Good morning everyone! Happy Thursday! I hope your day is off to a great start already. I am feeling better every day and excited to be able to ease back into my life slowly over the next four weeks.
Welcome to our healing room! I hope you’ve got your coffee ready, because we’ve got some good stuff this morning!
Given my level of anxiety around my life’s recent events and my emotions running high, I have struggled. Yesterday that struggle became too much and I reached out, in several areas of my life for some help. I knew I was overwhelmed and unable to gain traction and momentum again. I was at a seemingly unrecoverable low.
I reached first to Tamara. Seeing me struggle so has been so hard for us both. We agreed that I needed to use my therapy time yesterday to ask for some help, and so I did. I reached out to get some answers and they are coming. I will update more thoroughly later, as I know more. For now though, I am content in the knowing that I am okay. Everything I have seen on my results so far has not been cancer! For me, that’s really a lot of the fear piece, after my Mom died so unexpectedly and suddenly from cancer. So many people that I know and love have battled, in one way or another, cancer. I am much relieved to have not heard the word cancer in anything so far, from any of my test results, and I am so thankful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
What do we do when something is scary for us? How do we walk through our fears, without escalating to them and with them? How do we hold our fear in reverence and regard, to make it manageable again? How the fuck, so we adult when our inner two year old is coming out screaming and crying and completely broken? How do we help the world to help us, when we cannot find a way to help ourselves?
Todays blog is about how do we help ourselves, so that we can heal ourselves? We must, you know? We must all do our due diligence to begin to wrestle our own fears. We must begin to slay our own demons. We must fight these little fights within us and start putting out the tiny fires all around us. To be the change, the change that people can really count on, we must change ourselves inside out, and we must change us first.
In doing my own self inventory, it has become abundantly clear, that change begins with me. I believe that my Psyche is just as fractured as my body. My body is healing nicely, and I am so grateful. My psyche is cracked as fuck and just look at all if the places the light has to enter me! Rumi says this, so eloquently: “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” I fucking love Rumi! Anyone else? Rumi was gifted to me many years ago. The gift of Rumi has been one of my most cherished gifts, as Rumi’s words always ignite my soul.
My favorite Rumi quote is;
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other”
doesn’t make any sense.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.”
This quote, for me, has always said that no matter how bad is has been, how far away it is…whatever and whoever is is…there is a field, and when we meet again in that field, and I will meet you there. When we meet in that field, the right and the wrongs, all of the fuck ups and wrong words, they won’t matter anymore. In this field, where we come back together, after journeying separately, we will all be home! Did I say that I fucking love Rumi? My book of Rumi, a Birthday gift from someone I hope to meet in that very field someday, reminds me of what I believe to my core and what Ram Dass so eloquently says when he reminds us that we are all just walking each other home.
Rumi says, “the door is round and open. Don’t go back to sleep.” Don’t go back to sleep. Waking up is hard work. Waking up is lots of things…and different and personal to each of us…don’t go back to sleep you guys! Don’t go back to sleep!
As I begin to awaken, I cannot help but see how asleep I have been. I cannot help but knowing that I have not been resting well, and yet, I have been sleeping…I have had my eyes open, and yet I assure you, I have not been completely awake.
As I awaken to a world…as I awaken a world…as I open, I invite you to join me. We are here, coffee in hand, and we have work to do. We are here, hand in hand and we must stick together. This is not red rover…I want you to break through. Come running toward me, with all you’ve got. We will not clasp hands to see if we can keep you out…we join hands together so that we may cushion your blow when you come crashing in. You will come crashing in, you know? You will awaken and you will come running like hell to this field, a field where out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, the soul lies down in that grass and the world is too full to talk about. I will meet each of you someday, in this field. I am already in this field with many of you, and I thank you for that, as the world is too big and too hard and too unforgiving to run into the arms or red rover, isn’t it? We will not run, with all of our might, with people. Joining hands tight, to keep us out, desperately trying to break through. If you are running toward this field to geeet us, you will be welcomed with open arms. We are waiting for you and we welcome you and embrace you and we love you so, so much! Don’t stop running towards us because as far away as we appear to be, we are right here and we’ve got you! Meet me in the field and let’s lie down in that grass together, where the world is too full to talk about, where it is just you and me, and no words are needed at all. Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, I will meet you there!
Go grab yourself another cup of coffee and I will grab mine and meet up in the living room with my girl and Benny, to have our morning cup together. I want to tell you that I am so glad you are here! I am so, so glad you are here! Have a beautiful day, you beautiful sou! I will meet you in Rumi’s field!