Midnight stroked and I awoke shortly thereafter. I arose and actually forgot that I was too lay it all down as the clock struck the twelve o’clock hour. Nothing felt different. Nothing really felt the same. Nothing felt at all. I returned from restless slumber, into slumber. When I woke this morning, the tears in my eyes and the lump in my throat were subtle. The raging pain in my heart was but a murmur under my girls beautiful smile. The pain that has engulfed and debilitated me since Saturday, still present and now underlying, to our dreams coming true. The pain that rages through my body is at full throttle and it’s okay. This pain is on its way out and I am thankful. It raged to get in and it’s going to rage going out and I am at peace with my pain at last, and I am so, so thankful. The sickness in my stomach and the nausea have lifted with my prayers and I sit content in knowing that all is as it should be. In constant prayer and meditation since Saturday…the silence collided, breaking the speed of sound. Pointed and shrill words strung together in hurt and anger and blame, launched from my lips like missiles have landed, as I truly have nothing left to say. The inability to understand at all that left me catatonic between sobs for days has left me silent in prayer now and I am blessed. The flames that engulfed me and chased after me and hunted me down left behind their charred red and raging embers and I screamed to walk those coals. As I rise from the ashes, I shake the remaining heat from me and I return the dust to the floor. I bow to my knees in gratitude, for I have risen Lord! And so it is. Thank you.
I know the healing room has been dark lately. Thank you for being here anyway. This morning I bring a candle to reignite us all. I ask you to stand with me in silence, in solidarity, in mourning…in prayer…in love and light…as we pass our light amongst us. We must get her burning bright to take her out into the world, to light us all. No one will be left out who comes to the light. And so it shall be, for it is written.
My name is Coral and this morning I come to you anew. I stand before you naked and transparent, without secrets, without shadows chasing me. I’ve nothing left to hide. There may things I’ve left unspoken…things I forget or deem insignificant…Any question what so ever, directed at me will be answered with the truth.
My brother Rumi came to me this morning, as he does every morning. Rumi’s message this morning is this “I surge on the uprising wave of love”. I too surge on the uprising wave of love! You too, surge on the uprising wave of love! Let us be not afraid…fear not…and let us be here now.
Know that nothing is promised ever. Truly, know this. Do not be discouraged by it and know it with all of your heart…you came in to this world alone and you will go out of this world alone and the rest is just fucking details. Make your Dash count. Make sure it’s your fucking Dash…you know the space on your headstone between your birthdate and your death date…make your Dash YOUR Dash. And as for me…no headstone please, no body in the ground…no sad service…light me up and set me free and spread me at my home, our Sanctuary, the place where I learned to love and to be loved without pain. Spread me with my beautiful lover and with all of my best friends. Be sad if you must for a moment or two, until you remember that I am but a word away, merely gone from your sight. From this moment until that time comes, I will begin to live MY Dash. We know not what we know not until we come to know it. For all I’ve come to know, I am so thankful. My choices will be different now and I am empowered. My inner circle will be as big as the love that supports it and we will branch out and bring everyone in. Does everyone have your candle lit? Beautiful! Look at all of that light! And just look at all of the beautiful faces behind the light…we are beautiful! Do you know that? We really are beautiful. We are mighty. We are bold. We are love. And we have come to bring you home. My challenge and my prayer today is that you take your light and share it today. Share your light a lot today. As Martin Luther King reminds us, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.” And so it is. Let’s go light it up!
Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you. I really do love you. Thank you for being here with me.