Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

Did I mention that I am home?

Happy Wednesday everyone! Did I mention that I am home?!

I have been away and with some amazing clients, at the home of some of our very dearest friends. I am always so at home there and so welcome there and so loved there. Even when they are away, they love me. They leave me the best vegan goodies! They leave fresh linens and fill the refrigerator of my favorite things! Best clients ever at loving me like a verb. My mom got sick and they flexed so I wouldn’t lose my pay. My mom died and they were at the mortuary for the viewing, the day that my very soul cracked. Every single moment since, and every bottom that fell out, they have loved me so, so much…like a verb, always, in all ways. Janet and William have become our close and dearest friends, our family actually…our chosen family. Being in their home is home also. Home is where you are safe and loved and always welcome. Home is a place prepared. Thank you William and Janet, Teddy, Alice and Penn for being so fucking amazing! Thank you for your love. Thank you for inviting me into your sacred space to love the ones whom you love more than anyone else; while you are away. Thank you for all of your love, like a verb, for your friendship and for believing in me and my work so, so much that we helped to bring Aiden home…and we walked Gypsy and Hannah home and we walk home together. I love you and appreciate you and thank you so much for being such a part of me!

Being away from our home is the best reminder of how blessed I am to have our home to come to. Being away from Tamara is the hardest part of anything I ever do. Seeing her before I fall asleep and watching her wake up…morning coffee and “light” conversation, as I’m learning (Thank you baby) are the best part of waking up….(you know you did it too…”is Folger’s in my cup…”). Seriously though…being away from her always brings me back to her…closer and more sacred…more beautiful and true…more real and honest…more raw and open. I am thankful I feel this way about the most amazing woman in the world! I love you Tamara. Thank you for taking care of everyone while I was away. I know you have been double-timing it for me for a while now. I thank you. I love you. I’m coming home baby! I’m coming home!

Spooning with Rocky and hugging Baby Taos…playing “shake your po po” with Aliah…nestling in Nahko Bear and Mala Bears fur and having Prajna sleep at my heart all night…watching Karma Kitty sleep in front of the fire…because I missed them so, so much. Taking Rocky’s face in my hands this morning and holding him close to me, I realized I missed them all for more than a few days…I miss them all for the time that I have been gone from me. I have seen them and touched them and been so unable to reach them since my Mom got sick. My bottom fell out and I just could not come back up. My bottom had more bottoms and the last bottom to fall out, I sank even lower than my first, and I just could not come back up. Hondo stood before me yesterday and I was with him, and I and so thankful to be back home!

Being away from home, and coming home, almost for the first time since my mom passed away, I got my head above water once again. I am breathing once again. I am home, once again. I haven’t had a breath since my last bottom fell out, when the man I trusted more than anyone, showed himself to be a liar. I finally took a breath, as I pulled into our driveway. Coming home yesterday morning, as the sun began to rise before me, with snow falling all around me, with Tamara’s voice on surround sound in my beautiful FJ, I thanked God for his mercy and for his grace, I shifted up a couple of gears, to get home to my girl. The snow fell softly. Pink blared through the speakers and I sang along, with my little big brother Jamie riding shotgun, queen amongst queens, with all of his heart singing louder than myself…I smiled a huge smile. I began to become myself again, to like myself and love myself again. “What About Us”…we are us! AND we are the best fucking part of us! All of us…we are the best part of us.

My world has been shaken and my PTSD has had her way with me for the last three years. Every time I get back up, I get knocked for a mother fucking loop! I come crashing to the ground and I cannot know how it happened. I am done with this cycle. My last bottom has fallen out. I am done with the drama that spins this fucking circus. I am done with the gas lighting and the bullshit. I am done talking about and consuming myself with the pain that rocked my fucking world. I am moving forward. That’s it. I am done back there, wondering, wishing, hoping. It is what it is. It has always ever been what it is. Nothing changes what it is.

I am an artist and a writer and a mother fucking poet. I have always been these things. I am love. I am learning what that means, to be love, to be loved, like a verb. I am a gifted and very blessed “healer”, although my views on that are that I am not. My hands…me…my words…those flow through me. The healing does not come from Coral and it never has and never will. I am a vessel, a portal, a voice…for the healer himself/herself/yourself/myself to enter in and to do their work. I am so blessed and so grateful and so thankful to be able to be who I am. I am so fucking excited to begin to know who that is! Thank you for being here with me while I figure things out. I love you. Did I mention that I am home?!

Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!

With all of my heart, all of my love to Our six pack…

Good morning everyone. I actually made it to the healing room in the morning on this day! Hallelujah! Morning’s have been kicking me in my ass and so I know I must  wrestle this demon head on. Staying in bed, under the covers, in the darkness…some days, yes. Today, I decided to rise above the urge to stay buried, to sink back into the all consuming abyss. Stumble to the coffee maker and go potty the dogs… thank God for another glorious day to begin again.

Some days watching the dogs as they greet their world makes me feel that I also would like to be so excited, so content, so fucking happy, just to be. Instead on many days, I am a grouchy shit who wants them to stop this or that so I can do this or that. I find that pain Amps that up a bit…as I am more irritable. The dogs all love me just the same. They always have, even when and especially when I could not love me. I love mornings like this morning when I wake up okay to just be happy for them and for how happy they are. I love when I can step out of me enough to enjoy our dogs, especially Taos.

Taos has not had the easiest job being my service dog, and yet my heart belongs to Baby Taos in so many ways. Taos is my strength and my weakness and all that I fail at and all that I excel at. Taos is a mother fucking saint and I am so blessed to be her companion. I look forward to cooler weather and to being well again, so Taos and I can go FJ Crusin!  I love you Baby Taos the mouse.

I was Rocky’s heart and his therapist and he became my heart and my Service dog who needed a service people. Rocky, our little Okja butt…the happiest little boy in the whole world, with the very best outlook always. I love you my brave and faithful friend. You truly are the coolest little dude ever!

Prajna, also a client visit, best one ever, in which I brought my little soulmate home. I had no idea then, none at all, that Prajna was about to walk through Hell with me. I knew not that our four pound, one eyed wonder was about to teach me and give to me. Prajna came home with me on that day, having just been found walking the streets in heat, with her eye hanging from the socket. Never a moment since have we left each other’s side. Not when she cried in her sleep and searched for her missing eye, tearing with the other one. Not when I came home from surgery without pain management on board…not for a moment. I love you Prajna Mama, so, so much…my little kiss, kiss, kiss.

Aliah,  my boxer buddy whom I love so much, even though some days I have known so little how to show her…ghost face Ali…my teacher of life’s hard fucking lessons. I love you Aliah. Thank you for making me better. Thank you for your patience and for your waiting for me, no matter how long it took for me to see you for who the fuck you really, really are, instead of who I projected onto you. I love you Ali, so, so much! I hope we will be back to playing “boxer” again VERY soon my friend!

Nahko Bear and Mala Bear…what can I say? What a gift, truly. Watching you two romp and play and learn and grow. Feeling your puppy fur on my face and taking your fur into my lungs with every breath, just to be sure of you both. I feel natural with both of you, like I’ve always been walking right beside you, like I fit somehow, between the two baby bears. I have no words for how you have brightened my world in my hours of darkness and despair. Thank you ladies for teaching me to see all of our dogs in a new and innocent light that didn’t illuminate so bright before you two came along.

Our six pack. We could not be more blessed to have been rescued repeatedly by the most amazing dogs on the planet. We love you ladies and Rockadoodle, to the moon and back. Thank you for your patience with me as I learn and grown and heal and hurt and mend and come to peace and pace with each passing moment, as I learn to hear and honor your honor beat…as I learn to hear and monitor my own honor beat. Thank you.

Our dogs never leave us for someone better. Our dogs never stop loving us because we are too old or too sick or too ugly. Our dogs look at us always as though we are everything. We are their hero always and they are our biggest fan always.

People have not been so kind to me. People have found someone better, someone prettier and more financially stable… People change their minds and they take their hearts with them when they go, don’t they? Forget the wedding and the vows and fuck forever…who believes in forever anymore anyway? Honestly, who believes in honesty anymore? Monogamy? I believe in all of those things. I am living those things. I finally found a people that loves me like my dogs…unconditionally and for all that I am not, for all that I am…for all that I have been and for all that I am becoming. I am so thankful that I was paying attention and open enough to answer the door when this knock came. So many empty knocks before had this girl pretty shut down and happy as fuck to be alone. We definitely work at it, and it’s not always easy. Always worth it though, you bet your sweet ass it is…always worth it. I love you Tamara, more than I could ever possibly tell you. Thank you for allowing me my journey and for teaching me how to love our dogs and let our dogs love me in a way that I have never understood or been able to before. As I round another corner on this morning, I am so thankful to be loved so much, to be accepted right where I am at and for all that I am and even for what I am not.

I looked back on my life a lot during all of this illness, and I have reflected a lot. I have been a douche. I have been less than and taken more. I have been absent. I have been insensitive and intolerant. I have had high expectations that no one could possibly meet. I have been short-tempered. My dogs, for my whole life, have loved me just the same. Actually, they have loved me more. This blog is for our six pack and for the one that I had to let go to save…my soul dog Nicholas.

Nicky, wherever you are, I just pray that you found the best home ever. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you. Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder where you are and wish you back here with me. I will never forget our final walk together, after my girlfriend had sexually assaulted you, and I had to give you up, to save us both. Writing that email and being so judged and hated for it, gathering your belongings and getting you in the truck on that day. I wanted to fucking die. I think a part of me did die. I am so sorry I didn’t know, and I am so sorry that when I did find out that I was so destroyed that I could not see straight. I contacted the one person who I knew would do right by you and that would be sure that you got the best home with the best family, maybe even her family. To this day, she hates me for surrendering you, and until a couple of days ago, that ate me up inside. I hated being hated so much, and then I had a moment, a peaceful moment, in which I was gently reminded that she surrendered us both and gave us both away when she chose someone else, didn’t she? We both got left behind and we were both destroyed over that, and we did our best. We did our best until someone very sick did something so bad that I couldn’t overcome it. You could have, Ive not doubt. I couldn’t and so I gave you up, to have an amazing life. So, I hope you know how deeply I love you and how much I miss you. I wasn’t the best dog Mom, and yet I was the best dog Mom that I knew how to be. My soul screams this morning and the tears roll down my face…I miss you Nicholas, and wherever you are, I pray you feel my love. I always feel your love my beautiful boy. Thank you for loving me when I was horribly unlovable. Thank you for never not loving me and for accepting me and for being my soulmate…my companion and my confidant…my best friend and my bed buddy when I would allow it. I miss you Nick and I love you with all of my very broken heart.

Yes, today’s blog is for the beautiful beings that love me no matter what, all of them. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I may not deserve the love that I get from our six pack, or from Nicholas or Max…I sure am thankful though, because I am learning  how to love and be loved by the dogs I journey beside and walk next to every single day. I am learning that I am lovable and that I am enough. I am learning just to be and I am so grateful.

Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!

The beginning of Consciousness…a thank you to my pack!

 

7FEEEACF-21A5-4B6C-99B4-79497BD50F80.jpegGood morning everyone! Blogging with Pranja this morning. Pranja just had her second poop since she came home and we are elated!!!  Prajna’s swelling is coming down and her spirit is coming up, and we couldn’t be more blessed to have been rescued by Pranja.

Pranja…the beginning of consciousness. What exactly does that mean? We are definitely on time. Pranja’s very presence in my life has shifted my consciousness a great deal. Who am I? Who do I see myself as? The beginning of consciousness for me… I’m changing the way I look at things and watching the things I look at change.

My Dad and Cheryll are married and off honeymooning together. We had a nice afternoon at the Sanctuary before they took off on their trip. Seeing my Dad with someone else is different and a little unsettling…I’ve never seen him with anyone besides my Mom before. Seeing them happy together, is truly all I want for him. This has been a long and painful journey for me, navigating through the loss of my Mom and the loss of my Dad, on some level too. It really is what it is and I am feeling better coming out the other side a bit wiser. My Dad has a second chance at happiness and I couldn’t be happier for my Dad. Thank you all for your place in this difficult journey with me. Many of you have literally picked me up off of the floor in this transition…thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

My health issues are being addressed and I have appointments scheduled. Everything that has come back so far appears to be normal. I am awaiting biopsy results, as my consult was rescheduled. A week from Friday, I will get results on my colonoscopy and my endoscopy. On the same day, I go in for my pre-op appointment for my hysterectomy. My primary is out of town until the end of the month and I will schedule with her when she gets back. My pain is manageable most days. Although ever present, I am finding ways to live around it. I am looking so forward to some rest and reprieve from the pain. I truly do want to thank each and every one of you for all of your love and prayers, for your texts and phone calls. I believe in the good things coming!

I also want to take a moment to thank Nahko. I also want to thank my Brother and my Sister…Ohana…who introduced me to Nahko. I cannot even begin to tell you how being introduced to Nahko’s music and meeting Nahko in Denver over New Years has changed me and grown me and lovingly supported me, through the most difficult days of my life. I love you Nahko and I hope to hang out with you someday. I mean, I hang out with you every day. Surrounded by your words constantly and inspired by the way you string your words together, by your real and honest account of your life and your experiences. As I write, I often see your words in my writing, as they have doused my very soul with inspiration for my own words. Your words give me strength for my journey Nahko. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Sam, you have no idea how amazed and inspired I am by you! Truly, I have no words for how humbling it is to watch you come to life and speak your truth. I watch you transition the horror of your abuse into a healing room for us all. I love you Sam and I want you to know that I will always love you, no matter who or what.

Sigrid…no words my friend, for how happy I am that we are back in each other’s lives. I missed you while we were away and I know we are never really away. Our weekly tea has given me a place to be with Sam and to be whole. Our time together inspires me to continue my work in the world, especially when it hurts the most. I love you Sigrid. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

To my dear, dear friend of over 20 years, thank you for making calls and referrals on my behalf. Thank you for being my liaison and my contact through all of this. Thank you for using your gifts to help me to be happy and well and whole again. The night of silence, next to a campfire at church camp, all of those years ago, Embraced in a hug with you…for me, began an amazing journey of the truest and deepest friendship, and I am so blessed that you are in my life. I love you sister. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

To my therapist…you just have no idea how you have saved me and how you have helped me to learn to save myself. All of these years with you have given me a foundation for my healing and my growth. I know you’re got a best seller in my client notes…a fucking doozie for sure! Thank you for allowing me to use my words, my favorite word…whatever words I need to get it all out. I love you and I am so appreciative of all you do for me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Baby Taos…I know that being my service dog is a challenge. I know that I am hard to read and often hard to please. I know you’ve been unable to do your job, as I have tried to protect you from my pain by keeping us separate. Thank you for your patience as I learn to navigate my world. Thank you Baby Taos, for waiting for me to catch up, and I will catch up. You are my heart and I love you.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Aliah…where do I even start? We have had some rough patches, haven’t we? Thank you for your patience with me and for your push…you know the one I fucking hated…to open up a bit. Thank you for playing boxer with me and for even letting me win sometimes. Thank you for loving me when I was unlovable and for holding space for me when I pushed you out of my space. I love you my little ghost face tacolita! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Karma..my little seemeow…I do aspire to be like you…to live my life large and without boundaries, to speak when I’ve something to say, to get up to wherever I need to get for the best view…to sleep whenever and wherever I want to. I aspire to have your voice and your tenaciousness. I imagine that is why we bump heads sometimes…you are who I aspire to be in a lot of ways. I love you Karma kitty. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Rocky…rocket man, Okja…you have no idea how you touch and inspire me every day my friend. Having been so unable for so long, to re-enter my own life after being badly battered…I defer to you and Pranja for strength and inspiration. I have never met another dog like you Rockadoodle. Losing a leg didn’t slow you down at all and your resilience inspires me to drawn upon my own. Thank you for being willing to be my service dog, even though you needed a service person. I live you Rocky, so, so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Pranja…sitting here with you, pulling heat out of your eye socket and having to take a lot of breaks because it hurts your eye and your heart…brings me to my fucking knees. While I am down here, I want to thank God and Tamara for you. I could never have known what a four pound chihuahua could do for my soul. I am humbled sitting next to you, sleeping with you curled up on my chest and in the pappose around my neck. Pranja, you truly are the beginning of the shift in my consciousness. I love you so much and I am honored that you chose to come her with us to be, forever home. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

To all of our amazing and beautiful and healing babies here at Santuario de Karuna, thank you for holding spacefoe Me. Thank you for forgiving my absence. I am ready to come back home. Thank you for loving me through the hard stuff and waiting for me to come share the good stuff. I believe in the good things coming! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Tamara…no matter how I try, I never have words big or strong or deep enough to convey to you how much I love you. You and I have been on a difficult journey since we met. Losing Mom and all that has brought upon us…loss like that destroys relationships. I know that we can see how that could happen, and yet, we have done everything to ensure that it does not happen to us. I am so grateful that you never gave up on me. I am so thankful that you wanted to meet Sam, instead of leaving me because I am trying to meet Sam. I thank you for being my home, my forever and my strength. I thank you for carrying me when I couldn’t walk. I thank you for loving me when I didn’t know how to love me. I do love you, more than anyone or anything in this world and I thank God for you, every single day. Tamara, I love you, to the moon and back a million times. Thank you for loving me too, no matter what. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

To each of you…thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For all of the prayers…for all of the love…for all of the texts and calls and hugs…for being here with me and for loving me, no matter what, thank you. I love you all right back.

I want to send some love to Tamara and her family today…I would like to ask for prayers going up and God will know what those prayers are for. Maybe we could all take a moment of silence this morning and send all of your love and prayers to Tamara and her family…it would mean a great deal to me.

Have a beautiful day everyone! I love you!

Rocky and Pranja and how they bring me home…

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Happy Monday everyone! Pranja and I just settled in to write. My time with her has opened doors in me that I thought were forever shut. Her spirit gives my soul a jumpstart. Her resilience inspires me. Her pain…I release all that I can and help her to carry the rest until it subsides.

These day’s with Pranja remind me of those days with Rocky. Seeing an innocent life so hurt and hanging in the balance and the spirit soars through it all, with sleepy eyes and groggy everything…with shattered hearts and body parts missing…and the soul still in tact. These minutes, these seconds with Pranja, the breath to breath with Rocky as they amputated his leg. Praying for poop and finding new ways to hydrate…one piece of kibble at a time and only out of my hand…and lots of sleepy, sleepy…

Groogy eyes staring up scanning for my eyes…with a calling and a yearning…a plea that I will promise to always be right here. Barely able to keep the lids up, the soul shining through and begging for forever. Pranja with her one eye, desperately scanning and wondering why everything looks and feels different…with the same yearning and need for my commitment of forever as Rocky…the same soul barely shining through. Battered and bruised, held together by sutures…and needing to know with everything in them…can I count on you? If you’ll be here when I wake up, then I will fight all of the demons to find may way back to you…I will come back, if you will just want me. I just want you to want me forever, no matter what, and I will come back to you.

I want you Rocky. Look around me and see how many people want you. Look how many eyes and hearts are on you. They are going to take your leg and your other leg is in bad shape. You’ve lost part of your ear and you’re a hot mess, and I love you just the same. I’m going to wrap myself around you the whole time. I will never leave your side and I will place my heart against yours to beat for you when yours tries to give up. I will hold you through surgery and be your life support. I will carry you when you cannot walk on your own and I will be your breath when yours lapses during anesthesia. When we see the white light, I will let you make the choice that best fulfills your Dharma. I will carry you to the Rainbow Bridge if that is your next stop and I will carry you back with me if you are meant to come back. Either way, now that we share hearts, I will never leave you. Our hearts will always beat together and I will always be the breath that you can’t take on your own. You are mine and I am yours; no matter which walk we take today.

I was Rocky’s therapist and I was called for consult on an amputation for Rocky. My recommendation was to have the leg taken, and the joint taken, yesterday, as he was suffering. Rocky’s veterinarian and I agreed and Rocky was scheduled for surgery to amputate his leg. From the moment I met Rocky, I was all in…just like I was all in when I got the call about Aiden. I ate, drank, slept and all things were Rocky…I never left his side. Long story short, Rocky’s foster situation didn’t work out and the rescue asked us if we could keep Rocky until she could place him in the perfect home. Tamara and, without even having to pause, both said yes. The next day, I called and told her that Rocky found his forever home, and he has never left our side since. Rocky is home and we are so fucking blessed. Rocky is truly one of the most amazing and resilient spirits I have ever had the pleasure of knowing…I love you Rocket Man!!

Tamara was contacted and sent photos about a 4 pound chihuahua in bad shape, found on the streets in heat, with her eye literally hanging out of the socket. When I saw the photos, I wept. I began distance work on her immediately. On Friday I made plans to go do a treatment on her at her vet to try to pull heat and inflammation, post op, and to give her some love. I was en route to her vet to work on her and got a message from her savior saying that I would be picking her up and bringing her home with me.

The wave of emotion that came over me when I first laid eyes on Pranja, when I first held her in my arms…and placed her against my chest. I will just say that I knew I was home.

Pranja has some nightmares and I feel her. Tamara and I gently rouse her, like we do Rocky, and ease her back into the present, hold and love them through their fears. We literally feel their pain and it breaks our hearts right in two. You know what though, we wouldn’t trade one single second of who we are and what we do…not one second…we take the misfits and the throw always, the old and mistreated, the broken and the abused…the ones about to be slaughtered and the ones with no mommies. We take the ones left in boxes on the side of the road and the ones thrown in dumpsters. One mans trash is another mans treasure and we have some fucking treasures up in here!

As I sit here writing, with Pranja laying on my chest in her little pink blanket…I see that little eye begin to sparkle and the life in that little soul re-ignite, and I know that she and I are both home.

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Happy Birthday Baby Taos!!!!!

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Happy Birthday Baby Taos!!!!! Today, Taos turns 3…and we are so blessed…truly blessed!

I will never forget the day we went to pick her up. Tamara and I have both been blessed with many canine companions over the years, and Taos was our first puppy together.

We hopped in the Jeep and off we went, to bring our baby girl home. We rescued her from a backyard breeder in Valencia County.

When we drove up, there was a small and filthy dog run with a Momma and newborn pups. I remember it all being brown…no bright blankets and squeaky and bouncy toys…just brown.

The energy still haunts me…I mean the Mom and her newborn babies out in the yard, while the “family” stays safe and comfortable inside. Just waiting for the puppies to be old enough to make a few bucks, so they can do it all over again.

Anyone who has every met Taos has asked me her breed. We were told she was boxweiler (boxer/Rottweiler cross).

A woman once suggested to me that she was a greyhound cross. I thought she was fucking crazy, to be honest. The more I watch Taos though, I think she may be right.

Two of my dearest clients, Hannah and Gypsy were Greyhounds and I see a lot of both of those girls in Taos. Hannah and Gypsy come frequently to visit us, from the other side of the rainbow bridge. Their presence and their energy and their joy are most welcome and appreciated company, anytime they visit.

I still work on Hannah and Gypsy’s brothers and sister and every session, without fail, Hannah shows up, via Teddy’s body to clown around with us and to show me my favorite, her third eyelid, through Teddy’s eyes now.

Hannah always showed her third eyelid, which has always made me want to vomit…all things eyes make me queasy. It was almost a game with Hannah and I…I would  have to work out a knot or a sore spot and she would bust out with her third eyelid. An ongoing game with Hannah and I, for the entire time I knew her. Teddy never, ever showed his third eyelid until Hannah crossed over and now, when he does, I know Hannah has come to pay us a visit.

I have considered running DNA on Taos, so I could answer the constant question of what her breed is, for curiosity’s sake. Truth is, we don’t care, except for health reasons what is all mixed in there…because whatever the combination, the mix created the most beautiful and spirited and smart and loyal and amazing dog on the planet!

Taos, named after one of our most favorite places in New Mexico, turned out to be the most perfect name for her.

Taos
tous/Submit
noun
a North American people native to New Mexico.
a member of the Taos.
the language of the Taos.

Our girl…indigenous, resistance…with heartfelt persistence and the highest intelligence…that is our baby warrior in training…Baby Taos!!!!

Taos has a sister named Aliah, who is a boxer. We call her sister “ghost face”, as she is showing signs of aging, especially as her face fades to white. Aliah and Taos like to play “boxer” together, when they are allowed. It gets to be a bit much for Aliah, because Taos is part boxer and part reindeer or greyhound and part crazy and she will take a girl out with those long ass legs of hers.

Taos also has a brother named Rocky. Rocky was my client. I was called in by rescue to consult on an amputation for Rocky. Rocky is the most handsome pit bull you will ever meet, and he has his tail still!!!

Rocky was attacked by five other dogs and nearly lost his life and both of his right legs, and part of his right ear. I would just like to mention that Rocky was not attacked by pit bulls..Rocky IS a pit bull.

The moment I met Rocky, I fell in love with him and I vowed to be the best therapist and most steadfast advocate for him. I recommend amputation and vowed to be there every step of the way as he navigated this journey.

Rockys front right leg was amputated immediately and we began the grueling process of healing. Rocky went septic and almost died a few times. Spirits like Rocky don’t die over lost legs and violent attacks…spirits like Rocky allow the most amazing light to enter through all of those cracks. Spirits like Rocky illuminate the world and give us all hope.

Rocky was sent home to his foster, in Valencia county. Less than two days post op, Rocky got out and went missing. I was called in for search and rescue.

I cannot even describe the horror of those moments…hauling ass in pouring rain, from our home in the east mountains, to go find Rocky. I won’t give all of the details, but Rocky was missing for over 15 hours by the time it was all said and done.

Rockys companion that he was traveling with came home, without Rocky and so we went back out, in the pitch dark, with my vehicle lit up like a fucking beacon, to bring Rocky home. We were not going home without Rocky, no matter what.

I was lighting the ditch for Tamara when my phone rang that Rocky was back and collapsed in the driveway. I honestly don’t remember anything else until we got to Rocky and I ran to start CPR on him…there wasn’t much life left in there.

As I got my face down to his face, he lifted his head and I saw his eyes and he saw my eyes, and no breath was needed, only love…lots and lots and lots of love. The rescue pulled him from foster and took him with her, as he was going to need to be at the vet in a couple of hours. On top of everything, Rocky had been attacked and sprayed by a skunk on his little adventure and he was a hot fucking mess!

The next day, I got a call to see if we could keep Rocky until they found the right home, because he couldn’t go back there. Of course, without hesitation, we said yes. I could work on him anytime he needed me and he would be safe…it was perfect!

I hung up the phone and Tamara and I just looked at each other. I picked my phone right back up and I called her right back and I said, Rocky is home.

Rocky and I trained together for him to be my service dog and he was a fucking warrior. I realized one day that it was a bit much for Rocky…hell, it was a bit much for me. Service dog training is grueling…emotionally grueling and the biggest fucking mirror…so we retired him from Service Dog training…he did earn his tag though and he did a great job…Rocky just happens to need a service people!

And so it was decided, as Taos threw all four paws up into the air, that Baby Taos was up for the challenge…Baby Taos would be Momma Corals Service Dog, and so it was.

Taos did amazing in training and she achieved the Canine Good Citizen Award on top of graduating with top scores, in every category on her Service Dog testing.

Taos knows me better than I know me and she only wants to be with me ALL of the time.

My physical pain has been so intense and my emotional shit has been blowing out everywhere and people are stealing dogs out of locked cars and homes. I have not had Taos as close to me as she needs to be and as close to me as I need her to be, because of fear.

So today, Baby Taos, for your third Birthday, I renew my commitment to be your person, as much as you are my Service Dog. I trust that you truly do know what is best for you and I will stop trying to protect you from me and all of my shortcomings and struggles. I will allow you to be my service dog.

I realize that my fear of hurting you with my pain…my fear of someone hurting you or taking you are unreasonable reasons to keep us apart, and I apologize for the distance between us. We will bridge this gap together.

On this day, as we celebrate you, please know, that you are my heart. I know I am a hot fucking mess myself. Being my service dog must be the job of a fucking saint, and you’re it!

I love you Baby Taos! Happy Birthday to my steadfast and true, beautiful and kind, smart and loyal baby Taos!!!!

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