride yesterday, I began my journey, my freedom ride too!

Next stop…Aiden! Of course she would have to meet Aiden and of course, Aiden would have to meet her. Aiden will never leave her side. Aiden crawled between Tamara and I in the bed last night and curled himself around Prajna, and off to dreamland she went. Off to dreamland we all went. Taos by my side and Pranja on my chest…my girl on my other side and cozy in our bed, I believe we all came home a bit yesterday.

I won’t lie, I have always had big dogs. I have actually said that people should choose a cat or a dog…and not a cat dog. My ignorance still astounds me, and I stand corrected. Meeting Aiden shifted every perception I ever had of little dogs. Aiden is the biggest dog, with the biggest spirit I have ever met, in a four pound body.  My last 20 hours with Pranja has only reinforced what Aiden has been teaching me…the greatest souls come in the tiniest and most crumpled up packaging. Pranja and Aiden…four pound power packs to inspire and rejuvenate us all.

I just don’t want to put Pranja down. I want her to know that she is safe and that Tamara and I will keep her safe always. I want her fear to subside and her little body to heal and I want her to feel the safety of being home, safety I am just learning to feel myself.

As I face my own demons and learn more about the things that happened to Sam, I vow with all that I am to keep Pranja safe, to keep Taos and Aliah and Rocky safe. I feel myself in each of them and each of them in me. We are safe and we are home and Tamara and I promise that the rest of all of their lives will be the best of their lives.

Pranja does not have to take one more step in this world without her protectors. Pranja doesn’t have to spend one more night alone and scared and cold…raped over and over and over again. Pranja is safe now. Pranja is home.

I have no doubt that Aiden had a huge role in bringing Pranja to us. Aiden saw a need and he set out to fill a gaping hole. Aiden was a foster, for a quick minute and his Mom, forever labeled a foster failure, like so many of us. In my experience, that is how it always happens…they always rescue us, don’t they? Us “saving” them is a bullshit illusion…every single time. I have been far more gifted than I have gifted and far more blessed than I could bless. I have…we have…you have…been given an opportunity, every time you open your heart and your home and your checkbook to help another find their way home.

I have had difficulty being around my own Service dog since we graduated. I feel guilty for putting such a heavy burden on Taos. I hate the idea of Taos having to be in my constant pain and I have tried to protect Taos from me, by keeping us separated. Sam is blown out all over the fucking place and her pain penetrates everyone in her path right now, especially Taos. I know it’s not the right thing and yet it’s all I’ve known to do, in all of this pain. I need Taos and Taos needs me and we’ve got this…I’m learning what Taos has always known…we are right where we are meant to be. We are on time, aren’t we Nahko?

Sam and I have been discouraged and living in fear for a lifetime. Sam and I have hidden behind recliners and under coffee tables and in the furthest corners of the darkness to feel safe. Sam and I have closed our eyes so fucking tight, just to keep the ugly out. Sam and I get Pranja. Sam and I are Pranja. You are Pranja and Pranja is you.

Sam is rising up, with her whole heart, with a lot of help from her friends. Sam will not be silent about things that matter to her ever again. Sam speaks for Sam.

While Watching Pranja have little nightmares last night and gently waking her and loving her through them, tears rolled down my face, as I too, have nightmares like that. I held Pranja on my chest to feel my heartbeat and we slept.

Looking at Prajna’s badly battered little body,I cannot help but notice my own. Keeping her from licking her spay scar, reminds me that I will soon have my own spay scars.  Seeing and feeling Prajna’s resilience and her persistence gives me renewed strength for my own journey. We are all just walking each other home, as Pranja just reminded me.

Pranja and Aiden say that if you want to run with the big dogs, you’ve got to be larger than life yourself. If you want to heal, you’ve got to come in out of the pain.

I could not be more thankful or more blessed than I am in these moments, with Pranja on my lap, Taos by my side and my girl getting my coffee for me, so that I can head off to see my clients and Tamara can do her amazing work in the world.

The lowest lows bring about opportunities for the highest highs. I am going to ride this high for a bit, as I thank God for my beautiful and absolutely amazing life! I am so blessed and I am so thankful.

Welcome home Pranja! We love you!

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From plight to Pranja…

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Good evening everyone! We want to introduce you to Prajna. We are using Buddhist spelling and pronunciation and the intention of the Buddha which states the following:

 

Buddhism, prajna is the ultimate understanding of the true nature of existence and reality. It is a Sanskrit word derived from the roots pra, meaning “beginning” or “premium,” and jna, meaning “consciousness” or “understanding.” Prajna is a state of pure consciousness that transcends worldly concepts or belief systems that might impede perfect wisdom. It is considered to be direct insight into the truth received from the teachings of Buddha and it is needed in order to reach enlightenment.”

In Sanskrit:
Meaning. The Sanskrit word प्रज्ञ (Pragña) is the combination of “प्र (pra-)” which prefix means – before, forward, fulfiller, and used as the intensifier but rarely as a separate word and “ज्ञ (jna)” which means – knowing or familiar with.
We took from all of that, what embodies this little soul. The beginning of consciousness. Prajna.
Prajna, meet everyone. Everyone meet Prajna! Pranja was found wandering the streets, in heat, with her left eye literally hanging out of the socket. Obviously raped and impregnated repeatedly, Prajna  was in bad shape. A dear friend of ours…a friend much like ourselves, who saw an injustice and was called into action immediately, rescued Pranja from her life on the streets.
Looking for the just right and perfect home, we set out to help our friend on her mission. Prajna, previously called Iris by the amazing medical team at The Rio Bravo Vet Hospital came through her surgeries beautifully!
Prajna has since been spayed and had her left eye removed completely. All of her medical needs have been attended to. I was headed over to meet her this morning after my doctors appointment, to do some Reiki and Lymphatic work on her surgery sites and within an hour, I was picking her up and bringing her home. Prajna is home and we are so thankful…so, so thankful.
Prajna is approximately 2 years old and weighs in at 4 pounds and yes, you are correct…Prajna’s first visit was directly to see Momma Tamara and then directly off to meet Aiden!!!!
Please help us to welcome Prajna to
our pack! Prajna is home now and we are all about to snuggle in for the evening and just be a family…count our blessings and love our very traumatized girl to happiness. Prajnas angel already made sure that she was nursed back to health.
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