Coral’s Healing Room at Coralsblog.com 505-269-9242 iwritetohealmyself@gmail.com I rise early. I go to bed early. If you need me, I will make myself available to you.

A Sherry lesson on “Some gave all” this morning.

Happy Sunday everyone! This morning we are blessed with a “Sherry Lesson” that came to me driving home yesterday. I had an amazing day yesterday with beautiful friends and on my way home, as I prayed, my Mom came through so clearly that I had to share with each of you, this life lesson from my beautiful mom! Welcome to the healing room! I hope you have your coffee and Kleenex in hand, as Sherry nailed it this morning!

For me, as you know, the struggle has been real. As of recent, my father and I are estranged except for snail mail correspondence. The man I love more than any other, and myself have turned our situation over to God, as we simply cannot handle it on our own. We cannot speak civilly to one another right now. Angry and betrayed and hurt enough…I almost hit my own father. I have no clearer sign that I must walk away to save us both right now. We cannot share our lives and so we have gone our separate ways, only bound by the love in our hearts for one another. I pray that love is enough. I pray that no matter who or what or where I go…no matter what does or does not happen, with all of my heart, I pray that my Daddy always knows my love for him; for nothing will ever change my love for you my father. Nothing can ever take from me the love I have in my heart for you, not even you. I love you. I miss you. I turn it over to God, and I ask for prayers and blessings for our broken little family. This is the first time in my life, ever, that I have strayed from my father. This is the first time ever that I have had courage enough to stand up for what is right and then to stand down and be done fighting what I cannot understand or control. And so I set it down. I let go and I let God.

As many of you know, my Mom was a force to be reckoned with. A powerhouse of a woman in a tiny little package…a southern twang in her voice that wasn’t actually southern at all, always made her presence known. Accompanied by the clickety click of her 👠 high heels, Yes, Sherry was a force all her own. So yesterday while driving home, when she clicked her way in, I prepared a place. This is the most valuable Sherry Lesson you will ever get, so go fill up that coffee cup and let’s get ready!

My parents have been such a huge part of my lives, all of my lives. My best friends and my confidants, to an unhealthy point, rendering me extremely co-dependent and financially dependent upon throughout my life. I won’t go into detail as it matters not, I only say anything because Sherry wants us all to learn from this. I could always make that call and get myself bailed out. I could always get some help if the fruits of my labor didn’t cut it. I always had my mom and dad. I do not have my mom and dad anymore and I am thankful, for it is teaching me to rely on me, to trust and to know me. The silver spoon being yanked out of my mouth busted a few teeth and left me breathless and hurting beyond my own comprehension, and I am thankful for I now now my own strength.

With that being said, all that I own in this entire world, outright, is Little Red, my 1996 Toyota T-100 truck. When my ex-wife left me in 2008 and took, literally everything I own, I ended up having to voluntarily repossess my brand new and beautiful black FJ Cruiser back to the credit union. I drove her to the credit union and I told them I was so sorry and I handed them the keys. I was without transport and I was broken. My little brother saw me and he gifted me the truck he bought to haul his motorcycles on, so that I would have a car to drive. Shawn signed the title over and said I owed him nothing. I have driven little red for the past eleven years. Little Red is a piece of my own heart, a gift from my baby brother, so that I didn’t lose everything else too. Thank you Shawn for seeing me and for loving me like a verb. I love you baby brother.

Before my mom died, on her death bed actually, she said she wanted me to have a brand new Jeep! A bit much I thought and I said so. After my mom died, my dad and I were looking at vehicles for me and we ended up finding the exact same one, the beautiful 2007 FJ Cruiser that I am driving now. We went and drove her and then we went right to the credit union, looking homeless as hell, both of us, and got her financed. That story is one of my fondest memories and Sherry was so happy the day I drove her home! My FJ is still financed and I own just under $6000 on her. I had Little Red sold on Friday for $3000. I was elated, as that put me halfway to paying her off. Thursday night I got a text from the guy I held Little Red for, for three weeks, that he could no longer buy her. Long story short, Little Red and my FJ are both here and neither one of them, nor Tamara’s Jeep are enough for what Santuario de Karuna needs. We have 42 animals here, several of them weighing in over 1500 pounds. Little Red, not Big Red, cannot handle the loads that we must haul to give everyone what they need. We need more and I was praying in this yesterday, when Sherry came through loud and clear.

Sherry simply said that “some gave all. All gave some and some gave all” she repeated to me. I was puzzled at first, I won’t lie. My dilemma, the one warping my fucking mind…the one I’m twisting and trying so desperately to make fit…she says simply, “it is what it is.” What in the literal fuck? I’m praying here! If you’ve no contribution, could you come back later? I need to figure out how to sell Little Red and pay of this FJ…..and she says, “You do not need to sell your truck Coral Dawn. You know what you need to do with Little Red.” Only I didn’t know and she didn’t tell me before she left again. What in the fuck?

As I drove closer to home, I remembered laying next to her on her death bed. I could not have known it then, that I would never hear the click of those heels 👠 or that twang in her voice again. I would never have her to help me to sort it out or pay it off again. I lost both of my lifelines and my own life that day, on that bed with her, before she left here for good. We had to make her funeral arrangements on that bed. We had to decide how to let her go because she was going and nothing stopped that. In lieu of flowers, my mom chose Santuario de Karuna, for all donations. My mom loved flowers as much as anyone I ever knew and she gave up her final bouquets on this earth for the animals here at Santuario de Karuna, so we could keep our promise to make the rest of their lives the best of their lives. On my moms deathbed, she saw me. My mom saw Tamara and I and our dream and on her way out, she did all she could to make this dream come true! Sherry gave it all. Every single last bit of it, to Santuario de Karuna, as she left this world. All she had left to offer is right here in this space that we all call home.

Today, in true Sherry fashion, I give all I’ve got to Santuario de Karuna too. Literally, the only thing I actually own, Little Red, I gift to our Sanctuary and to the animals here, to get them what they need. “Some gave all Coral Dawn. All gave some and some gave all. Follow your heart and do what you know to be right with your soul.”

Anyone who knows me at all knows that if all are giving some and only some are giving all, I am going to figure out how to be one of the ones who gives it all! So today, on behalf of my little brother Shawn and myself, I gift my precious Little Red to the fundraiser, so that we can purchase a truck big enough to care for everyone here. Whatever we make from the sale of Little Red will go directly into the fundraiser that our dear brother Chris put up for us. And so it is. Sherry reminds us that it is what it is. It will only ever, always be what it is. I don’t know what your “Some” is, or your “all”. I only came to tell you that by giving all I’ve got to give, I am beginning to find myself. I highly recommend giving all you’ve got! Thank you mom for the lesson, turned immediately blessing on my drive home to our beautiful Santuario yesterday…”Some gave all Coral Dawn. All gave some and some gave all…”

Happy Sunday everyone! Only you know what to do with the messages the angels send. Sherry reminds each of you, just the same as she reminded me…”Some gave all. All gave some and some gave all. For your own growth, for your own journey, be the one who gives it all!”

We each have the privilege and the opportunity to be of service. We have the ability to be in our community. We have the power to build up our community. We have an animal sanctuary right in our own backyard, literally! And we are all welcome here, Always, We are home here, aren’t we? We are in Sanctuary here. Why not be a part of the community? A true and literal part of something that you believe in? Volunteer. Donate. Share. Commit to $10 a month and be a sponsor. Check out our Facebook page and meet these amazing beings. Come out here and meet them. Help us feed them! For you…do this for you. I cannot tell you how glad I am that I do this!

If you would like to become a monthly donor, a one time donor , a volunteer or a visitor to our Sanctuary, we would love to hear from you! Right now, if you have the means, we would love for you to donate to the fundraiser that our brother Chris has set up right now, to get a new truck that will provide for all of the beautiful beings here. Check us out on Facebook and please donate and follow us! We would love to have you be a part of our compassionate community! All are welcome here!

Santuario de Karuna is on Facebook! I will do a separate post with the fundraiser link after I post this morning’s blog. Please help out if you can!

I love you! Have a beautiful Sunday everyone! Thank you for being in the healing room with Sherry and I this morning!

Sherry came by to say to let it go…

Good morning everyone! Happy Sunday! I am writing from the studio this morning with Prajna. The sun is shining in on both of us and the sky is beautiful! Every moment with Prajna is priceless to me. Our souls feel often to be one in the same. I love you Prajna. Thank you Tamara for trusting us with such an amazing soul. We love Prajna so, so much!

My purging is finally winding down. I am definitely not done. I would guesstimate that I got rid of over half of everything I had. There is quite a bit more left to repurpose and pass on to the next soul in need on this journey. I feel lighter. I feel more purposed. I only wonder why it took me so long to see that the only way to keep anything at all…anyone at all…is to whole heartedly let go.

In going through my Moms things, I picked out a bracelet that looked very much like a Coral bracelet. It is silver and all of my jewelry is silver also, so it was perfect. I placed it on my left wrist and it felt right. Yesterday I was showing my Dad a rough link, which he fixed with his pliers. I told him I had put it on crooked and could he take it off and put it in my right wrist for me. I told him that this was the one piece of my moms jewelry that spoke to me and what did he think? My Dad said he thought it was perfect and that it wasn’t my moms bracelet. This bracelet was my dads bracelet. I was puzzled for a moment because my dad doesn’t wear bracelets. My dad continued on to say that he wore it for wrist pain. In massage school and during my internship, I won’t lie. I used my family and my friends and anyone was willing, to learn and practice my craft on. I told my dad about these energy balancing brackets that help with pain and inflammation in his wrist and hand. This is that bracelet. The perfect bracelet in all of my moms jewelry is actually my dads bracelet.

My Dad said I could keep it and placed it on my right wrist for me. I am not the least bit surprised that I picked out my dads bracelet, a single bracelet, in all of my Moms things. Probably the most purposeful and least expensive or flashy piece of jewelry that I could find…the piece that felt comfortable to me and on my wrist. A silver bracelet to balance energy…just what I was looking for and didn’t know it.

I have always been a lot more like my dad than my mom. I look more like my dad than my mom. This bracelet was my mom telling me that she knew that always and that was okay with her…that I’ve always  been daddy’s girl. As her daughter, I tried to be the little girl she always wanted, to no avail. It pained me greatly that I could never be or give my mom what she wanted. I know that it pained my mom greatly also. This bracelet was my mom telling me to be who I am. This was my mom saying if it feels right, keep it and If it feels wrong, pass it on. If YOU love it, you wear it and if you don’t, let someone else love it and be loved by it. Sherry’s lesson today is not an in body Sherry lesson, as Sherry didn’t part with her things in life. Sherry held on tight and little Sam learned to hold on tight too. Two months before my mom passed away, my mom and I journeyed closer than we ever did in 42 years. My mom and I had few words between us, as I began walking her home. Words were completely inadequate and not needed. We sat in silence a lot. We spent every moment memorizing each other so that we could hold that until we meet again. This morning I listened to a couple of my moms voicemails, just to hear her voice. A voice I also was very mindful to memorize as I realized I would never hear it again.

I have begun to find a healthy place with my mom, in silence and solitude. In all of this purging and baptizing myself and my malas in the fountain at the cemetery in front of my moms headstone, I am learning how to let go. I am letting go of all that doesn’t serve me, not just material things…the memories too. I may not have been what my mom wanted and yet I was exactly who she needed. I fucking know that. We cannot help what we want. My mom could not help but have some dreams shattered when her beautiful baby girl turned out to be a tomboy and then, even worse…a lesbian. My moms heart wanted what my moms heart wanted. Do not all of our hearts want what our hearts want? We are forced and then force ourselves and others into boxes that we never fucking belonged in. We do what we know, what we learned and what was done to us. We learn who we are by watching those around us. We mimic behaviors that do not fucking align with our souls purpose because we are “supposed to” do what we are told. Many of you know that I have made a very conscious effort to take “should” and “supposed to” out of my vocabulary. Those words, hammered into my core, do not fucking serve me and so I release them and any harm they did to me, to be recycled for the greater good of us all.

Sherrys lesson today is to let it go. All of it. Every last and little bit of it. If it does not serve you and make you better…if it doesn’t feel good and grow you, let it go. Let it go for you and let it go to find its happy and rightful home. We stay in homes and marriages and families and clothes and cars and jobs and careers and friendships that do not fucking feel good. Maybe we outgrew them. Maybe they never fucking fit in he first place. Maybe they outgrew us. However it happened, say “Thank you”.

People stay in marriages to keep their children from coming from a broken home. What is more broken than having your kid watch the two of you fucking wreck the two people they love the most? What is not broken about talking shit to the child you loved each other enough to have together, and yet don’t love and respect enough to do your adulting out of the presence of your child? Tamara said to me once that it is better to come from a broken home than to live in a broken home. At first I didn’t get it, as my parents were married for 46 years and only parted by death. If you are struggling to keep your home in tact, for the sake of your child, maybe that’s just bullshit. I mean, have you asked your child what they want and how they feel? And, what happens to both of you when the “Cat’s in the Cradle” and your kid finally gets free of the both of you and your fucking rhetoric and angry words? You both get to taste your own Medicine and without a tiny little buffer in the middle…to live in a loveless fucking relationship because you are so broken in your home that your delusion is more damaging, simply because it is now your reality. I have been a stepparent and I will admit that I was an epic fucking fail. I had no idea what in the fuck I was doing. I did my best, given what I learned by being parented and watching others parenting. I was in active addiction and intolerant as fuck. I tried, so fucking hard, which in retrospect is the problem. I mindfuck things to death, instead of simply letting them be. I hold on tight because fear has been not only my teacher but also my salvation. Sherry says to let it all go and I am letting it all go. I often did not mind well in life, or so my mom said. I definitely mind the lessons my mom sends me now. I pass Sherry’s lessons on to you in love and honor of us all. Have a beautiful day! I love you!

Sherry lesson: “What am I doing with all of these things?”

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Happy Friday morning everyone! Welcome to the healing room everyone. We have not had a Sherry lesson in a while, have we? Let us remedy that this morning and talk about a time when Sherry taught me a life lesson that I’ll never forget.

As most of you know, my Mother passed away on December 3, 2015. My Mom was retiring from a job that she had come to detest a great deal on Friday. My phone rang late Thursday night and my Mom ended up in the ER with stroke symptoms. My Mom didn’t have a stroke after all. My Mom had stage four breast cancer with metastasis to her liver, her lungs and her brain. We were in the ER the first of October and my mom died the third of December 2015.

Lying in her death bed and heavily medicated, my Mom was obviously journeying a great deal on the inside. Her brow would tighten and her lips pursed. Her face would become rigid and serious. A time or two, not often, a childlike smile would cross her face. Scanning her bedroom in obvious discomfort, she turned to my Dad and said “What am I doing with all of these things?”

Let that really sink in for a moment or two as You look around your own house right now. Take a good hard look around you right now and you tell me…what are you doing with all of these things? What are YOU doing with all of these THINGS?

This question, coming from my Mom, who loved her fucking things…what in the hell? My Mom coveted her things and spent a lot of time and money and energy obtaining all of her things. Why would she lie here dying and ask a question that I have often asked and been hushed for uttering…Why do you need all of these things?

We all fill ourselves up differently, don’t we? My Mom filled the emptiness inside with physical possessions on the outside. The nicer and more expensive and sought after, the better. My Mom left behind closets and dressers and bags full of clothes and shoes and hand bags and hats. My Mom had a house stuffed full of things…beautiful and fragile and untouchable things. On her way out, even she was puzzled by it. Why do I have all of these things? As I picked out her nicest outfit and her most expensive and favorite high heels to take to the mortuary, for her to be buried in, I felt her standing next to me and parting clothes back for me, as they were so tightly packed in. I asked her in that closet, what do we do with all of your things? What in the fuck do we do now, with all of the things you spent your life and your love and your money acquiring? What do we do with all of these things, without you? My Moms need for always more and better left all of us with things we couldn’t hardly ever even touch in her lifetime, that we have to touch now and sort through and part with for her. Hundreds and thousands of literal pieces of Sherry, and no fucking Sherry…and we have to give or throw her away. I would never have known how painful and telling it could be, until I had to go through a lifetimes worth of things that my Mom left this world having no idea why she had them in the first place. Why do you have all of those things?

Sherry is sitting right here with me now and she asked me to ask you what you are doing with all of your things? What purpose do your things serve you or others? I invite you to take a really close look at that, as my answer for that is changing my life.

I am in week two of purging my life of things that do not serve me or others. I have taken a truckload to the dump of my things, commingled with some of my Moms things, and your things and who the fuck knows whose things. I have donated a couple of more truckloads and I am not done yet. On Wednesday I decided to donate half of all of my clothes. I gave away 23 pairs of socks. Did you know that says a lot more about Coral than simply that Coral likes socks? Just because my things are pretty tidy and put away, does not mean I’ve not been hoarding these things. My Mom hoarded her things. Sherry would have denied that and you who knew her know that. Hoarders are people who dumpster dive and collect shit that no one needs, right? Maybe, and not exclusively. My closet and my drawers stuffed full of shit that I do not wear, because someone fucking gave it to me and I don’t want to hurt their feelings and get rid of it. My life, stuffed full of things to help me to remember each of you and to hold on to my Mom…what in the fuck was I doing with all of these things? I was doing what I learned, what I grew up knowing and doing.

I am two weeks in on my purge and going strong. I am taking what I need and I am leaving all the rest. I have enjoyed touching these things, for the last time, so they can go bring someone else some joy. I release all I have decided to part with, with all of my love, with all of my thanks and without any attachment or prejudice at all. I return all of these things to the universe to be recycled for the greater good of us all. And so it is.

I encourage everyone….better yet, I challenge each of you, to ask yourself what you are doing with all of your things? Your things won’t fill the empty holes inside of you. Your things will not bring her back. Keeping his things wil not do anything for anyone excerpt keep them from someone who might actually need them. Don’t make your husband and your kids go through all of that shit. Truly, just because you can’t part with it…don’t make someone have to lose you and then have to lose you over and over and over again as they have to get rid of your things. Think about what I am saying as you look around the room. I will help you this morning before I go, okay?

Here is how you do it. Make three piles.

First pile is the pile you donate. Always let this pile be your largest pile. Second pile is the pile that you throw away so someone else doesn’t have to. Don’t pass your trash on to someone else. If it’s shit to you and you know no one wants it…Throw it the fuck away would you? Third pile is what you keep and that pile is your smallest pile. Pretty simple.

I said I would give away half of all of my clothes and I probably ended up giving 2/3 of my clothes away. I wear the same fucking thing all the time anyway, because I bought shit that I thought I would like and I just don’t. I held on to it because I might like it later…really? Do yourself and the universe a favor and take only what you need and gift the rest to someone who clearly needs it more. Recycle what you can…all that you can. Gift things that you know someone has wanted from you since the dawn of fucking time. Dig it out. Dust it off. Write a beautiful note and wrap it up pretty and gift that beauty to the person it really belongs to. Truly…Sherry lesson on why do I have all of these things comes to you in plenty of time to do something about it. I challenge each of you, for yourself, for less fortunate, for the planet…participate in your life and get rid of all of your things that are only weighing you down. You will thank Sherry for this lesson. I promise. From Coral and Sherry this morning..,have a beautiful day! We love you!

What makes you feel better? Sherry Lesson for Sunday…

Happy Sunday everyone. My medical situation has really taken over my life, and so today, other than to say that I would still really appreciate your continued prayers, love and support, I don’t want to talk about it. Not today.

Today, I woke up from dreaming I was headed to Sunday brunch on the Harley to my parents house. My Mom was in the kitchen with her back to me, pouring my coffee in my “Fred” cup. “Good morning Sugar!” My Mom hasn’t been gone three years yet …and I haven’t seen my Mom in a lifetime. The pain of the loss of my Mom is too much some days, you know? Some days Sunday Brunch doesn’t even feel like it was my life at all. Days like today, I can smell the coffee, like I’m standing right there, waiting for my Mom to turn around and hand me my coffee cup. I know that missing my Mom and me being so unwell somehow it just makes it all hurt that much more.

Today, I ask for a Sherry lesson about what to do when you don’t know what to do about anything at all anymore? Sherry said to pick a new lesson because she says that only I know what to do when I feel this way. What the fuck? And okay…How do I get better? Sherry Lesson for us all today is “What makes you feel better?”

What makes you feel better? I can hear her asking me this for some reason, very early in childhood. I was feeling sick in my tummy and nothing felt good. I didn’t want to think about how my tummy was hurting. What made me feel better was laying under our yellow stereo, with a turntable that played music that I could disappear into. I laid under the table, as close to my friends coming out of the speakers, as I could possibly get and I got lost in their world and forgot about my own pain. I inserted myself into their worlds and had their adventures. I closed my eyes and I left my pain to be with all of them.

I didn’t want to feel my head hurting and so I would lay in the front grass and levitate to the clouds. I would drift with them for a while, until my head felt lighter. I would talk to the bugs that came to visit me in the grass, crawling up the blades and they always made me feel less hurt in my head.

“Sugar, what would make you feel better today?” Tears rolling down my face, as I know I just vomited coffee grounds. I don’t want to say that because that makes me worried. Keeping it secret is never a good idea. What would make me feel better is to live today in the music and the clouds, with the bugs that come to visit me. Also, it would make me feel so much better if I can help Tamara like I used to today, even if I don’t feel good. Being with Tamara always makes me feel good, like there is always one person who won’t leave me. Being with Tamara is hard when I am hurting, for us both, because she has to work harder and get more and more tired because I cannot help. Today I just would feel better if I help Tamara anyway. What will make me feel better today is to be with my girl in the aviary, out in the sunshine. And so it is. “Go and do that Sugar. Go be with Tamara outside and feel better in the sun. I love you Sugar. I will see you in the aviary!”

Thank you Mom. I love you too. I’m going to go feel better. Happy Sunday everyone. Thank you for always making me feel better with all of your love. I hope you go out and feel better today too. I love you.