Good morning everyone! Yesterday’s blog didn’t upload, so I just put it up. I’m sorry I didn’t catch that yesterday and get it posted before I went to bed last night.
I hope everyone is off to a great start this morning. I have a busy day today of clients and friends and I am so thankful for both!
As my birthday approaches this year, I am doing a great deal of reflecting and introspection. I am going to turn this tide this year! I will not live another 365 days miserable, blaming, shaming, or in my past. Truly, my story has a purpose and I am all about fulfilling my purpose, my Dharma and my dreams. My pursuit of those things has ceased to be so driven as of late. I want love and touch and hugs and meaningful conversations. I want to know you and to be with you and spend my time being where you are, so that I can know you. I want to love you and to help you if I can, and to just be here if not. We are here to walk each other home as we fulfill our own. We do that by being in our lives, concerned about ourselves, and not so much what everyone else is doing or being. What we came for is more than enough and we finally get that. On some level, we finally realize that we are here to work on and worry about and grow and inspire ourselves to make this world a better place. We are not here to destroy Mother Earth and we are not here to be better than everyone else. Our battles and our struggles and our journey…all of this is ours with ourselves. The battles we fight the hardest and the longest are always the battles with ourselves anyway. Looking outside of ourselves for anything is very likely to turn up quite a bit of nothing. When we finally understand that we aren’t battling each other, we stand a much better chance to cease fire in this war we constantly wage out there on everyone else.
This morning as I lay here, I feel my mom with me. I have missed her so much lately and this morning, right now, she is sitting at the foot of my bed with me. I don’t want to move at All because I don’t want her to go just yet. Why did she come this morning? What prompted this visit? Last night while listening to Ram Dass lecture, I heard again that my mom has simply lost the form I knew her in. Without her form, I lost her for a while, as I couldn’t recognize her without her body. For a while after that, I was really pissed at my mom for some things and I couldn’t see her then either, because I told her to leave me the hell alone for a while. Yesterday though my Dad called with a message from my mom that he saw on a church marquee, which said, “I love you to the moon and back.” Of course it was my mom, AND my dad called to tell me so. My angels are waking up and I am waking up and I am so thankful. I started to get stuck in my anger and my pain and my blame and shame and resentments of things gone before me. I had issue dismantling myself enough to break enough to just let it all fucking be, and it took me awhile to fall completely apart. I walked away from a lot and a lot walked away from me. I chased and I cried and I begged and I pleaded for things to right themselves and they did not. I screamed and raged and wanted to kill myself to right my world again. I sit in gratitude this morning for many unanswered prayers. I sit in gratitude for my mom sitting here at the edge of my bed this morning. There are no words exchanged. Her presence is enough and I am grateful. Thank you for visiting me this morning mom. Please stay close. I miss you.
To everyone who is not sitting on the edge of my bed this morning, I am glad you’re here with me in the healing room. We are going to change format in here and we are going to do a makeover on content. The healing room is going through some renovation this week. By next Friday, the healing room and my entire life will be transformed in ways I cannot begin to fathom. As I approach my Birthday this year, I am so aware that I will never be the same. Ramping up for something epic and amazing and life altering…having no idea and every idea of what this means, all at once. My moms visit this morning is a very clear sign for me to grab ahold of the notion of letting it all go completely. Let it be Coral. All of it, every single last bit of it…let it be. And so I shall. I shall let it all be.
Encapsulated by the darkness this morning, and so anxious for the light of a new day to break with the coming dawn. Reminded that for all that I am not, there is much that I am. For all that lies before me, I have more than what I need within me. My passion to navigate it all was misplaced for a while and this morning I’m picking back up! I set down my drive and my passion and my knowing of myself somewhere back there. I lost my fucking way a ways back. I almost completely gave up on this home stretch. I came real close to chucking it all into the fuck it bucket a time or two. This morning though, I know beyond all knowings that I’ve previously held, that I’ve big work to do. I’m ready. I am absolutely ready. We are about ready for lift off. As we countdown to lift off, let us all assume the prayer position on our knees. There will be no mass ascension until all parties are on their knees and bowing in prayer. This rig won’t lift until all heads are bowed and all prayers are going up, for we are the weight of our own world and we cannot ascend to our heights until we assume the proper position to do so. So, if you would at this time, please bow to your knees in prayer position and join me in prayer.
Thank you for hearing our prayers and for being here with us this morning. We know we have called you in prematurely a time or two. This morning though Lord, we are ready for ascension to your will. We are ready to abandon our own wills, that your will be done Lord. We remove our grubby little hands from your masterpiece of all knowing, and we take your hand to guide the way for us. We set down our swords and our weapons and we ask you to disarm us of our rage, anger and our intolerance. Please Lord, remove our blame and our shame. Take our insufficiency and our inadequacy and our not enough and shower us with your abundance Lord. Take our failures and all of our fuck ups Lord and let us be holy in your name. Remove our blinders and our judgement and our constant rhetoric about the way things are supposed to be. Lord, close our mouths and open our hearts up wide. Take our will and set that bitch ablaze Lord, that we operate only in your will. Let all beings operate in your will and in our highest good. Remove our thoughts and intentions of harm to ourselves and others Lord and return us to your image. Return us to your loving arms and into your loving care, for we have strayed Lord and we have lost our way. For those struggling and suffering and starving and dying alone, Lord please provide comfort and peace and love. For those without Lord, please provide. For those with Lord, please open our arms that we may bestow our bounties upon your downtrodden. Lord show us how to shower love upon all of your people. Show us how to love all of your people, without prejudice or judgement, without fear and absent of ridicule always, in all ways Lord. Lord please hear our prayer. Thank you for the bounty of our blessings Lord, for the wellness and the health and the happiness of our hearts Lord. Please make me an instrument of thy peace Lord, to do with me as though wilt. In your name and with your blessings, I ask these things for us all, that we may better serve you and your will and detach from our own will. Love us back to love Lord and guide us into your loving arms. We are carrying each other home and we ask you to shine down upon us and grant us your peace and mercy. Show us how to love unconditionally and allow us to recognize and receive unconditional love in abundance in our lives. Please show us how to operate in the highest good of us all, to love as you love and to pray as you taught us to pray, “Our Father, who Art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done. On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread. Forgive us our sins that we may forgive those who sin against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the power and the glory forever. Amen.” And so it is.
Have a beautiful day everyone I love you!